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Investigation Into What Prime Minister And His Office Knew Concludes Its Report!

Phil: Ok, I’ve interviewed the rest of the staff and, with your permission, Mr Morrison, I need to ask you a couple of questions.

Scotty: Go ahead.

Phil: Ok, were you told about the alleged rape in March 2019?

Scotty: Yes.

Phil: When were you told?

Scotty: Can’t be sure of the time but sometime on April 5th.

Phil: Right, well that concludes my investigation. Apparently, everyone in your office knows and most of them have known for nearly two years. I’ll start writing up my report and I should have it to you about… um, September?

Scotty: No, there’s been a change of plan. We’re not going to an election this year, so probably better to get it out of the way early.

Phil: Ok, around Budget time then.

Scotty: Yes that sounds fine. And, of course, this is about the Defence Office.

Phil: Yes, clearly there are security concerns.

Scotty: Clearly.

Phil: And so I probably should suggest that it be examined to ensure classified information isn’t being inadvertently leaked.

Scotty: Definitely. And redactions will need to be made before we can hand it on to be checked to ensure that it doesn’t breach anyone’s privacy.

Phil: This is a very delicate matter.

Scotty: Very.

Phil: Who should check it to ensure that privacy isn’t being breached?

Scotty: Mm, it’s a very important matter. I guess my office should be the one to check it.

Phil: I don’t suppose we could suggest that it’s an “on water” situation.

Scotty: No, but it is an “operational matter”.

Phil: Oh, definitely. So I shouldn’t comment on an operational matter until the report is released.

Scotty: And that includes any questions about when the report is likely to be released.

Phil: Which I guess it up to you.

Scotty: And I’m waiting until it’s been fully checked to ensure that there is no security or privacy concerns.

Phil: Yes, we need to do everything right so that nobody can suggest that this is a coverup.

Scotty: No I’ve already got an announcement ready about investigating the inordinate delay in releasing reports. It’s going to be released very quickly and it’s going to suggest that it’s all the fault of Peter Dutton’s portfolio and he needs to get his act together. That should stuff any leadership challenge.

Phil: You think of everything.

Scotty: It’s what I’m here for.

Phil: So, what’s the plan after this?

Scotty: Sorry.

Phil: Like what are we going to about getting Australians back from overseas.

Scotty: That’s a state job.


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  1. Keitha Granville

    not even funny 😕

  2. pierre wilkinson

    we will set up an independent inquiry and seed it with our sycophants
    then announce that we will adopt all of the Inquiries’ recommendations.

    then we will ignore the lot and do either nothing or the exact opposite,
    which is what we wanted to do in the first place

  3. Phil Pryor

    In a drenched in dogshit world, there’d be a laugh, but not for me.., it’s a try at doing yes minister in a doomed, failed, resigned world of utter despondency. As Morrison is a total liar, self deceiver, synthetic humanoid defective, a fantasy in his own polluted mind, a prick of pricks the super sized saguaro of pricks, an untrustworthy mentally white anted anus, who can laugh at humour that cannot cheer…because, tomorrow and then more, this political pervert, excremental ego, repulsive reptilian rogered reject will still be here…

  4. Kaye Lee

    ” insiders see problems with insiders’ eyes, recognise only some of the problems and few of the causes and suggest insiders’ solutions with voters as mere bystanders. The usual, and sometimes intended, outcome is a flurry of superficial activity, appointment of a suitable group of other insiders to report, lengthy discussion of their report, considerable navel-gazing, a feel-good pronouncement and business as usual.” – Tony Fitzgerald

    Democracy, ethics, tolerance and public civility

  5. Henry Rodrigues

    Scummo and his band of dickheads will get away with it once more. Because the media will allow, help,. connive and aid in his coverup.

  6. Vikingduk

    Ok, Rossleigh, time to give it up, you have a bug in the liar’s office. All of the pieces, disguised as comedy, are in actual fact real moments in the life of whatever the fuck this is. Crime syndicate seems the best descriptor for me. Unfortunately, as PP so beautifully reminds us, for many more tomorrows, this horrible sacko’shit will still be here, lies stacked on lies stacked on more lies. And there ain’t no fun in that reality.

  7. Bronte D G ALLAN

    It is not jut funny, but sadly, so bloody true! Great article, as usual Kaye! The trouble with our lying, happy clapping, flat earth, climate change denying, right wing dickhead & useless bastard Slo Mo , is he is just that! And we will probably never really know who is guilty, & whether the PM or his office was ever told about the rapes (“alleged” rapes!).

  8. Tony Hogarth

    This is too true to be Funny ! LWF ! And try and keep the bastards honest which with this Mob is impossible !

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