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Tony The Speaker – Weddings, Parties, Whatever!

No, not the Speaker of the House. That’s reserved for someone who can behave in a non-partisan, dignified way like Bronwyn Bishop, who I think you’ll agree, showed true grace when they removed her from the position. She never complained – not even about the splinters that were caught in her fingernails as they prised her from the chair. No, Tony has joined The Washington Speakers’ Bureau who introduce him thus:

Meet Tony Abbott

An engaging, decisive leader during one of the most turbulent times in Australian politics, Tony Abbott provides timely and candid analysis of the most complex and critical issues facing our world today.

Tony Abbott served as Prime Minister of Australia from 2013 to 2015. He is credited with policy implementations as early as the first day of the new Parliament, including the introduction of legislation to repeal carbon tax and to stop illegal maritime arrivals, each of which received wide public support and later passed both houses of Parliament. During his tenure as Prime Minister, Abbott’s government created over 300,000 jobs and oversaw free trade agreements signed with both Japan and South Korea. In addition, the world most notably saw—for the first time—a G20 country enter such an agreement with China. Geography alone renders Australia vulnerable to terror, and thus Abbott is able to speak thoughtfully on terrorism and security in the 21st Century, including the threat of ISIS and pervasive religious fundamentalism. With profound depth of experience, he is keenly positioned to offer unparalleled insight on leadership, the global economy, global trade, discuss a Western perspective on the future of Asia, explore the short- and long-term future of China, and provide a unique and timely political outlook for your audience.

Now it doesn’t mention that his relentless negativity was responsible for the end of four prime ministerships: Rudd, Gillard, Rudd Mark II, and, of course, Abbott himself. Doubtless he still hopes to knock of Turnbull before Christmas, but not through “sniping” or “undermining” unlike some people who’ve recently become PM.

Mr Abbott has recently had a large drop in salary, so one presumes that’s the reason for his need to take on speaking engagements for a reported minimum of $40,000 a year. It’s not clear if this includes presenting the trophies at a sportsmen’s night in his local electorate, but just to be sure, if you book Abbott, I wouldn’t let him speak.

In fact, that may have been a good rule for the Liberals over the past year or so…

Anyway, the $40,000 fee got me thinking. If people are prepared to pay $40,000 plus to have Abbott speak, what am I worth? While part of me thinks that most sane people should rather hear me than Tony, I am aware that a large part of that fee is simply the result of him once being the Prime Minister and that, well, nothing I’ve done really cuts it for that sort of money. However, on the other hand, I can pause a lot less and say twice as much in the same amount of time, so I’ve made a productivity improvement which should mean that I’m worth more. Not to mention the fact that every now and then, I actually say something worth listening to. I taught for a number of years and every decade or so, a student would come up to me and tell that what I said in class was really interesting. Ok, it usually had nothing to do with what they were meant to be learning, but still, it happened a lot more often with me than with Barry, the Accounting teacher, whose love of discussing double-entry book-keeping made the seat next to him at the Christmas party well worth avoiding.

Balancing it all out, I’ve decided that I’d be prepared to speak for a figure that had at least three zeroes behind it. Of course, if you’re not prepared to pay more than a hundred, you can count the zeroes after the decimal point, as in $10-00, but I’d expect a nice bottle of wine. Preferably while I was speaking, but if you want to wait to see if I had anything worth saying, then I completely understand.

OK, so, in the spirit of Tony’s intro:

Meet Rossleigh

An engaging, decisive blogger during one of the most turbulent times in Australian politics, Rossleigh provides timely and candid analysis of the most complex and critical issues facing our world today. Accurate? Intelligent? Well, you can’t have everything, so for this price you’ll just have to settle for timely and candid.

Rossleigh never served as Prime Minister of Australia due to a flaw in the system which demanded that he actually get elected. He is credited with no policy implementations, however, he has managed to stop many, many things, and it’s no coincidence that Tony Abbott was removed as PM on the same day that Rossleigh was heard saying, “Nope, nope, nope”. During his time blogging, there were over 300,000 jobs created and surely this can’t just be another coincidence – although the rise in unemployment had nothing to do with him. Geography alone – there are no other factors, just geography – renders Australia vulnerable to terror, and thus Rossleigh is able to speak thoughtfully on terrorism and security in the 21st Century, including the threat of ISIS and pervasive religious fundamentalism, in spite of Eric Abetz demands that we don’t refer to him as the “religious right”. (Rossleigh sees this attempt to control our language as political correctness gone mad, just like when all those people jumped on Abetz for using the term ‘negro’ when refering to an American judge. It’s not Eric’s fault he hasn’t kept up with any changes in attitude since Paris was “liberated “- or as his uncle Otto used to say “invaded” by those uncouth Americans!) With a total lack of experience, he is – like Andrew Bolt – keenly positioned to offer unparalleled insight on leadership, the global economy, global trade, discuss a Western perspective on the future of Asia, explore the short- and long-term future of China, and provide a unique and timely political outlook for your audience, as well as offering courses in mindfulness, self-actualisation and how to make money from real estate. As a late October special, he will also offer tips for the Melbourne Cup.

For a small fee, Rossleigh also promises not to sing.

I look forward to your bookings. But if you’d rather go with Tony, I understand. There’ll be no sniping from me.

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47 comments

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  1. Matthew Oborne

    That report was a typo, he is joining the circus not a speaker circuit. apologies for any confusion.

  2. Lurline Hanna

    I’ll pay you $10.00 to just sit in my lounge room and talk to me. Plus 2 bottles of wine. I need intelligent conversation around here

  3. Florence nee Fedup

    I am really at a lost, as to whom would be willing to pay to listen to our infamous former PM.

  4. Rossleigh

    Apparently, there is no truth in the rumour that Labor have started a crowdfund site to send him on a speaking tour of Syria…
    It is, in fact, the Turnbull faction of the Liberal Party who have done that!

  5. Rossleigh

    Apologies for my previous comment. Just as poor people don’t drive, Liberals don’t have factions.
    What I should have said was “the Turnbull SECTION of the Liberal Party”.

  6. Ricardo29

    I like the line about Geography alone rendering us vulnerable to terrorism. No admission there that the only real form of terrorism we might conceivably face is the home grown kind generated by the policies of the Abbott government’s warmongering. I wonder what actual insights Abbott could offer which wouldn’t insult the intelligence of an audience with half a brain. Oh, of course, the Tea Party.

  7. Terry2

    “An engaging, decisive leader during one of the most turbulent times in Australian politics, Tony Abbott provides timely and candid analysis of the most ……………..”

    I was trying to remember this turbulent time and why it was so turbulent : hang-on, it was Tony Abbott who was responsible for the turbulence and mayhem in our recent political history.

  8. Backyard Bob

    http://www.washingtonspeakers.com/speakers/speaker.cfm?SpeakerID=22685

    An engaging, decisive leader during one of the most turbulent times in Australian politics, Tony Abbott provides timely and candid analysis of the most complex and critical issues facing our world today.

    Tony Abbott served as Prime Minister of Australia from 2013 to 2015. He is credited with policy implementations as early as the first day of the new Parliament, including the introduction of legislation to repeal carbon tax and to stop illegal maritime arrivals, each of which received wide public support and later passed both houses of Parliament. During his tenure as Prime Minister, Abbott’s government created over 300,000 jobs and oversaw free trade agreements signed with both Japan and South Korea. In addition, the world most notably saw—for the first time—a G20 country enter such an agreement with China. Geography alone renders Australia vulnerable to terror, and thus Abbott is able to speak thoughtfully on terrorism and security in the 21st Century, including the threat of ISIS and pervasive religious fundamentalism. With profound depth of experience, he is keenly positioned to offer unparalleled insight on leadership, the global economy, global trade, discuss a Western perspective on the future of Asia, explore the short- and long-term future of China, and provide a unique and timely political outlook for your audience.

    Ok, that’s all too sickening to even be laughable.

  9. Backyard Bob

    An engaging, decisive leader during one of the most turbulent times in Australian politics, Tony Abbott provides timely and candid analysis of the most complex and critical issues facing our world today.

    Tony Abbott served as Prime Minister of Australia from 2013 to 2015. He is credited with policy implementations as early as the first day of the new Parliament, including the introduction of legislation to repeal carbon tax and to stop illegal maritime arrivals, each of which received wide public support and later passed both houses of Parliament. During his tenure as Prime Minister, Abbott’s government created over 300,000 jobs and oversaw free trade agreements signed with both Japan and South Korea. In addition, the world most notably saw—for the first time—a G20 country enter such an agreement with China. Geography alone renders Australia vulnerable to terror, and thus Abbott is able to speak thoughtfully on terrorism and security in the 21st Century, including the threat of ISIS and pervasive religious fundamentalism. With profound depth of experience, he is keenly positioned to offer unparalleled insight on leadership, the global economy, global trade, discuss a Western perspective on the future of Asia, explore the short- and long-term future of China, and provide a unique and timely political outlook for your audience.

    Good God, that’s too sickening to even be laughable.

  10. Terry2

    I understand the Washington Speakers Bureau have endorsed Joe Hockey’s comments about stopping this revolving door of Prime Ministers in Australia – the speakers circuit is becoming overloaded with predominantly boring people.

  11. Mercurial

    “Meet Tony Abbott” – nah, not the same person, sorry.

  12. Florence nee Fedup

    People pay to listen to likes Abbott. Must have more money than sense. Or its it that he is now joining the Tea Party openly. Will he be on the US election campaign one wonders?

  13. Florence nee Fedup

    This on top of the dinner he had this week with possibly 18/19 government MPs. No wonder their are rumours, that he is staging a comeback.

  14. horatio

    Would like to hear Abbott explain how he has acquired such expertise in security matters from an island continent which is safer only than Antarctica.

  15. corvus boreus

    “Geography alone renders Australia vulnerable to terror”.
    I resent and refute that.
    ‘Our home is girt by sea’.

  16. Backyard Bob

    WSB seem not to have done any research of their own and just run with Abbott’s own propaganda. World’s greatest minds – yeah, funny as.

  17. bellisimo111

    The mind boggles – who’s going to pay for those ravings. A cosy little earner – I think not!

  18. Roswell

    Backyard Bob, I’ve noticed some of your comments getting caught up in the spam folder, which is not all that uncommon lately as it’s happened to a few others as well. I’m not the expert around here, but I think it’s just a WordPress glitch.

  19. corvus boreus

    Oracle google was silent upon how much Tone is getting for the Washington Speakers Group.
    However, “Mr Abbott is due to deliver the Margaret Thatcher Lecture to a gala banquet at Guildhall in London next Tuesday, at a price of about $415 a head or $460 for VIPs” (SMH 23/10)
    Here’s a promo for the star billing;

    Hope the buffet and bar are good.

  20. Backyard Bob

    Roswell,

    It’s cool. I think it’s just security protocols not liking posts with url links in them. Despite the occasional inconvenience it’s probably for the best.

  21. lawrencewinder

    Rabid-the-Hun, failed Prime Miniature, Health, Workplace Relations ministers, failed concrete plant manager, failed journalist and failed seminarian is putting himself forward as a public speaker. This is very odd, as Australia’s experience of his public speaking would indicate that he had no talent for this either and as he usually only uttered three word slogans his proposed fee indicates he wants $13,333.33 per word.
    http://shanewombat.blogspot.com.au/2015/10/a-day-with-catherine-and-mozart.html

  22. Harry.V.Dirchy

    Sooo, if he only says everything once, do you get him for $20k?

  23. corvus boreus

    If I was rich, bored and stupid enough to be considering shelling out cash to attend a Tony Abbott spoken-word gig, apart from wanting a major price reduction due to the endless repetitions in the basic content (re-hashed basic three word stews), I would also demand a further price discount based upon the sheer amount of content time devoted to ‘enunciations’ of “umm”.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3yoS_oiaAJA

  24. stephentardrew

    Add the cost of an Interpreter and essential fact checker.

  25. Sir ScotchMistery

    80000 people paying 50c would be the $40k but thoughtfully I called the Washington speaker’s bureau and offered them shares in the sale of a large bridge in Sydney.

    I pointed out that if they can get someone to pay $40k to listen to that brain fart, they could sell shares in the purchase of the bridge to the same fluck knuckles prepared to pay to listen to Peta Credlin’s erstwhile mouthpiece.

    Ross, seriously I think I’d like to discuss you doing a presentation for one of my Brisbane based organisations. “The rise and rise of the citizen journalist”, would be my preferred theme.

  26. Sir ScotchMistery

    @Stephen Tardrew – fact checking won’t be an issue. American audience. All they will be interested in is that he once gave a Prince a knighthood. Then he can say anything.

  27. mars08

    Could he get a gig with the Trump campaign?

  28. corvus boreus

    The quoted figure of $40,000 is the figure commanded by John Winston Howard for a speaking engagement (pay + perks).
    Howard was Prime Minister for more than 11 years, over 4 terms, and is internationally regarded as an articulate conservative.
    Anthony Abbott ‘served’ as PM for a shambolic 1/2 term of less than 2 years, and is widely regarded as a bumbling fool.
    I think Tony’s appearance WSB fee would probably fall well short of the 40 grand Little Johnny gets.

  29. diannaart

    What an introduction, so much to laugh at, so lacking in substance – I mean Tony Abbott’s intro…. still thinking about Rossleigh’s.

    Anyway, am finding it difficult to rely on anything these days, particularly my memory but:

    He (Tony Abbott) is credited with policy implementations as early as the first day of the new Parliament, including the introduction of legislation to repeal carbon tax and to stop illegal maritime arrivals…

    Weren’t the above mentioned, the ONLY policies Abbott got through, the 2 early ones?

  30. Conrad

    What a larf! Abbott The Shallow’s natural arena is the University of Sydney Liberal Club – it is there that he flowered, but alas where the terminal decay set in.

  31. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    mars08 @ October 25, 2015 at 8:59 am

    “Could he get a gig with the Trump campaign?”

    That image of Abbott standing with and opening his mouth on the platform with Trump is funtastic. I am enjoying the malevolent thoughts of how they could poison each other’s campaigns.

  32. Aortic

    I am miffed completely because question time has lost the Abbott factor of hyping up to holocaust and myriad gaffes that he had to withdraw. Turnbull, far too patrician and boring. Yet to be proven whether this new guard though will lead us on. Time will tell.

  33. Sir ScotchMistery

    @Corvus

    Our home is girt by seas

    And governed by C…s

  34. Sir ScotchMistery

    Very unfair to pigs and wolves.

    Sheep certainly covers our national need to have 1 of 2 parties dancing on the end of oligarchical puppet strings.

  35. diannaart
  36. diannaart

    Dear Sir ScotchM

    Our home is girt by seas and governed by women?

  37. Sir ScotchMistery

    Cleptomaniacs was what I had in mind. W wouldn’t have rhymed properly.

    I actually didn’t use that other word quite deliberately. It’s not something I do.

    Can I suggest getting over yourself?

    End of interaction.

  38. diannaart

    No, Sirscotch

    While we remain such an inequitable society I will not “get over myself”

  39. diannaart

    To moderator

    please remove my post dated October 27, 2015 at 12:10 pm – I thought I had not posted this one – my intention was for the second post which was a little more humorous and less reactionary.

  40. dimmy

    The person who wrote that thing about Abbott will go bald and get blisters if he keeps it up.
    Seriously the news this morning is full of his first “ëngagement”, obviously a practice run to the party faithful in the motherland.
    Question: Why would you employ the worst PM this country has ever and will ever have to lecture you on his inequity and backward looking social and economic policies and attitudes.

  41. Sir ScotchMistery

    Seriously folks, this was the “Margaret Thatcher” lecture.

    Whatever can you possibly expect?

    Once he’s had half a dozen “Engagements”, people will understand exactly how bad he is as a speaker and find other ways to waste the money.

  42. diannaart

    @Sir Scotch

    Abbott is preaching to the converted – do you really believe such ‘people’ will realise how ‘bad’ a speaker Abbott is?

  43. Sir ScotchMistery

    I have to confess I hadn’t thought before of putting conservatives in inverted commas. That’s a step forward for me. Thank you Dianna.

  44. diannaart

    Condescension duly noted.

  45. Terry2

    You may well wonder why Tony Abbott in proclaiming his Sovereign Borders policy at the Thatcher lecture recommended turning back boats in the Mediterranean and refugees at land borders, but failed to outline his second prong approach, that of indefinite detention for those who get through the border blockades.

    Perhaps, even for Tony, he realised it was getting a bit close to home in Europe to be talking about remote detention camps with resonances of the final solution still very poignant.

    It will be interesting to see some editorial comment from the UK papers (if anybody was listening).

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