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Frydenberg May Yet Be Lazarus With A Triple Bypass Just Like Howard…

One of John Howard’s more famous quotes was, when asked about whether he’d contest the leadership after John Hewson lost in 1993, “That would be like Lazarus with a triple bypass.”

Lazarus, for all you heathens, was someone that Jesus raised from the dead, so Howard was suggesting that to become leader again, he’d need both a miracle AND all the benefits of modern medicine.

It remains the only recorded witty thing that Howard ever said.

But moving on, I have to tell you what’s going to happen and that you need to remember that you heard it here first…

Of course, when I tell you what’s going to happen, I have to point out that predictions are often wrong for the simple reason that they rely on the expectation that the future will – in some ways – take all its inspiration from the past. I mean, it usually does. That’s why it’s easy to predict things like the sun will rise, storm clouds will bring rain, Andrew Bolt will say something so stupid it’s not worth commenting on but lots of people will comment on it nonetheless, Scott Morrison will contradict himself and no political party should ever endorse anyone named Tim.

So with all that in mind, I’m going out on a limb and tell you about a rumour that I’m just making up so if I’m suddenly arrested and forced to reveal my sources, I’m going to name the next Liberal to annoy me.

This is in five parts:

  1. The Liberals lose the election.
  2. Josh loses Kooyong.
  3. Scott Morrison decides that he’d rather run Hillsong and leaves Parliament leading to a by-election in the seat of Cook.
  4. Josh is parachuted into the seat in order to become Liberal leader after the next one fails. He tells the people of Cook that he’s always thought that NSW is a much better place to live.
  5. Mm, I had a fifth point but I can’t remember it off the top of my head and if I check my notes, then I’m unfit to ever be PM and we’ll just have to leave it to Josh and I won’t be able to form a new party because I couldn’t name all 500 members and their birthdays before the buzzer told me time was up.

On a serious note, I’d like to say that if the following does become a rumour, then that says a lot about what’s wrong with everything in politics and the media today.

If it becomes a reality, then I should get a Walkley…

Actually even if it doesn’t, because I’m just so awesome. I’m so much better than anyone else and I’m just so good. I’m an adult, you know and …

Oh sorry, I thought people like that sort of thing. I mean, some of them keep voting for Liberal governments when all they do is tell us that they are so much better than the Labor alternative because… well, they have managed to reduce the deficit from where they took it to, to where it is.

sigh<

 

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44 comments

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  1. Harry Lime

    I’m fucking certain that if Lazarus was Frydenberg,Jesus would be cementing the rock around the cave.

  2. Ian Parfrey

    That photo of the Lying Rodent made me bark my Chicken Curry a la SCuntMo all over the dog. She’s not happy.

  3. chris turner

    Absolutely love rumours. What beauties !

  4. wam

    “…Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free, The wretched refuse of your teeming shore. Send these, the homeless, tempest-tost to me, I lift my lamp beside the golden door!” Yes that was lazurus, a jew like frydenbug but a woman with a freedom from jewry. Not too sure about your 4, rossleigh, but you are right about the fifth. Albo could be excused once but being unprepared for the next shows a definite weakness.
    If I was in grayndler sarina would get my cash.
    ps The bandit showed how a little prepared jibe works, albo. Get your dyb dyb dyb out and prepare. Your team will dob, dob, dob behind you.

  5. Me

    If the people of Kooyong don’t want fraudenburg, think it would be ridiculous for him to be moved to a safe seat to take control of the party, the rest of the gang will be jockeying for the position, Dutton ( general public don’t like) Birmingham maybe hunt if fraudenburg loses his seat

  6. New England Cocky

    In these desperate political times your dexterity with words and sense of reality brightens my day.

    Sadly, the long promoted propaganda of ”Who is the best financial managers of the Australian economy” forgets the facts of huge handouts from government to any supplicant willing to cut a ”political donation” aka ”political bribe” from the largess to the Liarbral or Nazional$ parties.

    To fix the budget we need to reduce the largess and spend those savings on services for the taxpayers rather than fill the pockets of foreign living executives of corporations that pay no taxation in Australia.

    STOP THE LIES VOTE LABOR

  7. RomeoCharlie29

    Rossleigh good job. However I am hoping the good people of Cook do the job for us and indeed follow the electors of both Bennelong and Warringah who, you will remember, threw their PM’s out with their parliamentary bath water, well Howard anyway. Abbott was an afterthought but you get the picture I am trying to paint. The people of Cook turn the seat Labor and that rules it out for Friedanegg. Interestingly Crikey postulates him as Victorian Opposition leader though it’s suggestion of a pathway there is flawed.

  8. A Commentator

    An emasculated opposition isn’t good for effective government.

  9. Kaye Lee

    Neither is a dishonest government and that is what Josh has enabled for the last 9 years.

    The very masculine opposition of Tony Abbott was a disaster for this country.

  10. Paddy O'Blablah

    Agree AC, Labor is weak and prone to flap in the breeze of public opinion and does not deserve to govern. Neither does the LNP. The Oz public is in a ditch whoever wins which is a good reason to ignore those narcissistic pretenders whose primary interest seems to be in maintaining the façade of being relevant while drawing huge salaries for not holding hoses etc.

  11. A Commentator

    ** Did you notice that Abbott wasn’t even leader at the election 3 years ago?
    ** “dishonest government” was a term levelled at the Gillard and Rudd governments. Would government have been better if the pipeline of ALP leadership been wiped out as a consequence?
    ** Will an ALP government be better if it faces a weak opposition?
    ** Retribution and punishment of the opposing side is a powerful motivator in politics. But it isn’t a model for good government

  12. Kaye Lee

    ““dishonest government” was a term levelled at the Gillard and Rudd governments” by dishonest people like Peta Credlin, Andrew Bolt and Alan Jones.

    Julia Gillard said “I don’t rule out the possibility of legislating a Carbon Pollution Reduction Scheme, a market-based mechanism. I rule out a carbon tax.” She was consistent about wanting to implement some kind of carbon price.

    When she announced the policy she said “The two-year plan for a carbon price mechanism will start with a fixed price period for three to five years before transitioning to an emissions trading scheme.”

    There was no lie except from the lying opposition and the conservative media hyenas.

    The 2013 election was fought on hyperbole about the “debt and deficit disaster”. Another lie.

  13. A Commentator

    The allegations about Gillard weren’t limited to that matter, I always recall her excuse for her affair with the dishonest union official.
    She described herself as “young and naive”
    The fact is that she was a mid 30s partner in a major law firm and a political activist.
    I’m not now interested in debating the merits or relative levels of honesty of past governments. Suffice to say that claiming moral superiority of one side over the other doesn’t reflect much beyond a political bias.
    …and in any event, emasculation of an opposition is not in the interests of good government

  14. Kaye Lee

    Oh for heavens sake. One discussion was about policy affecting the nation, the other is about who your boyfriend was years before you entered politics? All of which was forensically examined by a royal commission at great expense to the public though dog knows why. I guess Credlin had to use that great big folder for something.

    No wonder you don’t want to continue the discussion if that’s the best you’ve got.

    My bias is towards truth which is why Josh needs to go. He’s not truthful.

  15. A Commentator

    As I said, I’m not interested in raking over the relative levels of honesty of the ALP vs the Liberals. Because only the most partisan would claim one side has moral superiority over the other.
    But good government requires coherent opposition.
    Only the most partisan that are seeking a whitewash would consider emasculation of an opposition a great idea

  16. Kaye Lee

    I would be more than happy for most of the current mob of the LNP to be given a time out to consider their behaviour and allow principled people on the crossbench to keep the government honest.

    The Coalition have lost all their talent. The young ones coming through are talentless party apparatchiks who spew out the Young Liberals/IPA mantras like a times table they have been repeating from childhood. They are captured by ideology and lack creativity and initiative. In Opposition, we would no doubt go back to wasting years on collecting dirt files rather than offering policy alternatives.

    They want to be re-elected on a reputation that they have not earned. They are seriously using the line, we might be crap but you don’t know what they would be like.

  17. Michael Taylor

    If anyone else is having trouble opening up links or the page itself etc, please let me know.

  18. A Commentator

    Really Kaye Lee, you’ll need to do better than criticise political candidates for being apparatchiks.
    When was the last time an ALP candidate was selected who wasn’t either a union official or a paid political hack?
    Let me know when you find one, I’m genuinely interested

  19. Kaye Lee

    It is hardly surprising that union officials would join the party that was formed by the unions to represent workers. They have actual experience in the issues affecting employees.

    I do agree that there are factional issues in Labor and that there is some dead wood there too but compare the ministries. Alex Hawke’s only job was part-time at Woolies while he was at uni. Look at the problems he has caused. Tim Wilson’s only job was at the IPA until George Brandis gifted him the AHRC gig so he had something to put on his cv for the preselectors. Stuart Robert and Angus Taylor have more scandals than Marilyn Monroe. Alan Tudge? Richard Colbeck? Michaelia Cash?

  20. Kaye Lee

    This table from Julia Gillard’s parliament (HoR and Senate) gives an idea about previous occupations

    Business executives, managers, self-employed businesspeople, company directors, etc. 25%
    Political consultants, advisers and lobbyists 14%
    Barristers, solicitors, lawyers, legal officers, etc 13%
    Party and union administrators 10%
    Party and union officials 6%
    Members of state/territory legislatures 6%
    Public service/policy administrators 4%
    Other administrators/consultants 4%
    Farmers, graziers and other (full-time) primary producers 4%
    Researchers, research assistants, electorate and project officers 4%
    Lecturers, teachers, tutors 2%
    Medical practitioners, dentists, nurses 2%
    Local government officials 1%
    Other 5%

    I think things may have changed significantly since then with the political class on the rise in both major parties.

  21. Terence Mills

    The Shovel sums it up with a headline :

    Alan Tudge found alive

    Tudge was confused and said to be unable to answer basic questions, but otherwise appeared to be physically sound. Sadly, he has lost all sense of responsibility.

  22. David Stakes

    First 3 are probably right, rich pickings for scotty in Hillsong. Thief in charge of the Banking.

  23. Kaye Lee

    It is utterly ridiculous to suggest that NOBODY knows why Rachelle Miller is being given half a million in compensation.

  24. Michael Taylor

    Terry,

    Meanwhile, it appears that Tudge has refused to attend the candidate’s debate for the seat of Aston on Saturday night.

    More on that later.

  25. Peter F

    ‘They’re all the same…’ is a favourite comment from Coalition supporters… I wonder why?

  26. GL

    Michael,

    Tudge, like Stuart Robert, is a craven coward because he knows that he cannot compete outside the bubble of rusted on Libs. That…GASP!…would mean having to face non-Liberal peasants and facing sensible and relevant questions and only being able to reply with puerile attacks and things like, “Let me just say…” and using the Scummo Pop-Up Talking Points Answer Book at every point along the way. Like Stuart Robert he is not overly bright and easily panicked.

  27. A Commentator

    “Google it”
    Thanks, the answer is zero

  28. Canguro

    Tudge would, if he fronted a candidate’s debate, also likely face the possibility of being quizzed on the scandal that now envelops & defines him; why did he think it appropriate to have an adulterous affair with a staffer, albeit consensual, that unsurprisingly destroyed his marriage, saw him accused of violent behaviour towards his consort, then stood down from his portfolio, to disappear into limbo, the abuse catalysing a half-million dollar damages payout – extraordinary!, the details of which remain unexplained – to the abused woman?

    Having behaved so appallingly, one can see why he’d rather stick pins in his eyes than front up to a grilling. Pubic shaming must be an excruciating experience.

    I agree with your assessment GL, he seems a pathetic creature.

  29. Cool Pete

    Well, we have to remember one thing about John Howard. He lost the leadership to Peacock, in 1989, and Peacock didn’t win the election of 1990. Peacock was replaced by John Hewson, and John Hewson remained Opposition Leader until March, 1994, when Downer was elected. Downer may be the third Downer to have been a politician, but Downer was a poor little rich boy with a talent for putting his foot in his mouth (remember, “Things that batter.”), John Howard was re-elected Opposition Leader in January, 1995. John Howard had two seconds, the second longest serving PM and the second PM to lose both an election and his seat simultaneously!
    Brendan Nelson, who became Opposition Leader, seemed to have flitted from one party to the other. Malcolm Turnbull was then leader. I know many are critical of Andrew Probyn, but to give Probyn his due, in an article, he wrote that Botty was the most destructive politician and some Botty supporter took umbrage at it and Botty claimed that an apology would be nice. Botty was an obstructionist opposition leader, a bloody idiot of a leader and a dinosaur of politician!
    Would the people of Cook vote for Frydenburg if he lost Kooyong and there was a by-election in Cook if Scomo resigned? Well, possibly, but here’s what we need to remember about by-elections, if a popular local member dies, the sympathy vote goes to the party, if a popular local member retires, sometimes the same party wins but with a reduced margin, and sometimes, if there is community anger, another party or candidate wins, as a protest vote. Anything is possible, though.

  30. Canguro

    re. the question posed above…

    When was the last time an ALP candidate was selected who wasn’t either a union official or a paid political hack?

    Along with the comment designed to add a patina of objectivity…

    Let me know when you find one, I’m genuinely interested

    … to be followed by the self-satisfied smugness of…

    Google it
    Thanks, the answer is zero

    … I’d suggest that’s a lazy & deceitful position to be trumpeting;

    Googling the list of candidates of the 2022 Australian federal election and conducting a bit of diligent research clearly shows many ALP candidates, whether incumbents or aspirants, who DO NOT fit within the criteria of being ‘either a union official or a paid political hack.’

    To suggest otherwise is disingenuous.

  31. Rossleigh

    Is someone posing as “A common ‘tater” just Peter Dutton using a pseudonym?
    Obviously not, because Spud isn’t that clever.
    As for the points he/she is making, I guess he/she is admitting that we know that the current government isn’t honest so therefore we need to teach them a lesson and toss them out because – even if – the other side is just as bad, we need to ensure that dishonesty is not rewarded.
    I have always argued that governments are like underwear… If one doesn’t change it often enough, eventually there’s a problem and a stench.

  32. A Commentator

    So far there are no names provided of all those ALP MPs that don’t have union official or political hack included on the CV.

  33. Canguro

    I don’t believe that the people who write here feel the need to act as A Commentator’s proxy research assistant. If he wishes to do the work himself he will find ample examples that refute his disingenuous claim. His provocation disguises a laziness and unwillingness to see his position refuted.

  34. Terence Mills

    In the debate last night, Morrison was quick to confirm Tudge is the current Education Minister and a future education minister in any new Morrison government.

    This comes as news to Stuart Robert who, even government official sources say is acting Education Minister : https://ministers.dese.gov.au/robert/education-ministers-agree-new-australian-curriculum

    Tudge has a healthy ten percent margin in his seat of Aston but he also has strong competition from independents and minor parties plus a strong candidate in Mary Doyle for the ALP.

    Frankly, I can’t see how he can win particularly with his refusal to participate in the candidate’s debate and not showing any real interest in his electorate. The $500,000 pay out to Racheal Miller, with Morrison refusing to comment, is certainly not a good look for Tudge. The question is how will this impact the female vote – sexual indiscretions didn’t affect Barnaby much if at all.

    Watch this seat folks.

  35. A Commentator

    I made my comment about the incredibly narrow MP recruitment base of the ALP, in response to Kaye Lee’s claim.
    Frydenberg had jobs outside politics, and for all his failings, so has Morrison.
    Which of the prominent ALP leaders & MPs has had a career outside politics and unions? Albanese? Marles? Wong? Burke? Chalmers? Shorten? Plibersek?
    This doesn’t mean they’re not capable or intelligent as individuals, it simply means that the ALP has a very narrow recruitment base, a far cry from the Hawke Cabinets

  36. Kaye Lee

    My “claim” was that the Liberal Party have lost their talent and that the younger ones coming through lack creativity and initiative, just spewing out glib phrases.

    It is utterly ridiculous to just regurgitate lines like “technology not taxes” as a climate and energy policy.

    It is utterly dishonest to repeat the claim that taxes are always lower under a Coalition government when it is demonstrably not true.

    https://www.abc.net.au/news/2022-04-28/fact-check-jim-chalmers-tax-debt-spending/101018582
    https://www.abc.net.au/news/2021-12-13/fact-check-is-the-coalition-australia-s-second-highest-taxing-go/100686194

    Aging Young Liberals repeating talking points is as useful as Dorothy Dixxers in QT.

    And what’s with the giving themselves nicknames – Wolverines??? Big swinging dicks? The Monash Forum? The Monkeypod group?

    It will be interesting to see if the Nationals can dethrone Barnaby – the analogy wrangler is not the drawcard he thinks he is.

  37. Ian D

    There’s a discussion in this thread about needing a good opposition for good government. The federal Liberals have basically thrown out most of their moderates and are dominated by the far right (Dutton and other RWNJs) or the Christian right (the Morrison and Hawkes faction) who undermined democratic preselection in NSW to entrench their faction. The rise of the Teal independents (socially progressive but economically conservative) is because of the lurch to the right of the LNP. A far-right party whose only mode of operation is corrupt state capitalism as the LNP has become should have no place as a major party in Australia. They need a reset – and a wipe out of a number of members would be useful. The two major parties here are in decline – and it is hard to predict what will happen over the next decade.

    The next 15 years – global warming, a pandemic not solved but never mentioned, over population, increasing inequality, capitalism in trouble, the rise of authoritarian governments and an economic future that is incredibly fragile – could also induce political instability with a population not focussed on these issues and still believing in constantly rising living standards that are not going to happen for the next generations. A hard time to be a popular government and absolutely the wrong time for incompetent far right governments like the LNP.

  38. Albos Elbow

    Telling lies, being corrupt and distorting the truth are all part of the Young Liberals 🇦🇺 (@YoungLibs) political training these days.

    Join Now and get 50% off the “How to Keep Women in Their Place” course.

  39. Phil Pryor

    Albo’s elbow is quite right, for if one votes for righteous filth, superstition, for incompetence, favouritism, cronies, rorts, bribery, lying, more lying, distortion, propaganda, more filth, well, that’s you, the ignorant uncaring voter. Comment on that. I’ll be voting for policy, honesty, integrity, competence, vision, foresight, and not some shitskull like Morrison, Frydenberg or Joyce, plus their gang of gutless, brainless, heartless clones and clods.

  40. Albos Elbow

    What is so wrong with having once been involved with a union movement that gave us workers a fair and decent wage, stopped the exploitation of chidren in the workplace and reduced our working hours to 8 hours a day and 5 days a week, so we can now enjoy spending some time with our families.

    Grow up! The days of union bashing and commies under the bed are well and truly over.

    Anthony Albanese comes from an Italian background, grew up with his single mother in social housing and will rise to be our next PM.
    Like Bob Hawke, he also was once a Union member and organiser and will be a much finer PM, than corrupt liars like Scotty from Marketing can ever dream to be.

  41. New England Cocky

    @ Terence Mills: New England and especially Tamworth are strange places. I mean, what self-respecting Tamworth women would employ a notorious adulterous, alcoholic misogynist to represent her best interests anywhere?

    @AC: I see plenty of your criticism of Kaye Lee’s articles and very little proper research backing up your assertions and strange allegations. Perhaps if your contribution roe to the same informative heights as the articles researched and written by Kaye Lee, then you may fill your day profitably advising Australian voters of how they are being ripped off by the COALition for foreign owned multinational corporations.

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