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Thank you for your application Barnaby but you are not what we need right now

So Barnaby will put his hand up to be leader … if called on of course.

Have we so quickly forgotten why he resigned? It wasn’t because of an extramarital affair with a staffer. It wasn’t because he got her high-paying non-existent jobs in other MPs’ offices. It wasn’t because he misused his expenses to pursue his affair. It wasn’t because he had been sitting in parliament for years even though he was ineligible.

It was because he “could not continue as leader” while “spurious and defamatory” allegations of sexual harassment were being investigated.

I am wondering how Catherine Marriott is feeling right now. She was under the impression that her complaint had led to real change in the Nationals Party. To reinstate her harasser would show utter contempt for that process.

Another reason that should give the Nationals some pause before considering resurrecting the Beetrooter, is that the Auditor-General is currently doing an investigation into water buybacks and that could shine a light on the dodgy dealings between Barnaby Joyce and Angus Taylor’s Cayman Islands companies.

Perhaps most importantly of all, Barnaby Joyce is a climate change denier and that, in itself, means he should be thrown on the scrap heap of obsolescence.

As scientists get increasingly strident about their warning that we must stop burning fossil fuels, the government decides to call for more gas extraction.

And lo and behold, Piliga Barnaby gets all excited. He wants a piece of that no doubt.

We don’t need a retail politician, Barnaby – we need a real one, someone who puts the interests of the country in front of that of their mates.

Thanks for the application, but you are not what we need right now.

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  1. Paul

    Oh dear!
    A tag team with Shouty Mcshoutface and the Beetrooter…
    Surely even these clowns couldn’t be so stupid?

  2. Pingback: Thank you for your application Barnaby but you are not what we need right now #auspol - News Oz

  3. Phil Pryor

    Extremely odious, a stinker of a shit, Joyce is good at lying, thieving, rorting, rooting, drinking, lying, drinking, (did we say that enough?) He is a relatively brainless type for higher office, a former Kyogle poor quality accountant, he actually knows nothing much about anything, but patches this up with loud bullshit, exaggerated thespian comment, extravagant exaggeration, over confidence, resort to dark superstition, fear, threat, hint and mediaevalism, all to utilise the lying fantasy rubbish taught to him in a romanist background. Such people were the non commissioned officers of fascist regimes, manning the gates, marching and yelling. Poop.

  4. Terence Mills

    Dear Mr Joyce

    The people of Australia thank you for your application to be the next Deputy Prime Minister and Leader of the National party.

    The people of Australia have noted with interest your qualifications and after due consideration have come to the conclusion that a ‘pants-man’ and serial groper is not necessarily in the best interests of the country at this time. We have also particularly noted that you and your new partner have stressed the need for the extra money this elevation in your status would bring to your lifestyle but point out that this is a position of trust and a commitment to public service. So, the facts that you are going through a costly separation currently and that you need to upgrade fencing on your farm, whilst interesting, are not really the concern of the Australia people.

    Could we respectfully suggest that a little more time focusing on the needs of your New England electorate rather than your own career could be beneficial to all concerned.

    Yours Faithfully

    The [long suffering] People of Australia

  5. Jack Cade


    You of all people know that what WE want is absolutely irrelevant.
    A poster to a recent Guardian article said he was a volunteer firefighter who was almost unique in that he was a Labor voter. All of his firefighting colleagues were – so he said – hardcore Coalition voters, climate change deniers, anti-immigrant and Green haters.
    People on the front line, denying the bleeding obvious.
    Cut Qld out of the equation and we’d have a Labor government. We are in thrall to the ‘dinkum Aussie’, pigshit thick and Murdoched’ to buggery.
    The reincarnated desk-top Lothario is no more than we deserve.

  6. New England Cocky

    Sadly there are too many male Australian voters in New England who believe that Beetrooter is the role that they personally desire, given the opportunity to be unfaithful to their long suffering wives and unlimited access to the Parliamentary Allowances Scheme.

    Why many voters believe that it is necessary to rip up the Great Northern Railway between Armidale and Jennings/Wallangarra at the Queensland border just so the Northern Inland Railway having a former Nazianal$ Leader as Chairperson might (just might on their own cost benefit analysis) return the initial government investment to date of about $700 MILLION in about 50 years!!!

    So, Tamworth women supporting adultery support Nazianal$ and keep the boys’ club values of marital infidelity, rorting of expenses and travel, alcoholism, bigotry, croneyism and misogyny alive and well while regional economies and communities decline to extinction.

    New England gets the politician that it elected and Australia suffers because of the crass stupidity of the Nazianal$ voters.

  7. Kerri

    I hope he gets back in!
    And I hope this deranged crew of narcissists (and all the other descriptors from Phil Pryor) keep digging that hole all the way to the next election.

  8. Ken

    Just when you think it cant get any worse along comes Barnaby !

  9. Kaye Lee

    Wow it’s all happening

    Richard Di Natale told his colleagues this morning in a surprise meeting (to more than just his colleagues) but he will stay in the Senate until his replacement is determined – and that could be months.

    But the Greens leadership positions are all open.

    Maverick federal MP Bob Katter has passed his party’s leadership baton over to son Robbie so he has more time to focus on his enemies.

  10. Harry Lime

    All we need now is for the Liar to resign so he can spend more time in Hawaii,or have a tongue replacement,or spend more time with the paedophile protector,or anything.

  11. Jack Cade

    One mystery that has not yet been explained is the failure of the SA Liber as is to anoint the Downer fully for the senate seat vacated by the mad Bernardi. What has she done? She’s been pencilled in for every vacancy in the f*cking country until now..,
    My children have been talking about collective nouns, and I’d like to lay claim to ‘a colon of conservatives.’

  12. Jack Cade

    It’s very hard to correct typos when typing on a mobile. My last post should have said ‘Liberals’ and ‘filly’.

  13. Richard Lea

    Surprise, surprise – Barnaby is sniffing around the Nationals Leadership. Their leader be renamed the “musical chair” of the National Party. When they have to face the music, they give up the spot for a year or two. How long before Bridget MacKenzie is back on the front bench??

  14. Keith

    Climate change is of concern, economic mayhem could also be a result. Insurance prices are likely to go up, as are food costs. Apex Banks are worried climate change could blow economies, provided is a reference to a long report.

  15. Matters Not

    The return of Barnaby to the leadership would be welcomed by the Nationals and by Labor while for the Liberals it would be a nightmare. So let’s hope it happens. While Labor has the light on the hill metaphor, Barnaby brings a real red light to the front bench.

    Will be drinks all round.

  16. Keith

    Climate change is of concern, economic mayhem could also be a result. Insurance prices are likely to go up, as are food costs. Apex Banks are provided a long report expressing concern.

  17. Matters Not


    sick of government in his life .

    And he is. That’s why he wants to put his life into government. A different matter entirely. As noted some time ago:

    When I use a word,” Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.”
    “The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.”
    “The question is,” said Humpty Dumpty, “which is to be master – – .” that’s all

    Barnaby is one of those deep thinkers. That’s why he belongs in the leadership position on top of the National Party.

  18. Aortic

    But he does believe in a sky fairy, who apparently resides ” somewhere up there.” With this serial shagger and pisspot and Pentecostal Morrison with Houston as a mentor they are giving their divine one a bad name. Time for the rapture big fella and take these misguided and deluded goons to their reward and leave the rest of us to select someone with some political and scientific nous..

  19. Kaye Lee

    Damian Drum on Barnaby Joyce running for the National party leadership:

    Well, I don’t think Barnaby would do that, if he doesn’t have the numbers and I don’t THINK he has the numbers, so I don’t think it will happen. That’s as straight up and as long as I can be.

    I think there’s so much support in the room for Michael. I think that that position just will- that won’t be an issue.

    The National Party has a fantastic role to play within regional Australia and we need to replace Bridget now. Find the best deputy. You know, put the best people in cabinet and make sure that the Liberals and, regional Australia know who’s out there supporting regional Australia.

    Q: Is Joyce being a destabilising presence?

    I don’t think so. I mean, I love Barnaby. I think he’s such an amazing asset for the nationals, and such an amazing asset for regional Australia. So, you know, he has aspirations for the top job, the top jobs not available at the moment, because we got a fantastic leader in that position at the moment.

  20. Phil

    Look on the bright side. If Barnaby gets his job back they will be able to have their own ‘ Alcoholics Anonymous ‘ meetings together at work. Straight from the members bar into a meeting. Can only be good for saving money.

  21. Harry Lime

    Really, Damian Drum?Parliament isn’t even open yet,but the air is full of bullshit.What planet do these dickheads live on?

  22. DrakeN

    This turned up in a comment in the Guardian commentaries:


    From Wikipedia:

    “Agnotology is the study of culturally induced ignorance or doubt, particularly the publication of inaccurate or misleading scientific data.”

    A neologism of which I was previously unaware.

    The present mob in government and their propaganda mates in the commercial MSM have perfected the practice.

  23. Michael Taylor

    Wasn’t Damian Drum once coach of the Dockers?

  24. Kaye Lee

    I dunno but he briefly employed Vicki Campion….well not so much employed her as put her on the books so she got paid.

    He also said in his presser that it’s the media’s fault that Bridget McKenzie had to resign because all governments porkbarrell….why did they go after her? Seriously….

    “…So why do you all of a sudden pick one area of government spending and go crazy about it – the three weeks – when it goes on every day when it goes in every day, in every state jurisdiction for ever and eternity? So why do you pick this one

    …All I am saying is this is a standard practice of government. And it’s been going on for I’ve been parliament for 20 years and states and federal parliaments…”

    This is getting beyond ridiculous.

  25. Ill fares the land

    I think Barnyard could the right man for the job. After all, we are losing a loudmouth, crass, crude and bumptious fool and if you are ticking boxes, Barnyard is a close match. That his moral fibre and judgement is also questionable further renders him a good fit for the role, in fact he is capable of so much less, he deserves the top job. His propensity for corrupt decision making designed to enrich himself means he satisfies a further pre-requisite for the Deputy role, from which he can really step up his white-anting of McCormack.

    When Barnyard was leader of the Nationals, he was also a man frighteningly and utterly out of his depth (despite my distaste for the man, I almost felt sorry for him – he knoweth not what he doeth), so there is more than a little room for him at the LNP Cabinet table – surrounded by more corrupt incompetents, liars, spivs and mountebanks. It will be like he never left. He definitely won’t be the “smartest guy in the room”, but he will nonetheless fit right in.

    Unhappily, the era of the fool politician who spouts drivel and thoughtless garbage, but spouts it forcefully is well and truly upon us as there are so many for whom the bigmouths speak for their frustrations, their anger, their under-achievements and failings – which is expressed as entitlement. Sadly, we as a species are so vacuous and gullible that a confident liar is far more likely to be believed than a person who is cautious but telling the truth and that leaves a door open for the Barnyards, Hansons, Katters and Morrisons. Of that sorry lot, Morrison is the marketeer who doesn’t inform of his policies – he advertises them on the basis that his offering is too good to miss, when they are usually too good to be true.

    In the case of the Nationals, McCormack is, at best, insipid and that offers a serious opportunity for a blundering nitwit like SpongeBob Barnyard to be installed as his Deputy and from their backstab him. I should say that McCormack is usually insipid, but when he shrieks he sounds exactly like the irrational and nerdy weasel who shouts and rants on “Mad as Hell”. If the character wasn’t inspired by McCormack, it could have been.

  26. Matters Not

    So Bridget was late in updating the Current Register of Senators’ Interests 46th Parliament which became a sackable offence – against all odds. One wonders whether this technical breech will be universalised and even back-dated? But probably not – because that chance discovery has served its purpose.

    No doubt, Bridget is on a promise. As was Sussan.

  27. Egalitarian

    What an absolute religious nutter Barnaby is.His catchcry “get government of our lives” and then looking up into the Sky saying “there is something else going on here”.Please! get out of our lives Barnaby and stay there.

  28. Jexpat

    Breaking on the ABC: Matt Canavan has resigned from the frontbench, saying he will support Barnaby Joyce in tomorrow’s Nationals leadership ballot.

    Personally, I’d prefer to see Barnaby leading the Nat’s, as he’s perhaps best representative of their corrupt crony ridden cult and its supporters.

    There really isn’t much that the Australian media can do to pass him off as anything else than what he is. Try as they will to promote and rehabilitate him, they will fail.

  29. Terence Mills

    This could rip the Nationals apart !

  30. Josephus

    Has anyone else noticed that liar Scotty refers to fracking and gas mining as non polluting, non fossil fuel industries? What fools does he take us for. Labor supports these also.

    And yes I know a denialist fire fighter locally. He wears an Oz flag onesie on invasion day. But there are also several Green fire fighters in our brigade.

    Suggestion: annoy the rednecks by wearing as I do a tshirt, CLIMATE ACTION NOW, or similar.

    The Greens are choosing their new leader tomorrow btw, said di Natale.

  31. Matters Not

    Matt Canavan of course worked for Barnaby for some time. Owes him much. Matt has his eyes on the leadership but is biding his time.

    Might yet have the Northern Nationals versus the Southern Nationals. Phones must be ringing hot. The promises. The deals.

  32. Michael Taylor

    MN, Matt Canavan is all over the shop today. The poor fellow is confused.

  33. Matters Not

    If Barnaby and Matt succeed. Matt gets the Deputy position as well as the Senate leader.

    Chester goes under the bus (again). Word has it that Morrison is in Hawaii out of his brain – fearing that his narrow majority will erode further if this fight gets serious.

  34. New England Cocky

    Will Auntie Gina allow the Nazianal$ to self destruct and place her considerable financial backing behind the Liarbrals?

  35. Phil

    Dear Mr Joyce.

    Your recent application for the parliamentary toilet cleaners position has unfortunately been rejected. An average intelligence is required for the position and unfortunates yours was on par with a pot plant. However we can offer you the position of ‘ Hat Stand ‘ which appears you are more than qualified for..

    Yours Sincerely.

    P Snerdley Head Cleaner.

  36. Matters Not

    Walk into a hypothetical room where political Principles are under discussion and it could be a meeting of Labor, Liberal, Greens or whoever but one things for certain – it would not be the National Party at work (or even at play). No – the National Party isn’t underpinned by principles. Rather it’s a party of Pragmatism – whatever it takes, whatever works, populist always and forever, – never bound, restricted or motivated by philosophical principles.

    So while they may (will) brawl, bite, kick and scratch – at the end of the day, there will be a coming together. The Coalition will survive. Morrison must have one and the Nationals need one also.

  37. Matters Not

    Re the Nationals leadership contest. Anyone doing any counting? Seems to me that in the McCormack camp there might be : Darren Chester, Mark Coulton, Andrew Gee, Pat Conaghan, Damian Drum, David Gillespie, Kevin Hogan, Anne Webster, Perin Davey. A total of 10 out of 21. Not a majority.

    In the Joyce camp there might be: David Littleproud, Michelle Landry, George Christensen, Llew O’Brien, Ken O’Dowd, Keith Pitt, Bridget McKenzie, Matt Canavan, Susan McDonald, Again 10 out of 21 – with Sam McMahon a complete unknown.

    Normally, one would see Bridget McKenzie in the McCormack camp but with the possibility of a new Coalition Agreement and Barnaby’s support for her, maybe she’s desperate enough to have another shot with Barnaby. She doesn’t have other options – at least in the short term

    That’s my take as a complete outsider. Fire away with counter arguments.

  38. Carl Marks

    Three things

    1) Why has coverage of Coronavirus petered out, any estimates as to how long before a vaccine?

    2) How can Joyce be any worse than that snake McCormick? At least you can hear Barnaby coming, so to speak.

    3) Why were the reasons for di Natale’s departure not offered… was it because he wasn’t corrupt enough?

  39. Stephengb

    Baaaaarnaby will get the top job, never fear, it will be the best thong ever to happen

  40. Jexpat


    1) It hasn’t petered out and is infecting the financial markets and pounding the Aussie dollar as we speak;

    2) Completely agree. None of the Nats will be any different in substance than the other- as McCormick has proven time and again (and especially during those weeks of Bushfires where Smoko was off having fruity drinks topped with little umbrellas.

    3) Di Natale had what appeared to be a difficult surgery this spring and was out for some time, with a slow recovery. Bandt took over while he was gone, and if it seemed that when Richard returned, he just didn’t have the fire in his belly to continue as leader.

    Can’t really blame him in the current situation- where nothing remotely positive will occur for years, and the country’s been devastated by an unprecedented ecological disaster from which it will never recover. Depressing all around, really.

    *the timing is fortuitous as well, with the Greens hating media too focused on other matters to launch into their predictably dishonest and dogmatic diatribes.

  41. Kaye Lee


    Landry said yesterday she would support McCormack. There have also been lots of messages from Nationals women like Catherine Marriott saying please not Barnaby.

    I would be surprised if Littleproud backed Joyce but I am terrible at predicting these things. I also have my doubts about Gillespie supporting McCormack after what he was saying yesterday.

  42. Kronomex

    Beetroot only cares about getting that extra couple of hundred k plus in pay and pig trough bonuses because it’s, so haarrdd maattee, living on $230,000 a year.

  43. Matters Not

    KL, I don’t really follow the Nationals – most of whom are complete nonentities, at least on the national stage. Landry (from Rockhampton) seems completely out of her depth and to me she would be an easy mark for some of the bully boys who populate the LNP in Qld. Littleproud was elevated by Barnaby out of nowhere so there might be a debt owing, perhaps going back to his father Brian who was a long-serving National in Queensland politics (former teacher, former Minister for Education).

    Should stress the above is nothing more than speculation – with plenty of back-stabbing, deal making, double-crossing etc still to be done. As I type, I hear Chester (who seems perfectly reasonable for a Nat) making the case against Joyce who knifed him last time around. Personally I hope they rip each other to pieces and the violence spreads to the Liberals. Nothing like the stench of burning political bodies on this promising Tuesday morning. Morrison won’t want Joyce – so I hope he gets up. Like him in the bush but he’s poison in the city. So go Barnaby. Might be your last chance.

  44. wam

    The nats typify Australia.
    A woman who didn’t breech the standards is about to be replaced by a man who did.
    ps when Gillard dumped the lemon onto his arse and was being railed at by Bobby’s climate mate, the rabbott, I wrote every day for her to get on the morning show stage and show his stupidity and make us laugh at him. When Brandt blackmailed her into Juliar I included him as a target. I continued to bash the wall through billy and albo. Well last night showed how easy it is to laugh at the idiots like Moylan.
    Albo get your arse into gear and show little johnnie’s economy of selling, his lies of WoMD, wars, children overboard lies, wheat bribes and union hating. Then make us laugh at the deniers, the rorters and the ‘standards’.
    pps bye bye di feeling guilty about the caravan???

  45. Roland Flickett


    We have all yearned for the truth about Howard to be exposed, but now I have come to the belated realisation that just about everybody knows but most Australians don’t give a shit.
    The last federal election proved that to me. After decades of being acutely interested in politics, I have now weaned myself off it. Nothing changes. Just the faces. Idealism is crushed, and the Obama years in the USA showed that substance doesn’t need to match the rhetoric. The great black hope destroyed Libya in the same way that his borderline simpleton predecessor destroyed Iraq, and for the same reasons. Trump, a grandstanding lying dishonest and untrustworthy braggart. Is as American as apple pie. And our PM loves him! He’s what Morrison wants to be.

  46. Kaye Lee


    Littleproud deputy

  47. Matters Not

    Pity! Barnaby had so much more to offer and at so many different levels. Suppose he can now do the 1.00am feeds.

  48. Kaye Lee

    Canavan’s gone too. Bonus.

  49. Harry Lime

    The talking wombat may have lost this round by TKO,but it’s only the opening salvo.No towels will be thrown in until Aunty Gina gives the nod.The beetrooter will be gathering the white ants as we speculate,the fun has only just begun.Something else to add to the Liar’s self inflicted woes.

  50. Kronomex

    A minutes silence for the loss of Barndoor. 59…58…snigger…57…snort…bwahahahaha…er, that ends that idea. What’s the bet that Coalavan will start grovelling and crawling?

  51. Kronomex

    A minutes silence for the loss of Barndoor. 59…58…snigger…57…snort…bwahahahaha…er, that ends that idea. What’s the bet that Coalavan will start grovelling and crawling?

    Please delete the “in moderation” post, I stuffed up on the email address.

  52. Kaye Lee

    The talk is that Canavan will run for a lower house seat next election.

    Bridget McKenzie is Nats Leader in the Senate and Canavan Deputy – basically because the other three are first-timers

    Barnaby’s camp are saying it was 11-10, which they can’t know for sure. But, if true, this ain’t over.

    Meanwhile, the country waits while their egos take precedence.

  53. New England Cocky

    Well Barnyard lost to the most ineffectual leader the Nazianal$ have ever had. Shows that self-preservation is alive and well among the ranks of the undedicated to the best interests of Australian voters.

  54. Henry Rodrigues

    The fornicator has failed again and taken piggy eyes Canavan with him. Thanks to whoever for small mercies.
    If any of his staff or ‘maaattes’ are reading this, please pass on our collective contempt and tell him to f#ck off ????

  55. Lambchop Simnel

    The Drum discussing Joyce and McCormack, Nats apparatchik on the panel, discussing the extent to which the Nats are in thrall to big business.

    Kernot: “But what about water Water Policy…” (Baird intercepts)

    Baird: “We can’t talk about water tonight. We can talk about it tomorrow night”.

    Kernot: (quickly, measured) “Why? You CAN’T talk about the one without the other. They are part of the same issue (nats non representation of its base)”.

    Hartcher quickly intervenes to waffle a distraction.

    OK not verbatim but close enough to get the gist.

    Baird looked RED FACED, facing the camera a few moments later.

    Remembrs: “t
    right water policy a nats portfolio

  56. Lambchop Simnel

    Sorry re Harcher, it seems he was only trying mansplain to Baird why Cheryl Kernot’s comment WAS correct.

    I think Baird is off her nut if last night is to be the pattern.

  57. Wam

    True assessment Roland and certainly all Americans, in my circle, and my friends with American friends and relatives, consider him a huge success as an American and as a president. They may think differently if his tax records were released???
    I wish the demontracts good luck If they elect Bernie and hope their impeaching ploy makes trump slip a condemning tweet or two. Perhaps their focus should be to get his tax and expose his tactics and mistakes. If bernie and albo can get us to ridIcule these dogs on the morning shows there is some chance of fairness.
    Something in my head says this xstian’s hidden beliefs are a real danger to my grandchildren, the planet and free thought.

  58. Kaye Lee

    I think you overestimate the influence of the morning shows wam.

    Today averaged fewer than 200,000 city viewers last year. More than 80 per cent of Australia’s breakfast TV audience is aged 40 or older.

    These are not the people who will drive the ideas of tomorrow.

  59. Lambchop Simnel

    There is no doubt about it, Television itself is in deep and rapidly increasing decline.

    It was always tailored for the most common denominator, but it no longer is parish pump meeting place, church or town hall for the community. It is no longer heeded except by the desiccated audience that troubles itself to watch Kardashian programming; cheap panels and quiz shows, many people have moved on so it can no longer influence or initiate ideas and ideas forums in the way it once did.

    It is true that much of hegemonic, heterogenic TV was bullshit, Packer era TV was deceptive and deceitful, but this state has morphed so that people get their information or bullshit on line also, TV itself is losing relevance as to ideas control although maintaining influence, a bit like Sky TV, where Andrew Bolt operates as a caricature of the Kerry O’Brien type of figure that people looked to for some sense of what current affairs issues were actually about. or Alan Jones with the radio media form, as mimic of ABC radio in its heyday.

    So if it is part of the atomisation of society, the survivors head for their own favoured locations in the cyber world and post apocalypse, create survivor online communities like this one. It has stayed remarkably the same in a sense, most of media including online is nonsense, yet individuals are faced with the same need for relevance and construct their realities, rational or other wise employing the materials available.

    I had some criticisms here for the Drum yesterday, but it is the type of show that is still at the core of ideas production, even allowing for the challenge of interactive, as presenters now seek to avoid contradiction and fight to hold onto the control of the narrative for opaque motives whilst maintaining an illusion of forum, yet dare not alienate audiences excessively in a competitive sphere. The pomo paradox is that msm tries to both reinforce and dissolve dominant perceptions and the pulsings reconfigure a sort of reality rapidly for those seeking to maintain an access to genuine and relevant information ( or not).

    United we stand divided we fall yet so the pervasive probability of fact versus balderdash seems to also remain a constant, and the result of this are evident in politics and election results which remains as peculiar as ever, as certain connecting threads survive while others fade…control of narrative, Scomo World and a sad laugh for onlookers, given elements of denial reinforced against necessary challenges to hegemony and the unthinking bland.

    Anyway, this is half formed stuff and got little sleep last night so cheerio for a little.

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