A “Polite Letter” To Malcolm Turnbull!

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Dear Mr Turnbull

We have received information from the Australian Tax Office about your employment income. Apparently you have been paid as Prime Minister when it is clear that you have been paying no attention to the mess your government is creating.

What You Need To Do
1. Please check what ridiculous things your MPs have been saying lately
2. Confirm that we are correct in that your only interest in being PM is to swan around saying, “I’m Prime Minister, what are you?”

You can do this by going to a Centrelink office and waiting in line as apparently there’s only a ten minute wait before someone will tell you that you need to go online because they don’t deal with actual people at Centrelink. You can login at the myGov.au website, which takes no time at all because it’s now 2017 and thanks to the Liberals all premises have access to high speed Internet.

What You Need To Know
If you do not respond, you will be charged with fraud where the court case should go something like this:

Prosecution: We think that this man has defrauded us and claimed money that he’s not entitled to.
Judge: Do you have any proof?
Prosecution: No, but he can’t prove that he didn’t!
Judge: What does the defence have to say?
Defence: I thought the obligation was on the prosecution to prove guilt, not the other way around.
Judge: Yes, I thought so too, but not when we enter the political world.
Defence: Oh, in that case, the defence – like the PM – rests.

More Information

If you are found to be merely pretending to be PM you may be subject to a 10% penalty as well as being required to pay back all your salary. However, this may be preferable to actually admitting you had any part in this shambles of a government. Certainly, history will judge you less harshly if you can just pay us to remove all references to you as Coalition leader.

Should you not receive this letter, it’s your fault for not reading the AIMN. However, that is no excuse and you can expect to be visited by a debt collector any day now. Apparently a guy called Tony isn’t doing much and he said he’d be happy to pay you a visit.

Yours sincerely,

Director, Earned Income
Customer Compliance

About Rossleigh 1447 Articles
Rossleigh is a writer, director and teacher. As a writer, his plays include “The Charles Manson Variety Hour”, “Pastiche”, “Snap!”, “That’s Me In The Distance”, “48 Hours (without Eddie Murphy)”, and “A King of Infinite Space”. His acting credits include “Pinor Noir Noir” for “Short and Sweet” and carrying the coffin in “The Slap”. His ten minutes play, “Y” won the 2013 Crash Test Drama Final.

12 Comments

  1. I recently received one of Centrelink’s ‘polite’ letters. The heading was blunt: ‘Your Newstart payment has been suspended’ Such an announcement is always perturbing, and when one has been getting by somehow for a few years one does not have a lot of resources to fall back on. After recovering from a mild heart attack I found the reason for this announcement:’ ‘This is because you are now receiving an Aged Pension …’

  2. The brutalism and clumsiness..it is like watching the discombobulated peripatations of the Frankenstein Monster.

  3. King1394 – dont relax, age pensioners are the next target our lily livered, not so squeaky clean Coalition politicians.are going to attack. This will keep them busy so they wont have time to look at top level and corporate tax avoiders, political organisations and church-run businesses masquarading as charities, or their own “entitlements” ripoff scheme.

  4. The ‘missing-in-action’ PM. No big loss, because he’s as useless as tits on a bull though the bull might object to the tie-in with this gutless wimp. Now this morning we had the ‘throat-slitter’ Ciobo defending pollies attending sports fixtures at tax payers expense. Its enough to make people want to slit his throat.

  5. the last two governments did nothing but lie to us while all along is secret the lnp was trying to control us look at our poor excuse for and attorney general we have look at what he is doing what he did to the solicitor general and gillian triggs subverting democracy and naw premier baird lnp just look what he tried to do sack democratically elected councils and fill them with his minions trying to steal tenders as well and any contracts would go to his mates this is why we need a federal icac what has happened here also happened in the us i would try the lot of them for treason

  6. oh and another thing the hatred for what this federal government is white hot is doing to its poor this hatred wont die down what this govt has done has to be this government took the choice to belittle and shame the pensioners and welfare recipients just because they are in a bad way this govt has neither the temperament or the integrity to be in power

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