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“I Shout, But Not At The Bar” – The Diary Of ScoMo…

Tuesday

I visited a MacDonalds where I got to tell them that theirs wasn’t as good as the one I visited in the USA because that one was fully automated and that saved money.

I was asked about my trip to the United States and if I invited my bestie to the dinner only to have him turned away. I told them that I don’t comment on gossip. It was such a good line that I’m thinking of repeating it in Question Time. 

Someone pretending to be a reporter (I know that he wasn’t a real one because he asked an impertinent question), wanted to know how all the automation would be dealt with and didn’t that ruin our plan for growth leading to jobs. I told him that he was part of the Canberra bubble and that people outside Canberra just want a fair go and the chance to have a go and if they get a go then they’d find that the best form of welfare was a job and why didn’t he get one instead of acting as a stooge for GetUp!

Finished the day by doing a photo of me drinking a beer to prove that I’m normal. 

Wednesday

Today I had a very important job. I went to the Queensland to announce my government’s concern for all those suffering because of Labor’s drought and I followed this up by announcing our intention to have a drought policy which will involve future-proofing this country against Labor.

When one of the journalists asked exactly when the policy would be announced, I reminded him that we had a long-standing policy of not commenting about on-water matters. He replied that because this was a drought, shouldn’t that be “no-water matter”…Many of his fellow journalists laughed. We have their names and I’ll contact Peter to arrange for Border Security to go through their underwear drawers to search for hidden items. 

Finished the day by doing a photo of me giving two thumbs up to prove that I’m ordinary. 

Thursday

Invited the Australian cricket team to come to my office. Unfortunately only two of them showed. I suggested that we take a photo where they throw the ball to me and I catch it. After the ridiculous first attempt where one of them threw it straight at me and I ducked causing extensive damage, we decided that we could just have a shot where I cupped my hands and we photoshopped the ball in later. 

Finished the day by doing a photo of me drinking a beer with the two players to prove that I’m normal and ordinary. 

Friday

Jen was photographed doing that symbol again. I’ve tried to tell that it’s just a little something we only do at church, but she tried to tell me that the church is everywhere. Poor thing. She doesn’t seem to understand that even though God has made PM, he hasn’t given me control of the godless heathens in the Senate. For some reason -probably to test me – he’s given that to Dutts, who says that he has no reason to arrest them for treason because he’s not PM yet. I put my arm around him and told him that we were on the same side but he just gave me that stare which makes me wonder if he’s angry, confused or actually trying to think. 

Finished the day by doing a photo of me drinking a beer with someone in a pub to prove that I’m very ordinary. 

Saturday 

Went down to the local football club to make an announcement about our plan to have a policy to get young people playing sport. Somebody asked me if I’d like to run water for the young boys. I politely declined because I didn’t have the right shoes. Another person suggested I could run barefoot like I did in Fiji. We all had a good laugh. I took a selfie with him while we shared a beer. I have handed the photo on to ASIO. 

Finished the day by doing a photo of me sharing the selfie on Twitter to prove that I’m normal. 

Sunday

Went to church. As my religion is a private thing, I’m not going to share it here, and I told the waiting media as much. I said that they were welcome to photograph me, but under no circumstances would I reveal that I was praying for rain so that the farmers could gain relief from the drought and that Donald Trump would continue to make such good decisions because prayer is a private matter between a man and God. 

Finished the day by doing a photo of me praying to prove that my religion is a deep and private thing.

Monday

Labor ask why I didn’t return to Parliament last week like everyone else. I grew angry and shouted at them that I’ve been busy cleaning up their mess and paying back their debt and stopping their drownings at sea and I called them a dill like I did a few weeks ago, I’ve been busy running the country, I told them, and one of them interjected, “Into the ground.” We haven’t identified him yet, but Peter assured me that it’s only a matter of time. 

Finished the day by doing a photo of me drinking a beer while giving a thumbs up to the photographer to prove that I’m very, very ordinary. 

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16 comments

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  1. pierre wilkinson

    find myself reluctantly having to agree with ProMo
    ” to prove that I’m very, very ordinary ”
    he most certainly is..
    astute observation Rossleigh

  2. David Bruce

    Your comment about automation at McDonalds reminded me of the recent report by McKinsey on the subject or automation.

    McKinsey Australia released this report in March 2019

    “Australia’s automation opportunity – Reigniting productivity and inclusive income growth” March 2019

    McKinsey Australia’s mission is to help businesses and policy leaders understand the forces transforming the Australian economy and prepare for the next wave of growth. Our work is independent and has not been commissioned or sponsored in any way by any business, government or other institution. While we are grateful for all the input we have received, the report and views expressed here are ours alone.

    https://www.mckinsey.com/featured-insights/future-of-work/australias-automation-opportunity-reigniting-productivity-and-inclusive-income-growth

    The key take away for me was their claim that between 1.8 and 5 million workers will need to switch occupations by 2030 (page 7). These occupations will require new technical and higher cognitive skills and changing education requirements (Diploma and above).

    I would love to read your take on ScuMo and the Scumbags dealing with this “opportunity”

    Dad’s Army, Monty Python and the 3 Stooges perhaps?

  3. Phil

    Very accurate depiction of the fool we call prime minister. The thing is, Morrison is so damned un-ordinary – most of us are not arseholes toward the needy, the unemployed, and the struggling…..and exceedingly few of us cultivate a seriously close relationship with a religious mentor under police investigation for failure to report his fathers sexual abuse of children…no, this is no ordinary PM which is why he has dug deep into the marketers bag of tricks looking for anything he can find in the hope of fooling the people whose lives he is destroying….the man is an arrogant turd…a fraud.

  4. Kaye Lee

    Satire meets reality. We are living in Utopia. The show…not the state.

    I think my favourite is still Josh Frydenberg’s photo shoot with Kenneth Hayne, the banking royal commissioner.

  5. Aortic

    Wonderful piece Rossleigh. If we were living in blissfully fortunate times with no dark clouds on the horizon, these nutters could mouth off to their hearts content and little or no damage would be done. However with the economic portents of doom as defined by various bona fide authorities just around the corner shouting and spouting the utter rubbish from the mouths of PM and Treasurer just ain’t gonna cut it. The only thing that ” trickles down” is mindless endless meaningless mantras signifying nothing.

  6. Anne Byam

    Great piece again Rossleigh. Love the way you diarise Scummos’ daily doings. Clever writing as always.

    Always believed the pentecostals ( perhaps only the most fervent ‘end of times’ mob there ) did not believe in, would not have a bar of … the drinking of the booze. Oooo nooo.

    …………….

    Kaye …. perhaps you have seen this already – but in case you haven’t, here is another pearler to maybe add to your list of favourites. I have yet to see anyone look so damned uncomfortable. I think he ( JF ) went into automaton mode at the time – very zombie-ish.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RHrVtEeMOW4

  7. Peter F

    Kaye – one of my favourites: It approaches the misogyny speech.

  8. Kaye Lee

    Anne,

    Yes that is another pearler. Go to when Weatherill starts speaking and watch it without sound, looking at Josh Frydenberg’s face. What the hell is he doing with his tongue? It’s like Abbott’s lizard tongue trying to escape through his cheek.

  9. whatever

    News of the Anglican priest child-rapist Graeme Lawrence being sentenced to 8 years yesterday DID NOT make the front page of the SMH or any NewsLTD rags.

    We can safely make the assumption that most of the Nations’ print-media is run by High Anglican conservitards.

  10. johno

    A very funny article, daggy dad in a nutshell.

  11. Wobbley

    To Phil, “most of us aren’t arseholes towards the needy, unemployed, etc,etc”. ,I beg to differ, if we’re not a country of arseholes why have we got the biggest load of fascist faeces so-called government running the country now. Sorry mate but this country has now become everyone for themselves and fuck anybody else!

  12. New England Cocky

    @David Bruce: “Dad’s Army, Monty Python and the 3 Stooges perhaps?”

    I believe it is most unfair to brand these fine English comedians with the Prim Monster tar-brush imposed upon our country by about 800 members of the Liarbral Party.. Why even the sainted Goon Show contained more sanity than the present policies of this Scummo misgovernment.

    @Rossleigh: I can feel another Micalliff episode coming on ….. well done!!

    @whatever: I disagree. It is the Jesuit Conspiracy protecting “the good name of the church” in case that bone spur of Anglicanism brings the RC peadophiles into disrepute.

  13. johno

    Is there room for another warning on a can of larger. Speaking in tongues after too many beers is prohibited.

  14. Kaye Lee

    Wobbley,

    “if we’re not a country of arseholes why have we got the biggest load of fascist faeces so-called government running the country now”

    Anecdotally, with those to whom I have spoken, they are not interested in politics and don’t know about policy but they think the Coalition are better economic managers.

    Any real analysis of the facts shows that to be untrue, but they have sold the message that a surplus equals good economics because people are so concerned about their own debt – a completely false analogy that has been sold by the advertising crowd regardless of what the economists say.

  15. DrakeN

    Kaye, its BBB (bullshit baffles brains) in perpetuo.

    With many of the tiny minds that I meet in my daily life, it seems that a little goes a long way.

    In-depth thinking by our general population is in very short supply.

  16. Anne Byam

    Kaye – re F-burg and the tongue !!!

    Either its a nervous habit ( stress being displayed ) or he is cleaning his teeth … nonchalently.
    Perhaps something got stuck in the teefy-pegs, only removable by the tongue !!

    Whatever it was – it is not a good look. ( LOL ).

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