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Mathias Cormann Says Hello, World!

Now let me emphasise that there is a comma in between the “Hello” and the “World”!

I wish to emphasise this so that nobody gets confused and thinks that I’m making any reference to that time that the Liberal donor and Helloworld booking agent, Andrew Burnes. Now when I call him a booking agent, that wasn’t his only role. He also ran the company and was the one who complained to Mathias about the tender process for the awarding of a government contract before ultimately gaining the contract. I’m not sure if that was when Cormann said, “Oh, by the way, could you book a Singapore holiday for my family at the full commercial rate because I’m a busy man and it’s easier while I’ve got you on the phone to ask you to do it because you’ve obviously got less to do than any of my staff who I’d normally get to make travel arrangements on my behalf.”

However, that was a mistake on then-Senator Cormann’s behalf, because Mr Burnes was so busy that, while he had time to book a Singapore holiday for the whole Cormann family for the full commercial price of $2780, he was too busy to remember to invoice Mr Cormann for the amount and Mr Cormann was too busy to notice that no money had been deducted from his account nor had any bill arrived. Both parties failed to notice until somehow Fairfax media noticed, at which time, both Mr Burnes and Mr Cormann said, “What an oversight. We both certainly hope that the company hasn’t forgotten to charge the government for their government contract…” And to be fair to Mathias, who hasn’t failed to notice when they aren’t charged the odd couple of thousand for a holiday?

Anyway, I’m just pointing out that when I wrote, “Mathias Cormann says Hello, World” it has nothing to do with that whole saga of a finance minister failing to keep track of his personal finances which is surely none of our concern and we should only be worried when he fails to keep track of government finances. Thanks to the watchful eyes of the Liberal Party, Australia’s debt hardly did any more than double in the time he was Finance Minister… Unless you want to count the last Budget which one shouldn’t because that’s nothing to do with the government as it’s bad news.

No, this is about ex-Senator Cormann demonstrating his environmental credentials by helping avoid the spread of Covid-19 and taking a private jet everywhere. Of course, when I say “private”, I actually mean “public” but that would be confusing because it would make it sound like he was using commercial flights and that would be like taking public transport and we can’t have someone who used to be an important figure in the government being forced to wait in line for a flight.

Now some people have asked why he can’t just use the internet and go on Zoom like nearly every worker has been forced to do in the past year. Let me just remind you that he’s going for a very, very important job and we can’t risk the NBN failing to work in the middle of a call. No, he has to go to each city and do the Zoom meeting from there.

The same whingers are also pointing out that there are Australians wanting to return home and the government isn’t putting RAAF jets at their disposal. However, this overlooks the fact that we’d need to house the returning Australians in hotels and the states aren’t making enough positions available. Even though the Federal Government has made a very generous offer and told the states that they have a number of ex-SAS officers prepared to look after hotel quarantine in ways that ensure that any positive cases won’t escape into the community, the states just aren’t helping.

No, some people just don’t understand that were Mr Cormann to be the successful candidate that would be a real feather in the cap for all Australians and people around the world would sit up and take notice because who can’t name all the Secretary-Generals of the OECD for the past twenty years?

And surely, given it’s such a high-paying position, private citizen Cormann would feel an obligation to repay the taxpayer for the use of the jet, and make available all those frequent flyer miles he must have accumulated from his trips to any of the poor souls trying to make it home for Christmas.

Or perhaps he could just avoid controversy by actually paying the bill for his travel this time!

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  1. Lawrence S Roberts

    It’s all spin on a sticky wicket.
    Josh is bowling unplayable leg spin to the lefties from one end and the maestro of spin is bowling gentle off breaks to the onsiders at the other end. His frequent full tosses can be dispatched as far as the Cayman Islands!

  2. Ron Lee

    Very well done Rossleigh

  3. Harry Lime

    Just another illustration of how Morrison regards his Prime Ministership as being the equivalent of a fifteenth century European monarch ,with the loot in the government’s coffers being his to dispense as he sees fit.He is beholden to no one,least of all the people and country he is required to represent.The Constant Liar only answers to the mirror on the wall,which apparently has a fixed image of a hero.

  4. Graham

    From the ABC’s “The Conversation”

    “There has been much outrage this week over the federal government providing former MP Mathias Cormann with a RAAF plane and staff to travel the world as he lobbies for a plum position with the OECD. But Michelle Grattan believes the outrage is misplaced, as Cormann’s possible appointment to the role would greatly benefit Australia. He is well-qualified ……. so it’s reasonable for the government to provide him with this assistance.

    Never mind his history of anti-climate change activity in Parliament: am I the only one that thinks it is NOT OK for this government or any government, to expect him in that OECD position to do stuff that will “greatly benefit Australia”? How is that to be achieved? Are we to be given favourable treatment in some way ?

  5. New England Cocky

    Mathais ”the Belgian Bulsh#tter” Cormann is a fine example of a LIarbral Party stooge dancing to the beck & call of anybody who will promote his pecuniary interests. His covert support of Scummo during the underhanded coup against Turnbull properly demonstrated that he could not count to save Benito Duddo ….. and Cormann was the Finance Minister where counting may be an important skill.

    It must be nice to have mates who believe that spending dollars form the public purse is obviously the correct thing to do when a mate has to undergo all the trauma of international travel during COVID-19. The critics are just too unkind, hoping that the infection spreads to the Parliamentary Plane.

  6. Matters Not


    feel an obligation to repay the taxpayer for the use of the jet

    Why would Cormann repay the taxpayer … for anything? The taxpayer (as a taxpayer) only pays legal obligations as determined by Parliament. Taxpayers don’t donate. They just obey the Law. Is it seriously suggested that jets and other government assets are somehow owned by taxpayers as distinguishable from citizens ? That the Melbourne Declaration which spoke of active and informed citizenship is to be displaced by active and informed taxpaying? That conceptual clarity matters not?

    That major taxpayers such as the Commonwealth Bank, BHP and other corporations are actually to be repaid by Ministers? What happened to the public purse? What happened to consolidated revenue and Section 81?

    And some wonder why our democracy doesn’t function. That citizens don’t know who they are. And how they relate to government.

  7. Jim O'G

    One thing this government are good for is providing us with targets for satirical and cynical fun, to take our minds off their disgusting abuse of power and resources. Rossleigh has done it brilliantly. Just a shame that the great use of sarcasm is so close to the truth. Brilliant. I’m sure Paul Lyneham would have enjoyed it.

  8. leefe

    “And some wonder why our democracy doesn’t function. That citizens don’t know who they are. And how they relate to government.”

    Which is exactly how this misgovernment likes and wants it.

  9. Wam

    Hahaha the core of the man is hollow and as such he cannot rot or be corrupted making him a perfect candidate for a pommieless concoction.continental ideology but a look at the other candidates suggest Forman top of the list now but later be last.
    (Sorry bob)

  10. pierre wilkinson

    the only advantage to Australia of Cormannegger getting the job is that he would no longer be in Australia.
    As far as Michelle Gratten goes, the further the better; what an utter apologist for the LibNats.

  11. Vikingduk

    Today marks 1000 days since the Biloela Four were rounded up by the dutton thing’s border force. Remember Priya & Nades & the two tiddlers? One more thing us taxpaying/citizens/suckers can be proud of. Whoever is footing the bill for the belgian cunning stunt to swan around Europe it sure ain’t the smirking jerk or any of the other blowhard bullshitters of the lnp or labor.

    Citizens don’t know who we are or how we relate to government, you say, does it matter when we have become a mob of morally bankrupt, braindead arseholes, accepting the status quo, drifting along on a sea of bullshit?

    Nevertheless, if you are into xmas cards or just a little kindness, you can send a message —

    Nades & Priya
    C/o Phosphate Hill Facility
    Christmas Island
    WA 6798

    And, perhaps a big fuck you to the dutton thing.

  12. Matters Not

    Graham re:

    position to do stuff that will “greatly benefit Australia”?

    Indeed, one of the big problems we have is the way the system (broadly defined) works. And at so many levels. Local government, for example, sees some suburbs get new footpaths, parks and gardens, transport services, sewerage, libraries, swimming pools, utilities, and the like and often at the obvious expense of their neighbors. At the State level, witness the local MP win (supposedly through hard work) new schools, hospitals, dams, road construction, bridges and bypasses and the like regardless of rational priorities. At the Federal level, reflect on the so called sports rorts. the siting of defense bases, the funding of airports, harbors, universities etc. So often it’s a case of pork-barreling rather than proper planning. Indeed the system reeks of corruption from top to bottom

    Not surprising therefore that Morrison et al apply the same mentality at the international level. Worse – it’s probably valid. As for Cormann he will clip the ticket at every opportunity and look for Board appointments etc for future income. When only the best cigars will do. You can hear the laughter already.

  13. DrakeN


    The Biloela four are in Christmas Island detention at the behest of our Christian and family oriented LNP government.

    Their hypocrisy cries to the very heavens from which they claim to derive their inspiration.

  14. Ill fares the land

    By any measure, Cormann was a completely flaccid Finance Minister and consistently so over 7 years. He got off to a very bad start (the “cigar” episode just never went away, did it) and never improved. In fact, on one memorable day, did he not announce his support for Turnbull, then Dutton and then Morrison? Allied to the risible gaff when he presided over a vote in support of the disgusting Hanson’s “white lives matter” motion (later reversed), there is nothing to suggest the guy has any political judgement to speak of – unless flawed judgement counts. If this guy were to fluke the role he, or he and Morrison so covet, you would have all the evidence you need that the selection process was manipulated or no more than a joke. There might be a case to be made that Gormless Cormann has been hiding his light under a bushel for 7 years, but judging him on his public displays of incompetence, he truly is a nincompoop. Moreover, he was either lying about his position on climate change in the LNP, or he is lying now – or, perhaps he was lying then and now. Either way, he then took, or is now taking a position on climate change that is only for the sake of appearance. It matters not insofar as how could such a chameleon impress anyone charged with filling a very significant global role. Perhaps it was Morrison’s idea that if Cormann left the Parliament, he would help him try to win a role for which he is patently unsuited, but then if Cormann were the Secretary General, perhaps that would open the door for future roles for other ex-LNP hacks and flunkies and for the LNP, so polished in the art of corruption and deniability, that has got to be a very appealing option.

  15. calculus witherspoon.

    Reality would be a shock after twenty years.

    He wouldn’t be able to take it.

  16. Phil Pryor

    Cormann, a suppurating pustularity of political perversion, is a revived pox, a plague on taxpayers, a political pervert, a foreign sourced romanist ridiculous ratbag, a superstition drenched shitty shonk, a foul fraud and filthy fantasist. On a list of a hundred candidates for this job, as Cormann wanks up his ambition, this abrasive anus might be seven hundred. Those who know him call him ankles, as being so far below an arsehole. It would be an eternal disgrace to Australia to have a piece of extruded turd as a national representative, of any sort, as his current thieving and manipulation suggest. Thieving pox…

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