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Accurate Predictions OR Why Scott Morrison Is Going To See The Governor Sooner Than You Think!

Ok, I want to add that it’s not going to be sooner than you think if you read the headline because now you expect it to be soon and if it’s actually sooner than you thought, it won’t be now won’t be because you’re expecting it.

Notwithstanding that, I’d like to give you a totally far-fetched scenario about the Governor-General, me and Bigfoot, before I tell you about a couple of slightly less far-fetched scenarios about the next election.


I was out for a walk when I happened to notice our governor, David Hurley and Bigfoot wrestling and I ran towards them, quickly taking out my phone so I could record this. Unfortunately before I could film anything, he raced back into the trees and I would have thought that I imagined the whole thing were it not for the fact that I had managed to receive verbal reassurance that it actually happened. Yes, Bigfoot assured me that it was actually the Governor-General.


There’s a suggestion that there will be a leadership spill next week and when Scott Morrison hears about it, so he decides that he’d rather take his chances with voters because he knows that there’s no possible way his colleagues would vote for him if there’s an actual spill. Next weekend, he goes to the Governor-General and announces the election before a spill can be called.


Scott Morrison allows Parliament to sit. Craig Kelly offers a preference deal to any Liberal who’s prepared to vote for any legislation he puts up. Anti-vaccination Liberals refuse to vote in the Senate. Gladys Berijiklian says that she doesn’t recall ever being Premier of NSW. In an attempt to boost ratings, Sky After Dark commentators all appear nude. One of them refuses, saying that there are limits and that they’re not just here to be a puppet. Alan Jones offers to come back to replace the person quitting. Rupert Murdoch announces that he is turning his media on and off again, in the hope that Labor is elected and he can go back to attacking them and not having to defend the indefensible. Scott Morrison says that his election pitch is that he’s not someone else… unless you want him to be. Boris Johnson offers to hold the election night party at Number 10. Nitpickers point out that he doesn’t mention the street name. Scott Morrison thanks him for being a mate. A minister announces that they’re standing down because they not only called someone mate but decided to actually mate with them and now their family values thing won’t work… until after a year or so, when they can do a Barnaby and say, “I love family values so much that I have two!” Another minister announces that they’re not the minister who called Morrison “a psycho”.

So, which scenario is the most far-fetched?

  • Number one because Bigfoot can’t talk?
  • Number one because it’s highly unlikely that David Hurley would be out of the house?
  • Number two because Morrison will hold on for as long as he can?
  • Number two because Morrison doesn’t work weekends?
  • Number three because… actually I can’t find anything implausible in that one.

Anyway, we’ll see. I figure if you make enough predictions eventually one of them must be right. See, Nick Coatsworth, there’s hope!

P.S. I noticed the implausible thing in Scenario Three: A Sky commentator quitting because they’re not a puppet… Can’t believe I missed that first time around.

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  1. New England Cocky

    Aw Rossleigh, You’ve done it again!! Put commonsense where confusion reigns. Kelly is the wild card who could quite easily make the Parliament unworkable.

  2. GL


    I would have to agree with the second reason because he’s vain, childish, petty and vicious enough to do exactly that.

  3. Harry Lime

    Rossleigh,I was having this wonderful, delirious ,or is that deleterious, daydream, then I woke up and read your piece,realising at once I was hallucinating.They were right about those mind altering substances…they can come back and kick your arse decades later.It was also in technicolor and cinemascope,with soundtrack by Pink Floyd.
    Definitely a John Clarke script.

  4. Bill

    Nice one! No more fictitious than what actually happens in parliament!

  5. Keitha Granville


    Don’t know why I’m laughing, at the moment any totally ludicrous idea seems totally plausible with this mob of cretins in charge.

  6. wam

    the tactic of changing leaders has worked for the last two election but scummo needed the bandit’s miracle. The poll smack in the ego suggests there won’t be an earlier than thought election till scummo get the nod from the xxxxxs.

  7. Jon Chesterson

    ONLY THE MOST UNTHINKABLE WOULD BE PLAUSIBLE AND NONE OF IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE! – Yes this is where we have arrived in Australian politics. On the world stage, western front – First Trump, now Boris, and finally Scomo. They always had to go along with their insane corrupt neo-conservative parties. Damn them all.

  8. Henry Rodrigues

    The election will happen when Murdoch decides it is time…………………………

  9. Phil Pryor

    One would love to predict a certain extrusion, wiping, flushing, spraying, de-odourising of conservative current crap and filth…

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