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Stripper Wanted – I have this great idea for a short film…

Ok, I suddenly realised that my title sounded a bit sexist. Perhaps I should clarify that I want a male stripper. Although I guess that’s definitely sexist…

Anyway, while trying to explain the whole Lionel Murphy thing to someone, I started talking about the nature of politics and how when you do something as incompetent as appoint someone to a highly paid position where they’re meant to enforce the law, it’s really important to check that they haven’t actually broken the law themselves. Particularly not in their official capacity… (Note to anyone out there who wants to pick this up and sue, don’t forget that I haven’t mentioned anyone by name so you’d be pretty silly to recognise yourself by that, and, more importantly, I have no Cash to settle and my assets aren’t enough cover your legal costs even if you won!) And then I talked about Lionel Murphy and how I suspect that the only reason that this is news is the futile hope that it’ll make people talk about something about from mistakes the living have made and not the unsubstantiated claims about someone long dead.

Anyway, I had this wonderful idea of getting a Malcolm Turnbull mask and placing it on the stripper, while the clothes had various things written on them. You know, things like “I want a Republic”. A bit of a tease, then he rips it off and flings it aside.

Then one by one, he tosses his clothes off with various principles written on them till we get to his G-string.

And there we see: “Climate Change Action” written on the front.

Someone calls out: “Your arse is showing, Malcolm!”

The stripper replies: “Not to you, I’m pointing it toward my back bench!”

A bit of a dance.

He whips off his G-string and we see two lumps of coal.

Tony Abbott runs out and grabs the lumps of coal.

He fondles them and says, “My precious, my precious!”


Mm, yeah, you’re right. There’s no way that I’d get a stripper to do that. Perhaps, I need to send Malcolm an email and ask him if he’ll do it himself in return for my promise to support him. That’s a much more likely prospect!


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  1. Zoltan Balint

    You do realise that the lump of coal they had in parliament was sprayed with something like hairspray so Barnie and Scott would not get dirty hands … just imagin the reaction if you sprayed soneones …

  2. Harquebus

    A Malcolm Turnbull nude dancer! You’re sick.

    I like dancing naked to 70’s music and trust me, it’s not something that you want to see.

  3. helvityni

    Can Mal dance?

  4. Kaye Lee

    :”Can Mal dance?”

    Not really

  5. rossleigh

    Oh be fair, he’s been dancing to the tune of other people for a long time now!

  6. Glenn Barry

    Spot on Rosseligh and by his performances I can attest that he sure as hell can’t carry a tune, so being a marionette looks to be his thing


    sounds like fair dinkum artz council grant material! oh sorry i forgot – thats all been dudded…you’ll need to seek investment out there in the non existent market for your avant garde project. good luck with that…or should i say ‘break a leg’.

  8. wam

    Perhaps the image for ‘precious’ is trumball’s ring slipping onto the rabbott’s finger??

    I can’t see much future in dance comparisons remember kiribati????

  9. Ricardo29

    There are two potential makers of your film as an animation at least, Parkinson who does those pieces on Insiders or Le Lievre who does animations for Crikey. Perhaps someone will suggest it to them. Not too sure about the last frame, Tony grabbing the lumps, might be misinterpreted.

  10. Vikingduk

    Having done a bit of male stripping, either with paint stripper, scraper and wire brush or, on occasions, sandblasting, I’m wondering if either of these methods could be incorporated in your blockbuster?

    I can guarantee either of these methods would get the fizza dancing and prancing, wishing he would of/should have taken the abbott path of selling his arse rather than his soul, his integrity, his character. Just another show pony, the mouth for hire, a true lawyer.

    Fizza, you f#cking sock puppet, I see the slime drip from you as you so magnificently orate, I see the brownish dribble oozing from your mouth, I see the blackness of your heart.

    Traitors, every last one of these f#cking politicians, betray all of us powerless piggy banks indiscriminately — child woman and man, betray the earth and all its life forms so you rabid shits can follow your precious ideology.

    F#ck you fizza and all who follow you.

  11. Zoltan Balint

    Why do people have to swear. An insult or a put down is best when delivered with a smile. Vikingduk lost me when he used the four letter word like it was a bridge in thought. But I do agree with his overall intent. F $#k! (Now that is how you can use it)

  12. Vikingduk

    Well, Zoltan, f#ck is how I use it. I feel no need to do as you say, thanks. If the moderators decide on censorship by finding the word and the sentiment behind my choosing to say f#ck then I will listen, otherwise f#ck that.

  13. Molotov

    Vikingduk. the word ‘f#ck’ was determined to be inoffensive when used in a non threatening way as emphatic expression in the case of Butler v Police in NSW. the court said only church goers with very fragile temperments and who have lived excessively protect lives would consider it offensive when used in that way. so dont concern yourself too much with your use of it here as that seems to be safe. ps
    i highly recommend a read of the case. the magistrate uses the word frequently in the case as well as other impugned words for comparison. its quite entertaining.

  14. Barry

    Sometimes there is just no other word that will suffice…….

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