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Kevin’s World!

By Terence Mills

Marriage equality campaigners have shown patience, goodwill and perseverance and whilst the first skirmish has been won the parliamentary battle remains; this offering is a look at the lighter side of some of the silliness.

Kevin Andrews MP want to introduce changes to the Marriage Act that will allow businesses to discriminate on who they serve based not only on whether they are gay or not – he accepts that discrimination based purely on sexuality would be unlawful – but he insists that trades people should be given the right based on a conscientious belief reasonably held to discriminate against people who are LGBTQI and who may use the product in question at or in association with a gay type marriage or wedding.

Confusing, isn’t it? But Kevin is preparing a video that will clear things up once and for all: the scene is a bakery in Kevin’s electorate of Menzies. The Man is played by Matt Canavan; the Baker by Scott Morrison and Eric by Christopher Pyne.

A man enters the bakery and inspects the display of cakes, buns etc. He is approached by the baker:

Baker: Can I help you?

Man: A pie floater with Worcestershire sauce please.

Baker: (looks customer up and down) You wouldn’t be of a Gay persuasion would you?

Man: What’s that got to do with purchasing a pie floater with Worcestershire sauce. Are you seeking to discriminate against me and my choice of sustenance?

Baker: No, it’s just that if you were of a Gay persuasion and if the pie, should I elect to supply it, were to be taken to or in any way participate either actively or passively in a marriage type service involving two persons of a corresponding gender, then I would not be able to serve you based on my conscientious beliefs which are genuinely held that my pies should not be in attendance at any such gathering or function.

Man: I believe that my rights to personal privacy do not require me to divulge to you any information on my gender identity or persuasion. Apart from which, what makes you think that I am Gay anyhow and that I may be attending a gay wedding?

Baker: People who come in here don’t usually say Worcestershire sauce, they say Brown sauce and I noticed that your hair is dyed magenta red and that you are clutching a man-purse. This, according to the legislation allows me to form a reasonable belief that you may be of a gay persuasion. I also noted that you are wearing a carnation in the lapel of your puce jacket which leads me to believe on reasonable grounds that you may be attending or participating in a Gay marriage ceremony and in accordance with the prevailing laws I can decline to serve you a pie-floater with or without Worcestershire sauce: so, on your bike, sunshine.

Man: Well, Sherlock, you’re off base on that one because I’m actually a One Nation supporter and this is how we get about and my hair colour reflects my love of our dear leader. As a dual citizen born in Britain I choose to call the sauce of my choice Worcestershire and not Brown.

Baker: I’m still not convinced and I seem to detect a lisp in your pronunciation or Worcestershire and that according to my conscientiously held and well founded belief  gives me the right to deny you service. However, in the interests of fairness I’ll call my assistant Eric for his opinion: (calls out) Oh Eric are you free?

Eric: Yes, poppet, coming.

Baker: Eric, I have reasonable and a well based conscientious belief that this customer who wishes to purchase a pie-floater with Worcestershire sauce may be of a Gay persuasion and may be taking said pie-floater to a marriage celebration of two persons of a corresponding gender: I need your advice.

Eric: Get him to walk around a bit, it’s a dead giveaway.

Man walks around the shop

Baker: I detect a certain mincing gait that gives me reason to believe on a conscientious basis that this customer is of a gay persuasion and I can rightfully deny service, what do you think, Eric?

Eric: Ooh, nice bum!

Man takes a close look at the baker and Eric the assistant

Man: Based on a well-founded and reasonable belief and in accordance with the Consumer Protection (Cakes, Buns, Pies and other Confectionary) Act 2017 I consider that these are premises with a gay and/or LGBQTI inclination and accordingly on a conscientious basis I hereby withdraw my order for a pie floater with Worcestershire sauce.

It can’t get any worse folks!


12 comments

  1. babyjewels10

    😀 It is ludicrous. This is the man who charged taxpayers $2000 to attend a prayer breakfast. In a world of his own. What a dark, murky world it must be.

  2. Shutterbug

    Captain Grecian 2000, another sad, sorry, miserable waste of oxygen.
    He, like his foetid chorts, should just go back under their bridge and stay there.

    But part of me wants these stupid amendments to go ahead. I want to see this jug-eared twit denied service or items sold by all LGBTI people. Maybe that way, Wig Man ‘might’ just get the hint that he is by far in the minority.

  3. john ocallaghan

    A very funny article and gave me a good laugh and just highlights the absurdity of Andrews and his RWNJ mates!!

  4. Peter F

    Shutter, You will allow of course, that the LGBTI community would be breaking the law if they refused service to these RWCNJs. ( The C is, as you probably guessed, for ‘christian’.

  5. Michael

    It is said that stuff floats to the surface – the trickle up effect?

  6. kerrilmai

    My mum lives on his electorate. She no longer drives. I took her to vote at the last election and had to drop her off at HIS selected polling place, a church, with a very steep downhill drive to the parking lot. I walked back up to collect mum and came alost face to face with what I thought was a vampire! So pale? Such raven hair? In a long black coat with black shoe, one foot in an orthotic boot, (sadly not in the grave) black trousers. He is as frightening in the flesh as he appears on TV.
    He also runs a nice little service for his, largely elderly, parishioners, oops! constituents, whereby they can send their postal vote to his office and he will bundle all the votes together to send to the AEC together.????
    Mum says her friends swear none of them has ever voted for him, but it just so easy to post your vote to his office?

  7. Jaquix

    Kerrilmai, yes the Libs do those mailouts to everyone, and expect us to trust them. Loved the description of the the Undertaker – it was an Undertaker wasnt it? Notice Andrews has got the same pointy ears as Malcolm. I am just so over this religious freedom nonsense. There was only ONE question on our survey form – and we could answer it Yes or No. Nothing else. And now we have Turnbull cancelling Parliament, hiding from Alexander in Bennelong, and then popping up overnight (having seen how Twitter and FB lit up last night on the news of the cancellation!! saying he was thinking about a tax cut. Christ Bowen on fire this morning pointing out that one of the items of business they could have been debating today was actually a TAX INCREASE ! the increase to Medicare levy.

  8. jimhaz

    I think someone should create a Virtual Reality game where religious folk can live out their fantasies. One could use the Game of Thrones books as a starter.

    I wonder if at some point men will need to create laws that protect from “women only” situations that seem to be slowly growing in number. Nahh, the Immaculate Sex Robot Dolls should be first class by the time that would be needed.

  9. Presser#1

    Very funny and right on point. What will these ‘religious’ freedom fighters do when they finally work out how their machinations actually intersect with Sharia Law which they claim to loath?

  10. stephengb2014

    Sorry Terry Mills,
    I just cannot believe this is true

    It is just too too silly

  11. Glenn Barry

    I’m actually beginning to like Kevin Andrews, he’s a cross between a character out of Yes Minister, Brazil and a Monty Python sketch
    He’s taken ridiculous to such amazing new heights that he’s now become a parody of himself

  12. Will

    Kevin Andrews, ( I have an affectationet relationship with my cycling mates) is clearly not all right in the head, along with a large list of nutters, Eric Abetz, michalea cash, Barnaby Joyce, Pauline Hanson, Clive Palmer,etc etc. who are closely followed by more nutters, ie Andrew bolt, Alan jones, Miranda Devine and the intelligence sapping moronic sky news with more nutters, Bronwyn Bishop, mark Latham etc etc. sorry folks but Australia is not the lucky country anymore. It’s Everyman for himself. A bit like the titanic.

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