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Slippery Scotty and the Corona agenda

Scott Morrison is not my favourite person. I’m not alone:

“Mathias (Cormann) regarded Scott (Morrison) as emotional, narcissistic and untrustworthy” – Malcolm Turnbull.

“An absolute arsehole” – former Justice Minister Michael Keenan describes Morrison.

* * * * *

One year after Scott Morrison’s purchase of the election with hundreds of millions of dollars of quietly-found money Australia’s COVID-19 death toll hit 100 when great-grandmother Fay Rendoth succumbed to the virus at the Newmarch Home For Sitting Ducks. Did any Tories celebrating the anniversary of Smuggo’s election artifice give Fay a second thought over their celebratory flutes of Pol Roger Brut and mascarpone sprout canapes with black truffles, smoked sesame seeds and wine salt? How many dead grannies and nurses does it take to dampen the self-congratulatory party mood of born-to-rule Tories? I suspect it is many, many multiples of 100.

Over in the RWNJ’s Randesque nirvana of neo-liberalism, the USA, the death toll is quickly heading to 100,000.

On a per capita basis that is:

Aus: 1 person in 260,000 has died.

USA: 1 person in 3,280 has died.

At this point in time an American resident has 80x the chance of dying from the virus as does a resident of Australia. Eighty times!

While Australia’s infection rate has trended downwards the rate of infection in the US continues to climb so that inevitably the contrast will become even starker.

There are, of course, many variables that account for the stunning contrast – not least being the bloated, syphilitic, dysfunctional, gibbering rapist and crime boss that is the US’s Individual 1 (Septic Tank 1, if you prefer).

Despite superficialities and our embrace of much of their culture we’re not like Americans, and so we’re not in thrall to a discoloured, deranged degenerate – a soulless sinkhole of avarice, a mangy, yellow cur, a cartoonish effluvium of every flaw and vice whose positives are limited to his syphilis test results, a globular travesty so ridiculous as to be unimaginable as a fictional life form.

In Oz we’re lucky that our government is merely corrupt, incompetent and ideologically bankrupt. Our own imbecilic madman Friar Abbott and his personal monkey trainer Cruella DeVil had their Trumpish attempts to fuck over the country rudely interrupted by the realisation that no, we are not as susceptible to blatant fuckwittery as are the Yanks. And so by happenstance we now find ourselves with a smug, Machiavelian liar and charlatan at the helm, someone who cannot default to an insanity plea should karma prevail and he finds himself fronting a corruption enquiry.

Smuggo’s standing on the shoulders of far more capable state leaders as he struggles with concepts that are typically anathema to himself, his party and their paymasters – the helping hand, social cohesion and looking after everybody is what has saved us from the worst affects of the contagion and the worst excesses of the herd-thinners. Could it be that while Flim Flam Man seeks to hide his true self from scrutiny he is capable of self-reflection and understands his own significant limitations and unpalatability after his contemptible behaviour during the fires? It seems that the public is prepared, so far, to give him a pass on that basis.

In the face of a crisis that cannot be dismissed with spin, a slogan or a smirk and that cannot be lamely blamed on Labor has Smuggo changed? Has the L/NP? The new and improved ScoMo, wartime leader? FFS! And lonely Jen, sans her self-pity coach, locked away in iso at The Lodge where the butlers and the maids can’t hand deliver the hot towels. Behind the media puffpieces they’re all still there – complaining about the bald kids in wheelchairs getting priority in the queue at SeaWorld, the seal clubbers, the granny killers, the grifters and the shonks.

The cult of the profit t/a the Coalition have been as busy as Barking Barmy Joyce’s designated driver – there’s a national crisis to monetise. The Tories are not returning to type. They never changed, as evidenced herewith.

* * * * *

The worthy unemployed and the unworthy unemployed – JobKeeper and JobFinder. Only the twisted brain of a Tory could conceive such punitive poppycock.

* * * * *

Snapback – the return to a trajectory that flew us into this building in the first place. “There’s not enough money – people will have to starve” so that the money can still be shovelled to the mates, the family interests and themselves. Why shouldn’t nurses cop a pay cut to cover the cost of the L/NP cronies’ lobster lunches?

* * * * *

CO2 is good for you. Senator Concertina Ferrari-Wheels is the homophobic Duttonista from Wollongong who uses her tits as a travel pillow and who was barred from her pilates class when the other members kept checking the velcro on their gym shoes every time she did a squat. But you can’t keep a good nutter down – Connie has been speculating on how more verdant her coriander, bok choi and lemon basil would be if we pumped even more carbon dioxide into the atmosphere. Perhaps she was chosen to be the champion of CO2 by her fellow vegetation.

* * * * *

It’s always a crowded field when it comes to nominating Tory whack-job of the month and always in contention are fellow yokels Barking Barmy Joyce and Gorgeous George Christensen, both opining on the appropriate ways to keep China in line. No doubt Gorgeous thinks that his familiarity with the seedy dives of dodgy Filipino neighbourhoods equips him with the diplomatic skills necessary to bloody the noses of the Chinese Communist Party but his belief that Lapland and Poland are S.E. Asian nudie bars probably disqualifies him from further consideration as our next Minister for Foreign Affairs.

* * * * *

The ability to fuck up everything you touch seems to be one of those Essential Skills on many a Tory MP’s job description. So, step forward Stuart Robert, Minister assisting the Pime Minister for fusterclucks. Robodebt fiasco – check. MyGov DDoS attack that wasn’t – check. Autistic kids waiting hundreds of days to access NDIS – check. Outrageous home internet bill – check. Shares in a trust linked to the mining company of a Liberal donor – check. Gold Rolex – check. Sacked from the ministry for dodgy Chinese trip – check.

Brother Smuggo: “Brother Stuart, praise the Lord – how’s the rollout of the BigBrother app going? Spud wants to know when he can get to insert a backdoor so he can track those lefty journalists and the 14 y.o. terrorists from Extinction Rebellion.”

Stuie: “FUBAR!” (Fucked Up Beyond All Recognition).

What Stuie needs is a different app – let’s call it e.coli. To tell him how shit he is.

* * * * *

These are but random examples of recent Tory dysfunction and nastiness that come readily to mind. We could fill a book if we tracked every example – including such disasters as Greg Yorrick Hunt ordering huge batches of hydroxychloroquine as a COVID-19 treatment following Deranged Donny’s grasping at poisonous straws and the millions of wasted dollars paid to Lib pal Twiggy Forrest for useless PPE.

It’s the standard, expensive Tory farces from the “better managers.”

Cartoon by Alan Moir (

Much of this will be forgotten, as Smuggo believes it will. The lumpy carpet in the PMO covers Fingers Taylor and his #grassgate, #watergate and the doctored documents scandal, Bam Bam McKenzie and the sports rorts scandal and the PMO’s piracy of Malcolm Turnbull’s book etc etc etc.

We’ve been lucky with the coronavirus so far and we’ve seen some sterling leadership from the state premiers. Smuggo is back to his smirking self, fronting the media with his freshly crafted persona of man-in-charge while stealing the limelight but pirouetting and exiting stage left when subjected to uncomfortable questions.

We are confronting a climate catastrophe of far greater consequences than COVID-19 yet we have a collection of disaster capitalists who seem determined to accelerate it. Smuggo hasn’t changed, the Tories haven’t changed and the RWFWs of the IPA monkey typing pool, the Murdoch propaganda machine, the MCA and the BCA haven’t changed. They are using the cover of COVID-19 to sneak through climate wrecking legislation, worker exploitation, evasion of scrutiny and accountability and erosions of our freedoms.

The main thing that is changing is the climate – polluted and vandalised and monetised by the Tories who are not a part of the cure. They are the disease.

This article was originally published on The Grumpy Geezer.

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  1. Keitha Granville

    your erudite turn of phrase never ceases to impress me

  2. Ken

    Another brilliant sum-up of SFM & Co

  3. Ken

    The good ol’ US of A wins again by 80x !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Geoff Andrews

    Thank you.

  5. Potoroo

    Abbott inheriting a hostile Senate that blocked his worst excesses was merely fortuitous, but it said nothing about our national character. That we reelected this twice-proven corrupt, cruel, incompetent and mendacious government for a third term shows that we are, in fact, as prone to f*ckwittery as anybody else, including the Americans, much of whose stupidity we import and adapt for domestic consumption. If we truly want to progress we must first rid ourselves of our gigantic flaw of pretending we are so much better than we are.

  6. New England Cocky

    But GG, these are the politicians Australian voters elected to parliamentary office, so could the real problem be determined political ignorance by Australian voters who chose to whinge about the inept ruling COALition misgovernments rather than vote for and benefit from positive policies hidden under the Labor brand.

    Where are the thinking Labor strategists now because I cannot see any Labor policies being promoted anywhere.

  7. andy56

    Potoroo. I always said that at least 1/3 of the population are effwits, full stop. Just look at american polls, 36% think he is doing a good job. I rest my case. Face it, its inbuilt human nature. We tried to overcome it with education for all. All it has achieved is for the smart ones to use the dumb ones for their own agendas using techniques learnt at school. “Factory fodder” does as ” factory fodder ” does.
    Revolutions dont come around often enough i say, tongue firmly in cheek.

  8. Old bloke

    ‘IPA monkey typing pool’, priceless. But well established by mathematicians that given enough time a real monkey typing pool would come up with something worth reading. Not from the IPA lot though.

  9. Barry Thompson.

    Excellent comment Potoroo.

  10. jimbo

    Gonzo Journalism at it’s best!!! You’d be banned over at the so-called ‘Independent Australia’. The fake ‘progressives’ that mostly postulate (pustulate) hack, dullard flimsy rubbish. Oh yes. I’ve been banned for daring to dispute their pandering intellectual disgrace.

    The shitstorm is just percolating and we ain’t goin back to Kansas Dorothy.

    Have a Barley on me!!!

    Strength and Honor!!!


  11. Robin Alexander

    Excellent article my sentiments exactly! Just wonder where its,all going to end!LNP INTENT in not wanting a Parliament?sat 60days only previous 2yrs end sittings Dec2019 announced not sitting until Early Sept2020! Had 1day sitting pass money Bill? Excluded Opposition from everything all discussions during this crisis? After all they represent good 50per cent population according to election results! Only won with help Preferences?1seat only! End sittings Dec 2019 CORMAN stated “We don’t really need a Parliament” found that alarming from top minister? ATTORNEY general PORTER recently “I consider sitting in Parliament waste of my time”? He is using his time researching all our laws set in stone for decades now he has changed 137 unchallenged as no parliament although Senate threw 1out in sitting for 3days? Understand 37 changed laws cannot be rescinded? No doubt he will change many more unhindered to take total control of population making sure we cannot fight them? Truly does anyone else feel an unease with or PM many top Ministers devout believers of Cult wing Hillsong free to carry out their AGENDA? After reading it I certainly am thy are brainwashed to infiltrate all governments for control live as they believe LOVING PRAYING only for extremely wealthy! ALL OTHERS are of Devils making MUST NOT BE CARED FOR! Here the nutters are in charge of our country for gods sake! Something must be done before there is nothing!

  12. Grumpy Geezer


    jimbo’s comment. LOL!

  13. Michael Taylor

    Grumpy, might have a barley myself. Jimbo might be onto something there. 🥃

  14. johno

    Just cracked a barley myself. I raise me stubby to the end of the COALition at the next election.

  15. New England Cocky

    Just announced tonight, Whitehaven Coal has been granted an extension of their coal mining activities around Gunnedah NSW. Now is that why Barnyard Joke was pushing for Apsley Falls SE of Walcha to be dammed and the water flow re-directed west into the MacDonald River and hence down stream past the Gunnedah coalfields, to supply water for coal mining in a region where scarce water resources are best utilised growing food and fibre?

    Perhaps knowing that the CEO of Whitehaven Coal is former Nazional$ Party political leader Mark Vaile may colour the views of New England voters skeptical about the amoral intentions of the Nazional$ and their obvious self-serving COALition politics.

  16. Marie

    What do we do to fix this????

  17. Jon Chesterson

    Priceless and on the money!

  18. Ray Tinkler

    Robin Alexander

    “Truly does anyone else feel an unease with or PM many top Ministers devout believers of Cult wing Hillsong free to carry out their AGENDA?”

    There should be much, much, more than just unease Robin. I hadn’t seen/heard those quotes from Corman or Porter before, but I am in no way surprised by them. What they show is whether or not the rest of the LNP share the actual particular religion of the PM and his cohorts, what they are doing is not only quite OK with them, but eagerly accepted. I hold the view that the conservatives have only paid lip service to the concept of democracy for as long as it has existed, knowing that they can deceive their way into power whenever it suits them. But now, with this monumental deceiver we have in charge, they feel they can finally break even those shackles. The barefaced boldness of such statements, not showing a hint of concern that they will be challenged over them, is hard to believe possible. Somehow they have managed to anesthetize the populace to their intent. Have the population really become so blase and can’t see what’s going on?

  19. Michael Taylor

    Jon, fitting you should turn up as me, Grumpy and jimbo are about to enjoy a whisky. 😀

    (Grump might have started an hour early but we’ll cope).

  20. andy56

    Well the news out of china is pretty dismal/fantastic depending on where you sit in the coal exports business/environment scale. Chinese power stations have been directed to not buy from us.
    Stranded assets anyone? Fire sale going on, even clive will take a nice haircut. Thats without the iron ore new testing procedure. I can tell you, Gena, Forrester, Fortescue and BPH will not be happy.
    We will be savaged economically. The LNP has already thrown its hands up and said we won.

  21. Kathryn

    Grumpy, why don’t you run for political leadership? You have 100 x times more intelligence than the mediocre, virulent little misogynist, Abbott – mind you, a telegraph pole could outwit and outshine Phony Tony! You’ve infinitely more charisma than the smirking, bible-thumping hypocrite, MorriScam, who is about as funny as a uranium enema, with as much foresight as Mr Magoo and the compassion of a starving crocodile! In fact, we suspect you have more wit, compassion and foresight than the whole useless, stone cold cabinet of LNP psychopaths put together! If you were PM, this country could progress in a way it will NEVER be able to under the gormless, self-serving, totally corrupt mismanagement of the worst pack of lying, conniving sociopaths and political parasites ever seen in our nation’s history – and there is no doubt that, with you at the helm (instead of the smug, humourless elitists in the Lying Nazi Party), we would have a lot of laughs throughout the journey! You got my vote, GG !

  22. Aortic

    The cost of the job keeper program has been reduced from 130 million to 70 million. No errors by Treasury or the ATO, a reporting error, whatever that may be. Mon Dieu, with Treasurers like Hockey, Morrison and one Frydenberg, how much has the taxpayer lost through sheer incompetence and ineptness. if I thought too much about it, I might even have to have a drink.

  23. Jack Cade

    We learned today that 1000 companies employ 3,000,000 people. And we are expected to believe that they were paid for 1.
    There are a few common sayings that are apposite for this government, among them one relating to pissups in breweries and another to roots in brothels…

  24. Ray Tinkler

    $60,000,000,000 will make a nice election slushfund.

  25. wam

    Well boys don’t bother to skimp on the barley with trump stepping into the breech we will have surplus barley for the foreseeable future.(do you think australia would ‘dump’ ‘subsidise’ or bribe” or is china just capitalising on the rabbott’s robb errors in FTA?)
    As for ” quietly-found money’
    it was only available because the loonies voted to dump the ceiling in 2013(reasons will be clear in 2023 after the usual 10 years hiatus of party honesty)
    It was only quiet because billy kept it so for 6 years. All the time the loonies kept pressure on labor . Billy resisted the urge to smack brandt and the boys and suffered accordingly. This time the loonies will be over the moon is bashing albo with extremist views to con another few million out of unthinking labor voters..

    ps the birdman of alkatraz was on and the big line when stroud won over the public the gaoler said ‘the public have short memories. A great truism but keep refreshing and it becomes believed.
    Albo start on smirko and his fries and give the loonies and phon the extremist treatments

  26. king1394

    Apparently the lease expired on the Abbotsford CentreLink Office

  27. Carl

    As a non drinker do you guys mind if I have a Lemon Barley Water with yez instead?

  28. Cool Pete

    Well, Potty Rotten has been found to have forgotten that he purchased a shopping centre in Townsville for $750,000 for a company where Mrs Potty is the only employee. If Mrs Potty hasn’t got enough with trying to convince parents that she’s really Mary Poppins and that Potty Rotten is really a combination of Peter Pan and Roald Dahl’s BFG.

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