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Scottie And The Art Of Shaking Hands!

When a worker refused to shake Bill Shorten’s hand in the election campaign, it made headlines. Bill should take a leaf out of Scott Morrison’s book who knows better than to let someone get away with that.

Here we see a woman reluctant to shake his hand.

Knowing that a photo can be paused anywhere, Scomo, using his famous “space invader” tactic, shows Bill how it should be done. Rather than being left hanging, he does something he hasn’t been able to do for much of his Prime Ministership: he takes his hand out of his pocket. He then uses it to grasp her wrist.

With a firm grasp on her arm, he manages to force her hand into his where he gives it a hearty, Mark Lathamesque pump, before walking off when she asks for more funding for the RFS.

At this point, I should issue the warning that this is only an approach that I would recommend to politicians. Don’t, for example, think that you can use the same approach if a person doesn’t want to kiss you at the Christmas office party, as political correctness gone mad demands that you obtain consent from people before manhandling them.

Just in case, you think there was something sexist in his approach, our Prime Marketer also showed the value of his empathy training by approaching a resting firefighter. Unlike most Liberal politicians, he didn’t ask him why he was resting. Instead he offered his hand.

This time, when it became clear that the man was just going to look disdainfully at the hand, Scottie adopted the switch approach, by quickly turning his hand and grabbing the fellow’s left hand as though this was some secret handshake between trusted colleagues.

Later, Morrison further showed the value of his empathy training by explaining that he didn’t take it personally and he understand that these people were just upset that they wouldn’t be able to make it to the cricket.

He went on to say, “There’s been a lot of noise and issues that people have sought to raise about these fires.”*

Noise? Don’t people realise that he only listens to the quiet Australians? You know, the ones who are saying anything…

*Actual quote. Not satire.

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  1. New England Cocky

    Uhm … a person with a legal bent may just consider Scummo’s actions as assault.

    Just think of the headlines (in the MSM?) ….. “Prim Monster Assaults Citizen to get Publicity Pic”.

  2. Baby Jewels

    A man who cant see reality, doesn’t believe in science, and refuses to listen to the people, is not fit to be PM. He must have known his anti-climate change, anti-spend money on anyone but the rich, stance, would eventually come back to bite him on the bum.

  3. Harry Lime

    Now IS the time to intensify the pressure,he is clearly beginning to unravel as the bullshit is falling on deaf ears.Stick a fork into him, he’s done.Are you counting the numbers,Heinrich? The Ides of March beckons.

  4. Anthony Williams

    New England Cocky, that was my immediate thought. Why should a pollie – least of all a pollie – get away with what an ‘ordinary’ person probably would not in these ‘politically correct’ times? The (hopefully) resultant fine could go to a firefighting fund or towards compensation for the victims of the fires.

  5. Phil Pryor

    Who would want to touch a pot of poo? The Head Moron is as ugly an anus as you could ever see, both inside and outside of the crapulous, superstition riddled skull. Poor Lincoln and Kennedy, good men, and still the Trump and Morrison types walk around, wanting endless recognition and support, and, for what? Ignorance? Stupidity? Selfishness? Who could support such shit? Why?

  6. Harry Lime

    I really like your erudite savaging of the Head Dickwad,saved me a similar diatribe.

    Let’s hope the worm is turning.

  7. Vikingduk

    A local aviation company, McDermott Aviation, already supplying fire fighting choppers at work over all of this devastated country, have a joint-venture arrangement that could supply a Boeing 747 VLAT (very large air tanker) capable of dropping 74,000 litres of water/fire retardant at a time. Could be here in 48 hours, if requested. Why hasn’t it been requested? Got to save the surplus?

    The company has 40 aircraft and support teams already deployed across fire zones. Teams of engineers in 10 trucks towing 10 vans work through the night servicing choppers ready for the next day’s work.

    That surplus is sacrosanct eh morrison, let the place burn, plenty of thoughts and prayers, more than enough to go around.

  8. Vikingduk

    Harry Lime, let us hope so, certainly this dribble from a pox ridden camel is getting savaged on the ground, in the world’s media and the Twittersphere, social media. Unfortunately, if this turd is flushed, we still have a toxic bunch of motherfckers, father rapers, evil mongrel bastards with the Dutton thing at the helm. We need the lot gone.

  9. Kaye Lee

    “I don’t take these things personally. Why would I?” says the man who waved a lump of coal around in parliament, the man who pushed through the Adani approval, the man who wants to underwrite the expansion of new coal-fired power stations, the man who suggests we “pray”.

  10. paul walter

    And cut off the RC into the banks and smirked his way through Robodebt and its numerous deaths and the cruelties of Manus and Nauru as well as turning down reconciliation with First Australians.

  11. Bert

    They should of nutted the munt while they had the chance

  12. Aortic

    ” Where the bloody hell are you? ” was the question and the good people of Cobargo gave him the answer and it wasn’t Aloha welcome to Waikiki. As he sidled away it was another example of how utterly uninspiring this guy is during these times of crisis and tragedy. Consider the evident heart felt empathy displayed by the NZ Prime Minister following their recent tragedy and the grace displayed by Daniel Andrews whose genuine concern is evident and palpable on our tv screens. Minister Constance got it so right, ” he got the reception he deserved.”

  13. Deany

    Shaking hands is not an option I would take. Imagine the smegma laden mitt he would be grasping you with while the compliant media burnt through their flashbulbs for the best shot of this creep and yourself. You, the weary and distressed survivor of Scum’s burnt out policies. (More coal). Headline: SCOMO COMFORTS VICTIM. It would be better to just turn your back on the mongrel. Everyone in unison. Turn your back on him and stand silent. It is a Universal message.

  14. New England Cocky

    @Bert: if you rummage around in my shed you just may find an old tin of green castration rings and a suitable applicator that would ensure the marked entity suffered three days of excruciating pain before the ringed members dropped off in the paddock.

  15. Kathryn

    Deany, I concur with your new and rather impressive version of using the term: QUIET AUSTRALIAN to better effect! Considering EVERYTHING ordinary Australians (and scientific experts) have said about climate change, the appalling inadequacies of Newstart, the callous inhumanity by his rogue government towards vulnerable asylum seekers, the doubling of our national debt and deficit, the waste and abuse of taxpayer funds by rorting, corrupt and entitled members of the LNP, the LNP’s horrendous abuse of taxpayer funds to build dams for PRIVATE use only (by corporate predators), the ongoing catastrophic vandalism of our environment, the lack of leadership, the sneering condescending contempt for ordinary Australians – has ALL fallen on TONE DEAF EARS, many Australians can justifiably wonder: “What’s the frigging point in saying ANYTHING to this pompous, pontificating, supercilious, bible-thumping hypocrite?”

    Therefore, we plead all Australians who’s body space is threatened and affronted by the approaching bulk of arrogant, self-promoting, misogynistic bullying prime monster, should consider the following course of action:

    1) PUT YOUR HANDS IN YOUR POCKETS (so the weasel is not able to grab your wrist in an appalling display of forcing his agenda for a cheap ‘n nasty photo op),

    2) TURN YOUR BACK! Yep, STEER AWAY FROM THE SNEER! Normally, this behaviour is discouraged and considered “rude” BUT in relation to our deaf, dumb and head-in-the sand snake-oil salesman, Morrison, it is probably the ONLY way to turn the prime monster’s agenda of a self-serving photo op AGAINST him!

    3) SAY NOTHING! DO NOT ENGAGE! Instead use QUIET RAGE to let the sycophantic Murdoch-manipulated press know just HOW much contempt, disillusionment and anger is festering out there against the Morrison’s offensive born-to-rule arrogance, lack of leadership and coal-loving, climate-change-denying idiocy! Of course, Morrison, will no doubt circle you like a predatory hyena (moving in for the kill), pleading to be heard, desperate to seek some type of meagre confirmation (no matter how pathetic or accidental) – DON’T LET HIM. Every time you see the smirk in your peripheral vision, pretend you are a roast on a spit and just keep turning around! After all, THAT is how MorriScum sees us all – products to be used and abused to satiate his OWN self-promotion, greed and enhance his OWN enormous vanity!

    With a lot of luck, this simple distortion of what it is to be a QUIET AUSTRALIAN will be photographed and sent all around the world showing that, unlike the dumbed down fools who helped drag this monstrous aberration across the electoral line in an appalling act that lacked any foresight or good judgement, the new, improved QUIET AUSTRALIANS do NOT support what has become (like Phony Abbott) yet ANOTHER international joke, a shameful embarrassment and a despised misrepresentation of our highest office! Let us show the world our universal message that this totally inept, stone cold sociopath will NEVER represent us!

  16. corvus boreus

    If I was accosted by some random scomo wanting to shake my hand and I turned my back on it I would be afraid that it might seize the opportunity to spoon me from behind.
    As such, in the case that such an unlikely event should occur, I will either;
    A; Spit heartily onto my palm then gleefully grasp it’s paw,
    B; grab it by the wrist, subtly apply a kotegaeshi grip and direct the grasping mitt towards my groin, then indignantly bellow; “GET YOUR HAND OFF MY PENIS!!!”.
    Fantastic optics either way.

  17. Michael Taylor

    Mark Latham came up and shook my hand during the 2004 campaign.

  18. crypt0

    Haha ! Fantastic optics indeed !
    Would dominate the world’s media for a week at least … and the ‘Strayan media for all of about five minutes!

  19. corvus boreus

    Did he ‘inadvertantly’ break any of the bones in your hand, wrist or arm during the shaking process?

  20. Michael Taylor

    All bones intact, corvus. Would you believe that in those days he was an OK bloke?

    I have some stories that back up this claim, but I’m enjoying a whisky after gardening all day and it’s time to chill out. Remind me though.

  21. corvus boreus

    Michael Taylor,
    Slainte mhath.

  22. Aortic

    Glenfiddich Michael? Here’s tae Ye and whas like Ye.

  23. Matters Not

    Kathryn re:

    … the doubling of our national debt and deficit

    The deficit has doubled? Are you sure? As I understand it, Morrison hopes for a Budget surplus this financial year and is doing all in his power to achieve that but you are asserting that the deficit is (or will) be doubling.

    Perhaps you have a link?

  24. Michael Taylor

    Very common phrase in our house, corvus. Usually begins with someone saying “Care for a wee dram?”

  25. Michael Taylor

    Either Drambuie or Stroma, Aortic. 🥃

  26. corvus boreus

    If you have a taste for the strong and syrupy, as well as the Gaelic whiskey based variants (ie Drambuie, Stroma [hard to get in straya], Glayva and Lochan Ora) I also recommend ‘Krupnikas’, a vodka and honey based liqueur from the Baltic state of Lithuania.
    Although lacking the malt-whisky flavour of the Scottish Liqueurs, it is still mighty palatable, and mixes rather well with the Caledonian drams in a way that mimics my own paternal heritage.

    Ps, the traditional Lithuanian toast to health is ‘sveikata!’.

  27. Michael Taylor

    Glayva isn’t too bad, coming in third behind Stroma and Drambuie. nicks.com has Stroma, but it sells out rather quickly though you can put your name on the waiting list. Failing that, I get it sent over from the UK during times of desperation.

    Lochan Ora I do like but nobody in town sells it. Damn them.

  28. JudithW

    I wonder if a group of schoolchildren outside the PM’s residence would be moved on if they were praying…

  29. johnyperth

    Where is Mc Comorkic??
    He’s head of he Nat’s.
    I think the Nat’s vote will collapse at the next federal election, then, the Morrison government will loose the election.
    I also think that One Nation will pick up a lot of votes.
    The Fishers and Rifle will pick up a smaller swing.
    Just think how a coalition of Liberals and One Nation would perform??
    I don’t any bills would pass!!??

  30. New England Cocky

    @johnyperth: As much as I would like that to happen, from too many years politicking in New England it is very difficult to get local bogans to change the voting patterns established for their families about 100 years ago.

    “Nat$ were good enough for Granddad so they are good enough for me” is the classic reply when ageing graziers are questioned about the declining economy in towns.

    Or the “informed comment” that “David Drummond (Country Party) has done a wonderful job in New England” ….. BEFORE HE RETIRED IN 1961!!!

    Or the nat$ Dowager,”I want Armidale to stay the same as it was when I arrived in 1961″ ….. so now we have a 1961 future in a 21st century world; a long stagnant population, no real non-agricultural industries and the 4% of the population of 25,000 (about 1,000 persons) involved in agriculture stressed out by having no jobs, no stock feed and often no house water ….. and the Nat$ Dowager living in 24/7 metropolitan palliative care.

    People having nothing, little imagination and no desire to change anything are our present impediments. This is the present situation in New England ….. and has been for over 50 years!!

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