The AIM Network

Scott Morrison And The Case Of The Incredible Shrinking Ministry

I had a concept for a Sherlock Holmes type spoof. Something like the case of the missing environment minister.

However, I’ve decided that I need to have a break before Bill Shorten becomes PM next week…

Ok, I know that making predictions can make one look stupid, but I’m prepared to do it because I actually have a pretty good track record even if I’m occasionally wrong. Nah, that’s not the reason. I’m prepared to do it because it doesn’t seem to matter how often one is wrong, nobody even seems to notice when you are. I mean, how else do racing tipsters, Alan Jones and Terry McCrann still have a job?

See, if I tip that at tomorrow’s launch, Scott Morrison will pay special tribute to his mother and tell everyone how she’s what’s inspired him, then nobody will care if I’m wrong, but if I’m right, I’ll use it to spruik my predictive credentials every chance I get. And if I say that I have it on good authority that she’ll be in the front row and he’ll throw to her and everyone will clap and when someone suggests that he’s copying Bill Shorten, Murdoch’s minions will make one last stand before that young girl stabs the King of Death and all those white-walkers are defeated…

Sorry, I think I just confused the political situation with “Game Of Thrones” because my wife decided to switch from 7:30 to GOT and when I checked Sky News, Bronwyn Bishop was on so it’s an easy mistake to make…

Let’s get back to the Bill Shorten government…I’d like to think that it’ll be much, much better than the current one.

This is, of course, rather like suggesting that – in a high jump – we are expecting a government who actually tries to make it over a raised bar rather than one which trips on the bar because they’ve lowered to the point that they didn’t even realise that it was there at all.

Now, I’d like to be positive instead of just taking pot-shots at the government, but I don’t want to be just a cheer squad for everything that Labor does. Neither do I want to become a Greens supporter. And not because I have anything against them,

So because of all this and the religious freedom debate around Israel Folau, I’ve decided to start my own religion as politics is likely to be just too hard.

You may want to tell me that I can’t just start my own religion…

However, I’d like to point out that by saying such a thing, not only are you inhibiting my free speech, but you are refusing to allow me religious freedom.

I suspect that this is the point at which I should stop before I assure you all that the creator of all that is good has spoken to me and he has assured me that Scott Morrison doesn’t have a prayer next week…And just in case you’re wondering, the creator of all that is good is not named Rupert Murdoch.

Nah, I’m free to start my own religion and you’re free to follow it. Or not.

That’s what makes me different from Rupert’s papers…

Mm, my own religion…Do I get a tax free status?

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