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Scott Morrison And The Case Of The Incredible Shrinking Ministry

I had a concept for a Sherlock Holmes type spoof. Something like the case of the missing environment minister.

However, I’ve decided that I need to have a break before Bill Shorten becomes PM next week…

Ok, I know that making predictions can make one look stupid, but I’m prepared to do it because I actually have a pretty good track record even if I’m occasionally wrong. Nah, that’s not the reason. I’m prepared to do it because it doesn’t seem to matter how often one is wrong, nobody even seems to notice when you are. I mean, how else do racing tipsters, Alan Jones and Terry McCrann still have a job?

See, if I tip that at tomorrow’s launch, Scott Morrison will pay special tribute to his mother and tell everyone how she’s what’s inspired him, then nobody will care if I’m wrong, but if I’m right, I’ll use it to spruik my predictive credentials every chance I get. And if I say that I have it on good authority that she’ll be in the front row and he’ll throw to her and everyone will clap and when someone suggests that he’s copying Bill Shorten, Murdoch’s minions will make one last stand before that young girl stabs the King of Death and all those white-walkers are defeated…

Sorry, I think I just confused the political situation with “Game Of Thrones” because my wife decided to switch from 7:30 to GOT and when I checked Sky News, Bronwyn Bishop was on so it’s an easy mistake to make…

Let’s get back to the Bill Shorten government…I’d like to think that it’ll be much, much better than the current one.

This is, of course, rather like suggesting that – in a high jump – we are expecting a government who actually tries to make it over a raised bar rather than one which trips on the bar because they’ve lowered to the point that they didn’t even realise that it was there at all.

Now, I’d like to be positive instead of just taking pot-shots at the government, but I don’t want to be just a cheer squad for everything that Labor does. Neither do I want to become a Greens supporter. And not because I have anything against them,

So because of all this and the religious freedom debate around Israel Folau, I’ve decided to start my own religion as politics is likely to be just too hard.

You may want to tell me that I can’t just start my own religion…

However, I’d like to point out that by saying such a thing, not only are you inhibiting my free speech, but you are refusing to allow me religious freedom.

I suspect that this is the point at which I should stop before I assure you all that the creator of all that is good has spoken to me and he has assured me that Scott Morrison doesn’t have a prayer next week…And just in case you’re wondering, the creator of all that is good is not named Rupert Murdoch.

Nah, I’m free to start my own religion and you’re free to follow it. Or not.

That’s what makes me different from Rupert’s papers…

Mm, my own religion…Do I get a tax free status?

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15 comments

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  1. Pilot

    Yeah, I thought I was wrong once, but I wasn’t…… Go figure. 😆😆

    Hang on a sec, if I wasn’t, because I wasn’t, then I was?

    Anyone got a beer?

  2. Alcibiades

    Start a religion ? Turn it into a tithe based tax-free money making business ? Worked for L Ron Hubbard & the pulp fiction cult of … Scientology.


    (Image)

    Bookies odds 20Mar19 (stable), a fortnight before the faux ‘Budget’:
    ALP 1.14
    LNP 4.50

    Today, with less than a week to go:
    ALP 1.13
    LNP 6.00

    Oops.

  3. wam

    Scummo is desperate to keep his women quiet and he has done a great job. Ably helped by the media who don’t seem to find any lnp women. Wonder if they have tried?

    If you start your own religion can I have folau job, as you are deficient of the education required to decide who to send to hell?
    Maybe because I am not an exponent of the run throw and fall over game, I could also organise the protection of religious rites, rights and writes?

  4. Peter F

    I believe there will be a serious requirement for someone to communicate with the weather.

  5. Terence Mills

    The Liberal party’s election launch – that’s when they officially come off the public teat – occurs today but with the absence of former prime minister Abbott (for unexplained reasons) and Turnbull having been sent to New York and his ipad confiscated, the optics are going to be a bit difficult for Morrison.

    He says, the nation is not interested in who’s attending, we are all more focused on what Scomo will be telling us about the future of our nation.

    There’s a slight problem, however in the shape of a chimp-like grinner by the name of John Winston Howard, who we all know will turn up for the opening of an envelope as long as there’s an appearance fee attached. The problem for the spin team is that they don’t want Howard to be too close to Morrison, certainly not too many photo-ops as that will feed into a Back to the Future scenario that they dearly wish to avoid.

    Then you have the gruesome prospect of the Morrison front-bench (those that remain) to grab the nation’s affection and attention : people like Peter Dutton and Michaelia Cash and the possibility of a cameo appearance from Melissa Price [cue wild cheering] delivering a message on skype from an undisclosed location in the Blue Mountains.

    There are going to be a lot of forced smiles and gritted teeth as Scomo make his pitch to us !

    All brought to you by SKY who will tell you that it’s all very inspiring and visionary and if the Liberals don’t get back in, well there’s always room for more talking heads on SKY-after-dark.

  6. Henry Rodrigues

    What, watch Scummo and his pack of dickheads at their campaign ‘launch’ ???? I’d rather watch paint dry, see a caterpillar crawl up a plant, observe water come to a boil; all more useful and interesting than this idiot with his insincere grin and the team of front row bastards nodding and agreeing with every word that comes out of that hole in his face. As for the lying rodent, just how many more shots of his ugly face do we have to endure. Doesn’t anyone have a stake handy ?

  7. Aortic

    Had my laugh for today when Chris Kenny in the OZ says , ” there’s a serious debate to be had, but you wouldn’t know it from some of the reckless commentary.” He is absolutely correct the only anomaly being that he and Kelly, Shanahan and Sheridan et al are part of the reckless commentary he bleats about. When the bookies have the ALP at Winx odds it must be so difficult for these Murdoch acolytes to maintain what readership they have with protestations that the election is still too close to call. How they justify their call when the election has been decided will be interesting to see. Still appeal to the faithful I suppose who will read, weep and dwell on the poison promulgated on every policy proposal of the new government.

  8. Rossleigh

    “See, if I tip that at tomorrow’s launch, Scott Morrison will pay special tribute to his mother and tell everyone how she’s what’s inspired him, then nobody will care if I’m wrong, but if I’m right, I’ll use it to spruik my predictive credentials every chance I get. And if I say that I have it on good authority that she’ll be in the front row and he’ll throw to her and everyone will clap and when someone suggests that he’s copying Bill Shorten, Murdoch’s minions will make one last stand before that young girl stabs the King of Death and all those white-walkers are defeated…”

    Ok, I didn’t realise that he’d actually have her up on stage to introduce him. He then gave her and his wife flowers. What a swell guy!

  9. Rossleigh

    Josh Frydenberg’s speech was rather strange in that he tried making bad jokes which actually had a subtext of “I hang around losers who don’t keep their promises”.
    For example, he told a story about a Liberal door-knocking who noticed that they’d walked through freshly laid concrete and when the woman came to the door, quickly said, “How do you do? I’m the Labor candidate!”

    While it was just a joke, it did tell us two things that we all know: 1. Liberals are prepared to blame Labor for everything. 2. They think it’s funny when they lie to do it.

  10. Kronomex

    Rossleigh,

    According to spews.crap: “Mr Frydenberg told jokes. They were funny!”

    https://www.news.com.au/national/federal-election/federal-election-live-sunday-may-12-coalition-launches-its-campaign/news-story/92d83cff30fd4ffe7e65c668c54d0ad2

    “The Coalition is going all in on Mr Morrison, leaving the spotlight for him alone.” Yep, and soon after they get the chop Scummo will be dead and banished to the bench of the living dead. He will be sitting with (with any luck) the revenants of the mad monk, Dunceolini, and other assorted hazardous wastes.

  11. Alcibiades


    (Image)

    Liberal Campaign launch :

    ‘Tis is a tale. Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.

    Scott NoFriends, talking all about himself & Labor, on Mother’s Day …

    Most powerful Cabinet Minister, Dutton, is in attendance, though no part to play, sitting in the … second row. Ouch!

  12. andy56

    Ho hum, i tried to listen to bits of Scot’s speech but what a turn off. Talk about hollow vessel, the same crap he’s been talking about for the last 3 months. Its strange Labor hasn’t been declared a terrorist threat. And there in lays his problem, ” we are not Labor” isn’t a policy. Story telling come fatherly lecture just doesnt go over well, especially when the lie is so obvious. I want direction, i want vision and a plan. This is neither. This is Margaret Thatcher revisited, we will look after people with money. Like the $4b for a freeway when clearly, the people of victoria voted for a railway. How stupid is this trinket?
    Even his explanation of the new home owner policy was so friggin convoluted, I gave up. The icing was using your super, kind of defeats super doesn’t it? Its just so cross purpose as to be irrational.

  13. andy56

    Oh sorry, did i get their policy all mixed up, what a shame. Government guarantee of 15%, i smell a socialist policy.
    Running out of popcorn, trying to ration till saturday. Are we there yet?

  14. paul walter

    My computer is playing up but will just say I avoided the Scomo after all the preliminary schlock intended to cover up likely lack of substance. Maybe some other time.

    Ive had six years to see their views and ethics in play, right up to the last couple of days. I feel quite comfortable with the enjoyment of my day, undisturbed by their agit prop nonsenses.

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