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The Idiots Who Want To Save The Earth Are Stuck In The Past…

I have this pitch for a movie which goes like this:

Imagine I’m living in a garden and it feeds me but I decide that it’s not enough. So, I introduce all these things like irrigation and fertilisers and various other things until I grow more than I need so that I can sell it to other people and make lots and lots of money.

Eventually, it becomes clear that I’m not looking after the long-term health of the garden and there are certain problems, and if I just plant a few trees and let a few paddocks go fallow for a season or two and do this and that, then it will all be ok and I say:

FUCK THAT! I’M MAKING MONEY HERE…

Then my children read about what I’m doing and they tell me that I need to change my ways to save the garden because if I keep going like this then in a few short years there’ll be nothing.

And I say:

FUCK THAT! I’M MAKING MONEY HERE…AND BESIDES EVERYONE ELSE IS NOW DOING EXACTLY WHAT I’M DOING HERE.

And then they appeal to me and tell me that there’ll be no garden for them and I say:

FUCK THAT! I’M MAKING MONEY HERE…WHAT DO YOU NEED A GARDEN FOR ANYHOW? WE’VE GOT MONEY.

And they give me all this hippy stuff about Mother Earth and the nature of things and how the garden is very important and if we could just get in contact with Mother Earth she’d tell me that they’re right and we need to protect the garden and…

Anyway, this could go on forever and it’s not a feature-length film so let’s just cut to the meeting with Mother Earth here and hear what she has to say.

Mother Earth: You are wrong, children. You don’t need to save the Garden.

And I say:

FUCK THAT! I’M MAKING MONEY HERE…AND NOW MOTHER EARTH IS TELLING YOU THAT’S ALL FINE.

And Mother Earth says:

Yeah, FUCK THAT! I’M MAKING GARDENS ALL THE TIME AND ONCE YOU PATHETIC HUMANS DESTROY THEM, WELL I’LL JUST MAKE DIFFERENT ONES. IT MAY TAKE A WHILE AND CERTAIN THINGS WILL BE LOST BUT WE ALL NEED TO MOVE ON AND NOBODY WILL MISS YOU HUMAN THINGS. WE HOPED YOU’D ADAPT AND FIT IN. YOU DID JUST INTERFERE A BIT TOO MUCH BUT ONCE YOU’VE DESTROYED THE GARDEN THAT FED YOU, WE’LL FIND A BETTER SPECIES TO RUN RAMPANT OVER THE WORLD. YOU WERE ONLY THERE FOR A SHORT WHILE AND YET YOU WERE NOT AS RESILIENT AS COCKROACHES OR AS LOVABLE.

And the children cry…

And I say, but we have more money than a cockroach…

I suspect that I won’t be able to get Gina to fund this even if I offer to wear her logo on my t-shirt…

 

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17 comments

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  1. Leon

    Mother Earth will shrug one day and we will be all gone.

  2. Keitha Granville

    I’m not sure whether to say “yes Mother Nature, what you said !” or “Oh no Mother Nature, I am trying my best 🙁 ”

    The crocodiles, the sharks and the cockroaches will inherit the planet.

  3. Canguro

    Mother Earth’s right of reply…

  4. wam

    Wow, Rossleigh, eritten with all the truth and sincerity of the other garden.
    You could make it more realistic, for your kids, if you accepted an offer from Beijing.
    Keitha, There may be some microbes that will live but eventually the green house gases will kill all life. Until then we and the cockies, will have little problem living in any climate.

  5. Fred

    Wam: I think you’re being a bit too pessimistic – something will live. Rossleigh’s premise is valid but doesn’t include the scenario of us poisoning the “garden” with radioactive fallout with much the same result. It’s taken 55 million years for primates to evolve and spin us sorry lot off. Apparently the earth has another 4 billion to go before the sun expands and makes life impossible. More than enough time for a truly intelligent life-form to evolve.

  6. Stephen S

    Yep, here we are approaching Eight Billion Day, and COP 27 is throwing climate “loss and damage” money at the unchecked African population bomb. That should fix thing.

  7. New England Cocky

    I think even a simple minded private school ”educated” Liarbral Party supporter may be able to comprehend your message here. A simple message repeated in short words including the explanation of why cockroaches will be the sole survivors of American imperialist policy in favour of multinational oil corporations.

  8. Terence Mills

    And then the members of OPEC front up and in one voice say :

    ‘forget about all that, we can greenwash the whole thing with a golf tournament or a football cup and a couple of strategic assassinations – after all we’ve got all the money now – and as regards mother nature, she should be wearing a veil, we don’t tolerate uppity women’

  9. wam

    Fred are you expecting ‘the climate change’ time being slow enough for evolution? I am talking about the venusian experience which the end point of the greenhouse effect and that is a temperature high enough to melt lead? But it is true the time involved is more than the supernova? https://www.nasa.gov/feature/goddard/2016/nasa-climate-modeling-suggests-venus-may-have-been-habitable. ps By staying home is albo doing a rudd who went from ” “the greatest moral, economic and social challenge of our time” to a lemon?
    pps
    Waltz she is a mother, so loves her brood and didn’t her father choose us?

  10. Gangey1959

    Maybe you could ask origin energy for some sponsorship. Or santos. Or agl.
    What was that line about cockroaches not having any money?
    We have just watched a pair of small birds build a nest, lay three eggs, and raise two chicks in our garden shed.
    The parents would bring worms and bugs and things for the babies to eat. Take that, cockroaches.
    Over the weekend the chicks learned to fly, and now the nest has only the “spare” egg in it.
    Isn’t Gaia wonderful.

  11. Harry Lime

    Rossleigh, I think Gina the hypocritical Hutt would be interested if there’s FUCKING MONEY TO BE MADE! She’s also a shining example of empathetic motherhood.As long as you don’t mention FUCKING MONEY! Now I’m FUCKING DEPRESSED!
    Nice, Terence.

  12. Cool Pete

    I remember talking to a woman, 20 years ago, who’d joined a bank as a teller, after she left school, and was made redundant when the branch she was working at closed and there was no other job for her. So, she went to work in a Video store. If we think about it, in the 1960s, courting couples, families with young children and others went to drive-in theatres, Saturday night was the busiest night. Then, when video stores cropped up, families decided that rather than going out and having to lift sleeping children out of the back seats of cars and carry them inside, they’d go and get a take-away and a video, drive-in theatres closed. Video cassettes were replaced with DVDs, and once streaming services came along, video stores went out of business. Granted, Video Ezy or Blockbuster didn’t have the money (yes, Blockbuster was a multinational) to pay governments to stop streaming services, but what Rinehart is doing is the same as Video Ezy saying, “If we give you money, will you delay streaming services?” Okay, Botty farted about ripping up the NBN, not because it was expensive, but because Rupert Murdoch was shitting himself to think that Netflix, Stan and others would mean fewer people would be subscribing to Craptel!

  13. Fred

    wam: Our “sister” planet is 30% closer to the sun and spins oh so slowly. The temperature change is expected to be severe, worst case +8.5C, it is unlikely to reach 328C. While anything put out by the WEF needs to taken with a very large grain of salt, it is hard to go past the graphics (ref: https://wef-prod.earthtime.org/stories/the_tipping_point). Life is tenacious – over 99% of all species that ever lived on Earth are extinct, but we are still here (for a short while).

  14. Lambchop Simnel

    The cover pic told the story.

    Long, long after we are gone, the overgrown termites called cockroaches will still be jitterbugging about the planet.

  15. wam

    Thanks Fred We are far better at extinctions than we are at changing our climate. In a couple of hundred years we have gone from 1b to 8b so plenty more chances to increase our killing. Few species are younger than us, at 300000 years and some, like worms and crocs have been around for hundreds of millions of years. There is plenty of modelling that show we will kill ourselves in a few millions years. The greenhouse factors that result in high temps in venus are mitigated by distance, rotation and ozone… but sorry for my bullshit, I the words ‘climate change’ hold no fear and I was just trying to scare my rabbottian deniers because to reach venus standards will take billions of years.

  16. Fred

    wam: It seems Labor doesn’t fully get CC either. We are hearing that a possible solution to high energy prices is “to bring more on line” is actually being considered. This is the opposite of what is required, i.e. no new mines or gas extraction. Despite a bunch of “teals” having been elected, not much is being done to wrest control of our resources back from the miners. They should pay tax on profits on sales at prices in excess of that of 1 Feb 22, or some other pre-Ukraine war date, and reserve amounts that meets 100+% of Australia’s needs, reviewed annually. What does it take?

  17. Ned K

    Seems Labor’s taking advice from the same suits who represented the Oil & Gas industry when LNP were in power.
    It’s not a great mystery, it’s simply a function of most pollies being unable to take actions that firstly benefit the people.
    Far more important are a pollies individual portfolio or future job offering. It’s a game, and they know how to play.
    Labor always does this – wins an election, makes a few good noises, then business as usual.
    They’ll exist in power as long as it suits the suits.

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