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Ukes, Nukes And Pukes… Tales Of The Morrison Government!

Peter Dutton: “The Prime Minister based his judgment, his actions, his decisions on a perfectly reasonable basis following discussions, and it’s difficult when you get to the floor of Parliament and those undertakings aren’t honoured.”

It’s getting difficult to see how the Morrison government – and I use the term loosely – can survive till May. Of course, I’ve been wrong before but that’s only because events haven’t matched my predictions… which you might argue is what makes predictions wrong, but rather than picking on me why don’t you take it up with just about every other commentator in the world who get things wrong on much more regular basis than I do…

I mean, here in Victoria, I find it interesting that the same people who are screeching that we don’t have the thousands of ICU beds that we were promised but fortunately didn’t need, are now attacking the waste of money by the state government when they prepared for capacity that they didn’t need.

Anyway, it’s been a difficult week for the Morrison government as I was saying. Of course, most weeks have been difficult, but this one is even worse than most. And of course, most weeks have been even worse than most lately but now we know that not only doesn’t Scott not hold a hose, but he also doesn’t hold a tune.

Some see Morrison as a genius of distraction. They admire the way he can take our mind of the latest mistake by creating something even more monstrous… like the ukulele playing. They think that Scotty from Muckingitup is a sort of modern day Solomon – a Biblical king who’s remembered for his wisdom in solving the problem of which woman was actually a baby’s mother by offering to cut the child in half. When one woman agreed and the other said to let her take the baby, the conclusion was that the real mother would never let her child be cut in half.

Personally, I think if he were presented with the problem of two women both claiming to be the child’s mother, Scotty would have cut the baby in half, and even then some would be saying that it was a brilliant distraction from the previous week’s judgement where he decided that he’d declare war on the state of Victoria, only to discover that it’s actually part of Australia.

And personally, I think that most of the distractions are simply that he actually does believe cutting the baby in half and giving them half each is the ideal solution… unless one of the claimants is in a marginal seat in which case he’d promise her the baby or at least one very similar and a place to park it while she changes into her sports clothes in the purpose built change rooms for girls.

Yes, it’s all very well to say that the ukulele playing was an effective distraction from the events of the week, but there are limits to how many times you can distract by creating something more incompetent or annoying. For example, I can definitely distract my neighbour from his concern about me backing into his parked car if I burn down his house, but I’ve pretty much blown my chances of getting him to nominate me in the good neighbour awards.

Part of the modus operandi of Scotty and his mates is to pick a fight. Grace Tame didn’t smile, let’s make that the issue. Oh, even better, she accused someone of making a threatening phone call, well, we asked people who were running the Australia Day awards if it was them and they said that it wasn’t, so there ya go!

Now, I’m not a police officer so I don’t know if this is the way they do things for sure, but I am willing to bet that they don’t just say to suspects, “Did you do it? No? Well, that’s good enough for us, carry on!”

To qualify that last statement, I’m not talking here about the Australian Federal Police investigations into complaints about Coalition politicians. In that case, there’d be no need to ask them because they know that the politician would be too busy to give an answer anyway.

Yes, that’s why we’ve picked a fight with China. And that’s why Peter Dutton is trying to assure us all that Labor and China are pretty much in cahoots. Although when Dutton tells us that Labor is the CCP’s preferred election winner, it does make me wonder if he can actually name a country for whom the Liberals are the preferred winner…Particularly given our record on climate change.

Anyway, we’re getting nuclear submarines at some point in the next few decades so it’s a good time to ramp up the rhetoric because we’d hate to have the subs delivered and there be no war to fight.

But one of the strangest fights to pick would be with the Liberals who crossed the floor. Now, I can understand the cynicism from some who argued that they only did it because they felt they were in danger of losing their seats. However I find Dutton’s assertion that they didn’t honour their undertakings rather curious. Is he suggesting that they’re not the sort of people we can trust and that maybe – come election time – we should look for other candidates.

It was apparently a long night, so maybe he was just tired and not thinking. I mean there were many tired and emotional people on the Coalition side of the chamber. One was so tired and emotional that they were found in their office in a pool of their own urine according to Sam Maiden. There were also reports that the MP denied pooping in their pants which makes one feel a whole lot better that it was just a minor accident and not part of the legislative agenda for the rest of the sitting week.

At least they didn’t puke…

But then the clip of Scotty playing the ukulele wasn’t public at that stage!


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  1. Jon Chesterson

    Don’t know about modern day Solomon, Rossleigh as you too critique and satire, more Sodom and Gomorrah!

    If Morrison didn’t cut the baby in half and carve up Australia as he has done, then it would be likely another lost generation served up to the privileged wealthy few on the back of sports rort and heavy duty pork barrelling in a safe Liberal or marginal seat – and that is Sodom and Gomorrah, pillar of salt not Solomon.

  2. Kathryn

    There can be absolutely NO DOUBT that absolutely EVERYTHING the pathological liar and political sociopath, Morrison, does or says stems from a diabolical, totally ruthless and almost psychopathic ambition to attain and maintain his bloodstained grip on autocratic, even undemocratic, power! Morrison’s stratospheric ego, immense sense of self-serving entitlement and belief that he, and he alone, has a God-given right to rule over us like some despotic feudal Overlord, shows a condescending contempt for Australians that is beyond depraved. Add to this, Morrison’s unsound allegiance to the dangerous, misogynistic, paedophile-protecting CULT of Hillsong, makes the bone-idle Sloth Morrison about as toxic as a uranium enema!

    There is nothing – absolutely NOTHING – one can find to say that is good about the justifiably unpopular Scott Morrison! The FACT is that Morrison’s complete lack of integrity, zero credibility, his non-existent insight, his callous indifference to the suffering of others, his staggering deviousness, his absolute inability to lead, the mounting evidence that Morrison is a recidivist pathological liar totally incapable of telling the truth even about the most minor incidences, his deep-seated inhumanity and his appalling level of self-serving corruption – all hidden under a fake veneer of bible-thumping hypocrisy – is thoroughly nauseating and a very worrying indication that we have a dangerously fascist, totally reckless, unconscionable, megalomaniacal narcissist at the helm of our nation right now whose ONLY ambition to enrich and empower himself and his multi-billionaire donors in the Top 0.001%.

    When you take away all the self-promoting bullsh*t, the lies and bluster AWAY from Morrison, you discover there is not much left except a shallow, soulless, dysfunctional shell of a man; a hollow, insignificant, vacuous and thoroughly disingenuous person who expends more energy running AWAY from responsibility, who delegates 99.9% of his job to others and who only rose to power on the back of his backstabbing betrayal of his own colleagues: Michael Towke and Malcolm Turnbull.

    Not a day goes passed when we are not confronted with yet ANOTHER lie, ANOTHER act of malevolence, yet ANOTHER scandal about the absolute worst, most corrupt, degenerate and fascist regime in our history! Yet, in spite of all the chaos, the total dysfunction, the environmental vandalism, the non-stop character-assassinating lies about the ALP (a political party that has NOT been in power for nearly 8 years), Morrison just goes on and on and on (ad nauseum) totally ignoring the appalling acts of misogynistic predation against women by so members of his own party and TRYING to blame all the chaos, the dysfunction, poor decisions and catastrophic ineptitude (of HIS doing) on anyone and everyone EXCEPT the egotistical, incompetent sociopath that stares back at him every morning in the mirror!


  3. Patricia

    Well said, both Rossleigh and Katherine. Bravo.

  4. RomeoCharlie29

    Just how stupid is the bloke who allows himself to be persuaded to play an instrument ( forget it’s Hawaiian connotations) not only badly but with a song to which he can’t remember the words? No wonder Karl was so enthusiastic in response, he must have realised he’d captured the best gotcha moment of them all, hence it’s early wide circulation. Just another demo of this bloke’s tin ear.

  5. Max Gross

    I will never forget the Lying Rodent declaring that Al Qaeda were hoping Obama would become US president. What utter lowlifes the LNP are.

  6. Phil Pryor

    Merde Dog the mischievous mental midget of foreign residence, a pox on society and mentality, has promoted a line of plopdrops, conservative botty barers, fellatio friendly to schemes, donations, career opportunities to show off, and a way of extracting, profiteering, controlling, coercing and crushing civilised behaviour and attitude. We have gone far down from Howard, Abbott, Turnbull, to this mastodonish manifestation of merdey muck in a skin,Morrison the Misfit, a lazy log, a devious dropping, a treacherous troublemaker, a backstabbing bastard, a useless untermensch, a sheisskerl…

  7. GL

    South Australia: March Election, so

    Labor says it will spend $80 million rebuild the Adelaide Aquatic Centre.

    Liberals will contribute $2.5 million towards a bloody drag racing strip because it, after the now idiotic bent they have for modelling, might bring in 120,000 visitors a year. Anyone get the feeling that the owner has made some hefty donations to the Libs?

  8. Kerri

    Less Soddam and Gomorrah. More Nero.

  9. GL


    More like the genetic level melding of Caligula and Nero with a bit of Thatcher thrown in for good measure.

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