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“I’ve Always Believed In Miracles,” Scottie tells us, which makes me wonder why nobody pointed out the obvious…

Let’s be clear here. I don’t expect that I’ll win Wimbledon next year. It would take a miracle. Given that he’s retired, I don’t expect that Lleyton will either. That would be a major shock… But it surely falls short of the miracle criteria for sainthood.

However, if I get an extension of my current teaching contract, one would have to seriously wonder what I’d been doing if I were to do a Scott Morrison and stand up in front of the school community and announce that I’ve been given another teaching job and isn’t that great and well, most people thought that I wouldn’t be given more time but well, miracles happen don’t they and…

I’m not suggesting that I should be named teacher of the year here. I would totally understand if the school chose to embrace the younger generation instead of me. Ok, it’s true that I haven’t been going around spreading lies about them… Whatever, I wouldn’t regard it as a miracle were I re-employed because, well, I have a lot to offer and I’ve offered it.

Mm, so if I did happen to win “Teacher of The Year”, I actually don’t think I’d tell everyone that it was a miracle… that tends to suggest more than false modesty… that suggests that somehow I don’t believe that I deserved it… Ok, I don’t. There are far more deserving recipients but I’d like to accept the award on their behalf and I’d like to thank my mother who always wanted to be a teacher… Aw shit, I hope the Murdoch muckrakers don’t find out that she actually did teach when she was thirteen and really, really enjoyed it.

So Scomomo wants us to think that his election victory was a miracle.

Yep, well, I agree. After three separate Prime Ministers, the NBN, their robodebt fiasco, the lack of any plan for what to do with the remainiing refugees on Manus and Nauru, the inability to develop an energy policy and all the other things I could add to the list, how else can it be explained?


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  1. Wat Tyler

    Show me a child whose leg has been blown off by a fossil mine left in Laos nearly 50 ago and has grown a new one, and I might believe in miracles. I might also believe in God. Either event is likely.

  2. Alan Nosworthy

    It was a necessary claim to show the prophecy was fulfilled

    Australian Pastor: We Must Re-Elect Scott Morrison or God Will Spread “Darkness”

    my father informs me that even socially aware mobs such as the Salvos have drunk the koolaid and are suprised by his suggestion that they appear to believe that Jesus is a paid up member of the Liberal party.
    40 years ago similar appeals from the pulpit urged a vote for that “good, christian man” Joh Bjielke rather than those “godless communists” of the A.L.P.
    This is an argument that must be tackled from within rather than ridiculing people for belief in ancient superstitions, or modern iterations of the same.

  3. Yvonne Robertson

    Yeah poor ole SuMo is getting his metaphoric sermons a bit mixed. On one hand he’s gone for the underdog verses the tall poppy syndrome, much like his beloved Sharks on a Saturday which only goes to prove they had it in ’em to be great all along. Then there’s the knee trembling excitement of your David and Goliath type saga which on the surface seems simply amazing but we’re all just pawns to the Great Miracle Maker in the Sky, after all and Bill’s not that tall. So it’s hard to know whether he’s won it because he’s so presidential or because the Big Man’s hand reached down and swept him into power with the barest of majorities and the sound of the Hillsong Christian Rock Band playing in the background. It’s a conundrum alright. One thing seems certain however. Even someone as totally undeserving and bereft of policy, integrity and the smarts generally, can win an election if he has Murdock’s rags, Palmer’s millions and Pauline’s preferences to spread fear and loathing around the nation. Even God’s apparently impressed with that.

  4. Zathras

    Miracles are a matter of perspective.

    I recall a few years ago when a “boutique” evangelical church lost the beach front of one of it’s coastal “retreats” and began praying for it to be restored.
    Sure enough some time later another storm deposited a new layer of sand and they all rejoiced and gave thanks.

    The fact that it the same storm killed thousands in the nearby Phillipines was of no consequence because it was only their “miracle” that mattered.

    Likewise when a survivor is pulled from the wreckage of an earthquake devastated building people cheer at the “miracle” but don’t acknowledge the horror of the earthquake itself.

    The election result was no miracle, it was the inevitable result of voting patterns but there will inevitably be consequences yet to be revealed.

  5. lawrence winder

    French Proverb: Miracles only happen to those who believe in them. ………and preference Noe Notion and Clive the Obese.

  6. New England Cocky

    Was there a founder of which knee trembler Sydney “Christian” church who was done for kiddie fiddling in recent history?

  7. Peter F

    The miracle will be if we survive the developing downturn in the economy now that the ‘best’ managers are in power. I do note, however, that they intend to give ‘tax refunds’ of around $1,000 to low income workers (though not the lowest).
    However, this might not be a ‘core promise’.

    None of that waste of money which the ALP spent at the time of the GST.

  8. corvus boreus

    Ex-pastor Frank Houston, father of Brian Houston (founder of Hillsong churches), was accused of multiple child sex offences, but died in 2004 before any charges could be laid.
    In 2015 the RC into twisted institutions found that Brian Houston had knowingly failed to report abuses committed by his father.
    As of Nov 2018 Pastor Brian Houston was still ‘currently being investigated’ by NSW Police.

    Hillsong, John Howard’s favourite church, is a part of the Assemblies of God, which is also the same broad umbrella group to which Horizon Church (aka the church of Scomo-promo) belongs.

  9. whatever

    Hillsong might be thought of as “The Church of Wealth Creation”, they preach the gospel of abundance that resonates with the investment-property frenzied suburbanites who vote LNP.
    They think everybody else’s kids are going to end up criminals or junkies so the Govt is right to splash money on the private schools their own kids attend.

  10. wam

    You could get a contract because the other teachers were standing in front of the chattering phone ad sharing lolly sucking hijab fearing students intoning economic gobbledegook and miraculously the kids didn’t listen.
    You might even get the last permanent job before the legislation to make all public servants temporary gets passed.

    The good people of Bass voted against labor because there are no jobs. They are hoping scummo’s miracle will get them jobs.

    I believe gladys applied for a miracle but god said sorry you are missing the miracle making appendage.

    ps the pommie prime minister has reached the level of amoral arrogance of first woman pm with her semi-tearful “the country I love” Scotland and Wales can get @%@&.

    pps SCAD is my miracle not yet realised (Stay Calm After Disasters)

    ppps humble pie tastes still awful

  11. corvus boreus

    The fashionable term is ‘prosperity gospel’, the idea that people get rich because of the nod of god, rather than, as evidence would suggest, such monetary rewards usually being the result of sociopathic rapine.

    Of course, the flip side to this creed is that the marginalised and destitute are obviously manifesting signs of divine disdain, and are thus worthy targets for exploitive persecution.

  12. helvityni

    wam, I’m scared to have ‘a go’ because if I do that then Scomo will give me another go and I’ll become a go-go girl , and I feel that I’m a bit too old to have a career as a dancing girl…

  13. Win jeavons

    In the pre green era a Uniting church local preacher said to me that he believed the only possible choice for a christian was to vote Labor. Too few know how the Labour movement began : hint . Not in Catholic or Anglican churches.

  14. Florence Howarth

    His win is impossible to explain. I cannot accept that God has ordained his government by granting him a miracle. The only other more likely explanation I can think of is he has done a deal with the devil.

  15. Jack Russell

    O magard! It’s a Murkle! A murkle fum de Lawd!

    I wonder how well our newly-minted Sacred Morris Dancer will be capering on the public stage not too long from now …

  16. John Lord

    Fact check required.

  17. Peter F

    If only Christopher Hitchens were around to explain this to us.

  18. Lady Jane Grey.

    If he believes in miracles, how come Labor wasn’t elected?

  19. Stephengb

    Just about every man and his dog has tried to explain why the ALP Lost the unloseable.

    So far no-one seems to actually acknowledge any explanation, so given.

    So obviously it was a miracle !

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