Ok, so let me see if I’ve got this right. Turnbull is threatening to call a double dissolution if Labor and The Greens don’t pass legislation to re-establish the Howard government-era industrial watchdog the Australian Building and Construction Commission. And the reasons for this are based on a secret report from the Royal Commission in Union Corruption written by Justice Heydon.
Justice Heydon, one remembers, found himself completely unbiased after considering the matter for several days. He asked himself if he could be perceived as biased and concluded that only people on the wrong side of politics could conclude that and, as they were all thugs, crooks and liars, he could just ignore what they thought.
While obviously this secret report needed to be kept from all the lefties, it was all right if the cross-bench senators viewed it provided they didn’t tell anyone what was in it, because, well, if people found out what was in it, they might ask why don’t the police just investigate the criminal wrongdoing, rather than establish another government run thing. After all haven’t we been told over and over about the need smaller government and less regulation?
But hey, just to be fair, the government has just decided that one Labor person and one Greens person could also peruse the secret report, providing they also promised to just shake their heads and say that it was shocking and no wonder it has to be kept secret. (Both Labor and The Greens have decided that there’s not a lot of point in looking at it if they can’t share anything with their colleagues!)
So, unless the government gets this important legislation through the Senate, Malcolm Turnbull is threatening to take this to the people via a double dissolution.
“People,” he intends to argue, “there are some things that we can’t tell you and they’re very important things that Justice Heydon found which we’d like to tell you but we can’t for reasons to do with secrecy and the fact that we never comment on operational matters. However, let’s not forget that Bill Shorten appeared at the Royal Commission and, even though it didn’t find anything to charge him with, Justice Heydon still thought that Bill had shifty eyes and bad breath. Besides, Mr Shorten allegedly did a deal with a company that got rid of workers’ penalty rates, which is just outrageous because penalty rates are well… you know a drag on economic activity and if we got rid of them we’d have JOBS and GROWTH. Just remember, you can trust us, because Labor lied about the carbon tax whereas we’re being upfront about a GST, just like we were upfront when we said that all this talk of a GST rise was just a Labor scare campaign. The carbon tax was ineffective because it didn’t reduce emissions anywhere but in Australia. And that’s the thing about the Labor Party, they’ve been so negative in Opposition. Bill Shorten, negative, negative, negative. All this talk about Gonski is just a smoke screen to distract you from his negativity. Why Labor are saying that I’m just Tony Abbott in a better suit, and while it’s true that I do have a better suit – a much better suit, because it’s no secret that I can afford to dress well – I think this is the politics of envy. And even though, I haven’t actually changed any of the policies, I’m more than Tony Abbott in a much better suit. I’m much, much more – I have principles and a completely different moral outlook on the world and just as soon as I’m given permission, I’ll ask that nice young man if I can have my soul back now, and then I’ll allow the plebiscite on same sex marriage, and, presuming that it won’t cost me the leadership, I’ll give all the Coalition members a conscience vote where they’ll be free to ignore the plebiscite. I know that some are suggesting that takes away the need for a plebiscite, but that’s because you’re listening to Shorten who’s being negative again. And the Republic, I mean, what’s the hurry? There’s no need for a vote in the Queen’s lifetime. Or mine, come to that. Just remember that JOBS and GROWTH depend upon you re-electing us so we can bring down a responsible, austere Budget where we cut spending while raising the GST by 50% even though we don’t have a revenue problem. Let’s be clear about the choices here, if we don’t bring back the Australian Building and Construction Commission, then there’ll be no stopping all the things in the secret report which we can’t let you know about. And it’ll also mean that there’ll be no JOBS and GROWTH, the boats will start with the people smugglers being paid penalty rates, and we won’t be able to lower company tax which doesn’t just benefit multinationals – it benefits people like you and me because whenever a company pays less tax, it immediately says that it’s making too much profit so it better employ more people. And if Labor get back in they’ll just waste more money by trying give you an NBN that people can use. People of Australia, your choice is clear.”
So, have I got it right, because it seems a little confusing to me!
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