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Tony Mansplains Why Malcolm Shouldn’t Malsplain In Public!

In what must be the first time in a number of days, Tony Abbott was openly critcical of the Prime Minister in an interview last week. Mr Abbott thought that Malcolm Turnbull’s public admonishing of Barnaby Joyce was a poor way to handle things, telling us:

‘I am just not going to get into any details about personalities or specifics, but certainly as a general rule one party doesn’t give another party public advice.

‘That’s the general rule that I observed.’

Of course, by party Mr Abbott was, of course, only refering to the Coalition partners because – as we’re all aware – he sees no problem in giving Labor, The Greens or any other political party the benefit of the full suppository of his wisdom.

While he insisted that it was best that, instead of calling a press conference or blurting out a criticism in an interview, it was better to pick up the phone or have a face-to-face meeting to express one’s concerns, apparently, this does not apply to ex-PMs giving current PMs advice on not giving public advice.

Yes, nobody thought to ask Tones, if criticisms should be kept private, why did he not follow his own advice and call Malcolm directly?

Tony, of couse, may have had a number of reasons.

  1. Malcolm never listens to advice from anyone so it would be pointless.
  2. Malcolm won’t take phone calls from Tony.
  3. Tony knows that hypocrisy is so common that it’s rare that anyone is criticised for it, so this was another great chance to bag Malcolm, thereby reminding people that there was a much better PM recently.

While all three reasons are valid reason three is probably the most likely to have been uppermost in Mr Abbott’s mind. After all, he did go on to remind us: “There was a perfectly good code of conduct in place. I thought the code of conduct as it stands it was a good code of conduct.”

In other words, there was nothing wrong with bonking a member of your own staff. The code was just fine, and it was only the fact that Barnaby stuck to his religous beliefs about sex being only for procreation that meant that his (non)partner became pregnant and papers were reporting on it that there was a problem, because, hey, the papers never reported on anything like that when he was PM …

And, I have to agree with Mr Abbott. There’s nothing wrong with sex between consenting adults. It’s only when they’re of the same sex and want to marry that it demeans the sancticty of marriage and therefore creates a problem. If only Natalie Joyce had been a little more understanding of the nature of marriage and the importance of children having both a mother AND a father, then she wouldn’t have booted Barnaby and she’d still be considered his partner and Ms Campion could have been given any job by Mr Joyce and there’d have been no breach of the pefectly good guidelines for ministerial conduct that existed when we had a PM who knew that some things are better said in private.

You know, things like I’m really disappointed that you couldn’t keep it in your pants, but let’s stay together for the good of everyone and pretend that nothing’s wrong and that you haven’t behaved appallingly. (I am referring to the Coalition parties here, and not any other individual parties!)

To which, Barnaby could have replied that he has a right to his own happiness, and that Malcolm doesn’t understand him, but yes, he does agree, it would be better to pretend that they’re still together and that there’s no problem. After all, this isn’t about ourselves we have others to think about. We need to stay together for the good of the Company Tax Cuts. We need to consider Rupert and Gina, how would they cope if we argue in front of them? We don’t want to force them to take sides.

And Malcolm couldn nod sagely.

Yes, it’s a shame that Tony didn’t think to bring the two together and give them the benefit of all his weeks of experience in being our country’s leader.


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  1. Terry2

    At the end of the day, it’s all about politics and whilst I don’t have much time for Senator Ian MacDonald the Liberal Senator who, by hanging around the Senate and the effluxion of time, is known as the Father of the Senate.

    For once I agree with him that, by hanging around, Barnaby Joyce is doing damage to the coalition as we shall see when the next Newspoll numbers come out.

    Macdonald said that by staying on as deputy prime minister, Joyce was giving Bill Shorten a “free ride into the Lodge”.

    “He and I both know that having Shorten as prime minister would be disastrous for Australia,” Macdonald told the ABC. “But he would also know that the way he is handling this issue is just going to see our polls plummet.”

    So, you now have senior Nationals and Liberals calling for Barnaby to stand down. He’s a very stubborn man and the prospect of losing the deputy prime ministership – which he has not earned but fell into when he gained leadership of the fringe party we call the Nationals – would be anathema to him.

    I don’t think the very ambitious Vikki would be too happy about being a backbenchers Missus either !

  2. Rossleigh

    Given how much we heard about the great necessity of having both, if Macdonald is father of the Senate, who is the mother?

  3. Adnil

    Well perhaps Malcolm and Barnaby should have used one of Abbott’s wisdom suppositories (although those things do have a possible explosive reaction) before they unleashed a tit for tat debacle in front of everyone.

  4. johno

    Good stuff Rossleigh. I like the way you see through Tony’s bullshit.

  5. John Higgins

    Rossleigh … the Mother of the Senate is Penny Wong … and I bet the Opposition have used the word “mother … ” in describing Penny many times … especially when she’s had them by the short and curlies … Penny Wong for Prez!

  6. paul walter

    Noticed it this morning…classic interference from Parliament’s Iago, the meddler; the emotional cripple.

  7. Topenda

    Oh, thank (insert desired deity or expletive here) someone else picked up on that. I felt like I was in the twilight zone when I saw Abbott’s condescending and irony-filled lecture.

  8. Glenn Barry

    Tones does condescension, irony, hypocrisy and dishonesty as good, if not better than the best of them.

    Who’s ready for Tony’s attempt at a triumphant return?

    Turnbull has done superbly at sabotaging himself recently, and poll 30 is walking through the paddocks much like Mr Death who’s come about the reaping in The Meaning of Life.

    I think perhaps overlooked in all of this is that the Libs may fracture before the Nats and the coalition

  9. diannaart


    That you saw irony in the EX-PM’s words, is a credit to you, however, Abbott and irony – mutually exclusive, always have been always will.

  10. Rossleigh

    Yes, diannart, Abbott’s irony is unconscious, because he prefers to leave it to the women. As he told us on 2010:
    “What the housewives of Australia need to understand as they do the irony is that it’s going to go up in price…”

  11. Graeme Henchel

    So the Thug returns to say, in public, that disputes between colleagues and coalition parties, should not be discussed in public.

    Irrelevance deprivation syndrome.

  12. Tim Keough

    I know he’s an easy target for journalists, but I really wish that you journalists would just do the right thing for the country where Abbott is concerned, IGNORE HIM! If no one talks about him he might do what he should have done at the last election and not recontest his seat.

  13. Diane

    Damn, that little piece of amazing software that turned any picture of this grub on my computer into a cuddly kitten seems to have stopped working! I need one that does him AND Joyce now…. 🙂

  14. Kronomex

    On a side note; that fat repulsive slug Christensen, who no doubt thinks his post is only “meant to be a joke” may just get himself in very hot water –


    All we can do is hope that he gets charged because the gubmint would lose a disgusting excuse for a man and then it’s panic time. What’s the bet that that post goes away very shortly. I expect Barnaby won’t do a thing and Trembles will try and find some spin to try and make it disappear. What a magnificent year Malfeasance is having so far.

  15. Rossleigh

    Yes, Kronomex, George’s stomach banding seems to have worked nearly as well as the stapling he had done on his brain.

  16. Roswell

    Kronomex, that was one of the most disgusting things I’ve seen from an Australian politician. What does he infer, with those comments, and that image?

    Given that we are still in shock from the mass-shooting in the USA, his sensitivity and his intelligence are both missing.

  17. diannaart

    Could George C get any more disturbing?


    I appreciate Sarah Hanson-Young’s last word in the article Kronomex linked:

    A number of people have already suggested Mr Christensen should be sacked for the post — including Greens Senator Sarah Hanson-Young.

    “A Member of Parliament inciting violence against a group of voters should be a sackable offence,” Senator Hanson-Young wrote.

    “If the leader of the Nationals had any class he’d sack him.”

    “If the leader had any class…”

    “Class” is not something I associate with the Coalition.

  18. win jeavons

    ” irrelevance deprivation syndrome ” I love it! George C . should move to the US, he is unwelcome in all half decent parts of Aus. And if he is not, I despise those parts where he is . He should stop pretending to be a Christian, he gives them a bad name. Greens, at least take that part of Genesis seriously where Adam is instructed to be a steward of the earth.

  19. johno

    @ Graeme… or FOMO

  20. Glenn Barry

    Curious that I’ve never made the association previously, but Tone’s being the suppository of wisdom, physiologically, that would mean that everything he says emerges from his rectum.

    I see no need to elaborate further

  21. Sarah Lawsin

    One of my favourites from you

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