“Good morning, we have an interview with Liberal, Mr Whine.”
“Good morning, pleased to be here.”
“Now about the chaos in the House last Thursday…”
“If I could just interrupt you there, there was no chaos, there was just a stunt. A ridiculous, childish stunt by Mr Shorten and his Labor Party colleagues.”
“In what way was it a stunt?”
“Well, they were just trying to make us look bad by calling a vote when some of our ministers were off doing other things.”
“But surely your ministers should have been there.”
“That’s not the point, the point is that Mr Shorten has yet again shown that he isn’t fit to be Prime Minister.”
“So what did Labor do that was so wrong?”
“Well, they called for a vote and they shouldn’t have done that because we’re the government and we should win all the votes on floor, and they only called for a vote because they knew that we’d lose and then they’d try to make us look bad.”
“But surely they have a right to call a vote.”
“That’s not the point.”
“What is the point?”
“The point is that we’re still the government and all the vote did was interrupt our members from doing important things.”
“Such as going home early?”
“I’d just like to point out that nobody had permission to go home early.”
“So they left without permission?”
“Well, I wouldn’t put it quite like that. It was just they didn’t have permission to leave, that’s not quite the same thing as leaving without permission.”
“I don’t see the difference.”
“We can discuss semantics all day, but the fact remains that it was Labor that was responsible for the chaos.”
“I thought that you said that there was no chaos.”
“Not from our side, but what chaos there was, was all down to Labor.”
“Surely Labor can’t be held responsible for your members leaving early.”
“No, but they were certainly responsible for people noticing that they left early.”
“Even the PM says that they did the wrong thing.”
“Does he? Oh, well, then they certainly did the wrong thing, but not as wrong as Labor were in attempting to sneak through their ridiculous push for a Royal Commission into banks.”
“But shouldn’t Labor try to push their policy through. I mean they very nearly had the numbers to do it.”
“That’s my point. They shouldn’t have had the numbers. It was only through some of us not being there that would have enabled them to do it.”
“But shouldn’t your MPs have been there?”
“Exactly. That’s what was so wrong with Labor’s little stunt. We should have been there.”
“That’s not Labor’s fault though.”
“No, look we’ve already established that the ministers shouldn’t have gone and that Labor shouldn’t have attempted to take advantage of that and that we won the election and that we’re the government and we don’t think that a Royal Commission would do anything for the people who’ve suffered because of poor behaviour from the banks, so why are we just going over old ground and not moving on?”
“I’m not sure that we’ve established that a Royal Commission wouldn’t help. Isn’t that still something that…”
“How would a Royal Commission help? It’d be better to ensure that checks and balances that are already there are working properly.”
“So why did your party call a Royal Commission into the Home Insulation scheme?”
“Well, to remind everyone how badly Labor botched the scheme. People died and houses caught fire…”
“Yes, but how did a Royal Commission help? I mean, using your logic shouldn’t resources have been put into ensuring that there were better checks and balances in the home insulation industry to ensure that dodgy operators…”
“What do you mean ‘dodgy operators’? Everyone knows that it was all the fault of the Labor Party.”
“But getting back to Parliament…”
“What! Have Labor called for another vote? This is outrageous. What do they think…”
“No, no, I mean, getting back to talking about Parliament.”
“Oh, I see.”
“Do you think that Labor’s tactics have made the PM’s position less secure?”
“Not at all. I think that Mr Turnbull has the full support of everyone in the party and that we just want to get on with the moral challenges of repairing the Budget and ensuring that companies get a well-deserved tax cut.”
“So what about Senator Bernardi’s attempt to remove 18C by collecting the signatures of Liberal backbench senators? Doesn’t that suggest that he’s trying to undermine Mr Turnbull?”
“Not at all. Senator Bernardi is just attempting to ensure that a piece of legislation which restricts free speech is removed.”
“So you’d be in favour of its removal?”
“That’s not the important thing. The important thing is that Labor is attempting to use its numbers to stop us doing what we want to do and the sooner they get used to the idea that we won the election and abandon all attempts to implement their election pledges the better.”
“Including the Budget measures that you’re demanding that they support because they pledged that they would?”
“Well obviously not those ones because they’re important for the future of the country.”
“How did you determine that?”
“We agree with them.”
“Sorry, Mr Whine, but your time is up.”
“No, Mr Turnbull has promised me another chance.”
“I meant for the program.”
“Oh. Good morning then.”
“Good morning.”
Yes, fun and games by the adults, whose DNA is so superior that they are just born to rule. So the missing Liberal Party bodies were Keenan and Dutton flying out, plus Porter, as well as Morrison casually doing a radio interview. That’s 4. Then Cathy McGowan, supposedly an Independent, was already driving northwards on the highway got the word (from whom?) and turned and drove back to Parliament House too. Theoretically she did not have to. So, 4 Libs and 1 “Independent” caught napping. Didnt matter before they lost 14 seats, so they’ve probably got very complacent and lazy. Anyway it was a great show and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The “winners with the majority and mandate” were soundly outsmarted. Good on you Bill, and Tony Burke, and the whole Labor team.
“A Stunt! A Cunning Stunt And Shorten’s A Stunning… Grub!”
🙂 I saw the heading and thought it must one of Rossleigh’s contributions.
I was right 🙂 The poor bastards are over worked, they never get a break, they needed an early mark, it was almost Friday…
There are several aspects of this that are interesting – some warming, others of grave concern. One concern is the way the media so readily adopted the term “stunt”. Even the now ever more ridiculous ABC 7.30 report, when interviewing Linda Burnie, asked her about the Labor “stunt”. I think a cast-off from the worst news service on free-to-air TV (Channel 10) is now the head writer for the ABC news.
Labor acted entirely within the rules of Parliament; played its hand very adroitly and well and truly caught out a bunch of lazy incompetent nincompoops. Of course, the LNP’s actions in trying to wedge Labor into supporting a bill which they had not provided to Labor for review (and which was always going to be an amalgam of measures acceptable and unacceptable to Labor), were not a stunt – no,no,no. That’s “good government” because, well Australia has surely pledged its support for the LNP’s vile austerity measures (call them what you will – what they are are attacks on the poor and disadvantaged). The best the LNP can do is to try and confect outrage because, allegedly, many politicians were going to be in Canberra for another night – when in fact it was only the four who left early who would seem to have been caught out.
I am gratified that the current government have been made to look utter fools – for that is what they have shown themselves to be; almost on a daily basis. Turnbull is an appallingly ineffective leader; his ministers are mindless drones and even the apparently “mighty” Cash was made to look as stupid as she is when she couldn’t at all explain how “Don the volunteer firefighter” was going to be impacted unless the LNP stepped in to avert a “national crisis”. This is not quite the same as SHY not being able to recall minutiae about super when not even part of her portfolio. This was Cash speaking pompously and ultimately vacuously in her capacity as a Minister. The LNP Is also a party in the grip of a minority faction who should not have the power that they do – but in defiance of apparent logic, they have Turnbull where they want him – and doesn’t it show on his face any time he is interviewed?
And every day all over the media there is malsplain giving his explanations and they’re (oh so complex) while Bill Shorten, bungles the bungle or makes a small error in his talk (they find this funny, somehow), and Bill’s made out to be just one big joke. I’ll tell you who will be the one big joke it’ll be us Australian people after the Liberal goons finish stuffing us all up.except the rich of course.
We have the worst government . since 1949 and it’s the LNP,……As the Australia Institute’s research in June found – across a broad range of economic measures, the Abbott/Turnbull government has performed the worst of any Australian government since 1949. Economist Jim Stanford’s report examines economic performance across 12 indicators – including GDP per capita, the unemployment rate, employment growth and the growth of real business investment and intellectual property investment …
This article could easily have flowed from the pens of the Monty Python crew, or used as a script for “Yes Minister”.
Thank you so much for this satire.
No government has had a worse first week in Parliament. Ever.
No Opposition has had a stronger first week in Parliament. Ever.
Please Bill more “stunts”please.
@Steve Howton
This interview sounds like a real interview with wotsisname? Pyne? Clearly Rossleigh has bugged parliament and simply transcribes the day to day minutiae of idiocy we call our federal government.
A stunt was it ,do they mean like the one they pulled to get rid of a speaker ,who according to Judge Rares was done to bring down an elected government,
Or the one where Pyne and Abbott were seen running out of parlament to avoid voting ,or was it the one where they praised a whistle blower for bringing down Craig Thomson ,who incriminated her self by using funds from the HSU for her personal use ,which turned out to be a lot more than Thomson,
Labor has learn’t quickly from this chaotic dangerous government,and i hope this so called stunt won’t be the last KARMA IS A BITCH
Amazing that this lazy pack of hopeless idiots feels so entitled to rule without doing the actual work that in the very first week back a bunch of them piss off early.
Good on Bill and Labor catching out the incompetents. Please do more to publicise the worthless nature of this mob of LNP nasty halfwits.
It’s just as well that this wasn’t subjected to an outbreak of Spoonerisms .. the headline could be a trifle naughty!! Personally, I found the stunt amazingly good. Perhaps the Early Escape Syndrome will be a little less cynical in future .. after all, WE are paying for this skiving off!!
So the missing Liberal Party bodies were Keenan and Dutton flying out, plus Porter, as well as Morrison casually doing a radio interview. That’s 4. Then Cathy McGowan, supposedly an Independent, was already driving northwards on the highway got the word (from whom?) and turned and drove back to Parliament House too. Theoretically she did not have to. So, 4 Libs and 1 “Independent” caught napping.
One ALP member, Clare O’Neil (Hotham), was absent on family leave. She had been excused from attendance until November by a resolution of the House on its opening day.
The government’s 67 votes consisted of 65 coalition MPs, plus Andrew Wilkie (Ind-Denison) and Rebekha Sharkie (NXT-Mayo).
I don’t know where people got the numbers from that there were only 4 liberal party member missing from the vote.
According to Australia politics site there were 9 members missing
Nine government MPs were absent, including three ministers. The ministers were Peter Dutton, Michael Keenan and Christian Porter. We now know that Dutton was giving a radio interview and Keenan was flying to Melbourne.
Six backbenchers were absent: John Alexander (Lib-Bennelong), Scott Buchholz (Lib-Wright), Craig Kelly (Lib-Hughes), Ken O’Dowd (Nats-Flynn), Ross Vasta (Lib-Bonner) and Jason Wood (Lib-La Trobe).
Luke Hartsuyker (Nats-Cowper) was paired with Clare O’Neil and did not vote in this division.
Wayne Manna, I noticed it too, funny the ABC bloke did not call it one Bill’s zingers…whatever that means.
I could not bear to watch the interview to its end; can’t stand Tim Wilson, just another Pyne clone, pain in the butt.
It would be funny if it wasn’t so close to the truth. I laughed, but only not to cry.
I read recently, but cannot recall on which site (hopefully not this one) , that Pyne recently had an arsehole transplant.
Apparently it rejected him.
Tim Wilson said that they have other important jobs as being in the chamber like attending school groups visiting the parliament.
Apparently Turnbull has said that he read the “Riot Act” to those who left early. As the Riot Act enables authorities “to declare any group of twelve or more people to be unlawfully assembled, and thus have to disperse or face punitive action”, I suspect that he picked the wrong thing…
all those that pissed off early, have they claimed the living away allowance for thursday night ???
OMG this is just so so so so good!!!!!!!
katter got it right about the bathroom I can see the libs cross legged till a labor/independent goes for a leak (oops a bit ambiguous) and pynenut says go go go
Andrew Wilkie voting with the Government on this was a bit of a shock,Xenophons Rebekha Sharkie may as well just set up camp there with the LNP, no surprise there
So with the Indies, Andrew and Rebekha supported the Government, Katter supported Labor and Cathy went home
The only part of the prediction unclear from Bob Katter is that will they run in pairs to the door :aka Abbott&Pyne when Thommo crossed the floor
“Mr Speaker I have to go and can you pair me with a Labor MP who needs to relieve themselves”
I think it might have been Dutton & co,edged on by Abbott, who pulled the stunt. Has followed up with fight with Morrison over super, public announcement that economy i n fire straits, must cut spending. This is only day 2, What will tomorrow bring,
They intend to sit 28 days between now & 2.1. 2017. Yes sitting Christmas?New Year weeks.
Why not sit earlier Thursday, if they need time to catch planes home. Like say 8 am. #auspol
“Pyne Delivers” – loud meaningless noises, blame lies with everyone else but him and performances worthy of the worst of method actors with more than a touch of certifiable lunacy (and I don’t mean that last bit in a nice way).
Turncoat will be desperately trying to get the pairing arrangement up and running and I hope that Labor tells him where he can put it.
Prime Minister Turnbull during the election campaign, purported to have the authority to redistribute $1billion from the CEFC, to fund his ‘new Clean Energy Innovation Fund’ (CEIF).
$1 billion was set aside to finance a ‘Better Cities fund’ announced two thirds of the way through the campaign; and a further $1 billion ‘drawn ‘ from the “Green Bank ” to clean up the Barrier Reef ($0.6 Bn is mentioned in an advertisement. in the Australian newspaper for jobs to deliver higher water quality in farm runoff in what looks like a subsidy to sugar/ ethanol industry). $100 mill was set aside to prevent the closure of the Steelworks in Whyalla SA, and the University of Tasmania’s Northern Campus in Launceston received a pledge of $150 million extracted from the CEFC.
These monies are part of the proposed omnibus legislation meant to wedge the ALP.
prime Minister Turnbull is fundamentally saying to ‘Tasmanians can have an expanded Northern Campus or a renewable energy industry, but not both.’
The total pledged so far is $5.6 billion. Ministers have illegally planned to remove the total disposable funds from the CEFC by pledging the total amount left in the CEFC.
So we have fallen for the ‘good old look over there at the $1 billion from ARENA being secreted away
While he nicks $5.6 billion of future out of the CEFC promised to our children by Wayne Swan, Penny Wong, former PM Julia Gillard & Christine Milne.
At the same time Turnbull is subsidising the fossil fuel industry with $20 billions of taxpayer funds.
Prime Minister Turnbull’s pledges are described in the mainstream media as‚ a pea and thimble trick‚ the shifting of committed money from funds out of the so-called Green Bank (the CEFC), into the Clean Energy Innovation Fund (CEIF) and other economic sectors favoured by the LNP and regarded by the electorate as worthwhile.
These changes to the CEFC Act 2012, are not yet legislated. By retaining the $1.3bn in uncommitted ARENA funding over the next six years as government policy, it can reduce debt rather than enhance the renewables industry.
Prime Minister Turnbull, Deputy Prime Minister Joyce, Former Prime Minister Abbott, Ministers Pyne, Hockey, Cormann and Hunt are attempting to convince the public that they and cabinet can re-purpose and re-direct the Acts, without going back through parliament.