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Dear Uncle Rupert, Those Nasty Boys Aren’t Doing What We Want …

Dear Uncle Rupert,

Life in boarding school really sucks at the moment. When Malcolm become House Captain, we thought that would be enough to make everybody happy, but no. First there was all that trouble when people wanted to choose their own bunk partners, but the Chaplain said that such a thing was unnatural and Malcolm said he didn’t see anything wrong with it and Tony had planned to have a vote on it, so why don’t we have a vote about it, because that’s what we said we’d do. But in the end there was no vote, so it just caused a lot of trouble for nothing.

And then the other week, we had trouble with the House Penalties And Punishments Group. You remember how some boys from others school came here and asked if they could join our school because they were being bullied at their own school, and how we fixed it by grabbing any that even came near our school and locking them up in the boat sheds? And how some of the boarders said that they thought this was against school rules, even though we pointed out that the boat sheds aren’t on school property? Well, these boys were going to get the House Penalties And Punishments Group to rule on whether we had to pay the people in the boat sheds something because of all the things that had happened to them while they were there. We said that this shouldn’t happen, because we’d made a rule that nobody who’d been to the boat sheds could reveal anything about what they’d seen, but the House Penalties And Punishments Group said that they wanted to hear what had happened and that they had the power to exempt people from this rule. Anyway, we don’t want people using this as an opportunity to tell everyone how bad it is in the boat sheds, so we agreed to give them some money, if only they’d promise not to insist that the House Penalties And Punishments Group listen to what they had to say.

Of course, all the prefects here were really cross about this, particularly Peter who doesn’t like anybody talking about the boat sheds unless it’s him. He likes to tell people that it’s a big deterrent to people coming here, but he doesn’t making it an even bigger deterrent by pointing out exactly what’s happening there.

But he wasn’t the only cross one, so when a few people on the House Penalties And Punishments Group were deciding whether the correct decision was made when one of the naughty boys only got gated for seven weekends when we all thought that he should have been given a caning and sent to the boat sheds, some of the prefects were saying things like:

“Just who do the House Penalties And Punishments Group think that they are. I mean, we were elected as prefects so we should be in charge of everything and we shouldn’t be stopped from doing things just because the school rules forbid it!”

AND

“The House Penalties And Punishments Group are a group of people who have no respect for the school and are trying to destroy it and I’d like to give them all a wedgie!”

AND

“If they don’t do what we want, we should sneak in and short-sheet their beds!”

Well, Uncle Rupert, you won’t believe what happened next. Apparently there’s a silly rule that you can’t tell the House Penalties And Punishments Group what to do while they’re in the process of making a decision even if you’re a prefect. Something to do with intimidating them and trying to “unduly influence” their decisions. And Greg, Michael and Alan were asked to go and see the Group and explain why they were making comments like that. Naturally, they were too busy being prefects and sent someone else along to explain how prefects were allowed to tell them what to do, because, well, prefects are born to rule and the House Penalties And Punishments Group shouldn’t just enforce the rules, they should do exactly what the prefects want.

So can you please come down to the school and set everyone straight? Remind them that really you’re in charge and when you’re not around, you’d like everyone to simple do what we say, because you were the one who told everyone to vote for us and we’re the prefects that do what you want without question, unlike the other students who only do it sometimes? Or those prefects from Green House who never do what you want unless Richard does it before the others have a chance to object.

I know it’s a lot to ask, but it’s really a mess here at the moment. Tony is still sulking about losing the Head Prefect job to Malcolm and Andrew keeps writing horrid stories in the school newsletter about what a terrible job Malcolm’s doing which is true but nobody wants Tony back and we need you to tell Andrew to wait until we’ve worked out whether we’re going to replace Malcolm with Peter or Scott before he writes anything. Can you tell Andrew to stick to writing about how the Green House doesn’t exist and anybody who thinks that they’re living in it is just fooled by the people who hate the school?

Please, Uncle Rupert, we’re not managing very well on our own.

Yours faithfully,

Christopher.


13 comments

  1. kerri

    Gold!

  2. True Activist

    WHY ARE YOU PROMOTING PAULINE HANSON? AS THE ONLY BAD PUBLICITY IS NO PUBLICITY that’s how the Liberals got her into the Senate, They had their mates who run the mass media give her millions of dollars’ worth of exposure leading up to the election and during the election.
    We seen Clive Palmer as well as paying for a lot of Advertising but he also played the Media but for the Liberals and the Foreigners who control our Parliament’s he became a loose Cannon as they were responsible for him starting his own Party as they needed a vote catcher for the Liberals and have another party that would do what they are told as they had a nasty scare of Labor actually not being the main opposition Party as Abbott and the Liberals online Hate campaign against Gillard went Viral but their mate Shorten Helped save the day buy having her removed but Abbott had also shot himself in the foot as when the small minded people did not have Gillard to Hate their attention turned to Abbot as Rudd was yesterdays hero and did not stand a chance of winning another election as he was in the bad books with the Foreign Masters as he had failed to push Bail-in Legislation through both houses of Parliament and they had not yet forgiven him about his proposal to give us extremely high speed NBN they did not want us to have that power, Most people don’t realize the change those super speeds would have made to Australia some good and some bad.
    If everyone stopped putting a spotlight on Hanson she would just fade away.
    The man that played the mass media better than anyone else has done was a man this site likes to continually trash and he is now US President Donald Trump as well as paying for his own Advertising he milked the mass media and Alternative media for a volume of coverage he would not have been willing to spend, Whilst to a lot he looked like a clown but people were listening to him when he talked about his REAL policies.
    We have had a Media Blackout for 28 years and it has hamstrung us along with the Liberals & Labor pulling every dirty trick in the book against us.
    Is the alternative media really alternative and independent? “NO.” It is manipulated by the mass media one writer in particular on this site just rehashes material from the Mass Media and on his favourite subject he never mentions the things the Mass Media don’t want broadcasted.
    Whilst people know Murdoch is a liar and a danger to them they still listen to him and he is the best example why there should be no Foreign Ownership of our Media and Communications as he is now a Foreigner as he cancelled being an Australian Citizen.
    Dual Citizenship in Australia is another way they keep us divided. Australians are more divided than most countries and even the Alternative media helps keep Australians divided as those involved in the Alternative media are lacking in real knowledge as they don’t know who our real enemies are.
    The only way to understand what is happening today is a good knowledge of True history. It tells us who our enemies are and you can’t fight them if you don’t know who they are.
    But more important History gives us the Solutions to fixing the Mess Australia is in today and making Australia the great country it should be today and to fix the mess you don’t have to reinvent the wheel. Our enemies when trying to fix the financial mess they created instead of using remedies that had been used in the past to fix their mess as they had created the mess in the past. They came up with a new fix that has made it even worse “Derivatives” In Australia people write about the $1.5 trillion(approx) housing bubble but the Media does not talk about the worse Bubble the Australian Banks have and that is their Gambling Bubble their $37 Trillion gambling exposure in Derivatives that is Growing daily in the last Quarter published it climbed by 6 Trillion but now the Banks leave it out of their Balance sheets and looks like the Reserve Bank are leaving the figures out of their Quarterly Report. But then people don’t know the many ways the Banks can use them in their Balance Sheets as the Big 4 +1 are all actually Bankrupt and if certain figures drop below a level stated by the BIS the Banks have to steal depositors money and the money they Have milked out of the Super Funds (stealing most Australians Future) But this can all be stopped now with one piece of Legislation which it is Taboo to speak about in the Australian Parliament and Mass Media (and most alternative media do not know about it as it is not in Australian Mass Media) But it is debated in the USA and the UK. It is Glass- Steagall Bank Separation that will stop the collapse and allow 2 other pieces of Legislation to fix our economy and make it strong.

  3. rossleighbrisbane

    Forget the mass media, True Activist, I’m still trying to find any place in the article where I mentioned the woman let alone promoted her!!!

  4. Freethinker

    I like to article, thank you for posting.
    I am confused by True Activist post, just wonder if the comment was accidentally placed here.

  5. Kronomex

    Wow, someone has been sniffing the conspiracy glue just a bit too much. Rossleigh, could it be that you were unconsciously channeling the spirit, mean as it is, of Pauline in your bit of satire? I’m sure that if we break it down word by word and letter by letter we will find that you have put her name several times in the article.

  6. Rossleigh

    I suspect that True Activist is simply RonaldR using a different name. It’s basically the same confused syntax, misplaced capitals and strange assertions about the alternative media. That, plus the fact that he seems not to have read the piece he’s commenting on would be enough to convince any reasonable person.

  7. Freethinker

    Yes Rossleigh I thing that is him for his comment on John Lords article.
    Why people cannot participate in a debate or exchange of opinion in an respectfully manner?

  8. stephengb2014

    Great analogy John Lord, loved it!

  9. stephengb2014

    True Activist,
    Well done so much tripe in one monologue

  10. diannaart

    Could True Activist (whatever that means) have been shouting at the photograph of Hanson’s face in the AIMN instant poll?

    BTW, Great article, Rossleigh.

  11. grey&grumpy

    Best laugh I’ve had in a good while. Reminds me of school a bit too much but that didn’t stop me laughing. Probably a bit to close to the bone for any school tie fellow. Keep up the good work.

  12. Michael Faulkner

    One of your best Rosleigh.
    You have captured the spirit of the Liberals here and their relationship with the grand puppet master of Australian politics.
    Could be the basis of an ongoing series.
    Look forward to more.

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