When details of the Trump/Tinbull phone call leaked, Malcolm told us that he was all about protecting Australians. And what better way to protect Australians than to make a public declaration that if the USA is attacked then we want a part of the action.

“If you bomb the USA,” Malcolm announced during the week, “don’t forget to bomb us too!”

Now, I’ll bet I’m not the first person to point out that we need a plebiscite for marriage equality, but Malcolm can announce that we’ll join a war without even seeking the approval of Parliament, but I may be the first to suggest that the only reason Malcolm jumped so quickly on the war that hasn’t happened yet, is because he’s under the strange delusion that it’ll save his leadership…

His leadership…

You’d laugh, if it wasn’t such a joke. Or rather, you’d laugh if it was a joke. When he says seriously, “I am a STRONG leader!”, you have to seriously wonder whether he’s more out of touch with reality than either Donald or Kim…

Malcolm’s leadership is akin to the captain of the “Titanic” arguing that he removed the ship’s wheel and he still has his hands on it, so the fact that the ship is at the bottom of the ocean is irrelevant; he’s the one steering!

Day one: Julie Bishop says that the ANZUS treaty just means that we only need to consult, we won’t automatically be drawn into the potential “war”
Day two: Turnbull says, No, no, Donald’s a mate and I promised him that I’d do anything he asked if he’d only agree to send some people and pretend that they could go to United States, so if Mr Trump goes to war then I want to emulate Harold Holt or John Howard and buy a few more years by going “All the Way With Donald Trump!” (Ok, it doesn’t rhyme, but neither did “Into Iraq With Georgie Boy”!)
Day three: Arthur Sin (I can’t remember if he has more letters in his name… Whatever!) tells us that of course Turnbull will consult Parliament. We can’t just go to way without consulting the Parliament… And he’s sure that’s what Mr. Turnbull meant, even if that’s not what he said… Sinodinos, for some reason, reminds me of Sean Spicer at this moment…

Nobody asked if we needed a plebiscite.

Of course, it’s the Republic debate all over again. Because it’s not compulsory to vote, some people will boycott the poll, others won’t care enough to vote and John Howard and Tony Abbott will mobilise the forces that agree with them to turn out while the “Yes” vote is split, ensuring that – at the very best – the “Yes” case only limps over the line. At this point, the conservatives will argue that it didn’t win by enough to put it to the vote because all those who didn’t vote are on their side.

At this point, Turnbull hopes that he’ll be able to say that he’s appalled that people are concerned about things like same-sex marriage – we mustn’t call it “marriage equality”, the ABC have been given a directive – or climate change or the ever-increasing deficit or the Republic or asylum seekers being hacked to death on Manus when we need to make the country safe by declaring war on North Korea.

Ah dear, as someone said, “Malcolm doesn’t watch porn. I mean, why would he, when all he needs to excite himself is a mirror?”