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Oh Oh, Houston ! We have a problem !

The Liberal Party, to a man, have embraced the need for legislation to provide protections for religions and religious beliefs.

I say ‘to a man’ because the Sheilas have been a bit precious about coming on board. As Christian Porter noted, “that’s women for you” and Peter Dutton seconded that and reminded women that the Liberal Party is a broad-church and Scott Morrison is the second coming (evidently a reference to his own failed attempt to seize the leadership as he sees himself as the chosen one – I don’t know, you work it out ! )

As Craig Kelly, Member for Hughes and avid student of the Bible, solemnly noted on Sky-after-Dark whilst in discussion with Andy Bolt over several bottles of cheap whisky : “the Bible guides me in everything I do and say and there’s nothing in the Bible about global warming, I’ve looked.”

Craig had also noted that according to the Bible it is not permitted for women to aspire to positions of authority and furthermore he declared that the Labor Party were languishing in Limbo, not because they threatened to take away franking credits from wealthy retirees, but because they defied the Bible in allowing a woman in the form of Julia Gillard to assume dominion over men.

Craig, of course was referring to the references in the Book of Timothy [soon to be incorporated in the religious protections legislation] making things absolutely clear to all those uppity Sheilas :

11 A woman[a] should learn in quietness and full submission. 12 do not permit a woman to teach or to assume authority over a man;[b] she must be quiet. 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve. 14 And Adam was not the one deceived; it was the woman who was deceived and became a sinner. 15 But women[c] will be saved through childbearing—if they continue in faith, love and holiness with propriety. (Timothy 2: 11-15).

When it came to the bit about women being saved through childbearing, Barnaby Joyce was heard to mumble; “I’ll drink to that” and he promptly produced a stubby of VB and did precisely that. Defence Minister Linda Reynolds and Minister for Foreign Affairs Marise Payne were heard to mutter ‘pigs arse’ as they crossed the floor to join the Jacquie Lambie Ladies’ Collective.

Josh Frydenberg said it insulted his religious beliefs to refer to any part of a pig and that bacon, pork roasts (and that includes crackling) and bacon sangers should be banned from Aussies Parliament House cafeteria as they were not Kosha and as such an abomination to his belief system and thus he demanded the protection of the Religious Discrimination legislation.

Scott Morrison said that he would pray for them all !

And Oliver fiddled with his tie and said to Stan “That’s another fine mess you’ve gotten me into”.

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13 comments

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  1. Leon Hassall

    A LNP women says yes all the time evidently

  2. Bob Parker

    Women in the LNP are scarce because most of those who are sociopathic enough to fit in are disqualified from being elected due to felony convictions. The same rules apply to men of course, but in this case there are far more many sociopaths to pick from.

  3. Winifred Jeavons

    But they ignore the part that says people who think they are in God’ s good books find themselves on the outer because they did not help the poor and unfortunate. Not a word from Genesis to Revelations about empathy needing formal funding! Whereas the Timothy reference comes from a book attributed to a man who died before the letter was written.

  4. Aortic

    And Craig Kelly says there is nothing in that marvellous book that guides his life about global warming. What about the FLOOD? Mind you I wouldn’t be worried if we could build an Ark again and have all the people and animals who have survived this present global warming crammed on to that wonderful ship. What an utter delight to mingle with the lions and tigers and have Craig steer the boat for us as the modern Noah. Tony Abbot, Kevin Andrews and Eric Abetz as mates and the LNP as crew. Christ knows where we would end up but I am sure the three A’S would ensure the Pope and his thousands of robed and hatted Cardinals would be there and the philanthropic followers of the Pentecostals such as Hillsong and Horizon would be there for the PM. They keep advertising for exotic cruises on the TV, but Nothing surely would compare with such an adventure. From where do we get these clowns and why do people vote for them? I love my country but despair for its future. Time for another tipple Je Pense.

  5. New England Cocky

    “[T]here’s nothing in the Bible” about ….. “universal health care, graduated taxation scales, egalitarianism, democracy, universal public education, atomic physics, etc, etc, etc ….. and yet these are taken as essential in modern societies.

    There is nothing in the Liarbral Nat$ misgovernment about gender equality, equal work for equal pay, graduated tax scales, democracy, egalitarianism, etc, etc, etc ….. and these self-serving democratically elected politicians consider themselves essential to pecuniary interests.

    I did note “in the Bible” that certain behaviours were forbidden, like adultery and coveting your neighbour’s wife were forbidden, but many nat$ politicians must have overlooked those verses. tamworth women supporting adultery support nat$.

  6. wam

    oh dance of the cuckoo you have ‘done it again’. Absolutely efffing marvellous.
    I have been on about religion is by men for men and used the examples:
    man being the first to reproduce denying women that ‘honour’.
    god made women inferior 25% of the time they are like swine unclean and any man who touches them is also unclean. That’s may be a reason why muslims can have multiple wives when one is on the other is not?
    Indeed
    Time for the green white and purple as a rally to give the few women not cowed by the male god, his male bible and his synagogues, mosques and cathedrals
    ps I tried religion on a rabbottian and got
    Billy, I am a climate change sceptic, there are just as many scientists who argue against it as they are for it. I am a free thinker and never went to a private school and I dont accept everything the Pope says when it is not about religion. These protests do nothing, but just a crutch for what are mostly a bunch of rabble
    My next effort is:
    if I collect your urine and put it back would that upset your system. Which would be too cruel because he is on dialysis
    We are putting greenhouse gases taken out over billions of years it must be upsetting the system??

  7. Warren

    Fantastic article that THE SHOVEL would be proud of.

    I wonder if readers would be keen to join my Frisbeetarian group – a non tax paying religious sect who believes that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

  8. Wobbley

    Religion is man made, get over it! The moron Kelly is living proof that there is no god, otherwise he would have been chucked out of a spew hole full of Hitler like creations that would be considered a cancer and terminated immediately. Fascism is the new order in all its unsavoury forms, religion is but another form.

  9. Glenn Barry

    Interesting that Eve was the one that was deceived – am I reading that correctly – Adam was the original perpetrator? How does the one deceived become the sinner as a result, now that sounds a lot like victim blaming to me, which is also a curious habit of the LNP

    Suddenly it all fit…

  10. Aortic

    I have asked Wlliam Hagee a nutcase American evangelist several times the following question. If as asserted in his wonderful bible the Jews are the chosen ones of his God, why did he allow millions of them to suffer and die under the Nazi regime. Was he asleep, didn’t care, busy with other matters at home. Needless to say, I have never received a reply apart from wishing for Gods blessing for my email. I have also asked the previous head honcho of the Catholic Church in Melbourne when he decreed he would never vouchsafe any confidence made to him in his confessional regardless how heinous, what his thoughts are on Timothy’s assertion that there is one mediator between God and man and that is Jesus himself. ( shades of my previous unfortunate religious upbringing there) again no reply.

  11. Nedi

    Intresting considering many women who tend to believe Trump is anointed and tend to be from the Christian right now dominate the prophetic voices and “Esther anointing” which Craig Kelly citation of (Timothy 2: 11-15) does not give authority too. This explains why women dont get positions of leadership in Liberal Party and the church. Liberal Party also ignores much of the New testament teachings on social justice of sticking up for the poor
    while choosing other parts that opress others to elevate their sense moral supremacy over women and the poor

  12. Nedi

    And another thing.

    Craig Kelly may well as say -The Bible guides me in everything I do and say and there’s nothing in the Bible about being kind to poor people, I’ve looked.”

    He should read Isaiah

    5 The vile person shall be no more called liberal, nor the churl said to be bountiful.
    6 For the vile person will speak villany, and his heart will work iniquity, to practise hypocrisy, (in parliament) and to utter error against the Lord, to make empty the soul of the hungry, and he will cause the drink of the thirsty to fail.
    (Low Newstart rate)
    7 The instruments also of the churl are evil: he deviseth wicked devices to destroy the poor (Cruel welfare schemes) with lying words, even when the needy speaketh right.

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