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Surplus News: The Shorten And Broad Version!

Great news, folks! The budget is back in surplus! Or at least it will be… After the next election.

Now, I know some of you cynical people will be saying, “After the next election? How convenient!” But you’re the sort of people who probably doubted that privatisation would bring electricity prices down. You probably don’t even realise that, thanks to the axing of the carbon “tax”, you have an extra $550 in your pocket.

So, of course, when Scott Morrison announces that we’ll have a surplus thanks to the rise in tax receipts and wages growth, only the most negative naysayers wouldn’t believe him.

Now, poor Scottie and Josh have been a bit upstaged by that nasty Labor Party holding their annual conference at the same time as the government was trying to get favourable headlines by announcing the new governor-general and the MYEFO. How terrible of Bill Shorten to delay the ALP Conference just because there were a number of by-elections being held on the date it was originally scheduled. If they’d just decided not to campaign or hand out how-to-vote cards, they could have easily had the conference on the same day as the mini-election.

Typical of the shifty Shorten… I understand that he’s responsible for almost everything bad that’s happened in the past twenty years apart from the sandpaper incident with the Australian cricket team. Actually, on a side note, I read recently that the Australian cricket captain was the second most important job in Australia after the PM. How absurd. I mean one is responsible for making decisions that affect people’s welfare and have important consequences and has real power and status, while the other is replaced every time there’s a few nervous backbenchers.

Mr Morrison once again demonstrated that he wouldn’t be bowing to the forces of political correctness and putting some woman in the Governor General job just to please those who think that women have a role to play in government. No, an ex-Army man was the best choice. In fact, as the ProMo put it: “I had only one choice, my first choice and he is standing next to me.” 

The acting PM went on to tell us that General Hurley had served Australia for almost half a century and that he “ joined the Army in 1972, that was not a time when military service was popular – sadly – in our country.” 

Now some may suggest that military service wasn’t popular because boys were too young to vote (the voting age was 21) and were being conscripted into the army to fight in a war that many regarded as a civil war, but hey, we all should be sad that military service wasn’t popular.

We were also told about Hurley’s “his weekly boxing workouts with Indigenous kids”. I’m not sure how many indigenous kids he boxes, but whatever it takes to help them assimilate and there’s nothing like boxing them to help indigenous kids find their place in society.   The Australian people then heard Mr Morrison say:

” It was General Hurley who first spoke the words; “The standard you walk past, is the standard you accept,” which is a lesson to all of us. It’s a phrase that embodies what Australian leadership is all about.”

Which brings me to Andrew Broad…

Apparently, he’s resigned from his front bench position after an article appeared in New Idea about his Hong Kong escapades.

Ok, I know that Barnaby Joyce is bound to be experiencing a little schadenfreude given how quickly Mr Broad sunk the boots when the former took his role as Member for New England a little too literally. But most of can forgive someone who’s been so public in their support of family values and who opposed marriage equality likening it to two rams mounting each other, when they happen to be caught out doing something that – on face value – doesn’t seem consistent with their aforementioned family values position and seems more in line with their position on rams: Rather confusing and not at all consistent.

After all, who among us hasn’t gone onto the internet with the view to hooking up with younger women and been prepared to travel halfway around the world in order to hook up with some stranger on the basis of a few texts? Ok, personally, I haven’t… Oh, neither have you? Mm, well, as a recent Deputy PM once told us, Canberra can be a pretty lonely place when you’re sober, so who can blame Mr Broad for taking out time from his important overseas trip to go to a food show in order to pull this stranger close and run his “strong hands” down her back, “softly kiss” her neck and “whisper ‘G’day mate”!

From the sound of things, this didn’t exactly go to plan, because, according to Mr Broad, said woman “may have engaged in criminal activity”. It’s unclear whether this or something else stopped him from his whispering. The nature of the criminal activity is unclear… even to the AFP who issued a statement to the effect that so far they’d found nothing. Leaving a restaurant because the person you’re with is a loser isn’t an offence yet, even when that person is “an Aussie lad”, who on his own estimation knows how to ride, fly and f—. (I presume the last word is “fuck” but it was unclear from the report and I didn’t want to presume in case it was something like “farm”… Although, it may have also been “fade” or “fake”)! Perhaps there is some upcoming legislation to make this a criminal offence and to apply it retrospectively.

Whatever, it seems that Mr Broad wasn’t prepared to walk past, because well, “the standard you walk past is the standard you accept.” And the Nationals Leader, Mr Whatisname, also sprang into action and accepted the resignation once it became clear that the story was public. Prior to that, I guess they couldn’t comment because they’d put the matter in the hands of the AFP… Not sure, if these were the “strong hands” of the AFP or whether only Mr Broad has such things.

Although the Nationals leader did say rather confusingly: “Mr Broad has made the right decision this morning when I accepted his resignation.” This makes it sound like Mr McCormack said that he was accepting the resignation and then Mr Broad made the decision… Oh, yes, I get it now.

So, it’s good to see that the Nationals have such high standards of moral behaviour. It doesn’t matter who you are, once it’s made public, you need to resign.

28 comments

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  1. Geoff Andrews

    I can sense a comment from New England Cocky coming on and, like the late Mr Broad (church?), I’m rooting for something about adultery.

  2. Frank Smith

    Now Rossleigh, don’t I recall that Jamie Briggs political career was also harpooned by a sexual harrassment incident in a Hong Kong bar. Perhaps there is a Chinese Communist plot to lure randy MPs to Hong Kong.

  3. Jaquix

    I hear that the voters of Mallee are watching with interest – and dont forget, they just tossed out a longstanding National in the Victorian State elections (Dan-slide remember?). He might notionally have a 20% margin, but the voters are restive, theyre not in the mood for any of this Broad church stuff. There is a credible independent candidate considering his options….

    And I cant help repeating this, but polling by ReachTel in Kooyong announced yesterday is showing a 14% swing to Labor for next Federal election. That would wipe out Freydenberg (11%) and also highly likely despatch neighbouring Kelly ODwyer of Higgins 9(%) and nearby Tim Wilson Goldstein (11%). That would be 3 IPAs in one fell swoop.

    Not sure “tax cuts” and “surplus talk” is going to sway too many voters. Tax cuts mean nothing to those struggling to get by on welfare because they lost good jobs theyd held for years, or because they got sick.

  4. Diannaart

    And the Nationals Leader, Mr Whatisname, also sprang into action and accepted the resignation once it became clear that the story was public

    So much encapsulated in just one sentence.

  5. helvityni

    Surplus News: The Shorten And Broad Version!

    Ten out of ten for the title, sorry to be boring but: ten out of ten for the rest as well….!

    Also well said, Geoff and Frank….

  6. Rossleigh

    Yes, Jaquix, when I moved in to my current house in the 1990s I had dreams of one day living in a million dollar place in an electorate like Kooyong.
    In the past few years I achieved my aim of the million dollar home without moving, and recently I discovered that due to changes in the electoral boundary, I’ve moved from Julia Banks’ seat to Kooyong. Mission accomplished!

    But in bad news for Josh, I suspect that nobody in my house will be voting for him.

  7. John Hermann

    Both Labor and Coalition are wrong about the supposed virtues of engineering federal budget surpluses. The economic history of this country reveals clearly that every regime of federal budget surpluses has been followed by recession. Not to mention an increase in private sector debt.

  8. Shaun Newman

    The future surplus will have been achieved on the backs of the three and a half million Australians now living, or should I say surviving on an income that places them “below” the poverty line, slowmo says his first responsibility is to “protect” Australians from “Terrorism” but he doesn’t have any concern about protecting us from “below the poverty line” living conditions. So typical of tory governments both State and federal.

  9. Joseph Carli

    “. . . after an article appeared in New Idea . . . “……on perusing such magazines at professional office waiting rooms, I have to conclude that the ongoing ; “on – off” relationship between “Brad and Jen” is losing some of its readership appeal……..watch this space!

  10. Kronomex

    Broad is quitting, mind you not until the election so Scummo won’t have to get in a new container of brown trousers. The LNP isn’t stumbling from blunder to blunder they are wearing rocket powered disaster boots.

  11. Paul Davis

    9 News says NSW ICAC ‘raided’ Sydney offices of Labor party today seeking documentation regarding an ongoing investigation.

    Our Dear Leader, in deep thought today, “Now if only those incompetents at the AFP could find some gross criminal charges that will stick against federal Labor or the ACTU or Bill or Sally or …… Damn you Dutton, i left you in charge of the gestapo, what the hell are you doing?”

  12. totaram

    John Hermann: I salute you sir, for keeping up the good work. In time-honoured tradition we need to keep repeating this until enough voters “get it”. Or at least begin to ask why this is so.

  13. pierre wilkinson

    well er yes, this is not acceptable behaviour from a junior member, now, if it was Bonkaby, nothing needs to be said….
    so all’s well in the national party – of course they respect women, after all they have two in the party don’t they?

  14. Rossleigh

    @Joseph, what’s all this about Brad and Jen??
    My doctor’s office really needs to get some more up to date magazines…
    Next you’ll be telling me that Nicole and Tom have split!

  15. Kronomex

    Rossleigh, Nicole and Tom who? I’ve been reading about Bruce Willis & Demi Moore (or was that Bert and Ernie) breaking up, so I have no idea who you are talking about.

  16. helvityni

    In my doctor’s waiting room there’s nothing for us hoi-polloi to read or to look at; it’s all stiff upper lip, and magazines of stately English country homes…
    The doctor was taking my blood pressure, or some such trivial thing, I dared to ask him about an issue that has bothering me; he said shush…..

    I now take my own reading material from home….

  17. Joseph Carli

    Rossleigh…The Brad and Jen saga has been going on over at least three generations it seems…on , off , on again…then another person in between…was it “Jo-lo”..or someone..and I see on Twitter that Jen is once again considering marriage possibilities…I look forward to the next visit to the paedeotrician..But now we got this dirty old man(old!!??) chatting up a younger woman!!…will the crimes never cease??

  18. Paul Davis

    helvityni

    Since the sudden onset of my rheumatoid arthritis ten years ago, i am obliged to see a GP regularly, primarily to renew prescriptions. Since i became an aged pensioner at 67, i use medical centres that bulk bill, so i have changed doctors three times when their centres introduce fees for pensioners….. hence, including moving home a few times, have seen quite a few waiting rooms from NSW city and country to Qld regional.

    Most of them have had similar themes with the reading material: ancient copies of 1) ‘women’s’ glossies such as no idea etc, 2) australian and national geographic and 3) boutique home furnishing or fashion eg vogue. I remember one surgery that had dozens of golfing magazines… anyway the courtesy mags would be donated by staff i imagine…

    Shocked to hear your doctor “shushed” you unless he thought your animated talking was influencing your blood pressure reading…. particularly if there was gesturing and arm waving 🤗

  19. Diannaart

    Paul Davis

    My doctor often needs to (politely) shush me when taking my blood pressure. ☺️

    I was on the same treadmill as you before I moved; medical centres which stopped bulk billing, never seeing the same GP. Since moving to Dandenong Ranges from inner suburbs of Melbourne, I have been very fortunate with medical support, which given the onset of chronic illness has been absolutely essential. I have had consistent medical support, just 2 GP’s in 17 years (change due to retirement).

    All the usual women’s magazines (bleh) plus some off road and even a few Time magazines, toys for children. Of course I usually forget my reading glasses …

  20. whatever

    Notice how the MSM is adopting the strange usage of “Sugarbaby” scandal when the accepted usage is “SugarDADDY”.

  21. helvityni

    Paul Davis, the doctor also weighed me, then informed me : you have lost weight…

    I kept tight-lipped this time, and abstained telling him that I was wearing my lighter summer gear, sandals instead my heavy Highland boots etc..

    I also had had a haircut the day before….

    whatever, see it’s all our women’s fault…no doubt Me-Too has been alerted..

  22. Diannaart

    Helvityni

    I understand it may be difficult to change doctors, apart from quibbles about your weight (in summer clothing) and admonishment for chatting during blood pressure tests, is he good at diagnosis?

  23. Diane

    @whatever – yes I’ve noticed that too.

  24. Peter F

    Regarding your quote from Charles Bukowski, are you sure of that?

  25. terence mills

    Diannaart

    Andrew Broad is so gormless that he could easily have signed-up with Sugar-daddies by mistake, flown off to Hong Kong and been matched up with an old bloke !!

    Would have served him right.

    Incidentally, he says he didn’t use any public money for the Hong Kong trip, so who paid for it and why was he there ?

  26. Diane

    I’d love to think that everywhere he goes for at least the next week, people are greeting him with “G’Day Mate!”

    Is it me or are all the LNP ministers and assistant ministers starting to look alike? Freidenberg and Broad both look like slightly hairier versions of Dutton – that same potato head-shape…

  27. Diannaart

    Terence

    😂

    He is a bit of a dork (I’m being polite).

    Thing is how much of taxpayers’ money has he been using? (That he likes to hook up with escorts, is not really the issue – apart from the sheer hypocrisy, him being a family man ‘n all).

    Using our money for entertainment is the issue, not his sex life, unless he is a predator, which I doubt because predators, generally, don’t pay.

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