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Phew!! That was close but Craig Kelly has confirmed that climate change doesn’t exist!

On Thursday, the Member for Hughes, after a long lunch, struggled to his feet, adjusted his belt over his ample belly, wiped some egg from his tie, farted and proceeded to address our national parliament. His purpose was to convey a message to us all but to the younger generation in particular whom he had been informed were planning to wag school the following day on some trumped-up business about climate change. The member for Hughes is utterly opposed to anybody wagging off on POETS Day although it was noted from the gallery that he himself would be heading off for a long weekend as soon as he had delivered his speech to the nation.

The parliament were as always eager to hear from Mr Kelly as are his devoted followers on Sky-After-dark (SAD) where he appears far too often.

Craig Kelly, you will recall, was about to be dumped from pre-selection by the wise burghers of the  federal Liberal seat of Hughes prior to the last election. But Kelly, being a man with immense talent and wisdom as yet untapped, declared that if he was not pre-selected to run again, he would spend the remaining parliamentary term on the cross-benches making rude noises and gestures in the general direction of the government benches. The Prime Minister, having noted the incredible contribution of Mr Kelly to the governance of our nation immediately called for a halt to all pre-selections in all seats in New South wales, thus ensuring that Craig would remain the honourable member for Hughes, and so it came to pass that Craig was duly re-elected as the member for that long-suffering electorate.

And how right the PM was, a man of undoubted perception, seeing in Craig Kelly something that had eluded the rest of us. Namely his grasp on climate science and his ability to understand and explain to the uninformed the vagaries of climate change.

I give you the honourable member’s speech to our parliament as recorded by Hansard :

Mr CRAIG KELLY (Hughes) (13:55): I understand how persuasive peer group pressure can be for teenagers, with their desire to conform and fit in with the crowd. However, I would say to any student considering joining the so-called climate protest: don’t be a sheep; think for yourself. You are being used and manipulated, and everything you are told is a lie. The facts are: there is no link between climate change and drought. Polar bears are increasing in number. Today’s generation is safer from extreme weather than at any time in human history. There is no 97 per cent consensus. Such claims are a fraud. Crop yields have increased remarkably. Wildfires have declined 25 per cent over the past two decades. We are seeing fewer cyclones, not more. Cold weather kills many times more people than hot weather, including here in Australia. The sea ice is not melting away; in fact, where the ill-fated Franklin expedition sailed in the year 1845 is blocked by thick sea ice this year. Renewables ain’t renewables, and they certainly don’t make electricity cheaper.

This speech was met with mixed feelings by the House of Representatives, perhaps best summed up by Stephen Jones (the member for Whitlam) who responded on behalf of us all by calling out (and I again quote from Hansard) : You are completely bonkers !

So, here’s a tip : instead of installing solar panels on your roof you would be better advised to duck down to Bunnings and get some polar bear proof fencing – they also have an aerosol I understand – before it’s too late !

‘Ooroo !

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31 comments

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  1. Rowan Holgate

    He is infatuated with his own ignorance.

  2. Kate Ahearne

    Lovely. Thank you.

  3. Vikingduk

    Yet his electorate voted the thing back in. Perhaps they have a surplus of village fuckwits, needed to inflict this narcissistical ignorant turd once more into the cesspool that is tragically called the government.

  4. Phil Pryor

    Drenched in bladdery self saturation, Kelly is a dinosaurial reminder that talking fantasy, fraud, frolic and fun is too much if serious stuff is needed. Climate change is real and we contribute. Kelly is real still , but his demise by any means would improve the planet, easing the climate change and continuity in his clothing. Fat frolickers of the pispottery potential of Kelly become agents of climate change, and great ignorance enhances our determination to find facts, read learned reports, avoid shitheaded charlatans, shouting insincere and donor and probably bribery and corruption induced blather. Perhaps he could team up with or under Alan Jones, to encourage lies and deceit. The world needs more filth and fantasy, hey? No?

  5. Ross Barrell

    I understand Fucknozzle might well be an apt descriptor for said member for Hughes. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=fucknozzle

    Brian Cox used the term in reference to someone who doesn’t believe in the existence of the International Space Station, but I think it has definite ramifications here.

  6. Matters Not

    RE:

    Yet his electorate voted the thing back in

    Indeed they did – with an increased margin of 0.5%. As to the why, the issue becomes more complex. Difficult to believe the increased vote was for him (with all his wit, wisdom, intelligence etc). More likely it was fear of the unknown – not necessarily of the particular candidate but more likely the Party of alternative government and their suite of policies.

    Then again, maybe Plato was right. Democracy eats itself.

    Democracy is hard work. And as society’s “elites”—experts and public figures who help those around them navigate the heavy responsibilities that come with self-rule—have increasingly been sidelined, citizens have proved ill equipped cognitively and emotionally to run a well-functioning democracy. As a consequence, the center has collapsed and millions of frustrated and angst-filled voters have turned in desperation to right-wing populists

    … brief three decades after some had heralded the “end of history” it’s possible that it’s democracy that’s nearing the end. And it’s not just populist rabble-rousers who are saying this. So is one of the establishment’s pioneer social scientists, who’s daring to actually predict the end of democracy as we know it.

    https://www.politico.com/magazine/story/2019/09/08/shawn-rosenberg-democracy-228045

  7. pierre wilkinson

    it says a lot for the voting public in his electorate that they perceived no better candidate…
    but then this applies to so many electorates, sadly

  8. Brad Black

    That a fully accredited member of the LIEberal party can preach his ‘honesty and truth’ over the ‘lies’ of factual science without any shame gives me a very clear understanding of the lack of decency in our government. They’re mostly all the same.
    And it WILL come back to bite at some point in the future, and bite hard.

  9. guest

    Deniers such as Kelly rely on the fact that people do not always check the statements they make. Although we can always be suspicious of the weird collection of “facts” they produce, which makes an incoherent jumble so that when claims made by deniers are placed side by side, they very often contradict each other.

    An examination even of single denier statements can debunk their veracity. Take Kelly’s mention of the Franklin Arctic exhibition of 1845 which failed in the Northwest passage.

    Tony Eggleton discusses this matter in his book on climate change (Cambridge, 2013) page 173. Questions about the NW Passage were falsely raised by Ian Plimer in his book heaven+earth, questions 48, 49, 50.

    Eggleton points out that eventually Amundsen got though in 1903, but it took him three years. In 1940 Larsen passed through but paused halfway, and then made the complete crossing in 1944.

    Since 2000 many ships have made the trip through the passage. Advertisements proclaim the availability of these cruises today.

    How does Kelly get it so wrong and expect to get away with it?

    Note the change of sea access over time.

  10. RomeoCharlie29

    Doesn’t that constitute lying to Parliament? Oh I suppose if challenged he could just say he was misinformed but such blatant bullshit should not be allowed to stand uncorrected.it needs to be pointed out to the people of his electorate that even though he is their particular village idiot, that doesn’t mean they have to keep electing him.

  11. David Bruce

    Seems his contribution included increases to green house gas emissions? However we are not getting the full story in public about the global warming, climate change, ice-age thing. I just found out why we get clusters of earthquakes around the world, near the equator. Seems we are still learning about our prison planet! I am working with a research project team in the South Pacific, to determine if we can predict earthquakes by location and intensity. Seems only the Guardian is prepared to report this!

    https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/nov/18/2018-set-to-be-year-of-big-earthquakes

  12. Matters Not

    RomeoCharlie29 – RE consequences of…

    constitute lying to Parliament?

    Possibly, Queensland might be leading the way.

    There is no law covering the behaviour of federal politicians in Australia. In Queensland, legislation has been enacted that makes it an offence for state politicians to lie in parliament, while in other states lying in parliament is treated as a misdemeanour rather than as a criminal offence. Although politicians can be at risk of losing votes or even their jobs if it is revealed that they have knowingly made inaccurate statements, currently, they don’t have to face criminal sanctions, except in Queensland.

    https://www.sydneycriminallawyers.com.au/blog/should-lying-in-parliament-be-a-crime/

    Further – The laws in Queensland were resurrected in 2012, after having previously been repealed by the then Labor government in 2006. Under these laws it is a criminal offence to lie to Queensland’s parliament or one of its committees, as well as to create a disturbance while parliament is sitting or to refuse to give evidence to a parliamentary committee. The laws apply to the public as well as politicians and the penalty includes up to seven years in prison.

    But don’t hold your breath.

  13. David Stakes

    Voted back in with an increased majority no less. ??????

  14. Paul

    Does anybody know how much secondary education Kelly achieved? There’s nothing on the internet, so I asked him by email and he promptly responded that he went to the school of hard knocks, self taught, learned by experience, doesn’t trust anybody you’d describe as ‘educated’, avoided the question completely. Did this bloke finish Yr10, do you reckon?

  15. Matters Not

    Don’t know what credential Kelly did or didn’t receive way back when, but I do know that some of the most highly educated people I’ve met over my 75 years didn’t have lots of schooling. Or documentation.

    Not that I am generalising.

  16. RosemaryJ36

    Anyone considered as a candidate for election should, at a minimum, have studied critical thinking and know what ‘ad hominem’ means and why it is deplorable if used in a serious debate.

  17. wam

    Is there any difference between climate and weather?
    How many Australians understand the difference?
    What millions of Australians and all scientists know is climate is long term accumulation of weather patterb and has been changing for billions of years.

    It seems possible that you have not talked to your family and friends who agree with this idiot and who were still convin to vote against laborced by the attacks on little billy, torpid tanya and the slope plus palmers campaign and the loonies in queensland

    beauty guest are you talking about global melting ice??
    Pacific islands drowning and billions of tons of greenland ice melting in a day is not enough. When the glacier in nz mrlts they will believe in global warming

  18. Kaye Lee

    Kelly’s hilarious. He went on to say…

    “And, if you are worried about sea level rise, I suggest that you get some old photos of Fort Denison, get the tide gauge data and go and have a look for yourself. Don’t take my word; I encourage all students in my electorate to study the science and learn for themselves.”

    That’s Kelly’s MO. Find one tide gauge where sea level rise is slightly less than elsewhere, ignore all other data, and look at some old photos to prove sea level rising is a myth.

  19. Kaye Lee

    wam,

    Weather is what is happening today. Climate looks at trends averaged over time.

    And if your friends and family are waiting for glaciers to melt to believe in global warming then wait no longer.

    “New Zealand’s glaciers are melting away to the point they could almost completely disappear by 2100, experts warn.

    Alpine and Polar Processes Consultancy glaciologist Dr Trevor Chinn says since 1977, New Zealand has lost 30 percent of our glaciers.

    And in around 10 years, Franz Josef Glacier has lost hundreds of metres worth of ice.”

    Your persistent casting of doubt is unfathomable in light of the undeniable evidence.

  20. silkworm

    Wam: “little billy, torpid tanya and the slope…”

    The slope? Are you talking about Penny Wong?

    That remark calls for extreme censuring.

  21. Alan Nosworthy

    Terence, thank you very much for your take on the horror that are our elected representatives. If I couldn’t laugh I fear I would cry.

  22. Kaye Lee

    I agree silkworm.

  23. David Evans

    The WILLFUL, ignorance of kelly is only supported by a few of his odd-ball, (or no ball?) Facebook supporters. Beware the house after the traditional Thursdays long lunch, that time slot seems to be reserved for the mouthy drunks, kelly appears to fit the bill perfectly. IF, big IF, there was any sort of Climate Change policy within this “government” there would be no place for kelly, whose preselection has bee ordered by ,now, two Prime Ministers. Can only mean blackmain, and/ or corruption. The bloke should be facing charges. $$$.

  24. guest

    David Bruce,

    you say ‘we are not getting the whole story about climate change …etc’.

    So what is the connection with earthquakes? I think we get too many stories about climate change, as the ramblings of people such as Kelly show.

    And I see, David, that you are continuing your research in the South Pacific region, which is a good place to look at earthquakes as it is on the Ring of Fire where so many earthquakes occur.

    The Alaska Earthquake Centre reports there were 55,000 earthquakes in Alaska in 2018, mostly aftershocks from a few major earthquakes. But the frequency may have been the result of the installation of more recording array stations. No mention of the slowing down of the Earth’s rotation.

    Your report on your research into the Guardian’s earthquake story, the only paper to report it in 2017, will be eagerly anticipated, especially the bit about when earthquakes will occur, and where. And how it conncts with climate change.

  25. totaram

    I thought the Guardian reported that 2018 was going to be year of big earthquakes. Was it? Do we have the data now in 2019? Or do we need to wait another few years to allow data-collection? I wonder.

  26. Zathras

    Even those pathetic die-hard pissgoblins like Bolt and Jones have stopped insisting that there is no warming taking place and have fallen back to regroup at the the “nothing to do with humans/nothing we can do about it” barricades.

    I’m waiting for Kelly to align himself with the “NASA controls the weather and the sound of thunder is meant to cover the sound of space battles taking place” crowd – just one step behind Malcolm Roberts but apparently smarter than a multitude of qualified scientists. With such intellect he’s wasted on mere politics.

    The thought that my taxes help keep this clown alive is disappointing.

  27. totaram

    “The facts are: there is no link between climate change and drought. ”

    Hilarious! I just noticed this gem. He could just as well say there is no link between climate and drought. Drought is not a part of climate. Anyone who tells you that is lying. Rainfall is not a part of climate either, obviously, since it has something to do with drought. Or does it? Perhaps not. Think for yourselves guys, like me. I always think what my donors tell me to think. That is called thinking for yourself, if you haven’t got the idea yet.

    Zathras: No your “taxes” do not support this idiot, but it is our money that the government gives to him, just like ALL fiat money that the government spends into existence, and including the money spent on memorials to WW1, Captain Cook, etc. and to help with Trump’s space program

  28. Miriam English

    Such blatant corruption is mind-blowing. Kelly should be rotting in prison.

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