Interviewer – Today we have someone who’s recently been elevated from the back bench of government to the front bench of opposition. Congratulations on your promotion…
Shadowy figure – Good afternoon, yes, it’s a thrill to be here. I can’t tell you how happy we all are after our recent showing at the election. It’s quite clear that Labor don’t have a mandate to do anything and it’s a great thrill that I’m now in the sort of seat that means that when Prime Minister in exile, Peter Dutton asks a question, I’ll be right there behind him, nodding and appearing on camera so that the people in my electorate actually know who I am.
Interviewer – So what plans do you have, now that you’ve won opposition?
SF – Well, apart from winning government, we don’t really have much on our agenda. But I think that it would be remiss of me if I didn’t take this opportunity to point out that Labor have been in government for nearly three weeks now and they don’t have a solution to…
Interviewer – They’ve been in power less than…
SF – If I could just finish. They’ve been in power quite often and it’s only when they’re in power that we get a real chance to show what we can do, which is make an excellent opposition because nobody can oppose like us. Oh… But it’s not up to us to solve their problems for them and let’s be quite clear here. What are they going to do about… What are they going to do about…
Interviewer – The energy problem?
SF – Yes, sorry, I lost my notes there for a second. Yes, the energy problem. I mean, we’ve the last… fill in the blank… oh, I don’t think I was meant to read that bit out… anyway, we’ve spent the last few years trying to get emissions down and we haven’t worried about making sure that energy was affordable and reliable.
Interviewer – And that’s Labor’s fault?
SF – Of course it is. Why are you challenging me like this?
Interviewer – Ok, let me put it like this. And that’s Labor’s fault, how?
SF – Um, well they joined with the Greens to demand action on climate change and we could all live in trees and it wouldn’t be enough for them.
Interviewer – Just to be clear, you’re against people living in trees? I think you should make your position clear in case some left wing media gets hold of what you’ve said and tries to make it sound like you support people living in trees…
SF – Sorry, this wasn’t on the talking points. Am I meant to be against it? I mean if people are living in trees because there aren’t houses because they got washed away in the floods…
Interviewer – We’ll cut that bit out later…Let’s go back to how the current energy problem is Labor’s fault.
SF – Um, yeah, they shouldn’t have… Look, I don’t like these gotcha questions. How about if you just ask me to talk about our plans for the country now that nearly seventy percent of the people didn’t vote for Labor which means that most people want us even though it’s never stopped us from claiming a mandate even when we don’t get fifty percent of the vote…
Interviewer – You never get… Oh, never mind… What are your plans for the country?
SF – Well, in Sussan Ley, we have one of the most… the most… people who have a woman-type view because our leader supports women more than women do because… sorry, these notes are too hard to read…Anyway, you know how she changed her name by adding an “s” because it would give her a more interesting life? Anyway, now that she’s deputy PM…
Interviewer – Deputy leader. You didn’t win the election…
SF – Are you sure? I’m pretty sure that the even when we lose, the Deputy PM is the Deputy leader of the Liberal Party just like when the Nationals get to pick someone to be Deputy PM when they lose because… I’m actually not sure why. Shouldn’t Dutton be the Deputy PM on the basis that he got more seats than the Nationals… Anyway, what was the question?
Interviewer – Your plans for the country now that you’ve won opposition?
SF – Oh yes, apparently, Sussan assures us that if we just add an extra “S” and an extra “L”, Ausstrallia will solve all its problems…
Interviewer – Right…
SF – Well, it’s hard to argue with her because she’s now Deputy leader even though she got sacked from a ministry where nobody ever got sacked unless they were a woman…
Interviewer – Glad this wasn’t live…
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Scummo said Suss was the best Ley the Little Shrinking Dicks Club ever had.
She can do as she likes and come and go as she pleases, because she has won a Federal Court case judgement, proclaiming she has no duty of care to anyone in Australia, except herself.
UnderObelFuhrer DuddoSpuddo obviously recognised the secret symbol now identifying suSSan Laid as ideal for the press releases advising his Nazional$ supporters operations in terrorising Aboriginal communities. Now as Opposition Leader for Life DuddoSpuddo will strive with all his miniscule intellect to re-introduce all the worst racist policies pushed under the carpet by his predecessors.
But there is no conspiracy; just an air brained ….. but there is never a conspiracy, is there??
I think the image of the Deputy PM with a latex glove adorning her right hand ssays it all; Ausstrallia, drop your dackss, bend over, relax, this won’t take a moment, we’re just going to do a little examination, it’s all good now that we’re back in charge even though we’re on the Oppossition Bench, how good was that? Feel the energy?
All good?
Now, go back to ssleep Ausstrallia, go back to ssleep while we ream you again, and again, and again.
Barnaby Joyce opposition spokesman on veterans’ affairs : propping up a bar in an RSL Club near you, soon !
If you see Barnaby playing the pokies, buy him a beer and offer him some of your peanuts – show some compassion, it’s not much fun being in opposition. Perhaps he’ll regale you with some stories of the wild days when he was deputy primer minister and whatsisname was PM.
Politics is such a cruel mistress, a rooster one day, a feather duster the next.
Bucket Mouth Taylor,the shadow Treasurer?What a stroke of genius…a proven fiddler of figures and liar of epic proportions.The vanquished rabble seem determined to constantly remind us just how fucking abysmal they are.Shameless,hopeless and profoundly ignorant.They leave the country an utter wreck for Labor to reassemble,and five minutes after getting the arse, are already pontificating advice
FUCK OFF.
The ex-Minister for Burning Fossil Fuels now becomes the Shadowy Minister for Ripping Off Taxpayers.
Even in Opposition, this Shadowy Bunch of Criminals will still try and fuck us all up the arse.
Harry Lime: Please be aware that “Bucket Mouth” Taylor is not as simple a person as you might think. Please remember he once worked for that doyen of the management consultants “McKinsey and Co.” He should be expert at dissembling, fudging, and even reimagining numbers in any and all contexts. I am sure he will outdo anything that Joshie (Bless him!) might have managed. Just give Angus a chance and let him rip! Watch closely as we speak!
It is not without reason that OberSturmBannFuehrer Dutton has chosen him for this important task.
Question:
Just interested, does anybody know what jobs or past times are Frydenberg, Sharma, Wilson, Flint, Liu, Allen, Hunt, Martin, Irons, Laming, O’Dowd, Porter, Zimmerman, Morton, Hammond, Wyatt, Smith, Kelly doing now?
Any mistakes OR did I forget anybody? … feel free please
If there is an inappropriate request among the list, then I apologise profusely in advance.
But just thought I’d ask
Thank You
Fred
They have formed a vocal harmony cabaret group known as the Hasbeens, Barnaby (as opposition spokesperson for Veterans) is managing them and lining up gigs at RSL Clubs around the country .
They do a cover of Ray Price’s classic You Done me Wrong (and you don’t care). https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MNk3oq4cqtI
They were banking on Pauline to do the treble backings (high-pitched or shrill voice) but seems her day is yet to come.
But it looks as though Eric Abetz will be joining them – he does a crowd stopping solo cover of the Beatles’ classic Fool on the Hill
Day after day, alone on a hill
The man with the foolish grin
Is keeping perfectly still
But nobody wants to know him
They can see that he’s just a fool
And he never gives an answer
Scomo has said he’ll be available by year’s end and offered to do his rendition of (Take me to the) April sun in Cuba (Oh-oh-oh) – they said they’d let him know.
The opportunities are endless !
Hey Terence …
In my honest opinion, that sounds a lot more worthy than what they have (or haven’t) achieved previously …
Let’s see if they can crack the Top 40!
Maybe they could also visit aged care homes and child care centres for concerts
Perhaps we could rev it up a little for Eric!
Like …
And we can wait for Barnaby’s rendition … Ha!
Yes I heard Scomo is looking for a record contract … perhaps he could practice on the tourist ships first …
I’m looking forward to it