There’s been a bit of media attention about Scott Morrison phoning the NSW Police Commissioner, Mick Fuller. Let’s escape the Canberra bubble for a moment and concentrate on the facts.
- There’s nothing wrong the PM ringing the police commissioner because he needed to know about the investigation into Angus Taylor.
- There was nothing inappropriate about the conversation because the Police Commissioner didn’t tell him anything that wasn’t in the press release.
- The PM couldn’t have simply read the press release because he’s a busy man and only has time to do things like take selfies and run water to the various sporting teams that need it.
- There has been a scurrilous accusation that Morrison was a neighbour of Fuller’s who used to take in his bins. Fuller assured everyone today that he didn’t have a personal relationship with Scott Morrison. From this I infer that, as a neighbour, Morrison was a snooty, unfriendly bastard who never spoke to anyone.
- The person who made the accusation about the bins was, in fact, Fuller himself in a 2018 2GB interview… but he wasn’t lying; it was just a joke, which some people took seriously simply because it wasn’t funny.
- Many of the Liberals’ election promises can similarly be considered a joke that some people took seriously.
Now that all that’s been cleared up, I’d like to tell you that I have an exclusive. Someone has sent me a transcript of the PM’s call to his non-mate, Mick Fuller. I hesitated before releasing it because of the recent AFP raids on journalists. However, I decided that the public had a right to know, even if the letter is complete fabrication like the one Fuller made to 2GB about Morrison… That’s the one about Scott taking in his bins. I wouldn’t dream of suggesting that he’s lying about anything, even though he’s on record as saying something that he acknowledges is totally untrue. Anyway, I’ve hidden naked photos of myself in my underwear drawer, so if the AFP want to raid it, the horror may make them think twice before they do it to anyone else. There’s only so much PTSD a person can take…
“Hello, it’s Scott Morrison.”
“Scomo. You know, your PM.”
“Oh, that’s right the person who used to not take in my bins and who I don’t have a personal relationship with.”
“Yes, I guess you don’t have my number which is why you didn’t answer any of my three previous calls.”
“That’s right. I thought you were one of those annoying telemarketers.”
“No, no. I’m the Prime Minister… So about this Angus Taylor investigation, what’s going on?”
“Well, I can’t tell you anything about from what’s on public record but there’s no need to stand him down because we’re only investigating because we have a complaint.”
“Was that the one from Mark Dreyfus?”
“Exactly. Anyway we haven’t found any evidence yet and we want to make this investigation quick so there’s no likelihood that we will find any.”
“That’s good to know. So you’d say that Angus is completely in the clear and he doesn’t need to stand down?”
“Well, not until the investigation is completed because if some evidence turns up things would change.”
“That’s not likely to happen because from what I understand all the evidence was destroyed.”
“Ok, no problem then. So, is that all?”
“My pleasure… Who did you say you were again?”
“Scott Morrison. We used to live in the same street.”
“I have no memory of that, bringing in your bins or your wife, Jen.”
“Excellent. You’re a wonderful quiet Australian.”
Like I said, I don’t know if this is a verbatim transcript but, hey, isn’t it the business of the media to report all rumours, leaks and unverifiable quotes from people who may or may not be real?
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