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Scott Morrison Commits His Cabinet To Meeting And Beating Matt Kean

NSW Environment Minister, Matt Kean, recently suggested that some federal Liberals are pushing for more action on reducing emissions and arguing that we shouldn’t be using carryover credits from Kyoto. When Scott Morrison was asked about these comments he told us, “Matt Kean doesn’t know what he’s talking about, he doesn’t know what’s going on in the federal cabinet [and] most of the federal cabinet wouldn’t even know who Matt Kean was.”

Well, I guess that Kean is only a Liberal minister in the relatively unimportant portfolio of “The Environment”, in the relatively unimportant state of “NSW”, so why should any of the cabinet have any idea who he was, so I don’t understand why people are reacting so negatively to Scottie’s frank admission.

I, for one, am hoping that this will be the start of more honesty in politician’s answers.

For example, next time someone is asked about the Sporting Grants scandal, it’d be a refreshing change if, instead of trying to argue that no rules were broken, they simply said, “Look, this whole exercise was an obvious attempt to bribe marginal electorates. You know that, I know that, the general public know that and the people who got the bribes know it… But, they must have been pretty happy because they voted us back in, so we know that simply dangling shiny objects in front of them will be enough to distract them next time, so we may even get away without actually stuffing up our plans for a surplus.”

Next time Scottie gets asked something like, “Does Germany’s decision to quit coal put any extra pressure on Australia to increase its emission reduction efforts?”, he could reply, “Look, Germany can do what it likes, but half of my front bench couldn’t even identify it on a map, let alone tell you the name of any German leader since that one who did such a good job at getting the budget back under control.”

Actually our PM could go on and explain that the only reason he took that lump of coal into Parliament was because it had gone down a treat when he took it into the party room, where most Liberal MPs oohed and aahed and said that they’d always wondered what coal was, and it was really good to see it up close and to discover that it wasn’t dirty at all. He was actually quite surprised to find that many other people had actually seen coal before and, unlike his compadres, knew what it looked like.

Anthony Albanese could also benefit from this new approach too. Instead of playing all cagey when asked about putting a figure on Labor’s emissions reduction targets, he could simply say, “Look, it’d be silly to put a figure on it, but as you seem to want one, how much would you allow before you’d follow up with a question about how much that would cost… I tell you what, Morrison is committing to meet and beat their own targets and we’re prepared to commit to beating what they beat it by plus another one percent. And we’re committed to this costing $10 less than it would be under the Liberals. Are you happy now? Because there’s no way I can possibly know whether any of this is possible so far out from an election and once we’re elected we can just ignore all our commitments like the Liberals do… Budget, in the first year and every other year, my arse!”

Even the interviewers could get in on the act. Instead of repeating the unanswered question, they could simply say, “Minister, clearly you’re not going to ask the question that I just asked so can you just tell me which questions you will answer so we can stop this ridiculous pretense that somehow by repeating the question a couple of times, you’ll forget that you’ve been told to change the subject every time I mention this indefensible behaviour from your party?”

Ok, I guess it should be a matter of concern that if most… let’s remember Slomo did say “most”! Most of the front bench would respond to a text message from Matt Kean proposing a meeting with “Who dis?”

But they lack of knowledge of Matt Kean does make one wonder who else don’t they know.

I mean, did Pauline suddenly change her vote on the Ensuring Integrity For Anyone But Us and Our Friends Bill when one of the Liberal Cabinet members shook her hand and said, “Pauline was it? And which party do you represent?”

Did they ignore the Garnaut report because it was too hard to spell Ross Garnaut’s name? I mean, surely some of them could spell, “R-O-S-S”!

Do they ignore all those reports and Royal Commission recommendations because they don’t know the person who wrote them?

And is that what happened with the recent Auditor General’s report?

“Who’s this Grant Hehir guy?”

“He’s the Auditor-General?”

“Oh, what’s that?”

“It’s a role where they check to see that government money is appropriately and efficiently spent?

“Ah, do we really need someone doing that?”

“Yeah, it’s mandatory. Don’t worry, we’re going to privatise it.”

Now, I don’t want to start any silly rumours here. A high-up Liberal source told me that he was totally unaware of any government plans to privatise the role of auditor general, but then when I asked him what he thought about Scott Morrison’s comment regarding Matt Kean, he did reply:

“Hang on, I’m just trying to place the guy… Just a second, Scott, oh, he’s the PM, isn’t he?”

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19 comments

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  1. RomeoCharlie29

    Rossleigh, glad you picked up this latest piece of nonsense from the accidental PM. Really, he is like a third rate stand-up comedian. Every time he opens his mouth he confirms, if it was needed, his absolute unfitness for the job. Next he’ll be saying that Bridget McKenzie was perfectly entitled to rort the sports grants. Oh, he has already? QED

  2. pierre wilkinson

    Scottie from marketing banned honesty, but like integrity and empathy no one in the party knows what any of them are, so ignore his edict and carry on blaming Labor and stating that all is well with the country and the budget… when they are allowed to say anything at all that is.

  3. Harry Lime

    That bloke in the picture.. what’s his name? But this I know…he’s the worst arsehole this country has yet encountered,and copying the Orange Horror’s hand gestures is about a thousand bridges too far.I seriously hope his “government” of misanthropic greed breeders explode in a massive shitstorm when parliament resumes.Where is our current version of Guy Fawkes? Put out an S.O.S.

  4. Kaye Lee

    Morrison said “I think Matt can focus on hazard reduction and I will focus on emissions reduction.”

    Once again, Scottyfrommarketing will do it all on his own – and all he needs is to revise some figures – change the base year, make up a huge abatement number for the LULUCF sector (ignoring bushfires), claim credit three times for increasing our emissions by less than we said we would…subtract the number you first thought of, add your birthday, turn the calculator upside down and hey presto….we have beaten our target.

    No need for anxiety when you have statistics like per capita emissions – more capitas=lower emissions. Gawd this is easy.

    Turn on the air-con and drive your gas guzzler with impunity – Scotty is focused and doesn’t need no stinkin’ help or advice from the rest of us who should just stick to our knitting and let the big boys take care of things.

  5. Phil Pryor

    The Head Moron is as queer as a square testicle, as rotten as a barrel of boiled bullshit, as dishonest as every nazi executive, as filthy in social attitude as a neurotic nutcase, as satisfying as a punctured Joyce sex doll, as effective as a ruptured rooster, and, as useless as chanel 5 on a huge turd. We have never ever had such a defective , ugly skull schemer and liar, full of superstitious bullshitting rubbish and as self inflating as a soul charged penis, poxed and putrid.

  6. Aortic

    The trouble is that NOBODY knows what is going on in the Feral Cabinet. Apart of course from the climate policies we took to the election will remain ( whatever the hell they are) NDIS at last under review for the shambles it was, Craig Kelly will not be allowed to espouse his wisdom on the great 2GB and Sky News any more, Bridget McKenzie will now become Minister for Sporting Allocations and Eric Abetz will become Minister for attracting people to Farmania now that the new Premier is somebody Gutless. Anyway, don’t tell anybody but I am off to Haw Haw I I to pick up Jenny who despite my urgent phone call, courtesy of our first class NBN, refuses to come back. So up yours Minister Keen and if I could spell the name of your Premier I would speak severely in tongues to her too.

  7. Kaye Lee

    “And I’m not going to wipe out resource industries upon which hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of Australians depend for their living.”

    Would you believe…..

  8. Aortic

    Yes Kaye as long as the ASX, whatever the hell that is and Wall Street in the US are on the rise all is well with Trumpism and Morrisism. And by the way where is the Payne and Mortison intervention in the Julian Assange case as he languishes in Belmarsh Prison for exposing the shittery that goes on behind the government of the people in the good old US of A? Fascism under Dutton needs to be exposed but apart from you guys Independent Australia the Guardian and a few others the MSM remains under the Murdochian hammer. Love your stuff and that of your colleagues, we need your voices more in CAPITAL LETTERS.

  9. ajogrady

    The evidence that this government purposely chose to ignore many experts, reports and commissions is unequivocal concerning the bushfire catastrophe that has and is engulfing this country from coast to coast. In doing so they commited and perpetrated a premeditated criminal act that caused the deaths of many innocent people, the destruction of peoples homes, the decimation of livelihoods and untold pain and suffering to many small communities. When will they be held to account for their crimes?

  10. Aortic

    Exactly ajogrady. Just watched the Magical Land of Oz, and would you believe our indigenous peoples actually knew the precariousness of the land they had been occupying for thousands of years and treated it with the knowledge they had gained over that time. Did anybody consult them or ask for their expertise? I am with you in pain at the cost of lives, homes and businesses but could it have been handled better? One can only, on the evidence available agree as your contribution asserts.

  11. Terence Mills

    Well, Sky-after-Dark certainly got the memo about Matt Kean and clearly somebody at Murdoch central knows who Kean is and has instructed the minions at Sky to go on the attack.

    Do Credlin, Murray and their colleagues at Sky sit around twiddling their thumbs until the email comes through from Murdoch central – probably Lachlan I’m guessing as I can’t imagine Rupert knowing who Kean is and then furtively thumbing in a text, to get Matt Kean, as he frolics in the surf of a Caribbean Island with Mick Jagger’s ex.

    Last night it was daggers out for Kean and the message going out was ‘we will not even discuss global warming or climate change or any possible links with the intensity of these bush-fires’ .

    One message that they are all in agreement on at Sky is that Trump is the best leader in the world and this impeachment business is all a political witch hunt and Trump should be returned for another four years if not made President for life – that text probably has the sandy thumb prints of Rupert all over it – why else would it even become a feature on Australian television ?

  12. Matters Not

    Speaking of Trump, here’s a recent review of the latest book A Very Stable Genius: Donald J. Trump’s Testing of America

    Trump grew increasingly agitated, complaining that allies weren’t paying us enough for their security, that we hadn’t looted Iraq’s oil, and that the Afghanistan war was still going on. “You’re all losers,” he said. … But here’s what Tillerson didn’t do. He didn’t call a news conference to announce that he was resigning and explain that he could not in good conscience work for a president who had such dangerous ideas about how to wield power and held the military in such contempt.

    https://johnmenadue.com/paul-waldman-there-are-no-heroes-in-the-trump-administration-washington-post-18-1-2020/

  13. Keith

    We have had drought, huge sections of the the Darling River dry, humungous bushfires creating so much despair and anxiety and cost, huge downpours, huge dust storms and huge hail storms. Yet, Matt Kean, a Liberal displaying insight is attacked. Any mention of climate change is forbidden, unless it is stated in such a muted way that it is meaningless.

    Morrison attacking Matt Kean displays just how insincere he is about his attitude to climate change.

    The IPCC have commented on fires well before the terrible current experience: “ Based on this scientific research, the latest IPCC report found in 2014 that “fire weather is projected to increase in most of southern Australia,” with days experiencing very high and extreme fire danger increasing 5-100% by 2050. And a 2015 CSIRO report concluded, “Extreme fire weather days have increased at 24 out of 38 Australian sites from 1973-2010, due to warmer and drier conditions … [forest fire danger index] increase across southeast Australia is characterised by an extension of the fire season further into spring and autumn … partly driven by temperature increases that are attributable to climate change.””

    Despite what deniers might say, the IPCC Reports are created through a consensus process reviewing many contemporary science studies.

    https://www.yaleclimateconnections.org/2020/01/how-climate-change-influenced-australias-unprecedented-fires/?utm_source=Weekly+News+from+Yale+Climate+Connections&utm_campaign=91a9915f4a-Weekly_Digest_of_January_13_20_2020&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_e007cd04ee-91a9915f4a-59298849

  14. Kathryn

    So Morrison is now ready to sharpen his knife against Matt Kean? Well, I guess the morally-bankrupt traitor and fascist dictator, MorriScum, has had plenty of practise. Morrison has proven himself to be an extremely malevolent, Machiavellian monster who has had plenty of practise backstabbing former Lieberal members – just ask Turnbull! The unspeakable level of bible-thumping sanctimonious hypocrisy, stubborn politically-motivated climate-change-denying idiocy, mean-spirited callous inhumanity and small-minded vengeance and spitefulness exhibited by the worst, most loathsome PM in our history, is absolutely astounding YET this grub just keeps getting away with it! The Jerk with the Smirk has a level of breathtaking arrogance that is beyond intolerable – he thinks he knows everything, refuses to listen to the advice of experts and climate change scientists who have studied the affects of climate change for years then vindictively attacks anyone and everyone who oppose his mind-numbing ineptitude and stubborn adherence to climate-change-denying ideology that benefits his millionaire donors in the coal-mining industry!

    The ONLY thing that Morrison excels in is mundane mediocrity and an unquenchable rapacity and thirst for fascist power! He has dragged our nation’s (once) good name through the mud, caused Australia to become an international laughing stock and effectively divided our country into two: those opposing this horrendous, fascist, hate-filled regime and those who continue to bury their head in the sand and think that everything the miscreant Morrison does is OK (until, of course, unsound, dangerous and inept Lieberal policies end up affecting these gormless sycophants by hitting them in THEIR pocket)!

    Does ANYONE recognise this country to what it was only seven years ago? If this bastard gets back in again at the next election (which is, tragically, possible considering the one-eyed bias of the Z-rated Murdoch rags, SkyNews and the ranting talking vacuous heads on 2GB) …. New Zealand may find itself inundated with requests (by disillusioned, disenfranchised Australians) for asylum!

  15. Aortic

    Kathryn, I’m all for New Zealand but fear I am too old to learn another language at this stage.

  16. johno

    Aortic, I lived there for about 18 years, NZ speak is quite easy to pick up.

  17. Kaye Lee

    Sux pieces of fush and a large chups thanks bro.

    Ka mate, ka mate! ka ora! ka ora!

  18. margcal

    RomeoCharlie : 29January 20, 2020 at 7:02 pm
    Rossleigh, glad you picked up this latest piece of nonsense from the accidental PM.

    Nothing accidental in Morrison being our PM.
    One of the best crafty bits of politicking I’ve ever seen.

  19. leefe

    Kathryn,

    Thank you for “The Jerk with the Smirk”. It’s almost good enough to wipe up the revolting thought that Phi Pryor has planted in my brain of a “Joyce sex doll”.

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