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The Abominable No Man

When too much RWFWittery is not enough

“I have a leadership style which I believe they appreciate, which is why people very strongly are expressing their support to me.” (Mr 25%, Spud Dutton).

There go my people. I must find out where they are going so I can lead them.” (Alexandre Auguste Ledru-Rollin). I’m not sure why this came to mind.

* * * * *

How to succinctly describe Australia’s worst ever Prime Minister? A miasma, an effluvium, a whiff of eau de low tide… a funk that clings to clothes and hair long after his departure? The unlamented ScoMo’s awfulness was so all-encompassing that no one pejorative was sufficient to capture the spectrum of his deficiencies. Scotty From Marketing, Scummo, Smirk & Mirrors, Scooter, Sooty, Skiddy, Liar from the Shire, Diddley Scott, the Great Schmo, Scurry, Shirko and more were all wryly derived from his own facile marketing contrivance and thrown back in his face as a “no way, get fucked, fuck off” chorus from the sentients in the crowd.

Phone in hand as he scrolls through Seek while languishing on a nose-bleed seat on the backbenches, his calls going unreturned, he’ll be struggling to reconcile his current status as unburied landfill with his self-image as God’s emissary. But really, who gives a fuck? Now he’s nothing more than a phantasm representing Tory decline into neo-fascist bigotry and wretchedness; a benchmark for whether they can go subterranean in their search for the ultimate in nasty. Turns out Scooter was no outlier; he was a symptom. Enter Bubba and Squeak – a lumpen tuber with the head and attitude of a copper’s truncheon with the befuddled Suss as the Lib’s no.2 slot showcasing her sad loser pique, her misplaced ambition and a lack of self-awareness that, in comparison, promotes Liz Truss to icon of perspicacity.

“Conservative, Dutton-supporting MPs said that Ley had been taking soundings from the backbench for weeks, but they rubbished the prospect of the Liberal moderate becoming the party’s leader.” (James Massola, SMH, 31/3/23).

If you’re the Tories’ Leader Of The Opposition yet also Labor’s best weapon, when your own party hides you away from electors in favour of defrosting the cadaverous John Winston Howard to waddle the streets quacking at startled passers-by, when you’re a hard-right head-kicker in a party abandoned by once conservative, heirloom electorates as the entire country rejects your antediluvian, divisive manifesto then a prudent politician would indulge in some considered introspection. Such sissy reflections are not for our potato-headed hard man Herr Shickltuber – he’s doubling down on the nasty (“I yam what I yam”).

Spud has marked his territory – Abbottesque blanket negativity, culture wars, fear and division, accusing opponents of that for which they themselves are guilty and that old Tory favourite of nurturing resentment by demonising those least able to fight back – cultivating suspicion of the gay folks, blatant transphobia and not so much dog-whistling their racism as broadcasting it by loudspeaker from the back of a truck.

People in outer suburban areas were “very worked up” about trans rights claims Spud, the Libs lost Aston because Labor was mean to them, there’s no need for him or the Coalition to change their brand, they just have to wait for electors to come to their senses. All very amusing given that in a party of roadside dumpers, shrunken intellects, onanists, P76ers, pelvic thrusters, doggers, Trumpers, pimps, Nut Bush lip synchers and shout absconders he’s the best the unelectable Tories have to offer.

What is not amusing is Spud’s response to the proposed referendum for an Indigenous Voice To Parliament. Just as Donald Trump gave permission for the worst of American society to be open and proud about how stupid and ugly, they really were Spud’s “No” campaign has given permission for the racists to be openly racist – albeit clothed in the pretense that they actually give a fuck about the welfare of our Indigenous fellow citizens.

The referendum will be a pivotal moment in our history – an opportunity to capture a mutual generosity of spirit, to give a voice to the longest surviving culture on the planet, for Aboriginal Australians to no longer be marginalised in their own unceded land. It’s a time for empathy and good will, for inclusiveness, and for leaders to show themselves. And it’s only that very last bit that applies to the loathsome Dutton.

His dishonest framing of “the Canberra Voice” or “Albanese’s Voice”, the dishonesty of claimed Voice interference in everything from the Reserve Bank to tying up the High Court in endless litigation, never ending calls for “more details”, a fantastical Aboriginal veto on ANZAC day. The whole No case rests on misinformation, deceit and lies.

Alice Springs revealed Dutton’s true, vile character. Recent images of street crime has been represented as a new phenomenon, except it is evidence of institutionalised, generational failure – failure that Spud cared not one whit for when he was in power. However, exploiting child sexual abuse to paint a picture of undeserving Blacks to score opportunistic political points for his “No” campaign is a new low for a bloke who has form when it comes to demonising those of a darkish hue.

Dutton is as stupid as he is odious. If the “Yes” vote succeeds in the referendum he’s toast – a minor footnote in political history. If “No” prevails his reputation as a naysayer and wrecker will challenge that of Tony Sluggos Abbott but with racist overtones.

But he will never take Scooter’s crown as our worst ever only because he will never be PM.


The gravedigger. Rachel Withers, The Monthly.

‘Dog act’: NT police minister reacts angrily to Peter Dutton’s claims of Alice Springs child sexual abuse. Peter Dutton’s claims that “young Indigenous kids are being sexually assaulted on a regular basis” in Alice Springs. Lorena Allam Indigenous affairs editor, The Guardian.

This article was originally published on Grumpy Geezer.


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  1. Harry Lime

    Thanks for articulating what most people with a mostly functioning brain know.The one unmentionable thing he really is,is best left unsaid…except when overwhelmed by an uncontrollable urge…like all the fucking time.
    He does ,however have one(1) redeeming feature..he is burning down the dreck that remains of his shitful ‘party’

  2. Max Gross

    Dutton PM? Yeah, nah… But then again I never imagined Morrison could possibly become PM. Or Abbott. Or Howard FFS. Never underestimate the fickle timidity, cupidity and stupidity of the average Aussie voter.

  3. Phil Pryor

    The leader of the opposition, supported by a deputy of invisible merit, is as charming as a wipe of snot in a damp tissue, and his recent intrusive ebullience into Alice Springs bears some witness. Having ignored the place forever, having said nothing positive to anyone who was in a position to assist, having not furnished proof of his wild and foul claims, he has been rightly compared to a failed canine operator and missing a piss on a tree. Why do so many fail to appreciate the correct way of negotiation, diplomacy, compromise and dialogue, when no other method has a chance? Co-operative and positive thinking might stop the run to violence and the ongoing lawlessness of befouled youth fighting back wrongly for notice and some vengeance? All of us can offer and suggest, while none of actually knows…and Der Dutton does not know much at all.

  4. pierre wilkinson

    just like “African gangs” and “Muslim terrorist immigrants”,
    refugees that are rapists and murderers
    children that are “anchor babies”
    and denying sick detainees the right to medical treatment,
    herr kipfler once again demonstrates that there is no low that he cannot crawl under,
    no unfounded allegation he is not prepared to invent
    and no truth or honesty he is willing to embrace
    thank you Grumpy for your articulate article


    If Dutton and his Team could go any lower, they will all end up in the maga within the Earth’s core and will all be vapourized. A hellish experience for anyone and, in this case, a fitting end for the LNP COALition.

  6. Ross

    No one in this wide brown land of ours describes the odious race tinged Tories better than Mr Geezer.
    It would be hard to find a more accurate description of the leader of his majesty’s most loyal Australian opposition and long may he lead the Tories in opposition and, hopefully, into the dustbin of history where they belong.

  7. Geoff Andrews

    A balanced, thoughtful assessment of Peter’s political skills, unnecessarily nuanced at times, but giving our alternative Prime Minister something to unpack at home or in the solitude of the party room.
    It was pleasing to see Mr Geezer refrain from including “excrement” in his list of descriptors of Peter

  8. GL


    Grumpy did the right thing, excrement can be transformed into fertiliser. Thuggolini, however, would have a half-life that makes plutonium look like a piece of bread if put into the ground.

  9. totaram

    “It was pleasing to see Mr Geezer refrain from including “excrement” in his list of descriptors of Peter”
    Indeed, indeed! Some politeness and decorum needs to return to discourse, now that the odious ones have departed the seats of power. But will they even acknowledge that and reciprocate? I doubt it. Let us see.

  10. Brad Black

    Thanks, Mr Geezer, lovely bit of satire!

  11. Roswell

    If I’ve said it once I’ve said it a dozen times: you’re a national treasure, GG.

  12. Grumpy Geezer

    Thank you for the kind comments folks

  13. Fred

    GG: Nice work.

    Who says the LNP aren’t learning from the past – they appear to incorporating more of the nastiest, most horrible attitudes/actions/behaviors of their past into their daily play book. Duddo lying about child sex abuse might be barely tolerable if announced from far away, but traveling to the Alice then not bothering to consult with the locals to get the facts right shows his arrogance to think the lies would cut it. The liar from the shire set the bar so low one would have to excavate to be lower. Seems Duddo is living in a deep trench.

  14. New England Cocky

    I am amazed GG, that you can find so many accurate words to describe Boofhead and make him appear ”authentic”.

  15. GL

    To paraphrase Shakespeare: “By the choosing of something dumb, some thing named Dutton this way comes.”

    Now a bit of Little Britain paraphrasing: “IncomPeter says no.”

  16. Terence Mills

    Could have been applied to Spud :

    “He had delusions of adequacy.” – Walter Kerr


    “His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”
    – Mae West

  17. Clakka

    Thanks Grumpy Geezer. Topped-off my day. Spent about 3 mins this morning deciphering the diversions and double-speak of his No. 1 (almost local, but Walpiri) droog JN Price on Insiders. I had to watch to train myself not to throw bricks at the telly. JNP, just another (non Arrernte) bagging the locals, the big-city Aboriginals and the Aboriginal organisations extant only to make herself look important. Yet the reality – another aligned LNP/CLP droog who has done zip for the years she had opportunity.

    And of course, the other day, the just-happened-by local baker and his bad-mouthing. Yet another LNP/CLP droog, recipient of largesse and renowned since before in Alice, as an LNP/CLP stooge.

    Seems that gum-flapping effluvium of ex-coppers as political pretenders (disguised as Clark Kent), and droogs are all that’s left as the party dies and rots.

  18. andy56

    hey Grumpy, you missed the obvious in “But he will never take Scooter’s crown as our worst ever only because he will never be PM.” He can become the most stupid opposition leader ever. Thats still an open proposition. According to Jacinta, he’s had a jesus moment and he knows what needs to be done on child abuse. Segued to another completely different topic. All Albanese has to say is yes, we understand there is a problem we can address and the voice is the perfect mechanism. The locals can send the message up the line and we will hear it loud and clear. Then he can question what the whollaper did to solve the problem during his watch. Actually, the media should be asking that question. How much GST in a slice of cake would be a perfect bookend to the libs. In trying to manufacture a crisis, they have exposed their own shrill voice. $100 for chrissy rooster, EVs will take away your weekend, hahahahaha fuckwits

  19. New England Cocky

    @ andy56: Uhm ….. playing Devil’s Advocate for a moment ….. ”hahahahaha fuckwits”.

    So what are the Australian voters who re-elected post-Howard COALition politicians? Geniuses??

    How much financial support was paid to these COALition dills for their attendance at Parliament House for the benefit of foreign owned multinational corporations?

    What are the terms & conditions for politicians to receive post-politics ”Retirement Benefits”?

    Perhaps the’ ‘f*ckwits” are the Australian voters who ignore politics to their own ultimate cost.

  20. Regional Elder

    Peter Dutton is an exemplary example of ‘ The Peter Principle ” , that is, the phenomenon as to how some people rise to positions well beyond their level of competence. As the leader of the ‘ Leftovers in the LNP, Dutton’s ideological bent goes back further to the era of Bjeke-Peterson and Russ Hinze, with whom he could find much common attitudinal ground. But Queensland has moved on a long way since that era, its just that Dutton and his Queensland National Party Leftovers who haven’t.

    Dutton’s political judgement based on his actions, is certainly deficient.

    He walked about of Kevin Rudd’s apology in 2008, not realising that this apology did capture the nation at the time. . He thought he could replace Malcolm Turnbull as PM, but didn’t see the machiavellian Morrison with his own greedy eyes on the top job, coming through. Hadnt done the numbers I guess. Consistent with his judgement back the ‘ No’ position to the Voice to Parliament, is his appointment of new Senator Jacinta Price as the new Shadow Minister ….and marvellously, ….. another “Peter (Peta ?) Principle ‘ appointment. And in Dutton’s intransigence, he is alienating some of the more progressive members of the Liberal Party, and voters as well.

    Keep it up Peter, you are doing just fine !

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