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Tony Abbott: “I May Still Be Made Pope!”

No, he didn’t really say that. Although he did declare that he would have won the next election. Not could have or might have. Would have!

But it’s been that sort of day. I also read of Joe Hockey taking on the role of US Ambassador. Say what you like about Joe (I mean it, after the 2014 Budget, I don’t care what anyone says about Joe), but here’s a man who sticks to what he says. He told us all about the need to “have a go” and the great virtues of free enterprise and the end to the age of entitlement, and now he’s having a go at being US Ambassador. The United States is, of course, the world leader when it comes to free enterprise so nobody could suggest that there’s any inconsistency in taking on a public service role there!

But I suspect that Tony and Joe suffer from a condition known as “Coalition Abuttiris” – a condition which enables the sufferer to hold seemingly contradictory positions simultaneously. You know the sort of thing: We need to make cutbacks, but there’s no way I’m flying economy when there’s a perfectly good VIP jet just waiting around. Or the Budget emergency that has no revenue problem and may even allow us to offer tax cuts. This condition is found in all sides of politics, but it’s most frequently discovered in Liberal or National politicians. In layman’s terms, it’s called having your head so far up your arse you have no idea what’s going on.

So Tony asserts that he would have won the next election and he won’t “shy away” from defending his government’s record when it’s deliberately falsified by his enemies. He’s even prepared to defend it from the Labor Party. He’s told us all that he led one of the most successful parties in the history of Canberra and even though a table did break, he’s offered to pay for it.

Another person suffering from this condition, is the renowned Lord Monckton who holds more qualifications than you can imagine, but not as many as he can imagine, and is a hall of famer in both the FIGJAM and Baron Munchausen categories.

Monckton’s latest effort is to suggest that Tony Abbott was brought down by the UN because of his views on climate change, because in their attempt to establish a “totalitarian government” they couldn’t possibly tolerate one dissenting leader. How this plays with Tony’s idea that he could have won the next election I can’t imagine, but I’d love someone to put this to both Monckton and Abbott.

Monckton also suggested that police were investigating climate scientists and the meteorologists for falsifying data before adding:

“This is a quiet process. It’s not something which we do very much to publicise, because you can damage the chance of a prosecution if you play this for some kind of public relations stunt.”

Now it seems strange that one would reveal that this was happening at the same time as telling people that you won’t say much about it because you don’t want to publicise it. That’s about as credible as a national magazine when it advertises that Petunia’s “secret” is revealed on page five. Not much a secret any more, I would have thought.

Yep, watch out for ““Coalition Abuttiris” – it may be contagious! Certainly, many of Murdoch’s minions seemed to have picked it up!



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  1. Jennifer Meyer-Smith

    Thanks Rossleigh,

    for giving us a laugh about Abbott and Hockey’s condition, ‘Coalition Abuttiris’. I hope it’s very uncomfortable for them.

  2. Coralie Naumann

    As much as I want to LOL, everything you’ve written is actual fact and shows how low our political parties have sunk.

  3. Adrianne Haddow

    Another good laugh, Rossleigh. Thank you.

    Abbott is the gift that keeps giving and giving when he should be going.

    Everything reaches its ‘use-by-date’.

  4. mars08

    @Coralie Naumann… Yes, it’s all too horribly real…

  5. Wayne Turner

    Thanks Libs,MSM,and ignorant public for creating the delusional moron Abbott. When will this hopeless nitwit go away…

  6. Bacchus

    LOL – good stuff Rossleigh!

    With your (and Michael’s indulgence) I’ll just get a plug in for some wonderful satire over at The Political Sword at the moment that ties in well with your very entertaining, but sadly too true, piece here.

    Ken Wolff has the latest in his “morality tale” series: Lords and Ladies, a new morality tale for a new time, introducing a new character, Mal Co’d-turn-a-bull, to go with the old Tiny-er-er O’penmouth.

    And the inimitable Ad astra tackles The story of Joe, the jolly ambassador – a children’s tale on the TPS Extra site.

  7. Matters Not

    Abbott calls for Muslims to ‘reform’ Islam which is based on five ‘Pillars’ (in no particular order). There is belief in only one God (Allah) usually voiced as: There is no god but Allah (and) Muhammad is the messenger of Allah. Then there is Salat. The obligation to pray five times a day. Before dawn, after midday, before sunset, in the evening and then at night. (It used to be 50 times but Muhammad negotiated the lesser number. So the story goes).

    There is also Zakāt or the giving of Alms to the poor. They also subscribe to Sawm (fasting) which has a number of aspects but becomes compulsory (there are exceptions) during the month of Ramadan. And for those who have the means there is the Hajj a visit to the holy city of Mecca, undertaken at a particular time (Dhu al-Hijjah ).

    Abbott as a ‘specialist’ commentator on all things Islamic would understand these 5 Pillars in much greater depth than that presented here and I wonder when Paul Murray, Ray Hadley, Andrew Bolt or maybe Alan Jones will ask him to outline same and, in particular, the ones that need radical change.

  8. Sen Nearly Ile

    very funny, especially monktonne who is not the full quid much less a ton.
    Love the pillars but there was only 4?
    Who for the fifth pillar of the australian way? My favorite is morrison oops he’s with pyne under pillock.
    Could be bishop but she doesn’t reach the ceiling and mirabella’s sinking subs. So who? I’ll settle for macfarlane, he is trussworthy and may weaken the joycsts.

  9. Kaye Lee

    Monckton is always good for a laugh. He recently went to the Vatican with a couple of other fruit loops, funded by the Heartland Institute, and told the Pope what for (at a press conference attended by a handful of journos who were probably there to take the piss)…….the man has a hide like a rhino…..

    Monckton made an extraordinary speech in which he warned the pope against making a statement against climate change by citing the persecution of Galileo and “murder” of Giordano Bruno by the church.

    “That decision to enter into the realm of science resonates and does harm to Holy Mother Church to this day,” he argued. “So your Highness – do not do this again.”

    He said: “The main reason, Your Holiness, of why we are here today, is it is not the business of the church to stray from the field of faith and morals and wonder into the playground that is science… it is not the business of the church to pronounce on science.”

    He added: “Of course, it doesn’t very much matter to the rest of the world what view the church takes now on this – very nearly all governments around the world have already already made up their minds on this.

    “Some ‘me too’ statement from someone who is not a physicist but a chemist is not likely to carry very much weight in the councils of the world. The damage that would be done by a statement straying into the science of this question – on either side – would be to the church herself. For yet again, she would have gone beyond what she was founded to do… and yet again got the science 100 percent plumb wrong.”

    He instructed the pope not to issue a statement on climate change. “You will be kicking the poor in the teeth. Stand back, listen to both sides, and do not take sides in politics.

    “For you not only demean yourself in so doing but you demean the office that you hold and you demean the church who it is your sworn duty to protect and defend and advance. God bless you, Your Holiness. We pray that wiser counsels to those you have so far been listening will prevail. And you will stand back from intervening.”

  10. Möbius Ecko

    Stand back, listen to both sides, and do not take sides in politics.

    Well he certainly gives it away there and kicks an own goal.

    After going on about science and for the church not to meddle in it, he ends by stating it’s not about science but politics.

    That doesn’t touch on the fact it’s not a two sided argument at all, but one with a myriad of sides and arguments even within the proponents of AGW. But how typical of the right, especially the RWNJ right like Monckton, to dumb it down to us and them and black and white.

  11. flohri1754

    Very good column …. and @ Kaye Lee ….. is there a secret cabal among all these types? Abbott, Bishop, Monckton (read “Monkton”) ….. an underlying Opus Dei group account????

  12. Wally

    Abbott still gets broad coverage in the Murdoch press, arguably more than Turnbull so I suspect we will not see the back of him for some time to come and that is very disappointing. I don’t think I can stomach much more of Abbotts bull shit.

  13. my say

    If Malcom Turnbull does’t pull Abbott into line we are going to have riots in the streets,
    He is more deranged and dangerous than he ever was,he is consumed with so much hatred its frightening

  14. Matters Not

    Abbott says:

    Cultures are not all equal

    In our ‘culture’, the word ‘equal’ is given any number of ‘meanings’ including the same in number, amount, degree, rank, or quality. But it’s quite clear that when Abbott (in this context at least) speaks about ‘equal’ or lack of same he’s asserting that his (and our) ‘culture’ is somehow superior to that of the ‘other’. The quality is better. And he may be right.

    But how does he make such a judgement that’s somehow culture free ? What culture free tools/concepts are available? What culture free absolute values can we call upon?

    Just askin …

    Or is it the case that Abbott is just being ethnocentric and doesn’t even understand the concept, defined as:

    belief in the intrinsic superiority of the nation, culture, or group to which one belongs, often accompanied by feelings of dislike for other groups

    From my political perspective, I hope Abbott ‘hangs around’ because he knows not what he does, nor what he believes and why. So much for being a ‘Rhodes Scholar’

  15. Miriam Possitani

    In keeping with the article title

    There was the pope, Tony Abbott and a little boy on a plane, And these mad ISIS agents flew in the sky beside the plane in a helicopter and shot the pilot of the plane. There was only two parachute’s on board .
    TonyAbbott said “That’s it I’m ou t of here” and he grabbed a parachute and jumped.

    There was now only one parachute left so the pope decided and said to the little boy “Don’t worry I will stay in the plane and die, you can take the last parachute and live”.

    And the boy replied “No need for that, Tony Abbott just stole my school backpack”.

  16. Coralie Naumann

    Old joke but a good one. If the chips were down, I believe Tony Abbott would actually do that.

    Going on history, he has always looked after himself first.

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