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There’s been a bit of a backlash to David Hardaker’s Crikey article about recovered memories just because the man has no qualifications in the area and no first-hand knowledge of the person he suggests may have relied on recovered memories to make her allegations. Some people are even cancelling their subscription because they feel that they have a right to impose their own values on what they choose to read. Don’t they understand that it’s only when you’re a government MP that you can suggest that ANZ be boycotted for refusing to lend to unviable coal projects without it being “cancel culture”?

The call for journalists to actually know something about the subject before writing about it could set a nasty precedent. Imagine if you couldn’t speculate and make up something more interesting than what the public already knows. Suggestions of leadership spills and ministerial reshuffles would be unpublishable until they were likely to actually happen. We’d be left with interviewing doctors and professors about things like vaccines and there’d be no place for asking Betty from Blackburn exactly why the Covid-19 vaccine will enable us to be tracked by Bill Gates using nano-technology. Instead of interviewing someone from the IPA whose expertise is based on the fact that they’ve read almost everything they’ve ever written on the subject, we’d have those elitist academics who think that research and a PhD makes them qualified to speak.

And all these future articles would never see the light of day:

  • All Science is Crap by Tony Abbott
  • How To Use Charm To Win Arguments by Kyle Sandilands
  • Thinking by Joe Hildebrand
  • Working In The Mines by Matt Canavan
  • How I Made Myself Successful With No Family Connections by Alexander Downer
  • Christian Right, Jesus Wrong by Lyle Shelton
  • Understanding Constitutional Law by Pauline Hanson
  • Family Values By Barnaby Joyce and Alan Tudge
  • What It’s Like To Be A Woman by Andrew Bolt
  • Reducing Your Internet Bill by Stuart Robert
  • Taking Out The Trash by Mick Fuller
  • Celebrating International Women’s Day by Bettina Arndt
  • Bowling A Cricket Ball by John Howard
  • How To Spark Joy By Getting Rid Of Those Things You Never Use OR Donating Your Brain To Science Before You’ve Died by Sam Newman
  • Transparency, Loyalty And Hard Work by Scott Morrison
  • Quantum Physics Is Silly Because Nobody Knows The Future by Malcolm Roberts

Thanks to the backlash about a simple article it’s highly likely that some of those highly entertaining and informative articles will never see the light of day. Just like the report that Morrison commissioned to find out if he, or anyone he speaks to on a daily basis, knew anything about the alleged assault in the Defence Minister’s office, we are highly unlikely to ever be able to read them… actually, imagine how surprised the PM will be if the report discovers that he actually did know and was told about it at the time? Why, the shock might be enough for him to ask Jen what he should do about his lack of recovered memory.

Just to put politics aside for one second, we need to wish all those ministers and ex-ministers in the Morrison government who are suffering from ill-health a speedy recovery. It must be unprecedented for three to all be on sick leave at the same time: David Coleman, Christian Porter and Linda Reynolds. While I know that many of you are cynical, I have to say that I rang Reynolds’ cardiologist personally but apparently, it’s a breach of their privacy to discuss a patient’s condition even when you explain that you’re the PM or a journalist. Makes one wonder exactly what Scotty discussed with him.

Anyway, I got the feeling that Linda… I can call her Linda, can’t I? I mean, women get first names and men get Mr or Senator from our PM so I want to copy our leader and get it right. Whatever, Linda’s condition took a turn for the worse after the “lying cow” comment was leaked to the press and I believe that she has to resign for health reasons and to enable a man who doesn’t have a heart that’s liable to trouble him to take her spot.

Christian Porter, of course, needs a lot of time to get his head right and his story straight so he’ll be off for as long as it takes but he won’t be resigning even if he’s away as long as David Coleman or George Christensen, because that would cause a by-election and the government would slip into minority government till that was held.

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  1. Harry Lime

    Here’s my unsolicited opinion for today:Porter is fucked,Reynolds is fucked,and consequently Morrison is fucked because he’s running short of people to push under the bus,not to mention numbers in .Parliament.He’s become increasingly ridiculous with his replies and attempted brush offs,could it be the pressure getting to him? Some might say its wishful thinking,but Schmo sure looks like fulfilling our wishes.What a contemptible fucking idiot.Tick tock,tick tock someone said.

  2. Diane Larsen

    Oh how I would love to read those articles mentioned perhaps the “the shovel” could have a go or “the chaser” sarcasm certainly fits the current mob handed delinquents pretending to govern

  3. Kangaroo Jack

    Why oh why would Linda Reynolds consult a cardiologist. Same with that Anne Rushton woman?

  4. Vikingduk

    I have it on very good authority, straight from the mouth of the lying rodent that smirk & mirrors was discussing how to hold a schooner and eat a pie whilst having a pee and also discussing reynolds’ future as a fence post. Porter contemplating life as a lavatory attendant and/or toilet brush. As far as coleman, well, he never existed and if he did there is no truth to the rumour that he was abducted by aliens for an anal probe.

    Meanwhile, the jerk who smirks is in very serious discussions with jen on the feasibility of declaring martial law, banning anything remotely related to the truth, declaring a public holiday, to be known as morrison day, working remotely (he really liked Hawaii), naming baaaarnaby as the new honourable minister of rorting and getting pissed and declaring the rest of the crime cartel, whoops, government be knighted.

    But look, in the background, is that josh the fraud sharpening a shiv? Is that the dutton thing helping?

    Beware the ides of march, scotty, there was only so long you could keep your repulsive self hidden. Tick tock, scotty.

  5. Gangstas Paradise

    My monies on minority govt ……. with Australians being offered a choice of vaccines :






    The last one will be a definite vote catcher for the Morrison govt and the sure fire wackos who carry a Murdoch paper just to kill mossies.

  6. Vikingduk

    Don’t forget bleach, at least a middy a day in combination with a blue light up the butt whilst whistling waltzing Matilda. Apparently kelly swears by it.

  7. New England Cocky

    You omitted to mention the best selling title by Barnyard Joke:

    1) Adultery is Fun;
    2) Controlling Alcohol Addiction by Staying Drunk;
    3) Raising Two Families on a Parliamentary Salary Package;
    4) Grazing Pilliga Scrub Sand for Profit;
    5) Political Libel for Beginners.

  8. Harry Lime

    6)Hypocrisy for Mugs
    7)Water Rorts in one easy lesson
    8)Resurrecting Leadership Ambitions
    9)Stupidity Explained
    10) Sinecures for Morons (with Gina the Hutt)

  9. Pete Petrass

    You left one book off the list – I Didn’t Do It by Christian Porter

  10. Bronte D G ALLAN

    Well said Rossleigh! Love all the suggested titles you made. How about “I am a fuck-wit & a happy clapper” by Slo Mo, or “How to lie in three easy steps”, also by the aforementioned failed from marketing dickhead? Sadly none of what has been suggested will ever come true, but we live in hope!

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