My wife watches a lot of murder mysteries, so I’ve sort of picked up how this should be done. You examine all the potential suspects one by one and then in the final reveal you announce that it was the least expected…
Ok, now I’m aware that some politicians have become very trigger happy with litigation, so let me just remind them that I have some very good lawyers prepared to represent me in any case just as long as I can find several thousand dollars a day and I’ve assured them that they should have blind faith in me. They suggested that they’d rather a blind trust account, so I said, “Set one up, why should I care where the money comes from.” One of them suggested that this was dangerous because some criminal enterprises could use it to launder money and I said that so long as I don’t know where the money comes from, I’m ok. After all, it’s not as though if I suddenly found that I had millions of dollars that I didn’t earn that any government agency could ask me to explain where it came from. At this point, the lawyer told me that I needed to retain him/her before they gave me advice explaining the law and how people who couldn’t tell the government where their money had come from often had problems with a whole range of different agencies…
Bloody lawyers!
Anyway, it seems that when you’re a Christian, all sorts of people spring to your defence… And not just the lawyers.
So, because I’ve given up on politics and gone back to writing works of fiction and because I don’t have blind trust in the legal system not ripping me off, I’m going to pitch my fiction to you in the hope that you’ll be prepared to back me to get this fiction on to the screen. I’m going to call the character, Eric.
Mulligan Let’s imagine that Eric considers a journalist called Lucy Mulligan has defamed him. (This is work of fiction, so if there’s any journalist out there by that name – or any similar sounding name, I’m prepared to change the name so that she doesn’t feel the need to sue me.)
Eric decides to sue her but taking legal action can cost more than a humble man like him could be expected to raise, but hey, principles are at stake here so he decides to engage lawyers anyway… Mm, that’s a bit implausible unless the lawyers are prepared to work pro bono.
I know, let’s have a mystery person offer to stump up the cost for his lawyers.
Yeah, that works. Except who tells Eric? And at what point? Look, this is at the pitch stage. We’ll work out the holes in the plot later…
Ok, so he sues. This Louise or whatever her name was and the organisation behind her, mounts a truth defence. After reading the defence, Eric decides to settle for mediation. After mediation, Lucy or whatever her name was, says that I’m not apologising. To which, Eric says fair enough at least I didn’t get my day in court and this story has a happy ending because – after standing up for his principles – Eric can tell us all that he had a great victory because Lucy has promise not to reveal the allegations in return for paying the cost of his parking during the mediation session.
Now this is an elevator pitch and I’ve already taken too much time unless the elevator is stuck between the floor working on a federal integrity commission and the floor purchasing aircraft to battle bushfires…
The big climax where the intrepid journalist gathers all the suspects in the one room and reveals the forces working against her.
- Is it the man who blamed her for spending a year in jail for a crime that the Highest Court in the land found that he shouldn’t have been found guilty because juries don’t quite get the law and can’t find people guilty when we don’t like the decision?
- Was it the Chinese who hoped that by saving him, they’d one day be able to make Eric the leader of our country? Or even more implausibly, a popular name?
- Was it the friends of Lucy Mulligan who hoped to one day force Eric into an admission of guilt because they’ve formed the blind trust with the name “WeScrubPhotos&OtherEvidence.”
- Was it some elaborate EricKeeper scheme whereby the taxpayer was billed through some elaborate scheme?
- Or was it the white-shoed friend of the ghost of Joh Bjelke PetaSon who through channelling Joh, understands that you can bankroll most politicians and they’ll be prepared to head your party…
Ok, there’s a few flaws in this. For a start, at what point did Eric realise that he was being set up by taking the money? I mean, he can’t be completely stupid or where’s our hero.
And, if I make it suspect number 5, isn’t that a little too predictable given he’s been using his money to buy political influence since I didn’t have blind trust in our political system.
And, why did Eric decide to go ahead with things unless he already knew about his benefactor?
And why didn’t the High Court open up Western Australia?
Oh wait, that’s a whole other story…
Anyway, my lawyers will be drawing up my GoFundMe page so that I can get this work of fiction actually onto the big screen… or the little screen… or just made into street theatre.
Please contribute… We need all the blind trust we can muster.
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Ha! I had a good giggle. Thanks.
Oh Rossleigh!?!?! 😂😂😂😆😂😆😂😆
For an analysis of a murder mystery, I refer you to the Tony Hancock episode ‘The Missing Page’ in which Hancock was reading a book called ‘Lady Don’t Fall Backwards’ in which the last page is missing. He and Sid go to extraordinary lengths to work out who did the murder(s) by reviewing all the people mentioned in the book. Brilliant.
No such analysis is necessary to work out the criminals in Scummo’s gang… it was the whole friggin’ lot what done it.
There are none so blind as those who will not see. The worst of these idiots are religious christians!
I would trust the faith of such a blind religious christian idiot less than the distance I could spit in! 😎
I have contributed one million dollars to your Blind Trust, Rossleigh, but as it is forever shrouded in secrecy and anonymity you’ll never know if I really did so you’ll just have to take my word for it.
Thought for the Day : Do Blind Trusts come with brown paper bags or do you supply your own ?
PS : Sam Dastyari is watching proceedings with interest because if Porter gets away with this charade then Sam wants his job back.
Final point. If you were wondering if Porter has done anything wrong you just have to look at the Ministerial Code of Conduct which clearly Scotty hasn’t.
Section 2.2.1
Ministers are required to exercise the functions of their public office unaffected by considerations of personal advantage or disadvantage. Ministers, in their official capacity, may therefore accept customary official gifts, hospitality, tokens of appreciation, and similar formal gestures in accordance with the relevant guidelines, but must not seek or encourage any form of gift in their personal capacity.
Close the door as you leave, Mr Porter !
Australia may not be a republic but it sure as hell is a Banana Kakistocracy
Except Terrence Mills, Porter will whine that he did not “seek” or “encourage “ a million dollar donation toward his legal fees, that it just magically appeared, much to his surprise and excitement. Anyone who believes that will find that there are a number of bridges in the Sydney area that are for sale at a very reasonable price.
Obviously Porter is auditioning for the part of Stan in “Stan and Ollie’ the musical,boofhead Morrison having already secured the role of Ollie.As we have observed,this ‘government’ has already descended into high farce and low comedy.Karma is alive and taking no prisoners.
Good point Patricia but it could be argued that a person who purports to have the competence to act as a Minister in our government and in this case was Attorney General has a greater duty than the average person as a matter of basic due diligence which would require knowing and disclosing when the Trust was established, who established the Trust (it’s called the Legal Services Trust) what the stated purpose of the Trust was, how much money was in the Trust and who stumped up the money.
How do we or he know if the anonymous donor(s) could exert influence over him were he to stay – it could be a New York based media mogul who hates the public broadcaster or a WA mining magnate who needs a few favours from time to time or even a Chinese billionaire with close ties to the CCP.
If Porter wants to hide behind an artificial legal shroud designed to obscure truth and transparency then he is not fit to be in parliament let alone a cabinet minister.
We shall see !
The nice very christian can always claim he can’t see his benefactor because he’s got the brown paper bag over his head and the eye holes are around the back. So there, you skeptical lot.
This is very bad, yet we are drowned in problem and controversy. Never have we had such an evil, childish, inadequate, devious, untrustworthy , inferior bunch in government, not since 1901. Now we have reverted to a pre1914 standard of imperial, racist, ignorant aggressive policy outlook, ready to buy weapons we do not understand, and cannot produce or maintain, at high and inflating retail prices from a nation that elected a TRUMP, in its utter idiocy. The world is turning rotten, and our P M, a Putrid Mentality, is disgusting.
……. and the “donation” is probably tax deductible so now I have a warm fuzzy feeling that I’ve contributed.
…and some christians rely on everyone else being blind… and stupid.
Dear, dear ….. I must learn about these new magical banking practices …… here’s me thinking all corrupt political payments were made by brown paper bag just like Joh Bjelke Petersen & co practiced in their rape of Queensland trying to build a 19th century agricultural fairyland.
Alleged rapist Porter has once again demonstrated that he is iunfot for amny public office because ego alone is no recommendation for Ministerial office.
George, I’ve been in a few friendly discussions (disagreements, actually) with some ‘true’ Christians. Like the ones who believe the world was created a few thousands years ago and when questioned about 70 million year old dinosaur bones answer that they’re all fake. They were all made by non-believers so that people will doubt the word of God.
Or the one that tried to tell me that God created the large; the billions of galaxies, and the small; every microscopic organism.
But this one is my favourite: I was talking to a bloke at work about how eyes were first developed (how sight had evolved). He said it was rubbish. “God gave all the creatures eyes,” he responded. So I ask where God got his/her eyes from. “God already had them,” came his reply. 🤦🏻♂️
Aye Michael, or should I say Eye..
“Blind Faith”… One cannot argue with a brick wall, less when it’s part of a church wall! 😑
Michael, or that the Earth is really flat but God won’t let us get to the edge… coz we’ll fall!
It can get that ridiculous and funny, until these drongos end up in Govn’t!
Surely this “blind trust thingy” means that I could set up a blind trust to give me an income! That way I would not need to rely on the aged pension.
Seems to me that this is a far superior reason than a blind trust that seeks to pay the legal costs of a thick plonker who runs up a legal bill to sue someone and then pulls out when the evidence might hurt him.
I always understood that when you hire a lawyer and you then don’t follow through you are still liable for those costs.
Why hire a lawyer, they are an ongoing expense… Far cheaper to just buy a judge!
George,
I thought the world was shaped like a banana.
GL Depends on how bent you’ve made yourself with all that “shake but don’t stir” stuff you’ve been guzzling!
And then there are others who see the planet as a screw driver, with very little orange juice.
Ok, well, Porter has resigned. Chris Uhlmann gave a recount which made it sound like it was all the ABC’s fault and we – like Porter – still don’t know who was behind the trust. But instead of worrying about the potential for corruption and the principles behind conflicts of interest, the media seem to be content with the fact of his resignation and aren’t prosecuting the idea that we’re being told that it was his decision so Morrison still doesn’t hold either a hose or ministers to account.
Yes, it truly is impossible to see the Forest for the Twigs in all this.
Seems like it’s unacceptable to have a Member of the Executive beholden to a potential extorter but okay when it comes to a Legislator.
What if he becomes a Member of the Judiciary? Because it’s not unheard of for an ex AG to go down that judicial path,
Again the optics are problematic. But only in Australia?
Oh please bring on the satirical film script: Between Woody Allen and Sidney Lumet; this Hilarious-Nation-Shifting-story of Democratic Corruption is a film that must be made! Can’t see Screen Australia getting involved so maybe we need a Blind Trust to fund it?