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Scotty Wins OR “We All Know What’s Going To Happen At The Election!”

Hubris is a dangerous thing. Nobody should ever presume an election is done and dusted until the votes are counted. However, Tim Wilson told us:

“We’re all counting down the days till we no longer have this Leader of the Opposition and his pointless and menial matters of public importance because we all know what’s going to happen at the election which is, of course the government is going to be returned.”

Personally, I’d never say such a thing if I were in government because I don’t think that it plays well with the public, but what would I know. I’m not an MP in a safe seat, which he apparently is because if I were in a marginal seat, I wouldn’t give my opponent a free shot by claiming a premature victory. I guess this means that Zoe Daniels doesn’t have a chance in Goldstein…

Attitudes to the “Voices of” Independents seem quite confused. On one hand, we have the Liberals telling us that they’re just a front for Labor; on the other, we have people suggesting that they’re closet Liberals. Whatever they are, I’d rather that they held the balance of power than have the Morrison government returned. I say this, not because of any difference of opinion I have with their policies, but simply because rewarding their incompetence and misuse of taxpayer money would only encourage more of the same and another term of this government would be the worst thing that could possibly happen for Australia!

Or would it?

I mean, I’m forgetting that Australia is composed of a number of different groups and some would be winners and some would be losers. So let’s have a look at who’d be likely to be winners out of a return of Scotty from Muckiting. I’d argue that the biggest winners would be the following groups:

  1. Liberal donors who’ll get lots of government contracts
  2. Unemployable Liberal MPs who wouldn’t get a job in the private sector.
  3. The Alcohol industry and drug dealers who’ll get a boost when people use these as a crutch to cope.
  4. Other countries who’ll benefit from Aussies travelling overseas to get away from it all
  5. The Labor Party

What? you’re saying, the Labor Party? How can the Labor Party possibly benefit?

Well, to explain that we need to have a sliding doors moment. Imagine if Bill Shorten had actually won the 2019 election and the Labor Party had been the ones who’d had to deal with Covid. Yes, they would almost certainly have done things more efficiently… In fact, I think the people who run the school canteen in almost any school could have done it better but remember we’re not comparing the fantasy with the reality of the Engadine Macca’s job that Morrison did with Covid. We’d have everyone in the media complaining because of the stimulus packages, the economy, the mandates, whatever Labor did would have been compared to the lily-white perfection of the Coalition who would have argued that were they in power, they would have had the vaccines three weeks before they were invented, the stimulus package was too generous, that the mandates were too harsh and that, while deaths are inevitable and we need to open up, every death is Labor’s fault.

So let’s do some crystal ball gazing and imagine that miracles do happen and all that time Scott’s spent on his knees has had some effect. (By that, I am referring to his praying and not his attempts to ingratiate himself with various newspaper editors, just in case there’s any confusion.)

Ok, Morrison has won and this has put a big dent in the leadership ambitions of Pete and Dud. They have very little power because Morrison has done the unthinkable – many MPs who were behind either Dutton or Frydenberg will be converts to the Church of ScoMo. The sensible thing here would be for Morrison to find his rivals a couple of overseas postings and move them away, but that would be too much like a reward when he’d much rather revenge. He’ll do a reshuffle and announce that Alex Hawke is the new Treasurer because Josh just isn’t up to it, having failed to rein in the debt and deliver a budget surplus. Peter Dutton will be given the role of Minister for Women, killing two birds with one stone. “That’ll teach women to march,” he’ll think.

Having won two impossible elections, ScoMoses will actually think that he is the chosen one and won’t actually worry about fixing any problems because when you have an operating model that works, why fix it.

“We’ve allocated over two billion dollars to the problem!” Yes, Prime Minister but how much have you actually spent? “How good is saving money?”

So, when the predicted inflation hits, “Not a problem, look at unemployment.” Interest rates? “But look at what your house is worth… Besides they’d be higher under Labor!” Housing prices stagnant? “Isn’t this great? Gives first home buyers a chance.” Petrol prices rising? “We said fossil fuel was a great investment! How good is BHP’s share price?” Healthcare overwhelmed. “That’s a state responsibility. I don’t hold a bedpan, mate.”

Having perfected a model that there’s no need to do anything until an election, Mr Morrison will feel like it’s time for a well-earned holiday taking Jen and the girls to the sun in somewhere other than Cuba. As for the promises made in the election campaign, well, it worked in 2019 and it worked in 2022, so why would we actually deliver more than a handful? We promised car parks in two elections and it worked, so what will have to offer if we actually build them?

With the election safely out of the way, we can begin on Budget Repair!!! This will mean slashing all sorts of things such as healthcare, the NDIS and unemployment benefits. It will also mean that there’ll need to be levies on a range of things because the Liberals are a low taxing government and they never, ever put taxes on things but a levy is a whole other story. Something like a levy on low-income earners to encourage them to earn more would be entirely consistent with the Morrison government’s philosophy.

As for climate change and the integrity commission, well, there’s a target of 2050 for both. After all, Morrison got the National Party to agree to net-zero by 2050 by agreeing to do nothing at all while in government and giving them some unspecified bribe. And who needs an integrity commission when you’ve already got so much integrity that you’ve won two elections by lying your arse off!

Of course, all this will be unpopular but the polls won’t matter because the election is so far away and they’ve been wrong before. Eventually, the hubris of the government will be their destruction. Labor will not come into power just at the time that inflation takes off and interest rates rise. For once, they won’t have to take the blame for economic circumstances that have nothing to do with the governing party.

Given the best-case scenario for the Liberals is that they limp back into government with a similar majority to now, I would suggest that the best-case scenario for the Liberals is that they don’t. Let Labor take the blame for rising petrol prices and inflation and pretend that you had everything under control. It seems to work for them!

 

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13 comments

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  1. GL

    Little Turdy’s, I mean Timmy’s, comment smacks more of: “When we get back in make the most of it peasants because it’s the last free election you are ever going to see!”

    If on the off chance that they do lose there will be a raging plague of selective amnesia and paper/files destruction within the LNP and then a few days later everything will be Labor’s fault. The main sleaze media, after Albo tells The Murdoch to fuck off (hopefully), will go all out with their usual vileness and low bar, well, no bar, trying to tear Labor down.

    Scummo will most likely get the chop with The Reichspud and “10 fingers and toes” Friedeggburger fighting it out to see who gets the leadership. Then will come the, “The people have spoken.” “We will take it onboard and learn from our mistakes.” We will listen to what masses have to say from now on and promise to do better.” and other such hoary and spurious bullshit we expect from them.

    What astonishing insight and amazing…a well, “Duh!” moment from Bill Gates to tell us that there will be another pandemic. Gosh, who’d a thunk it could never happen again.

    A thought: Next thing you know Bill be trying to sell a new improved anti-virus package. Oh wait, I must be thinking about Windows and not people. Silly me.

    https://thehill.com/policy/healthcare/595030-gates-says-risk-of-severe-covid-19-have-dramatically-reduced-warns-of

  2. Joe

    Thanks for the laugh GL, that comment by Bill cracked me up. Another once in 100 year pandemic, 2 years after the last one. Classic. What has the Wuhan Lab and Fauci cooked up this time around. Time to add another chapter to ‘The Real Anthony Fauci – Big Pharma’s Global War on Democracy, Humanity, and Public Health’?

  3. leefe

    “We’ve allocated over two billion dollars to the problem!”
    Yes, Prime Minister but how much have you actually spent?

    I wish someone in the MSM would actually ask that question and push for an answer.

    Sundays are grouse. After all the yardwork is done, just kick back with a little mango sorbet and Rossleigh’s latest. The perfect way to relax.

  4. Keitha Granville

    ‘Aussies heading overseas to get away from him’

    Yep, seriously, we’ve considered it. New Zealand probably, so we can still see the children and grandchildren now and then.

    I don’t think I can bear it. The smirk and smugness will be so much worse if he wins again.

    😕

  5. Kaye Lee

    If they win again, I wouldn’t be surprised to see the courts abolished and Sophie Mirabella put in charge of handing out all sentences. Building the subs didn’t work out. Then they gave her hubby the Senate spot and she’s only making a pittance at the Fair Work gig – “Her pay will range from $387,000 if she is appointed a commissioner to $470,000 is she is made a deputy commissioner.”

    Not that I am suggesting these sinecures are not merit based. Not suggesting anything at all. One way or the other. Nope. Not at all.

    Speaking of sinecures brings me back to Tim Wilson who seems to be filling his facebook page with photographs of himself with solar panels. It’s getting quite artistic now.

    https://scontent.fsyd7-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/274087325_501036564725510_528543254876178171_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&ccb=1-5&_nc_sid=e3f864&_nc_ohc=9vRcGEltSDwAX-BVfik&_nc_ht=scontent.fsyd7-1.fna&oh=00_AT-OyW0mXMELZ6MYhFXrzxIGZEu4Yc0unCcd_wIzXKz6jQ&oe=6217737F

  6. Wayne Turner

    Sadly,if SloMo and his dodgy co shockingly get back in. I can’t see how Labor will ever get in again?

    What would the COALition have to do worse than now,to wake up the idiots? Plus,the COALition will just continue to lie,and the idiots will believe them. Aided by the COALition’s MSM.

    Add,to this: Our MSM is owed by so few,and the coffin in our former democracy occurred.When Fairfax was taken over by Peter Costello’s gang at Nine.

    Every Federal Election more than ever is the COALition’s MSM + COALition vs Labor. It doesn’t even start,as an even contest.

  7. Michael Taylor

    Keitha, Carol and I would probably consider selling up and moving to Scotland. We can run The AIMN from the Highlands as well as tend to our Hairy Coos.

    Actually, we were in Scotland on Election Day 2019. Having a coffee after breakfast I was passing on regular updates to Carol, and when it was clear that the LNP were going to win Carol sunk to the floor muttering; “This is going to be bad.” I tried to comfort her by offering a ray of hope suggesting that it might not be as bad as she thinks it will be.

    Well, wasn’t I the stupid one!?

  8. wam

    So sad that your description is of biblical prophetic calibre, Rossleigh.
    Albo should sue scummo for defamation.
    Shithead penberthy should be congratulated for his insightful ‘vitriol’ should see scummo home. I was stupidly under the impression it was the libs spreading the vitriol but as usual it is labor’s evil influence over the ABC that will bring home the miracle. Is he right, Rossleigh, will the vitriol seen on the morning shows bring a miracle?
    My theory is the miracle will come before the election is called. ps Years ago, Michael, I remember you writing on scotland but it is too close to england that’s why most scots live outside of scotland. If scummo wins come north and keep warm. You can finish law up here. .

  9. paul walter

    It is too dark to contemplate.

    Another Shorten type near-miss to end a horrific decade.?

    Are we, as a People, REALLY that stupid, selfish greedy and mulish?

  10. Consume Less

    If I prayed it would go a bit like this. Dear Dog, please save Australia from Scooter and co.
    Just too depressing to contemplate, another round of Scooter and his crew of morons, not to mention Dutton waiting in the wings.

  11. CRMA

    Love, love, love the appraisal of the current degenerates in governments performance! Seriously, no one should vote for Scummo, Spud head, Fraudenburger and any of the lame, corrupt, do nothing morons. Enough is enough the experiment hasn’t worked, unless you’re a multi multi millionaire, donor, corporate owner of the Libturd mafia syndicate! Yep, its way past time to take the garbage out, 10 yrs overdue and it stinks to high heaven.

  12. Terence Mills

    Figures compiled by the Parliamentary Budget Office showed almost $13 billion of the Jobkeeper handouts went to companies that did not satisfy JobKeeper’s criteria in its first three months of operation. Company reports show some of the scheme’s cash has flowed into executive bonuses or increased dividends for shareholders.

    Frydenberg doesn’t want to talk about this which is directly attributable to his management of the economy and represents the biggest blunder in economic and fiscal management this country has ever seen. Had this blunder occurred under a Labor government you can be assured that the coalition would have hounded the responsible minister out of office. Instead, the spin doctors employed by the coalition (there are lots of them) are trying to position the Morrison/Frydenberg government as the better managers of the economy.

    If Labor cannot counter the spin then they will remain in opposition : this morning I have heard two government ministers on ABC RN – Sussan Ley* and Dan Tehan spruiking about the rail problems in NSW and tourism respectively. I hear that Dutton , Payne and Morrison have been on commercial TV talking about China (lasers) and Ukraine (Dutton and Payne want to send armaments to Ukraine).

    But I have heard nothing from Labor so either they are not being invited to comment or they are not interested in the free exposure. If they are not being invited on the ABC or the commercials they have to demand equal time or they are lost.

    Sussan Ley was saying that Labor should use their influence with the union to stop the strike : the unions are saying that workers have been locked out by the Perrottet government. who’s telling the truth ?

    Labor must counter this spin and Albanese must use his talented team more effectively !!!!

  13. GL

    The smell of burning plastic raincoats emanating from the office of The Reichspud’s at his excitement of war will have the smoke alarms running non-stop if the rumours are true. Just think of all the soothing hand cream he’s going to need as his fingers and palms keep blistering. Scummo will be out there belting the jingo and war drums into small pieces. Would he consider it a good time to call the election?

    https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/feb/20/russia-invasion-ukraine-biden-blinken-us-national-security-council

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