Ukes, Nukes And Pukes… Tales Of The Morrison Government!

Peter Dutton: “The Prime Minister based his judgment, his actions, his decisions on a perfectly reasonable basis following discussions, and it’s difficult when you get to the floor of Parliament and those undertakings aren’t honoured.”

It’s getting difficult to see how the Morrison government – and I use the term loosely – can survive till May. Of course, I’ve been wrong before but that’s only because events haven’t matched my predictions… which you might argue is what makes predictions wrong, but rather than picking on me why don’t you take it up with just about every other commentator in the world who get things wrong on much more regular basis than I do…

I mean, here in Victoria, I find it interesting that the same people who are screeching that we don’t have the thousands of ICU beds that we were promised but fortunately didn’t need, are now attacking the waste of money by the state government when they prepared for capacity that they didn’t need.

Anyway, it’s been a difficult week for the Morrison government as I was saying. Of course, most weeks have been difficult, but this one is even worse than most. And of course, most weeks have been even worse than most lately but now we know that not only doesn’t Scott not hold a hose, but he also doesn’t hold a tune.

Some see Morrison as a genius of distraction. They admire the way he can take our mind of the latest mistake by creating something even more monstrous… like the ukulele playing. They think that Scotty from Muckingitup is a sort of modern day Solomon – a Biblical king who’s remembered for his wisdom in solving the problem of which woman was actually a baby’s mother by offering to cut the child in half. When one woman agreed and the other said to let her take the baby, the conclusion was that the real mother would never let her child be cut in half.

Personally, I think if he were presented with the problem of two women both claiming to be the child’s mother, Scotty would have cut the baby in half, and even then some would be saying that it was a brilliant distraction from the previous week’s judgement where he decided that he’d declare war on the state of Victoria, only to discover that it’s actually part of Australia.

And personally, I think that most of the distractions are simply that he actually does believe cutting the baby in half and giving them half each is the ideal solution… unless one of the claimants is in a marginal seat in which case he’d promise her the baby or at least one very similar and a place to park it while she changes into her sports clothes in the purpose built change rooms for girls.

Yes, it’s all very well to say that the ukulele playing was an effective distraction from the events of the week, but there are limits to how many times you can distract by creating something more incompetent or annoying. For example, I can definitely distract my neighbour from his concern about me backing into his parked car if I burn down his house, but I’ve pretty much blown my chances of getting him to nominate me in the good neighbour awards.

Part of the modus operandi of Scotty and his mates is to pick a fight. Grace Tame didn’t smile, let’s make that the issue. Oh, even better, she accused someone of making a threatening phone call, well, we asked people who were running the Australia Day awards if it was them and they said that it wasn’t, so there ya go!

Now, I’m not a police officer so I don’t know if this is the way they do things for sure, but I am willing to bet that they don’t just say to suspects, “Did you do it? No? Well, that’s good enough for us, carry on!”

To qualify that last statement, I’m not talking here about the Australian Federal Police investigations into complaints about Coalition politicians. In that case, there’d be no need to ask them because they know that the politician would be too busy to give an answer anyway.

Yes, that’s why we’ve picked a fight with China. And that’s why Peter Dutton is trying to assure us all that Labor and China are pretty much in cahoots. Although when Dutton tells us that Labor is the CCP’s preferred election winner, it does make me wonder if he can actually name a country for whom the Liberals are the preferred winner…Particularly given our record on climate change.

Anyway, we’re getting nuclear submarines at some point in the next few decades so it’s a good time to ramp up the rhetoric because we’d hate to have the subs delivered and there be no war to fight.

But one of the strangest fights to pick would be with the Liberals who crossed the floor. Now, I can understand the cynicism from some who argued that they only did it because they felt they were in danger of losing their seats. However I find Dutton’s assertion that they didn’t honour their undertakings rather curious. Is he suggesting that they’re not the sort of people we can trust and that maybe – come election time – we should look for other candidates.

It was apparently a long night, so maybe he was just tired and not thinking. I mean there were many tired and emotional people on the Coalition side of the chamber. One was so tired and emotional that they were found in their office in a pool of their own urine according to Sam Maiden. There were also reports that the MP denied pooping in their pants which makes one feel a whole lot better that it was just a minor accident and not part of the legislative agenda for the rest of the sitting week.

At least they didn’t puke…

But then the clip of Scotty playing the ukulele wasn’t public at that stage!

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