I have this pitch for a movie which goes like this:
Imagine I’m living in a garden and it feeds me but I decide that it’s not enough. So, I introduce all these things like irrigation and fertilisers and various other things until I grow more than I need so that I can sell it to other people and make lots and lots of money.
Eventually, it becomes clear that I’m not looking after the long-term health of the garden and there are certain problems, and if I just plant a few trees and let a few paddocks go fallow for a season or two and do this and that, then it will all be ok and I say:
FUCK THAT! I’M MAKING MONEY HERE…
Then my children read about what I’m doing and they tell me that I need to change my ways to save the garden because if I keep going like this then in a few short years there’ll be nothing.
And I say:
FUCK THAT! I’M MAKING MONEY HERE…AND BESIDES EVERYONE ELSE IS NOW DOING EXACTLY WHAT I’M DOING HERE.
And then they appeal to me and tell me that there’ll be no garden for them and I say:
FUCK THAT! I’M MAKING MONEY HERE…WHAT DO YOU NEED A GARDEN FOR ANYHOW? WE’VE GOT MONEY.
And they give me all this hippy stuff about Mother Earth and the nature of things and how the garden is very important and if we could just get in contact with Mother Earth she’d tell me that they’re right and we need to protect the garden and…
Anyway, this could go on forever and it’s not a feature-length film so let’s just cut to the meeting with Mother Earth here and hear what she has to say.
Mother Earth: You are wrong, children. You don’t need to save the Garden.
And I say:
FUCK THAT! I’M MAKING MONEY HERE…AND NOW MOTHER EARTH IS TELLING YOU THAT’S ALL FINE.
And Mother Earth says:
Yeah, FUCK THAT! I’M MAKING GARDENS ALL THE TIME AND ONCE YOU PATHETIC HUMANS DESTROY THEM, WELL I’LL JUST MAKE DIFFERENT ONES. IT MAY TAKE A WHILE AND CERTAIN THINGS WILL BE LOST BUT WE ALL NEED TO MOVE ON AND NOBODY WILL MISS YOU HUMAN THINGS. WE HOPED YOU’D ADAPT AND FIT IN. YOU DID JUST INTERFERE A BIT TOO MUCH BUT ONCE YOU’VE DESTROYED THE GARDEN THAT FED YOU, WE’LL FIND A BETTER SPECIES TO RUN RAMPANT OVER THE WORLD. YOU WERE ONLY THERE FOR A SHORT WHILE AND YET YOU WERE NOT AS RESILIENT AS COCKROACHES OR AS LOVABLE.
And the children cry…
And I say, but we have more money than a cockroach…
I suspect that I won’t be able to get Gina to fund this even if I offer to wear her logo on my t-shirt…
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