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Matt’s Marvellous Mum!

Ok, I’m not going to write about Matt Canavan directly.

I mean, trying to write satire about a man who – until this mess – was meant to be running an important ministry, but just a few years ago wasn’t considered enough of an adult for his mum to actually ask his permission before she went ahead and made him an Italian citizen is like using dynamite to catch fish who are swimming in a fish bowl. And anyway, poor Senator Canavan is getting enough flack and if I wanted to kick a man when he was down, I’d go and write for the Murdoch newspapers.

No, it’s his mum I want to talk about because she’s given me a great template for getting rid of any of those pesky foreigners who happen to make it into parliament. And by “foreigners” I mean anybody who disagrees with me who happens to have one or two immediate relatives who were born overseas. I simply contact the country that one of their ancestors hails from and say we’d like to make them a citizen. I mean, it must be a pretty simple process if a mother can just say, “Hey, while you’re at it, can you make my son a citizen too?”

Now I would have thought that somebody would have asked the age of the son and, when told he was 25, would have asked if he was ok with this. Or asked him to sign something. But apparently not. Or maybe Matt’s mum just got his dad to sign the form for him.

And so if things are that lax, then maybe I could go in to the British consulate and say that I’m Tony Abbott’s dad and can you please make him a British citizen again. I know, apart from them possible saying, “What do you mean again?” or “Anybody that makes Phil a knight is automatically one of us”, there’s the little problem of the the fact that they’d want surely want some form of identification but – like Malcolm Roberts – I could simply sign a stat dec and say that I’ll produce the evidence when it’s needed. Surely that should be enough. Particularly when I – like Malcolm Roberts – point out that perjury could get me jailed for four years. Of course I’m not worried because it’d be someone called Dick Abbott who’d be the one committing the offence. Yes, Tony’s dad really is a “Dick” which suggests that all his life Tony has merely being trying to live up to his father’s name.

Yep, I’ve got the list of all the people who have some claim to foreign citizenship and I should be able to get rid of most of the ones I don’t like. Of course, this still doesn’t solve the problem of pesky Australians who get elected, but Matt’s mum can’t be expected to do everything.

But when I think about it, all the Catholics in parliament have an allegiance to the Pope. Does that make them ineligible? Actually, all the Christians in the Coalition have an allegiance to an all-powerful being who’s not Australian. No, not God… Rupert Murdoch.

I know that some of you don’t think that democracy should work that way, but if you say anything I’ll call you un-Australian. Or UN-Australian, because your first allegiance is to the U.N. and we know how unpatriotic anyone who listens to the United Nations is.

Mm, maybe then I could get rid of all those pesky lefties by arguing that their ineligible under section 44 because they owe an allegiance to that foreign entity, the UN!

Yep, if this keeps up, I’ll be the only one left eligible to stand for parliament.


29 comments

  1. diannaart

    At age 25, Matt Canavan had mental maturity of 3 year old.

    Which means, Matt, now has mental acuity of a fourteen year old.

  2. bobrafto

    Actually, all the Christians in the Coalition have an allegiance to an all-powerful being who’s not Australian. No, not God… Rupert Murdoch.

    That above reminded me of an exchange I got involved in a few days ago …….

    In the twittersphere there are verbal insults hurled between Chris Kenny and Michael Carlton that somehow I got involved here is the exchange:
      Jul 21
    Oh Jesus. Honestly, Chrissy, I don’t find you sexually attractive. Really. Touch nothing sharp. Stay calm. Call 000. They will help.

    Chris Kenny @chriskkenny
    Replying to @MikeCarlton01
    Mate don’t waste your Viagra getting all hard on me – off you go…quick

    @bob_rafto 
    I can assure you Mr Carlton is neither a dogfcuker like you or a Kennyfcuker however in a verbal context he is admirable.

    Samidog‏ @Nihilon45  Jul 21
    Replying to @bob_rafto @MikeCarlton01 @chriskkenny
    Mike Carlton can be trusted around family pets.

    Colly‏ @collywolly41  Jul 23
    Replying to @bob_rafto @MikeCarlton01 @chriskkenny
    Please go away enough life is too short

    Colly‏ @collywolly41  Jul 22
    Replying to @bob_rafto @MikeCarlton01 @chriskken
    Do not encourage this complete and utter junior kindy behaviour

    @bobrafto
    kindy? It takes brains to think of cutting insults which Chris Kenny lacks and it would take a fortune to wash out Kenny’s mouth. All class

    Colly‏ @collywolly41  Jul 22
    Replying to @bob_rafto @MikeCarlton01 @chriskkenny
    Ur simply horrible bye

    Bob Rafto‏ @bob_rafto  Jul 23
    But Newscorp is EVIL
    Abbott gets the ATO off Murdock’s back, Murdoch walks away with $880M in unpaid taxes.

    Hey Abbott nobble the NBN into a second rate b/band, says Murdoch, yes sir, says Abbott.

    Hey Abbott starve the ABC of funds, says Murdock, yes sir, says Abbott.

    Hey Abbott get the ABC to pay $80K to Chris Kenny for depicting him as a dogfucker, says Murdock, yes sir, says Abbott.

    Hey Turnbull, install my stooge Michele Guthrie as the ABC’s managing director, says Murdock, yes sir says Turnbull

    Hey Turnbull gives us $30M, says Murdock, yes sir, says Turnbull

    Hey Tudge get cracking with the ‘indue’ cashless card rollout, says Murdoch, yes sir, says Tudge. A multi billion dollar yearly bonanza for Murdock from the Treasury coffers.

    Hey Turnbull change the media laws for me says Murdoch, working on it, says Turnbull. A move that will enable more Treasury riches

    And you say, I’m horrible.

    Colly‏ @collywolly41  Jul 23
    Replying to @bob_rafto @MikeCarlton01 @chriskkenny
    Great go very nasty stuff,

    I replied with ‘But exceptionally true’ with an added smiley
    ………………………………………………………………………………

    While I’m at it, would anyone like to expand on the following:

    Really no gouging at all
    2008 oil $102 a barrell cost of petrol $1.47
    2017 oil $48 a barrell cost of petrol $1.32

  3. Rossleigh

    As for the oil thing, bobrafto, I think it’s the ridiculously high wages that 7/11 workers get!

  4. Roswell

    Talk about throwing Mum under a bus.

    Mum should send him to bed without his dinner, and stick that dummy back in his mouth.

  5. Zoltan Balint

    Diannaart, if it took him 25 years to get to 3 he can not be more then 4 and a bit now.

  6. wam

    far go everyone he is a maroon and not responsible

  7. Matters Not

    Hey Tudge get cracking with the ‘indue’ cashless card rollout, says Murdoch, yes sir, says Tudge. A multi billion dollar yearly bonanza for Murdock from the Treasury coffers.

    Dear, oh dear. When fake news takes hold there’s no stopping it. Murdoch and Indue – put that canard to bed. A clear case of never the twain shall meet.

    Murdoch and Indue have no connection. But that ‘myth’ will persist.

  8. paul walter

    We love Matt’s mum. But we think Matt a low dodger for blaming his poor old mum- for shame, the bounder!

  9. Roswell

    Who would have thought, Rossleigh, that after all these years someone would take you serious?

  10. Kaye Lee

    Tony Abbott’s parents applied to register his birth with the Dept. of Immigration and Ethnic Affairs and apply for his citizenship, in a document/s dated 19 June 1981. Tony was 23 at the time and about to take up a Rhodes Scholarship that was only available to Australian citizens. Either mum applying for you on citizenship matters counts or it doesn’t.

  11. paul walter

    Yes, but he didn’t blame his mum!!

  12. Kaye Lee

    Blame is always an ugly word that I avoid. Truth is a word I abide by.

  13. Peter F

    “Tony Abbott’s parents applied to register his birth with the Dept. of Immigration and Ethnic Affairs and apply for his citizenship, in a document/s dated 19 June 1981.” OK, but did they also renounce his British citizenship? If not, he took up a Rhodes Scholarship while a British Citizen. Does anyone know if this was permitted? I thought the scholarships were for the best students from Commonwealth Countries. (‘How many grounds were questionable?’, you might ask: If so, ask Dyson Heydon: He was on the committee.

  14. Kaye Lee

    “did they also renounce his British citizenship”

    According to the letter Abbott has belatedly produced, the application to renounce his citizenship was made in October 1993, just after he was made head of the Australians for a Constitutional Monarchy. Strange timing if you ask me. Dual citizenship is allowed for Rhodes Scholarship.

  15. Kyran

    It was Ms McManus wot dun it, Guv’na!
    If you think about this rationally and logically, two preconditions not normally applied to government or governance for the past few years, Ms McManus issued this statement on Wednesday, 15th March, 2017;

    “I believe in the rule of law when the law is fair and the law is right, but when it’s unjust I don’t think there’s a problem with breaking it.”

    Our government initially disputed the notion.

    “The Turnbull government has blasted new Australian Council of Trade Union secretary Sally McManus’s comments that she believes there is no problem breaking “unjust laws”…”

    Our government sent out their greatest champion of the absurd and indefensible.

    ““In a statement, Cash said McManus’s comments were “an extraordinary admission by a newly minted union leader that she believes she is above the law”.
    “McManus has tonight belled the cat on the principles of militant unions in Australia: they will obey the law if and when they choose.””

    https://www.theguardian.com/australia-news/2017/mar/16/coalition-mps-attack-actu-boss-sally-mcmanuss-defence-of-unlawful-strikes

    Whilst you can accuse our government of being slow, you can no longer accuse them of being unresponsive. They have now digested Ms McManus’s underlying premise and embraced the concept.
    Pre ‘The McManus Declaration’, it was, in fact, Abetz who was the trailblazer in picking if, and when, an individual could decide which laws were acceptable. Ok, Abbott and Roberts didn’t demonstrate the same fortitude in declaring the same law unjust, they just ignored any obligation to it. But it wasn’t until Ms McManus made her declaration that senators started falling by the wayside having been subjected to the rule of unjust laws.
    This law is unjust, and our politicians are showing us the way by not obeying it. They are not only demonstrating for one and all that this is a correct notion, but that they are so far above the law that they won’t have to repay a cent in the event they are found to be running foul of it.
    This is both fair and reasonable, given the numerous precedents of politicians not being financially accountable for their transgressions. Imagine if they were chased as hard for repayment as one of those receiving welfare (of any type)?
    Notwithstanding Dutton’s newfound enthusiasm for higher standards for citizenship aspirants, whether it be a ‘language’ test that few politicians would pass or a ‘values’ test that few politicians would understand, these laws should not reasonably be applied to the politicians. They are the only arbiters of what laws should be acceptable to them or when they should choose to accept them. For goodness sake, these people make the laws. It is only natural that they should pick and choose which laws are just, and when. For them.
    Whether Catholicism automatically infers citizenship of Vatican City;

    “officially Vatican City State or the State of Vatican City, is a country located within the city of Rome. With an area of approximately 44 hectares, and a population of 1,000, it is the smallest state in the world by both area and population. However, formally it is not sovereign, with sovereignty being held by the Holy See.”

    Is surely just another distraction. Ironically, it could be yet another example of ‘unauthorised arrivals by see’. It is similar to the example of Jews being entitled to automatic citizenship of Israel.
    More worthless digressions. The McManus Declaration should be applied. Citizenship in all of its wonderful vagaries should not be applied to politicians.
    Some unkind people are even suggesting all senators should be confined on Nauru pending assessment of their claims to citizenship. It should only take a few years.
    It’s not like there are other issues requiring urgent attention.
    Thank you Mr Brisbane and commenters. Take care

  16. silkworm

    “Pauline Hanson’s sister could replace embattled senator Malcolm Roberts in the Senate if he is found to be ineligible because of his British dual citizenship.

    Fairfax Media can reveal bankruptcy proceedings have been filed against the third person on One Nation’s Queensland Senate ticket, Fraser Anning, potentially ruling him constitutionally ineligible too.”

    http://www.smh.com.au/federal-politics/political-news/pauline-hansons-sister-judy-smith-could-replace-malcolm-roberts-in-the-senate-20170727-gxkfha.html

  17. diannaart

    Silkworm

    Pauline Hanson has a sister? All this outrage over citizenship, about time we had a look at nepotism.

  18. Peter F

    Thanks Kaye, So he was entitled to make an application for the scholarship.

  19. Kaye Lee

    Not sure if he was a citizen when he first applied. Mum filled in the form and paid a fee for it to be done urgently.

    And let’s not forget that Pauline sacked the One Nation treasurer – the guy who asked her to come back – and installed her brother-in-law as treasurer. Who does she think she is, Donald Trump?

  20. Johno

    She might think she is Donald Trump but just minus Hanson Towers in Bris Vegas.

  21. Freethinker

    This become a nightmare, now Liberal MP Julia Banks could be a holder of a Greek citizenship because her father born in Greece therefore she automatically has the Greek citizenship.

  22. Zoltan Balint

    She is blaming her father and he is blaming his mother. Recon if they were the childer of a same sex marriage non of this would have happened. The thing I don’t understand is how come they have not done an ‘exit stage left’ like everyone on the other side did or they would have screamed like a two year old in front of a cake shop told ‘No darlink’ (obsereved in Toorak – yes darlink not darling). … Bran… whats his name … and Mr NBN … has to be … and Mr Washed White … (potato).

  23. Terry2

    Ask yourself why the coalition are resisting having the AEC look into this : it’s quite simple really, everybody who nominates for parliament sings a declaration that they do not hold any other citizenship than Australian and anybody born overseas provides certification from their country of birth that they are not citizens.

    To ridicule the Constitution as Barnaby Joyce does is to miss the point – until we the people change the Constitution, it remains the law of the land.

    Even the Italian Consulate have made it clear that no adult can acquire Italian citizenship without being interviewed, filling in forms and submitting other documents. Matt Canavan has been stretching the truth.

  24. bobrafto

    Matters Not
    Dear, oh dear. When fake news takes hold there’s no stopping it. Murdoch and Indue – put that canard to bed. A clear case of never the twain shall meet.

    Murdoch and Indue have no connection. But that ‘myth’ will persist.

    The Star Group is the owner of indue and who owns Star Group?

  25. LOVO

    Every week that Canavan and Roberts ‘stall’ they are paid a bit over 3 and a half grand ..that they know they will never have to pay back…..well not until they are getting their Centrelink payments 😤

  26. bobrafto

    Freethinker
    Ms Banks born here is entitled to a Greek passport and if she has kids born here they’re also entitled to a Greek passport.

    The LNP are claiming she is not a dual citizen but I think the word entitled is the operative word that should disqualify her from parliament.

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