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Strippers, Grandmothers, Wedding Cakes And Political Correctness!

Yes, we all know that it’s political correctness gone mad. When Greg “The Greatest Minister In The World” Hunt gets criticised for simply telling a 71-year-old grandmother that she needed to “f * * * ing get over it, you need to f * * * ing make Senator Scullion your best friend”. I mean, what’s the world coming to if you can’t tell people to do something that involves a lot of asterisks… Back BPC (Before Political Correctness), we used to take all sorts of risks and we certainly wouldn’t have restricted ourselves to asterisks. We used to let our children play on the road and if a car happened to hit them, instead of getting all hung up about how many beers the driver may have had, we’d send the kid to bed without supper and not rush him off to hospital for x-rays just because his arm was now at a funny angle.

Of course, I could understand the outrage if it was about the idea that anyone should be forced to make Nigel Scullion you’re “best friend”, but that’s an entirely separate issue that doesn’t seem to attract the same level of attention.

Yep, it seems that all the wrong things attract attention these days. Take Barnaby Joyce… Yeah, enough said.

For example, another matter which attracted attention in Victoria this week was the decision by someone to hire a stripper at the Bayswater Football Club. Honestly, back in my day, strippers were compulsory. In fact, we used to have them in the clubrooms before the game to get the boys into the right frame of mind for football. Once all the primitive juices were flowing, we’d be more than ready to go out and perform on the field.

However, some people found the idea of a stripper at the club politically incorrect, just because the function was for the Under 19s. Well, that and the fact that the Under 16s had also been invited along. But I say, balderdash. Isn’t it better that these boys were out, doing something with their mates instead of slowing up the NBN by watching porn at home?

And, of course, all the talkback callers were just presuming that the stripper was a woman! I mean, who knows, in these politically correct times, it may well have been a male… Which would be terribly confusing, because I wouldn’t know whether to rant about the attempt to impose a gay agenda on young boys or whether to continue my rant about political correctness preventing people from hiring whomever they chose to.

Anyway, at least the US Supreme Court has sensibly ruled that people can’t be forced to bake cakes if it’s against their religious beliefs. Well, not so much the baking of cakes, but the baking of cakes for people who were going to do things that they disapproved of, such as eating the cake at a ceremony to solemnise the commitment of the people ordering the cake. Sorry, just to be clear here. It’s not so much the eating of the cake at the ceremony as the idea that a baker should be allowed to express their disgust that people don’t live according to his or her moral code by refusing service. At least, I think that’s what it means. Anyway, this ruling should help do away with all this political correctness where people are trying to impose their beliefs on others by enabling religious people to try and impose their beliefs on all their clients.

Which makes me think that there’s a fantastic business opportunity screening potential clients for bakeries. Actually, not just bakeries, but florists and all sorts of other businesses as well. People hoping to use their services could be asked to fill out a survey something like this to see if they have the necessary morals to be acceptable:

  1. Have you engaged in premarital sex?  
  2. Do you believe that the universe was created at 6pm on October 22nd, 4004 BC, or do you think that Archbishop Ussher failed to take leap years into account? 
  3. Are you willing to agree to perform sexual acts only in the bedroom after dark?
  4. Do you intend to have sex after the wedding for any reason apart from the procreation of children? 
  5. If your activity does not result in one child in the first two years will you a) accept it as God’s will and stop, or b) try more often?
  6. Is there an approved Bible in your house? (Approved Bibles to be listed according to the baker, florist, etc preference)
  7. Will all your sex be in the missionary position as God intended? 
  8. Will you allow a person of my choice to come to your wedding venue/house to perform whatever exorcism is deemed necessary?

Then it’d be much easier for people to discriminate against all people whose lifestyle offends them. That should prevent any accusation that they’re homophobic!

 


15 comments

  1. Keitha Granville

    hahahahahahahahahahaha

    I LOVE the questionnaire !! Can we have that introduced as a Parliamentary pre-selection one too ?? Please, pleeeeeeze.

  2. helvityni

    One of your best, Rossleigh. I’m now thinking; which one would I prefer: to be sworn at by Hunt ,or to have Scullion as my best friend…

    Maybe the latter as I don’t know who he/she is….?

    My mum was a very wise woman, when we dobbed our brothers or sisters in, she used to give us all a smack on the bottom…that was in the times when smacking was still allowed…

    Mum was also a very busy woman, she had a farm to run and having nine children not much time left for long psychological discussions…and fact-finding….we all became good people and learnt to solve our disagreements better without further intervention from adults… (like Hunt, Dutton or Michaelia).

  3. Michael Taylor

    Rossleigh, you didn’t happen, by chance, to raise the 150,000 big ones to pay for my interview. 😜

  4. Rossleigh

    Sorry, Michael, but after the Barnaby fiasco, nobody’s prepared to pay that – even for an interview with Elvis.

  5. Josephus

    Usually known as Bishop Usher btw. Was ridiculed by brave atheists/sceptics of his time. Voltaire the deist, after hearing about fossilised molluscs newly unearthed, declared them to be pilgrims’ emblematic shells. Teilhard de Chardin the Catholic was excommunicated for supporting evolution , but has since been rehabilitated apparently.

    I like to imagine dinosaurs and other ancient critters sharing the jungle with a pair of white blonde humans lacking belly buttons, a talking snake with legs and a god that walks in a garden . I fret over what language said snake and god spoke, though….

    The Chinese have the right idea. They must carry a social conformity ID card, so if you are a critic of the regime or a bit sleezy you lack the points to eg send your kid to a good University.

    Religion has one set of rules, and nationalism another. Travel exposes one to competing nationalisms and to other, equally firmly held belief systems. In California conformity may require magnets hung around the bed and the uttering of Krishnamurti truisms.

    Montaigne: what is true one side of Pyrenees is falsehood on the other side. Satire is one way to counter groupthink, that and avoiding all state or/and religion sanctioned commemorations and rituals. Oh, and the local redneck pub.

  6. Michael Taylor

    That’s such a pity, Rossleigh.

    But I remain unmoved. The price still stands. 🐿

  7. Wam

    What a great read, Rossleigh! My wife will be wondering what is causing my giggles in my afternoon nap.
    But barnaby gyrating on a pole with the lnp stuffing dollar notes into his jock strap is delightful.

  8. Stephen Brailey

    Thanks for the laugh. It’s good to sometimes take a step back from all the lunacy and remember the old clique about, “life being to serious to take seriously”?!

  9. johno

    To not be able to buy a cake from a shop because of ones sexual affiliation is well up there in the dumbness department.

  10. Kronomex

    Time to go way out on a limb here: Could you imagine what would have happened if the baker had been asked to put a big creamy filling in the cake.

    Answers to quiz –

    No, but my tissue collection filled the cupboard.
    It was 6.30pm because of the tea break.
    If you mean Romeo and Juliet in rubber wear and whips, count me in.
    Who’s going to wait until after the wedding.
    (b) Try more often with a good dose of rabbit hormones.
    Does the Kama Sutra count?
    Let the damned missionary find his own partner.
    Is there a shopping list of exorcists I can peruse first?

  11. Matters Not

    The baker is differentiating (in marketing terms) – hoping to attract homophobes. Only works if a small number so do.

    But it’s a gamble. After all, he’s on the wrong side of history.

  12. cathamo

    This article is just brilliant. Love it has made my day!

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