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Move Along – Nothing To See But The Hyperventilating Left

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote Brilliant Abbott Strategy – The Best Way to Stop People Talking About Your Last Mistake Is To Make Your Next. As with much of what I write, people mistook it for satire, not realising that it had been leaked from Cabinet.

Well, when I say “leaked”, I mean that it came from Cabinet in the usual way via courier who handed it to me saying that this one had also been sent to half a dozen other people who weren’t publishing it because they thought that the concept was already so obvious that the only people in Australia who didn’t understand it were Barnaby Joyce and that fellow advertising his services as a psychologist for your pet rock.

The Black Suits Botch-up where members of Border Force were coming to Melbourne to be “positioned” in places where they could keep us safe by not stopping people randomly or on the basis of their race. So it seems to be rather confusing as to who they were actually going to be checking. According to one source, they were going to grab anyone who approached them asking directions to any TAFE provider, but I couldn’t get anyone at Border Force to confirm that.

“Can I get someone to confirm that you were going to target students?” I asked.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss that,” said the man on the phone.

“Well, who could?”

“Only the commander of Victoria and Tasmania but he’s tied up at the moment.”

“When will he be free?”

“He’ll be tied up for the next few weeks. But we may take the gag off to let him eat something tomorrow.”

So, I guess we should all move on and just accept that this is not the sort of thing we do in Australia and that those protesters have just made fools of themselves by protesting against what was just a poorly worded press release put out by someone who wasn’t very good at wriitng press releases and nobody at Peter Dutton’s office had time to read it because they’ve been busy changing the name of his department from “The Minister for Saying Nothing” to the “The Minister for Doing Nothing”.

We have more important things to consider because according the latest leak,the following things will happen:

  1. Mr Abbott will be announcing a carefully considered decision to bomb Syria in the week before the Canning By-election.
  2. Joe Hockey will announce a tax-cut trial for the people living in the Canning electorate to see if paying no income tax at all is a boost to both economic activity and the government’s poll numbers.
  3. Margie Abbott will make a public appearance with Tony and smile, before telling everyone that he really is a “wonderful” husband and these past few months have been the best years of their marriage.
  4. Next year, Border Force will break into an episode of “Masterchef” during an elimination challenge and take someone away for visa irregularities, prompting Matt Preston to wonder if the poor contestant will be able to plate up in time for judging.
  5. Dyson Heydon will defer his decision on whether to stand down until he’s had more time to consider how many times he can do this before people stop asking him about it.
  6. Cabinet will no longer publish minutes but Cabinet members will simply read what was said in the daily paper.
  7. The Liberals will attempt to prove people wrong by sending out invitations to a drinking session in a brewery. The alternative was rejected because of inevitable comparisons with Craig Thomson.
  8. In order to prevent a snap election in the event of Malcolm getting the numbers, Tony’s driver has been instructed, if Mr Abbott tries to visit the Governor-General, to drive aimlessly round in circles until it’s clear that what Tony intends to do. (Rather like the rest of the Abbott Government.)
  9. Jobs. The Government is in favour of them and wants you to be aware of that. Not to mention Growth. That’s the sort of plan they have for our economy. They have a plan and it involves jobs and growth. And not just Australian jobs, but if you want to get all hung up on them being jobs for Australians then you’re nothing but a racist who wants to bring back the White Australia policy.
  10. And Security. Keep our Borders STRONG and don’t let foreigners in. They’re going to mention that they’re in favour of security too. At least once a week. Or until something terrible happens where they can say, “See we told you that we were the only ones capable of keeping you safe!”



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  1. juliefarthing

    Brilliant surpassing your usual brilliance Rossleigh. On the matter of security, I hope to god we don’t have a serious breach; these buffoons will be so busy running round chanting ‘We told you so’ to actually do anything about it.

  2. Roswell

    Rossleigh, you have a knack of being able to think outside the square. As a person of logic, I’m nonetheless impressed.

  3. Keith

    I didn’t know that the Goon Show was still operating… or is it Monty Python?
    Anyway, Operation Scare has not worked.

  4. Kaye Lee

    Whilst I always enjoy rossleigh’s writing, I am usually left feeling uneasy. Too many of his ideas, offered as comedy, have come to fruition.

    I agree, he has an amazing talent.

  5. Blinkyewok

    Yes it is an amazing talent but too often prophetic. Also leaves me feeling uneasy.

  6. Faye Cox

    No.3. Margie Abbott .
    I’ve been wondering how long it will be before Margie and daughters are paraded again.It seems that they all appear when Tones is in dire trouble.

  7. mmc1949

    I don’t know what appearance fee Tones has had to pay Margie in the past but it must be getting impossibly high these days.

  8. Annie B

    Biting writing again Rossleigh. All with far too much of a ring of truth. Well done.

    One thing that blasted through the brain cells … “not the sort of thing we do in Australia and that those protesters have just made fools of themselves by protesting against what was just a poorly worded press release put out by someone who wasn’t very good at writng press releases”

    Admittedly, I spoke to only 3 people about this farcical demonstration of ‘FORCE’ … as in Australian Border FORCE … one was a radical almost extreme left thinker, another a somewhat right of centre (?) and another a fair-minded thinker – who always only speaks after getting brain into gear and is not aligned to any party. ….

    All had much the same idea – ” that protesters fell into the trap that was set ” – ( my words ) … but that it was un-necessary for protesters to make this an opportunity to wave placards of all descriptions ( covering so many legitimate complaints ) … and that the protesters made things a lot worse for themselves, than they did for the ABF. …. I have to believe the ‘untimely and badly worded’ press release by the ABF was designed to bring out the protesters … and prove somehow (?) some validity to the existence of the ABF itself – and what it allegedly does. …. Also was said, differently worded – ” I / we didn’t know border protection could be found inland in the CBD of a major city ‘ … etc. etc. …. The fair-minded thinker added that Australia is the only major country in the entire world that is completely surrounded by water – and therefore border protection is and must be confined to that surrounding body of water ? …. Good offering, that.

    So – the rabid mob tried it on again. … To divide and conquer…. To bring about a situation that would inflame ( a la the press release !!! ) … and to try and prove their worth, via these means.

    Let’s face it – if any State Police were to have a blitz organised, say against a bikie gang with criminal connections – would they in any way whatsoever, ‘announce’ their plans to the media before hand, about that raid ?

    Decidedly NO. ….

    So – where does this leave the ‘badly worded’ press release ? …

    In the ‘fear basket’ which is alive and well and full to the brim, in the Government coffers.

    Another of the pee-em’s “let’s frighten shit out of the populace” moves. And while we do that, let’s see who is who, what is what, and ‘test the waters’ of antipathy towards us. ….

    All aiding, and abetting their growing mantra ” See we told you that we were the only ones capable of keeping you safe!”

    hmmm !!

  9. Pingback: Move Along – Nothing To See But The Hyperventilating Left – | olddogthoughts

  10. Kyran

    “So it seems to be rather confusing”….
    Not at all. The Orstrilian Border F-arse was created by merging “Immigration” with “Customs”. Notwithstanding the paramilitary nature of the body, as exemplified by their wonderful military uniforms, it must inherently respect the customs of immigrants.

    There have been some teething problems, including wages and conditions of employees. But this is under control. I have it on good authority (which, in ‘modern’ Orstrilia, means ‘I made it up’), that there is a further merger to occur. “Reclaim Orstrilia” will merge with them, enabling a constant supply of cheap employee’s who are incapable of questioning anything, let alone orders. The current negotiations for the merger, apparently handled by Robb, seem stuck on the silly tattoo’s reclaimers have. Helmets and full leather coats should fix that.

    The Defence White Paper, due for release this year, is expected to include an overview of the Orstilian Border F-arse as part of the function of the ADF. Whilst the merger of Customs, Immigration, Reclaimers and the ADF may be problematic, there are enough spin doctors available to massage (or bludgeon) the truth into something the masses will swallow. It is already expected the white paper will follow the Microsoft precedent and not be available for release until 2018.

    Easy peasy. Nothing to see here, move along. Don’t worry, Rossleigh. Nothing could go wrong. Take care

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