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The Invaluable Contribution Of Tim Smith, Matt Canavan And Peter Dutton To The Conservative Movement…

Ok, now I know that some of you are going to presume that I’m just going to play with words and point out that the prefix “In” usually means “not”, so an invaluable contribution should be one that’s not very valuable. Sort of like when someone says something is “priceless”. I mean, if it’s worthless it also has no price but that’s not what they mean.

Anyway, I’ve been reading poor Timmy’s tweets and I must say that if ever I’ve seen someone suffering from Relevance Deprivation Syndrome, it’s me. I mean, I was going to suggest that it was young Timmy but why should I give him the attention he so richly craves. After all, it must be hard to go from someone who was considered a future leader of the party to your Jaguar when you’ve had to walk there without any help from your parents.

In case you haven’t been reading his pronouncements, Mr Smith, MLA, has been complaining about everything from the weather to being verballed by a 14-year-old to the wokeness of AFL football because we don’t have any masculine biffo anymore. His tweet was something along the lines of go Rugby because it’s a real man’s sport and AFL is just too easy…

Tim, I should remind you, was a rower and there’s nothing more masculine than a group of men all facing the one direction and moving together when somebody says “Stroke”… Ok, I guess line dancing could also be described in similar terms but if you can think of anything else, I don’t think you should add it in the comments in case you are giving away the reason that the Australia Club won’t allow female members.

I hope that didn’t sound homophobic… I mean, I have a lot of faults but I’m always striving to be more politically correct than the next guy… or woman… or non-gender specific.

Oh fuck, it’s just impossible for an old, white male these days… Ask Jeff Kennett who’ll surely tell you his opinion even after the whole state made it clear that nobody wants it…

Anyway, after Timmy’s tweet, he was all the rage on Twitter for a while and it was almost like he was back to the good old days when he could text journalists and they asked his questions to Dan Andrews at press conferences. He replied to one tweet with “Sorry petal if I offended you…”

It’s good to see Timmy mending fences instead of driving into them.

However, I digress…

Which is sort of the point of Tim Smith and Matt Canavan and Peter Dutton, isn’t it?

They’re just so bad.

Somebody commented that, about the worst of Peter Dutton being not much better than the best of him and I had to seriously think about the question: Is there a best of Peter Dutton?

I mean, some Canberra journalists will tell you that – in person – he’s the life of the party and his public persona is not the man that he actually is… And yes, when I say that Hitler used to love his dogs, there’s sure to be some arsehole who invokes Godwin’s Law even though I never tried to draw any link between Dutton and Nazis. As far as, He Who Should Not Be Named goes, well, I didn’t name him either. Whatever, Dutton is not as bad as the most evil people in the last century and he certainly isn’t as bad as J.K. Rowling who said something that I disagree with.

And that’s surely the point of Matt and Tim and Peter. They make the rest of them look so much more reasonable. I remember when we laughed at the “Joh for PM” campaign in the late 1980s. I was at Billy Bragg’s concert where he made jokes about it, but then left us with a warning that the problem was that after Joh someone would come along and – by comparison – they’d seem okay.

And thanks to Matt and Tim and Peter, then the moderates like Hollie Hughes and Dan Tehan and Angus Taylor and Alan Tudge and Alex Hawke…

Oh, I see…

Yeah, the days of looking good compared to the previous front bench may be over for the federal Coalition.

But at least, down here in Victoria, Tim Smith is making a concerted effort to make his leader look good by comparison with his praise of Rugby League over AFL.

If that doesn’t get him expelled from the Victorian Liberal Party then they might as well disband now.


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  1. New England Cocky

    Rowing is the most appropriate sport for young Tim Smith MLA ….. it is so COALition. A group of men all working their hardest to go backwards into the future. The real question is, ”Why were Tim, Boofhead Duddo, Matt Coalavan re-elected by their constituents at the 2022 feral elections”?

    Something about a self-inflicted wound comes to mind …..

  2. Phil Pryor

    Who the Hucking Fell is Tim Smith? Is this a brand of recycled condom, or dogshit recreated as a Mc Snack? With nearly eight billion humans afloat on the planet, some barely alive, who can keep up with the magnificent masturbating misfits who interrupt peace, break repose, shit on silence, interrupt intelligent introspection, just to lengthen the shaft of their shitty selves?? When is the world championship of Aussie rules? How many civilised people give a flying fat rat’s farted flurry of filth? AND, this Smith, such a common name, is accompanied here in this little discussion, by equally rotten droppings, dregs, drips, dungpiles, duds, deviates, desperados and dickpolishing deluded delinquent deviate dills as Peter Duckwit-Futton, the The Women’s Weekly Wondrous Wanker, and, Canavan the Canardly (can ‘ardly leave ‘is dickalone) the coal chewing chap whose tiny brain combusted in the flames of sin, iniquity, romanist lies and dubious nationality origins. What a crew of crappy, criminal, crawgagging clag.

  3. Canguro

    I’m glad you say that nice Mr Hilter ‘used to love his dogs’, Rossleigh, because when the kaka hit the overhead whirly blades towards the end of April ’45 and das Fuhrer arschloch reached peak paranoia, he poisoned his dog Blondi, the Shepherd bitch. A cyanide capsule, to test its effectiveness, convinced that his dosage had been tampered with.

    Prior to knocking her off she’d accompanied him to the Fuhrerbunker where she’d slept at the foot of his bed and enjoyed all kinds of privileges. She’d just whelped four puppies.

    He preferred killing her rather than let her fall into the hands of the beastly Slavs who’d surrounded Berlin, but was too cowardly to do it himself, instead asking his personal doctor (and constant supplier of drugs of addiction to the old warmonger) to break one of the capsules in the dog’s mouth. She died, more or less instantly, when the miniscule molecules of cyanide, one atom each of carbon, nitrogen and potassium, entered her bloodstream and cut off her breath.

    The fate of the four puppies is not recorded, nor is der Arschloch’s reaction to the killing of his beloved pet.

    Even love has its limits, apparently. Interesting how many people (and other creatures) are killed as ‘acts of love’.

  4. Harry Lime

    Meanwhile, the turd that won’t be flushed is still braying the horse shit that got him flung out of office.What the fuck is wrong with these dolts?Can’t take a hint?The voters were obviously mistaken,just ask the ex plod.Shit for brains.And the fuckwit .Smith is definitely one of the ..Lizard People..look at his eyes.The less said about airhead Caravan,the better.As for Kennett..the State has never recovered from his ideological butchering…and he should never be allowed out in public without a hood.

  5. wam

    There are 66000 active police and 60000 armed service men and women plus retirees, the vast majority are duttonish, at best and fraser annings at worst. The culture is toxic to those perceived as labor and favourable to those who hate with them. The society is insular and, with your analogy, all row looking backwards. There is a little man or woman who looks forward and, periodically, gets thrown into the river. We must hope Albo controls his wannabe mob to avoid a media frenzy and dutton doesn’t. That should give labor another term. ps I am with you, Rossleigh, the nt news printed this observation: Date: Tue, Jun 7, 2022 9:03 pm The reason I prefer the run throw and fall over game over soccer is that the former only has 80 minutes of boredom to the latter’s 90 minutes. Sometimes with 5 minutes watchable play each billy moir

  6. Max Gross

    I can’t tell if I’m laughing or crying whenever Timothy raises his head from the compost heap aka the Victorian “Liberal” Party

  7. Glenn Wilson

    And then there is Ley………

  8. Arnd

    Further proof – as if we needed it – that Australia is governed by a representative kakistocracy, and not, as is often erroneously asserted, any sort of representative democracy.


    I mean, if it’s worthless it also has no price …

    Not you, too? Short of launching into a lengthy dissertation of the Marxist distinction between exchange value and use value, I’ll just remind you of Oscar Wilde’s definition of a cynic: someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.


    … der arschloch …

    In German, nouns are always capitalised. And gendered – “Arschloch” happens to be neuter, and is therefore “das Arschloch”. However, that is applicable only in the grammatical 1st case, the Nominativ, and the 4th case, the Akkusativ. The possessive 2nd case, the Genitiv, changes the definitive article from “das” to “des”: the correct form is “des Arschlochs”. Note also, that there is no apostrophe. The definitive article “der” is applicable in the 2nd case plural: “der Arschlöcher”. 1st case plural is “die Arschlöcher”.

    Here’s hoping that I’ve kleared up some of the intricacies of Arschlöcher in German.

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