Ok, it’s a terrible pun. Some might even call it blasphemous…
I’m sure Victorian Upper House Liberal, Bernie Finn, would. Bernie Finn, you see, announced that he found the whole idea that the Victorian Upper House sitting on Good Friday just plain wrong and he couldn’t do it. And no, not because he wasn’t getting penalty rates, because it was “blasphemous”. Bernie told us that he didn’t even celebrate his birthday if it fell on Good Friday.
Now, for those familiar with Mr Finn, there is a strong argument that there is no cause to celebrate his birth no matter which day of the year it falls. However, that would be nasty and I’ve made it a rule never to be nasty on Easter Saturday… Unless, of course, that doesn’t suit me, and I can just change my mind.
Anyway, Labor offered Mr Finn a “pair”. By that I don’t mean that they were suggesting that he grow some. They were agreeing to a long-standing arrangement where, if a member of one party can’t vote for a legitimate reason, then the other party has one of their own refrain from voting.
He was joined by another Liberal MP, Craig Ondarchie, who also indicated that his religious beliefs prevented him from staying. Labor agreed and allowed two of their MPs to go home also. Although when I use the word, “also” I mean, in theory, because, as with my rule never to be nasty on Easter Saturday, their religious beliefs didn’t prevent them from hiding in their offices and when the time came for the vote on the CFA, they sprang out of hiding, leaving Labor the Easter bunnies.
Ha, good one. I mean, don’t Labor know tomorrow is April Fools Day? Ok, the joke was a bit early but it’s not like a real lie. Silly Labor. Thinking just because someone was a fine upstanding Christian that they wouldn’t be prepared to lie about something as unimportant as their religious beliefs. Or joke. That’s it. It’s all an elaborate joke. Like my joke about the Liberals making Jesus a little cross. No harm done. It’s not like breaking one of the ten commandments and bearing false witness because, well, “false witness” is about something that has happened, so lying about what you’re going to to is all good with big guy upstairs.
Besides, Parliament shouldn’t be sitting on Good Friday anyway. And, and… the legislation is all wrong and we don’t like it. And, and… Labor wouldn’t give a pair to one of our Upper House MPs who’s sick. Labor claim that they haven’t been asked about a pair for her yet, but they should have given her one before they were asked because she’s really sick. No, this is not another April Fool’s Day joke. To suggest that this could be another lie is outrageous. How low can Labor sink?
No, this wasn’t cheating like the Australian Cricket Team. This wasn’t even Labor cheated when they used staffers to help with the election campaign. This was cheating like when Federal Liberals raised funds through Parakeelia, the Liberal Party-owned company that billed taxpayers for computer services, which wasn’t cheating at all but a legitimate rort because we got away with it and nobody seems to care…
No, this was all just fine and dandy. As Opposition Leader, Matty “The Family” Guy tweeted:
“Am so proud of my Upper House colleagues and the MPs who stood up for our CFA today and defeated the Andrews Govt plan to smash it up. The Liberal Nationals will always stand up for volunteers against this bully of a Premier.”
Yes, that’s right. It’s a day to be proud. Wonder if he’ll tweet after the election: “Am so proud of my colleagues who stood up for our mates and told lies in order to defeat Labor because we don’t care what the truth is so long as we win the vote!”
Or is that a little too obvious a subtext.