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2020 and the anus horribilis

Old fried dough stick (老油条 Lao Youtiao) is an amusingly accurate sobriquet that China state TV aimed at he who the French might label with the similar floury metaphor of douche baguette if they were to care about his existence at all. Roughly translated Lao Youtiao means a lazy manipulator, someone insincere, who’s two-faced, hates doing real work but has been around long enough to know all the tricks of how to take credit for others’ work and deflect any blame.

That definition immediately identifies China TV’s target because it so perfectly describes the twice-failed travel agent who is now our shirker in chief. There’s an ironic edge to this most excellent sledge given it originated from within the thought control machinery of an increasingly antagonistic, testy Chinese Communist Party. No attempt at stereotypical Oriental inscrutability here – it was a Sichuanese Phuk Yu take-away. Extra chili.

In an inversion of Eastern nuance vs Western bluntness the Betoota Advocate coined the more artful, inspired “Scotty From Marketing”. It’s so essentially Scott Morrison that, like Barnaby The Beetrooter in a rooms-by-the-hour motel, it rooted and propagated, spreading to become his default designation.

The issue to hand though is confusion over whether the Tory product is being fronted by Scotty From Marketing as chief spruiker or whether Scotty sees himself as the product. The give-away is his tragic, try-hard self-branding as ScoMo® – as pathetic as it is derisory yet it’s signed under Prime Ministerial letterhead, it’s a byline on his social media and it’s a widely wielded PR brand. The lumpen yob even offered up this facile diminutive to a bewildered Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihide Suga when he turned up uninvited in Tokyo for an all-expenses paid photo-op.

Scotty From Marketing’s motive is clear – he’s selling himself. He is the product.

At some point in his career trajectory of always failing upwards it must’ve dawned upon Morrison that at best he’s an acquired taste – like tripe & onions or getting used to the smell of cat’s piss on the cushions.

Some personal brand management was obviously required otherwise gulling the dupes and the complacent into imagining he’s the likable bloke from next door is a curious focus for an arrogant egoist with a messiah complex and an over-dose of misplaced self-confidence. Perhaps he possesses a smidgen of self-awareness – a hidden memory from his days as a child actor who people found less distasteful when he pretended to be someone else?

 

 

But the real Scott Morrison is not hard to find if you’re paying attention (Hawaii December 2019 excepted). Unlike his predecessor Harold Holt the real Scott Morrison regularly bobs to the surface.

The real Scott Morrison is the shadowy minister for immigration who questioned the decision to allow the relatives of 48 drowned asylum seekers to attend their funerals and who then immediately sought to race bait by capitalising on concerns about Muslim integration.

The real Scott Morrison is the architect of the illegal $1.2 billion guilty-til-proven-innocent Robodebt disaster, the purposeful design of which was to persecute and demonise all those dependent upon the social welfare safety net.

The real Scott Morrison was rubbed in all of our faces when he disappeared on a de-camping holiday to Waikiki as large swathes of Australia was consumed by fires – the spiv who told his office to deny his whereabouts and when called-out staged photo-ops and forced himself on burnt-out victims and exhausted firies.

Morrison is the shit who hit the fan. The waft from a turd like Morrison is not easily disguised. It takes the efforts of a North Korean-level propaganda machine (24/7 personal photographer inc.) to put lipstick on the dipstick, to develop a Trump-lite cult of personality when the personality has all the appeal of Jeffrey Dahmer’s toothbrush, a shiver whose physical manifestation is a wide-hipped, slope-shouldered, man-boobed smirking arsehole. Yet they seem to have managed it.

How does this beer chugging, crotch-stained galoot, this shonky grifter and chancer manage to get a 66% approval rating as Prime Minister?

The gullibility, short attention spans and short memories of the patsies and marks are manna from Scotty’s miraculous heaven. A catalogue of templated, market-tested personas is put through the spin cycle of blokey schmaltz – curries, cubbies, chook pens, exercise bikes, inflatable sharks, trouserless scrolling of his latest Instagram posts, pointer at maps, wearer of high viz, smirking twat in a hard hat – it’s a scroll & click cornucopia of pre-fab personalities. Which one do you like, madam?

 

Image from Twitter (creator unknown)

It should surprise no-one if this habitual photo-bomber should produce a Christmas picture calendar of his greatest curries, a collector set of ScoMo action figures, a Scotty board game or jigsaw puzzle.

The great pretender gets away with this schtick because, unlike with Harold Holt, people don’t bother looking too hard.

 

 

This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.

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20 comments

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  1. Geoff Andrews

    Lowers the blood pressure. Thank you.

  2. Henry Rodrigues

    GG you’ve done it again, stripped away all the BS and revealed the real arsehole hiding within. Just one thing though, the images of this arsehole is enough to turn even the most iron lined stomach. Can we dispense with those ?

  3. pierre wilkinson

    well, at least 34% of Australians can see through his smug personas

    sigh<

  4. leefe

    “Old fried dough stick (老油条 Lao Youtiao) is an amusingly accurate sobriquet that China state TV aimed at he who the French might label with the similar floury metaphor of douche baguette (if they were to care about his existence at all). Roughly translated Lao Youtiao means a lazy manipulator, someone insincere, who’s two faced, hates doing real work but has been around long enough to know all the tricks of how to take credit for others’ work and deflect any blame.”

    Australians generally pride themselves on their nicknaming capability, but we have been totally outdone there.

    I think it was one of Gerry Durrell’s books, where I first read the old line about the more nicknames a person has, the less liked and/or respected they are. When was the last time we had a Prim Monster … indeed, any politician … with as many as ScoMoFo?

  5. Jude Dodd

    Nicely put but I beg to differ… it’s not that we can’t be bothered to look too hard, it’s because we’re fed a diet of MSM journalistic bullshit, thanks to Murdoch and a seriously castrated ABC.

  6. josephus

    is anus horribilis a deliberate error ie horrible anus or a slip? the queen got it right, with 2 ns

  7. Karen Kyle

    Oh very good, and very witty. Thank you.

  8. TuffGuy

    Very well said GG and proper congrats to China for winning the Morriscum characterisation of 2020.

  9. David Stakes

    The amazing Super Teflon man, where no shit sticks. Slides off in fear I would suspect. And goes find an easier target.

  10. Paul Davis

    “Morrison is the shit who hit the fan. The waft from a turd like Morrison is not easily disguised. It takes the efforts of a North Korean-level propaganda machine (24/7 personal photographer inc.) to put lipstick on the dipstick, to develop a Trump-lite cult of personality when the personality has all the appeal of Jeffrey Dahmer’s toothbrush, a shiver whose physical manifestation is a wide-hipped, slope-shouldered, man-boobed smirking arsehole. Yet they seem to have managed it.”

    Some magnificent imagery there Mr Geezer, really do enjoy your wordsmithery. I’m reminded of the old song about eating goober peas … “the subject’s interesting but the rhymes are getting tough.” Well sir, you seem to excel at finding the most apt adjectives when the subject is Moribund the Mendacious and his ilk. I cannot look at a photo of senator Paterson without laughing out loud… he will carry your epithet forever .. The Face That Invites A Slap.

    Thanks once again for cheering me up.

  11. Roswell

    Grumpy, what’s your secret to being this clever? Will you sell it to me?

  12. Grumpy Geezer

    I’ll ghost write ya Roswell. $20.00 per sentence?

  13. Andrew J. Smith

    Unfortunately he is a walking metaphor or image for Australia, and too many Australians, in the eyes of outsiders; white nativist conservative Christian clone directed by media, donors and think tanks aka the GOP Republicans, and talking too much…..

  14. Roswell

    Sounds fair, Grumpy. That’s a good price.

    And oh how I love long sentences. Something around 750 words is perfect.

  15. Grumpy Geezer

    😂

  16. Consume Less

    Anyone wan’t to swap my six-packed Putin card for the Scotty on horse-back card ? I will throw in a Bolsonaro burning down the house card to sweeten the deal.

  17. wam

    The majority are not interested in politics and politicians are all tarred with the same brush..
    In the media they merely see the headers in papers and the snippets in the other media and rarely see the substance. Rupert’s editors drive the image so that a positive heading may have a negative story and vice versa for the rare positive for labor.
    This ignorance leaves them no recourse but to rely on stereotypes and that in turn leaves them open to slogans and lies.
    Labor has no option but to excite the morning shows with attacks on the boys and girls of the lnp for ‘offences’ like greed, chicanery and lies. The ratings driven autocue journos will push their own conservative barrows unless acted on by a force.
    Look how easily scummo et al get off the hook with a new crisis whilst labor still wears the lies about whitlam.
    ps
    ever watch sunrise and meet Sam?? The fact that such a sexist, racist simpleton can get such an influential position shows what we think of women.

  18. Advil

    Thank you Grumpy you’ve done it again, you never fail to make me smile and laugh out loud. You certainly make my morning, do you give lessons in wordsmith? I just love your quirky turn of phrase.

  19. ajogrady

    The Shire’s perfidious Pentacostalot Pinocchi, the not responsible, dont care, do nothing Scott Morrison who masquerades as a part time Prime Minister and is better known as the full time bag man and chief negotiator for the fossil fuel industry or more appropriately the corruptor and theif of tapayers hard earned cash has earned his keep with the gas driven economic revival plan. The man with the plan for the gullible and weak minded. A plan for every occasion. Just like the fossil fuel industries it wont be long before the L/NP realise that Morrison, the perfidious Pentacostalot Pinocchio, is a stranded asset.

  20. Dave G.

    I agree totally with all the above assessments of this man’s character but the fact remains the electorate are very likely to return this creation at the next election.The inability of voters to see the contempt the LNP. holds for them is of great concern.Another 3or4 years of this crowd will create a tipping point that will make it nigh on impossible for a Government with a social concience to reverse.

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