Who Fracking Tonight? And Other Great Hits By DJ ScoBroMo…

Ok, when somebody asks if I’ve got a fifty dollar bill followed by, “Put your hands up!”, it suggests to me that I’m about to be robbed.

Just in case this is a little unclear, you need to see the clip which Sco “The Bro” Mo tweeted. Of course, you can’t because Scottie put it up and Scottie took it down. It’s unclear whether he took it down because it was a clear breach of the guidelines for the use of Parliamentary clips or whether he took it down because people were worried that the later lyric of “Who fucking tonight?” may have Barnaby Joyce putting his hand in the air.

Of course it’s a shame that this should take away the momentum from all the achievements of the Morrison government. Just a few weeks after there were allegations of bullying, Scott has successfully put a stop to this. In the past few days, it’s been made very clear that we won’t have any more of these sorts of allegations. Nope. It wasn’t bullying, it was just the same sort of misunderstanding as someone asking you about your money and telling you to put your hands in the air. If you interpret that as a robbery and hand over your money, well, it’s hardly the robber’s fault. Similarly, standing in someone’s office and saying you won’t leave until they sign is the same sort of tactics that any good salesmen would use. Bullying, pah. And anyone who says that there was will be dealt with.

Speaking of bullying, did anyone find Pauline’s response to the nine year old confusing. She said that she’d like to give her “a kick up the backside”. Now I do realise that she was probably being metaphoric… Obviously, you can’t kick someone up the backside when they’re refusing to stand. However, while she was suggesting that the parents had put the child up to it, she was threatening to do (metaphoric) physical harm to the child, rather than the parents. She was telling us that the parents were brainwashing the child and her response was that the child should be thrown out of school. Was she suggesting that the girl would be better off being homeschooled?

Of course it’s been a week for contradictions. We just had Liberal MP, Ian Macdonald tell his colleagues not to send Peter Dutton to the High Court because: “A byelection in Dickson wouldn’t be easy, and could change the government six months before the Australian people go to a general election.” Strange. I thought that the legal advice was that there was definitely no need to send him to the High Court because he was completely in the clear and there was absolutely no doubt and that it would just be a “lawyers’ picnic”. Yet it seems that some Liberals are suggesting that they shouldn’t send him to the High Court because that might cause a byelection. But how could it when there’s no doubt that he doesn’t need to go?

But back to the achievements of the Morrison governments. They’re doing their bit to ensure more women in Parliament by endorsing a man for the seat of Wentworth. Ok, they preselected a man, but Scott Morrison, Peter Dutton and Malcolm Turnbull all seem to be working in unison to ensure that Kerryn Phelps, the female independent candidate, gets elected.

However, that’s not all the Liberals are doing to help get more women into Parliament. No, Helen Kroger has adopted their successful NEG strategy. That’s the one where you give something a name and then you tell everyone that this is your plan and, hey presto, everyone stops worrying about it because when anyone asks you can tell them that you have a plan and what’s more it’s got a name. Kroger has helped create the Enid Lyons Fighting Fund, which doesn’t plan on fighting Enid Lyons as the name suggests, but rather intends to help women get elected to Parliament by letting them shadow MPs and get mentored and all sorts of other swell stuff. It sounds really good and even if it hasn’t been given any funding, it is a plan and I’m sure that one day someone will be able to say that the only reason that they’re in Parliament is because of Enid Lyons Fighing Fund which as yet is only the Enid Lyons Fighting because as I mentioned has no fund attached.

And let’s not forget energy prices. Every time I see the ad on TV telling me how the Federal Government is working to reduce energy prices I feel a little warmer… which is good because I’m trying not to put the heater on. Exactly what they’re doing wasn’t clear from the ad, so I did what it suggested and went to the site where it told me that they were: “Holding energy retailers to account to ensure consumers are aware of the options they have to change energy plans.”

Awesome. That should work. But that’s not all. As well they are: “Increasing the scrutiny of the energy market with MORE FUNDING to the Australian Energy Regulator and the ACCC to ensure consumers and industry get a fair deal.”

You’ll notice, if you go to the Powering Forward website, the Government is using LOTS of CAPITAL LETTERS and BOLDFACE to show ExAcTLy HOW much they’re DOING.