Hubris is a dangerous thing. Nobody should ever presume an election is done and dusted until the votes are counted. However, Tim Wilson told us:
“We’re all counting down the days till we no longer have this Leader of the Opposition and his pointless and menial matters of public importance because we all know what’s going to happen at the election which is, of course the government is going to be returned.”
Personally, I’d never say such a thing if I were in government because I don’t think that it plays well with the public, but what would I know. I’m not an MP in a safe seat, which he apparently is because if I were in a marginal seat, I wouldn’t give my opponent a free shot by claiming a premature victory. I guess this means that Zoe Daniels doesn’t have a chance in Goldstein…
Attitudes to the “Voices of” Independents seem quite confused. On one hand, we have the Liberals telling us that they’re just a front for Labor; on the other, we have people suggesting that they’re closet Liberals. Whatever they are, I’d rather that they held the balance of power than have the Morrison government returned. I say this, not because of any difference of opinion I have with their policies, but simply because rewarding their incompetence and misuse of taxpayer money would only encourage more of the same and another term of this government would be the worst thing that could possibly happen for Australia!
Or would it?
I mean, I’m forgetting that Australia is composed of a number of different groups and some would be winners and some would be losers. So let’s have a look at who’d be likely to be winners out of a return of Scotty from Muckiting. I’d argue that the biggest winners would be the following groups:
- Liberal donors who’ll get lots of government contracts
- Unemployable Liberal MPs who wouldn’t get a job in the private sector.
- The Alcohol industry and drug dealers who’ll get a boost when people use these as a crutch to cope.
- Other countries who’ll benefit from Aussies travelling overseas to get away from it all
- The Labor Party
What? you’re saying, the Labor Party? How can the Labor Party possibly benefit?
Well, to explain that we need to have a sliding doors moment. Imagine if Bill Shorten had actually won the 2019 election and the Labor Party had been the ones who’d had to deal with Covid. Yes, they would almost certainly have done things more efficiently… In fact, I think the people who run the school canteen in almost any school could have done it better but remember we’re not comparing the fantasy with the reality of the Engadine Macca’s job that Morrison did with Covid. We’d have everyone in the media complaining because of the stimulus packages, the economy, the mandates, whatever Labor did would have been compared to the lily-white perfection of the Coalition who would have argued that were they in power, they would have had the vaccines three weeks before they were invented, the stimulus package was too generous, that the mandates were too harsh and that, while deaths are inevitable and we need to open up, every death is Labor’s fault.
So let’s do some crystal ball gazing and imagine that miracles do happen and all that time Scott’s spent on his knees has had some effect. (By that, I am referring to his praying and not his attempts to ingratiate himself with various newspaper editors, just in case there’s any confusion.)
Ok, Morrison has won and this has put a big dent in the leadership ambitions of Pete and Dud. They have very little power because Morrison has done the unthinkable – many MPs who were behind either Dutton or Frydenberg will be converts to the Church of ScoMo. The sensible thing here would be for Morrison to find his rivals a couple of overseas postings and move them away, but that would be too much like a reward when he’d much rather revenge. He’ll do a reshuffle and announce that Alex Hawke is the new Treasurer because Josh just isn’t up to it, having failed to rein in the debt and deliver a budget surplus. Peter Dutton will be given the role of Minister for Women, killing two birds with one stone. “That’ll teach women to march,” he’ll think.
Having won two impossible elections, ScoMoses will actually think that he is the chosen one and won’t actually worry about fixing any problems because when you have an operating model that works, why fix it.
“We’ve allocated over two billion dollars to the problem!” Yes, Prime Minister but how much have you actually spent? “How good is saving money?”
So, when the predicted inflation hits, “Not a problem, look at unemployment.” Interest rates? “But look at what your house is worth… Besides they’d be higher under Labor!” Housing prices stagnant? “Isn’t this great? Gives first home buyers a chance.” Petrol prices rising? “We said fossil fuel was a great investment! How good is BHP’s share price?” Healthcare overwhelmed. “That’s a state responsibility. I don’t hold a bedpan, mate.”
Having perfected a model that there’s no need to do anything until an election, Mr Morrison will feel like it’s time for a well-earned holiday taking Jen and the girls to the sun in somewhere other than Cuba. As for the promises made in the election campaign, well, it worked in 2019 and it worked in 2022, so why would we actually deliver more than a handful? We promised car parks in two elections and it worked, so what will have to offer if we actually build them?
With the election safely out of the way, we can begin on Budget Repair!!! This will mean slashing all sorts of things such as healthcare, the NDIS and unemployment benefits. It will also mean that there’ll need to be levies on a range of things because the Liberals are a low taxing government and they never, ever put taxes on things but a levy is a whole other story. Something like a levy on low-income earners to encourage them to earn more would be entirely consistent with the Morrison government’s philosophy.
As for climate change and the integrity commission, well, there’s a target of 2050 for both. After all, Morrison got the National Party to agree to net-zero by 2050 by agreeing to do nothing at all while in government and giving them some unspecified bribe. And who needs an integrity commission when you’ve already got so much integrity that you’ve won two elections by lying your arse off!
Of course, all this will be unpopular but the polls won’t matter because the election is so far away and they’ve been wrong before. Eventually, the hubris of the government will be their destruction. Labor will not come into power just at the time that inflation takes off and interest rates rise. For once, they won’t have to take the blame for economic circumstances that have nothing to do with the governing party.
Given the best-case scenario for the Liberals is that they limp back into government with a similar majority to now, I would suggest that the best-case scenario for the Liberals is that they don’t. Let Labor take the blame for rising petrol prices and inflation and pretend that you had everything under control. It seems to work for them!
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