“My wife says that I’m far too modest and that I should remind people of what a great fixer I am. I would never do that because that would sound like I was boasting, but she says that I shouldn’t ever forget that I’m one of the Morrison men and that I’m a fixer. Like Christopher Pyne, we’re fixers. My father used to be in the NSW police and he was good at fixing things because that’s what police do. And my brother is a paramedic and if they see something broken, they fix it. And I’m the PM and I’ve fixed a lot of stuff. I fixed it so that my candidates were the ones selected in NSW. and, if I get my way, I’ll fix it so that all the candidates agree with me…”
I think I got the gist of it. I don’t refer to notes and I do everything from memory which is apparently a much better thing to do than get it right. I mean, look at the kerfuffle the other day when Albo got out his notes on the NDIS because he couldn’t remember the six points off the top of his head at a press conference that wasn’t even about the NDIS.
Scott Morrison always relies on memory which is so much better. Not only does he remember some of the questions before they’re asked but he also can remember things that never happened, such as his praise for electric cars in the 2019 election campaign and all the things he’s done for women and bushfire victims.
Speaking of the devil, the official Liberal campaign launch was yesterday which seems rather strange given there was less than six days till the election. Of course, some cynical person suggested that it might be that until the campaign is officially launched then ministers and staff can charge travel to the taxpayer rather than the party, but surely that couldn’t be the reason.
No, as Scott said in his fiery, revivalist-type speech yesterday, “I’m just warming up.” Of course, this is a bit like suggesting that the grand final be replayed because it took you until the final quarter before you’d finished your stretches and you were now ready to actually start playing, so how about we forget all the mistakes and fumbles and we start from scratch and play another quarter.
Scott re-affirmed his need to change gears because he’d been a bit too much of a bulldozer in his approach because of the need to get things done. And yes, who can forget the way he bulldozed the vaccine rollout, insisting that it wasn’t a race because all those other countries with their Formula-1s would leave a bulldozer for dead… Just as he left many Australians who didn’t get the vaccine in time.
Jane Hume backed his capacity to change gears letting everyone know that while he may have been a little unused to the clutch having spent so much time with an automatic, he’d smoothed out his action and he knew to move through the gears slowly and wait until he was on the highway before hitting top.
As the warm-up comedian, Josh came out with the side-splitting line, “I wish I got this sort of reception in Kooyong.” This, apparently, was a reference to the close contest in his electorate where he’d assured us just days ago that people were coming up to him and telling him what a great job he was doing. I must, therefore, infer that he doesn’t like the voters talking to him and wishes that they would simply give him a standing ovation like the Liberal faithful.
Of course, when I say “the Liberal faithful” I mean all those at the party launch, not just the ministers who aren’t cheating on their partners. And anyway, if a tree falls in the forest and nobody reports it, did it really happen?
Anyway, I’d have to say that their pitch on housing certainly appeals to all those who are unable to save for a deposit. Taking $50,000 out of your superannuation account is something that will appeal to all those who are either struggling to save and who don’t see any way that they’ll survive till they’re old enough to access their super. It’s even more appealing to those who don’t realise that the catch is that to get the full $50k you need to actually have over $125,000 in your super account, because it’s a maximum of 40%, but maybe they’ll fix that by telling people that you can borrow the $50,000 against future super contributions. The beauty of this scheme is that it will help keep house prices high which is one way of ensuring that the retirement income of all the MPs who own several investment properties isn’t eroded by people’s inability to go hopelessly into debt.
Leaving aside everything that they’ve done or haven’t done, the Liberals have a pretty impressive pitch which is basically just that: Leave aside everything we’ve done or haven’t done and re-elect us because we can change, but don’t elect Labor because change would be risky at a time like this.
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