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This Is Not About African Gangs So Don’t Call Me Racist!

Picture the scene: Bakhit has been sentenced to community service for breaking and entering. He is meeting his a social worker to find out what he has to do… Slow down, slow down, I didn’t say what nationality he was, so don’t you accuse me of racism, you lefty hypocrites. Look, stick with this, I’ve already told you it’s not about gangs!

Anyway Bakhit is meeting his social worker, let’s take it from shortly after the introductions.

Caleb (social worker) – Don’t think of this as a punishment; think of it as an opportunity.

Bakhit – No, why should I?

Caleb – Well, it’s opportunity to learn new skills. You could help with food preparation or…

Bakhit – I don’t need any new skills. I want to do what I’ve always done!

Caleb – Ok, but I’m just saying that maybe you’ll find something that you like doing that you’re good at and…

Bakhit – I’ve already found something I like doing that I’m good at.

Caleb – Oh?

Bakhit – Yeah, breaking into houses and scaring the fuck out of people. 

Caleb – Yes, but that’s against the law.

Bakhit – The law? I didn’t agree to any law.

Caleb – I think you did. I mean I’m pretty you agreed to something.That’s why you got community service!

Bakhit – Yeah, but that was in the past and I don’t care about what I said then. I needed to say that, didn’t I?

Caleb – So you were lying?

Bakhit – No. I was just saying what I thought at the time. You bleeding heart lefties woudn’t understand. I do the burglaries for the money.

Caleb – But you shouldn’t go around scaring people and taking their stuff. It’s just wrong.

Bakhit – Look, how many aggravated burglaries were there in this city in the past year?

Caleb – I don’t know, about a thousand?

Bakhit – Yeah, and I committed about ten of them. So that’s less than one percent.

Caleb – Well, if I stopped, it wouldn’t make any difference, would it? I’d just have less money and nobody would be any better off. It’s everyone else who has to stop because they do 99% of the crimes.

Ok, you probably think Bakhit’s argument is pretty silly. Strange then that our PM and his band of unmerry men* seem to think that it’s a perfectly reasonable viewpoint. Obviously, though it depends on what we’re talking about. Certainly, if it’s “African” gangs we’re talking about, we need to be very concerned but when we’re talking about climate change, we’re fed the line that it’s less than one percent so it’s insignificant. Of course, given we have significantly less than one percent of the world’s population it could be pointed out that we’re doing pretty well per capita.

Yep, Scottie tells us we should stay in the Paris agreement because, well, it’d just sort of make us look like we weren’t going to do anything about climate change if we pulled out. So we’re going to stay in and do what’s appropriate. What’s appropriate? Why, burning more coal. Personally, Scott would like to see nuclear power used, but unfortunately, it’s not economically viable. If only it were, we wouldn’t have to use that dirty solar and wind stuff.

Renewables, they’re unreliable, don’t you know? Can’t switch them on and off at will. The Tesla battery? The one Scott Morrison said was no more useful than the Big Banana? Well, that’s costing the SA government $4 million a year. It’s making a profit? Well, they better sell it then. You can’t have governments exploiting the people like that.

Yep, how long do you think it will be before the SA biggest battery hits the market? And what’s the bet it’s sold to some Liberal donor?

Mm, when I said this wasn’t about gangs, I may have been a little premature.

*Robin Hood and his merry men were alleged to have stolen from the rich and given to the poor, so the opposite should be true for the Coalition front bench. Of course, I always used to think that he only did that because the poor didn’t have anything worth stealing. Omo Morrison has shown us that even taking away from people on disability pensions adds up if you have access to enough of them.


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  1. totaram

    Very good, as always!

  2. ChristopherJ

    Our Parliament was constructed as a club its members were drawn from the rich and powerful men at the time. It hasn’t changed – and, while we now have women, many of them are undistiguishable from the bullying, childish, lying, boorish, charming men – seems to be a job requirement or something.

    Labor pretended they were a party for the working people and they even had some top Aussies that really did stuff for us, until they didn’t. And, some of us now realise that what we thought was the people’s party had dped us all along.

    You are a skilled writer and you give us a much needed chuckle, even if the ‘humor’ is almost unbearable to watch.

  3. Kaye Lee

    As Melbourne’s population is rapidly expanding, it would be fair to say that Bakhit’s per capita burglaries were at their lowest level since he began robbing people.

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