Interviewer – Good morning, on today’s show we have a spokesman for the Liberal Party, Mr Bull, explaining their just released national broadband (NBN) policy. Good morning, Mr Bull.

Mr Bull – Good morning, it’s exciting. isn’t it?

Interviewer – What is?

Mr Bull – Releasing a policy. I can’t believe we haven’t done it more often. I mean, it’s really good to be laying out something positive in extensive detail rather just harping on about Labor being the worst government in the history of the world.

Interviewer – It’s quite a detailed policy. Would you like to sum it up?

Mr Bull – Yes. Quite simply, it’ll be cheaper and faster.

Interviewer – Faster?

Mr Bull – Yes, we’ll finish ours faster

Interviewer – So you mean sooner?

Mr Bull – Exactly. In fact, we’re almost finished already.

Interviewer – But download speeds will be slower.

Mr Bull – Only a bit.

Interviewer – No, wouldn’t it be several bits per second slower?

Mr Bull – By a bit, I meant a bit, not a bit. I wasn’t using technical language.

Interviewer – Ah.

Mr Bull – I don’t want to turn your listeners off with a lot of technical jargon.

Interviewer – So you do concede it’ll be several bits slower?

Mr Bull – Look, let’s not get it bogged down in technical jargon. I’d rather use words that people understand. Like CHEAPER. FASTER.  Or if you’re going to be picky SOONER.

Interviewer – Yes, but surely this is an important point. Isn’t speed a significant issue?

Mr Bull – And we’ll be improving the speed. SOONER than Labor.

Interviewer – Yes, but will your speeds be enough.

Mr Bull – Mine certainly will be.

Interviewer – But what about people in regional Australia.

Mr Bull – What about them?

Interviewer – Will they be getting faster internet access?

Mr Bull – Yes, we’ll be rolling out our plan much faster than the Gillard Government.

Interviewer – But will it be faster than now?

Mr Bull – No, it can be faster than now. We have to wait until we’re in Government.

Interviewer – I mean, will their speeds be faster than they are now.

Mr Bull – Well, many people in regional Australia don’t have internet access, so the ones that are connected under our proposal will be better off than the ones who aren’t connected. And some of those who aren’t connected will be significantly better off because they won’t have to pay for Labor’s white elephant.

Interviewer – Why do you say Labor’s proposal is a white elephant? Isn’t a white elephant something that nobody needs? Whereas there’s no suggestion that we don’t need higher speed broadband…

Mr Bull – I thought I was here to answer questions, not to listen to a speech on behalf of the Labor Party.

Interviewer – All right, you said in the last election that you’d deliver the policy for a lot less. I think you were quoting about $6 billion. Now, it’s blown-out to $30 billion, which isn’t that much cheaper than Labor’s plan. Is it really good value?

Mr Bull – It’s a lot less Labor’s plan. Recent estimates are costing theirs at $90 billion.

Interviewer – What recent estimates?

Mr Bull – Mine.

Interviewer – How did you arrive at this figure?

Mr Bull – I estimated it. Don’t you know what an estimate is?

Interviewer – Yes, but how did you arrive at a figure of $90 billion?

Mr Bull – I consulted with my colleagues. And we made an estimate of how much we thought Labor’s plan would blow out by. I simply added them all up and added them to the figure Labor have already given us.

Interviewer – And doesn’t your plan rely on using Telstra’s aging copper network?

Mr Bull – No. That’s only needed if people want to connect up to the internet from their house.

Interviewer – Have you factored in how much this’ll cost to maintain?

Mr Bull – Well, Telstra will have to maintain it…

Interviewer – So how much are Telstra going to charge for this?

Mr Bull – You’ll have to ask them, but my understanding is that they’ll just give it to us. I mean it’s not like they were intending to use it.

Interviewer – So you haven’t actually spoken to Telstra?

Mr Bull – Not as yet. But we intend to.

Interviewer – Before or after you start using it?

Mr Bull – Oh, before. Definitely before.

Interviewer – That’s all we have time for. Thank you.

Mr Bull – Have I mentioned that ours will be CHEAPER than the one from the WORST GOVERNMENT IN THE WORLD?