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Rossleigh’s Predictions For 2015

Now, I know that many of you will be aware of the fact that I predicted that I’d never be the sort of person who made predictions. Particularly after Tony Abbott actually made it to Prime Minister.

However, I feel that, as nobody in the media ever seems to feel embarrassed that their predictions have proven spectacularly wrong, I might as compile my own prediction list, just so I can claim how accurate I was if I’m right. If I’m wrong, I can just ignore it and never mention it again, just like all those ads that were telling me how to prepare for the stock market crash of 2013.

Ok, predictions for 2015! Here goes:

  1. Abbott will be asked if he thinks that he should appoint someone else as Minister for Women but he’ll assure us that he’s the only person in his government who trully “gets women” and understands the particular problems some of them have getting pregnant – like infertility or not having a man.
  2. There will speculation about a possible leadership challenge from Julie Bishop and/or Malcolm Turnbull.
  3. Speculation will intensify when Bishop says categorically that she has no desire to be PM.
  4. Steve Bracks will make a bid for a seat in federal politics leading to speculation about him as a future PM.
  5. Christopher Pyne will suggest that the words “hypocrite” and “inconsistent” should be considered unParliamentary.
  6. Joe Hockey will claim wages being too high is the reason for high unemployment.#
  7. Joe Hockey will claim a lack of wages growth is the reason for his inability to get the Budget back into surplus.#
  8. Sources “high up in the Liberal Party” will be critical of Tony Abbott, but tell everyone that he is safe because everyone is too scared of Peta Credlin to launch a challenge.
  9. David Leyonhjelm will announce that we use introduce a “user pays” system when voting in elections, before asserting that if everyone carried a gun, there’d be no need for elections.
  10. It will be discovered that Bronwyn Bishop is completely deaf in her left ear, and has only been ejecting Labor MPs after secret signals from the Government side.
  11. Scott Morrison will tell everyone that he has a soft spot for people who’ve been on benefits for more than a year. It will later be discovered that by “soft spot” he meant a boggy swamp where they could all be hidden.
  12. A scandal involving the misappropriation of funds by a prominent Liberal will be headed “Labor Fail To Notice Dishonesty” in the Murdoch Papers.
  13. Rebekah Brooks will be given a job in Australia leading to some nasty comments that a couple of hundred years ago it was the ones who were found guilty who were sent to the colonies.
  14. One of Abbott’s ministers will be praised as one of their best performers, only for it later to be discovered that he/she has been suffering from agoraphobia and hasn’t left their home for the past year.
  15. Barnaby Joyce will tell us that the Senate should be abolished as it’s unnecessary, a waste of money and a frustration for democratically elected government. When asked if felt this way when he was a senator, he’ll argue that back in those days the Senate was fulfilling the worthwhile role of stopping the Labor government from introducing an Emissions Trading Scheme.
  16. Some readers will attempt to use reason and logic to argue with one of the trolls making comments, when the person making the comment clearly has a limited relationship with the real world, so abstract concepts like coherent arguments will bounce off them like bullets off Superman’s chest. (Like Superman, these trolls will often have a secret identity and feel very sure of themselves, but unlike Superman, they’ll never actually accomplish anything apart from making people wonder whether the education system is failing or whether it’s just a few Queenslanders who’ve spent too long in the sun.)

That’s it. We’ll see how many I get right.

# Yes, I know this has already happened, I’m predicting it’ll happen again. And again.

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39 comments

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  1. Peter Ball

    yep sounds good to me , what I’m waiting for is Abbott to leave his wife and take up with his Chief of Staff

  2. mars08

    One or more Federal ministers will blame Gillard.

  3. Rossleigh

    I re-listened to Margie’s interview from 2012. At one point she says that Abbott’s Chief of Staff since he entered politics. “has always been a woman”.
    Which I thought was rather nasty and mean.

  4. Rossleigh

    Sorry, mars08, I consider that just a given. That’s like saying that Christopher Pyne will embarrass himself or that Andrew Bolt will complain that laws are stopping him from writing on the topic that he’s writing about.

  5. Peter Ball

    PS I like the picture ,But I have come across so many people who vote Liberal who earn less them me and say , I vote Liberal because of the snob value , Labor is a Stalinist party , Liberals are good for the workers , Unions run the country , too many Labor career politicians, I don’t like the red in the Labor Ads – all sorts of uneducated reasons , but of course the best ones are , I read it in the paper and if it is in the paper it must be true , then you tell them about the Murdoch Press and their mouths are agape – go figure , but I find the average Australian voter guilty of “Unless it affects me I don’t care syndrome) . The sad truth is Australians are so disconnected from Australian politics its a worry in itself , just make sure the footy is on and keep the masses happy and brainwashed

  6. Linda

    Well…seeing that this bunch on the ship of fools has a nodding acquaintance with reality, I live in hope that all your predictions come true and they suffer the most ignominious defeat at the next election.

  7. Ruth Lipscombe

    The one prediction/heartfelt wish/earnest plea is that we have a Grabbit Abbott/LNP free 2015.PLEASE !PLEASE! PLEASE!

  8. helvityni

    4.Steve Bracks will make a bid for a seat in federal politics leading to speculation about him as a future PM.

    This is my favourite, I hope he’ll come back….

  9. Guy

    Yes Peter Ball. Exactly right. I also know so many small business owners earning barely enough money to survive and yet vote liberal because the liberals are good for the country. Labor can’t manage money. They also blame wages too high even if they don’t employ anyone.
    It’s all labor’s fault and as you say they read it in the paper. And what about the unions? They are satan. The papers say so. Businesses say so. Every body says so even the people benefitting from the good work of unions.
    If you even attempt to challenge their belief they look at you as if you are from Mars and say ” Oh well, they are all bad anyway, they all lie but labour couldn’t run a shit house”.

    I read it in the papers.

  10. townsvilleblog

    Mate, I’ll bet you get more up than an astrologer I can see most of these predictions happening. I’ll keep this letter and check it at the end of next year.

  11. townsvilleblog

    Guy, I learnt a long time ago not to believe everything you read in the papers, I like the one about business owners earning barely enough money to survive, in my 60 years I’ve yet to coma across one of them lol !!!

  12. mars08

    Now that those terrible boats have been stopped …. I predict that the traffic jams of western Sydney will just fade away…

  13. Olivia Manor

    Rossaleigh, I name you Oracle of Canberra. All politician will have to check your omens before they commit to action of any sort!
    BTW hasn’t Margie left Tony already?

  14. Dandark

    I found this comment in the guardian, this bloke has got it all worked out for his beloved LNP,
    all Tones has to do is “Tony has to mongrel up” but the worse thing is he is serious and seriously delusional or he overdosed on his stupid pills and it shows in this rant by John.

    “Tony has to mongrel up. Teeth and claws. Bounce up on the ropes and holler and wave to the punters. You can do it Tone, but hurry up.
    He must let some biff rub off from Captain Marvel Morrison,
    or from Julie Caesar. He needs to get some horseshoe back into his
    gloves and throw out the foam rubber padding.

    Smart people are beware of couples forming a power group in any situation.
    You can find yourself walking around them and getting swamped.
    Looks like Ms Peta is powering much too prominently, and filtering away from the throne anyone who might tell Tone about his lack of clobber.

    You never let your mate move his girlfriend into the flat.
    First she takes over the sink and then they commandeer the kitchen.
    Then she commands the bathroom and you are suddenly puting the seat down, cleaning the basin etc etc.. Catastrophic.

    In the workplace you can get gazzumpted. Start tip-toeing about.
    And if one of them gives you the pings you cannot fire one of them without losing both of them. Double jeopardy. Double Trouble.

    Now Tony has to move The Incredible Credlin away from the table and return her to her death-dealing from the shadows, where she should be.

    Given the norm, this may make Marge somewhat happier, and save
    Tony from any snipes on the homefront. Happy Wife Happy Life.
    The old “Two women in Kitchens” scenario?
    Who knows. But, – – women.

    Foolish in giving oxygen to silly student activists like Despoiler,
    and letting Commie Combet anywhere near a microphone. Very silly.
    Get your boot on their necks and keep it there champ! Monster them.

    We want to see teeth Tone. Big, snapping, flesh-ripping fangs mate.
    You are in a blood-sport, get the fur flying, especially with Union hounds.

    Put punching bags with Spudnut’s melon painted on them in all your team’s offices. And put metal spikes on Aussie Joe’s spats Tony, wind him up
    and let him go.

    Grrrr! Chomp!! Sock a Socialist and Gouge a Greenie a day in the corridors. Your public wants more bread and circuses.
    Not boring Budget figures they cannot understand. More showbizz.

    We’re on your side Tony, we’re in your corner, but every day a Labor or ABC head on a plate if you please.

    And get his Liberal Club card returned forthwith from garrelous goat Fraser.”

  15. abbienoiraude

    @Rossleigh;

    Your writing is always amusing and this has a scintilla of humour but the facts are so disturbing I decided to turn my electric oven on and put my head in it hoping for all this mess to go away. The only thing that happened was that I realised the carbon tax was working better in the second year than the first and Greg Hunt said so 2 days before Xmas so nobody would notice and I was just burning greenhouse gases and getting a higher electricity bill which made me more depressed than I was after reading your post.
    In other words.
    You are right.

  16. stephentardrew

    The truth speaker strikes again.

  17. diannaart

    My money is on #6 and #7 – practically money in the bank given Hockey’s inability to understand hypocrisy.

    With a better than even chance for #5 – I can sooo picture Pyne saying this.

    A good outsider with #15 – So believable I can hear Joyce uttering such comments right now.

    I never though Abbott would be PM either – in fact I am not sure sure if I even believe it now.

  18. Ishe B

    #17 Tony Abbott will introduce electronic voting before the next election in the interests of truth and efficiency, cementing the Clayton’s Vote (the vote you have when you’re not having a vote).

  19. john o'callaghan

    The only prediction i am game to make for 2015 is that the Sun will rise in the East and set in the West,and knowing my luck i will probably get that wrong as well.””’

  20. Terry2

    18. Joe Hockey’s revue of GST distribution will find (surprise, surprise) that all states want more money : the Abbott government will bow to pressure from the states and all goods and services will be subject to a 15% GST.

  21. rangermike1

    I loved Tones and Margie’s Christmas message. It bought a tear to my eye and a lump in my throat. (I think I was being sick) Such honesty and such graciousness that was undeserved by the Australian people. Now how can we get rid of the Village Idiot in the shortest possible time ?

  22. nettythe1st

    I think Terry2 with #18 is on the mark, unfortunately.
    Also, in total agreement with Peter Ball and Guy.

  23. Annie B

    I’m with helvityni ………..

    Hope Steve Bracks would do that – join Labor Federal politics.

    He’s a good bloke ….. well he must be mustn’t he – the Libs turfed him out of his New York posting as Consul General, almost the same minute, they got into Government.

    Wonder what they were so scared of ? 😉

  24. joffa230

    11.Scott Morrison will tell everyone that he has a soft spot for people who’ve been on benefits for more than a year. It will later be discovered that by “soft spot” he meant a boggy swamp where they could all be hidden.

    My bags are packed and I am waiting to be sent to Sri Lanka or Cambodia. I will be another Aged Pensioner bludger that doesn’t need welfare.

  25. keertidalleykeerti

    Peter Ball. While Abbott might “do it” Peta knows him too well to want a limp dishrag hanging around!

  26. Roswell

    I wouldn’t be surprised, if sometime before the next election, and if the government is in deep poo, the issue of non-compulsory voting will be raised and of course Murdoch will hammer it home.

  27. Carol Taylor

    Dandark @2.55pm…nooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sadly, somewhat epitomises some LNP supporters, but just wait until Granny’s pension gets hit hard and one’s 27yr old son has to come home to live when he’s thrown into destitution for 6 months, then we’ll hear some real screaming from the right. Abbott and Hockey have managed to successfully alienate just about every demographic possible.

  28. John Fraser

    <

    My prediction is that the Australian economy is heading for a golden period.

    All due to Josh Frydenberg assisting Hockey.

  29. stephentardrew

    John Fraser I just threw up.

  30. John Fraser

    <

    @StephenTardrew

    Thats ok ……….. the rest of Australia will be following suit.

  31. diannaart

    Mars08

    Well spotted. The Libs achieved of grand total of 1,637 likes and still managed to win the election? Who TF did vote for them?

    Something a bit whiffy going on.

  32. Keitha Granville

    I am waiting for Scott M to discover that my husband, a naturalised Aussie but previous Pom, didn’t vote for Tone and can therefore be deported as being undesirable or a terrorist or something else that they’ll make up later after they’ve deported him.
    I wish it was funny, so I could laugh.

  33. Angus McTavish

    DanDark Tones doesn’t “get” anyone let alone women – what a disgrace as a PM, pollie and Minister for Women (going back to where they belong) – the last bit is sarcasm ;), I keep trying to imagine someone worse representing my interests….and I can’t!

  34. Bette Streep

    Annie B – the Libs turfed Bracks out of his US job because he did the unthinkable;- HE CAMPAIGNED FOR RUDD IN 2013! This was treason in their eyes. Take a look at Beasley. He knew what to do to keep his cushy embassy job in the US. He has said NOTHING about the ALP since he was rolled by Rudd and Gillard and has become very chummy with the rightwing GOP teabaggers in the US. The Libs loved him so much he just got his contract extended.

  35. Dandark

    Angus McTavish
    I am a woman, and I would prefer to poke my self in both eyes with a stick than have Tones “representing my interests” and my daughters.
    Having Tones as Minister for women is an absolute joke, just looking at the Lizard makes my skin crawl and when he starts finger counting
    he reminds me of kindy kids learning how to count, he is such an imbecile, everyday I do something in someway to help rid this putrid Gov of our Country……
    Maintain The Rage

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MUBnxqEVKlk

  36. Annie B

    @Bette Streep ……. Confess I did not know the reasons for Bracks being given the heave-ho out of New York, except that he was a Labor supporter through and through ….. which is supported by your comments.

    Kim Beasley is an old hand at it all – and Bracks a newbie on the job. ……. that’s a given. …. Kim knew how to play the game, and well he should have. The Libs could find noting to stick it to Beasley, … if they had, he’d have been out on his ear as well.

    It does surprise me that he’s chummy with the Tea Party mongrels …… but then – that’s politics, isn’t it. No honour – anywhere.

    Just a whole heap of self-serving crap.

    ( no offence intended to your comments ).

    I still hope Bracks has a go at Federal politics … he could do well.

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