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Credit Where Credit Is Due, Scott Morrison Reveals Roadmap

After telling us for years that there’s no point in setting a target unless you know how you’ll get there, Morrison has announced that Australia is committed to net zero by 2050.

It’s been quite a struggle to pull off this remarkable achievement. First the government had to work out the plan before they could decide where they were hoping to end up. Yes, it’s hard to do that because if you don’t know where you want to go, you don’t know which roadmap to pull out. However, after years of deliberation, the government has managed to find a way to agree with itself. Apparently this was the hard part but now we’ve managed to work out that this is a worthwhile thing, than we can relax knowing that technology will save the day and we don’t have to stop burning coal or ruin the weekend by buying an electric car. Of course, this is rather like continuing to smoke but insisting that even if you do get lung cancer there’s likely to be a cure before it becomes terminal, but at least it’s a strategy that works if your aim is to stop yourself from worrying too much about the possible consequences of your refusal to change your behaviour.

So what does this commitment actually mean. Well, it means that the government is committed to net zero by 2050 even though there’s no legislation in place.

It seems we won’t be doing anything in the life of this parliament or for the next ten years. In fact, it seems that what we have is a government which has committed some future government to actually doing something about net zero so it’s only reasonable that they don’t legislate anything because it wouldn’t be right to tie a future government down like that… Although there is legislation about tax cuts for high income earners in 2024.

And given that we now have a commitment, it’s only right that we should have a plan because weren’t we told over and over again that there was no point in having a goal unless we knew how we’d achieve it. Well, it seems that they do have a plan because I heard Coalition MPs attacking Labor as having no plan. If Labor don’t have a plan, it makes it hard for the government to steal the best bits and attack the rest until it’s decided that some of the bits they were attacking last week are worth stealing. Rather like the whole idea of net zero itself, which just a few short months ago was a wrecking ball that would destroy the economy but will now be the salvation of many, many jobs. In particular, they hope, the Prime Minister’s.

As I understand it, the Morrison plan is similar to many of his other plans:

  1. Make the announcement that there is a plan.
  2. Hold up a booklet with lots of pictures, numbers and words.
  3. Keep doing what you’ve always done and hope that something turns up that helps you to avert disaster. In this case, technology.
  4. Tell everyone how good it is to be Australian.
  5. Make a curry.
  6. Get photographed with Jen and the girls.
  7. Introduce something that’s controversial enough to get people talking but not so controversial that everyone thinks it’s a totally bad idea.

 

Image from news.com.au (Photo by NCA NewsWire / Martin Ollman)

 

Anyway, Scotty’s gone to Scotland and Barnaby Joyce is the Acting PM, Gladys is telling ICAC that Darryl had no more access to her than any other MP which must have been a shock to Darryl who didn’t realise that she’d given out so many keys to her house, Tony Smith has resigned as Speaker insisting it’s got nothing to do with dissatisfaction with the government (an interesting comment in itself… if someone at your workplace quit but insisted that it wasn’t because the place was poorly managed and likely to collapse at any moment, you’d have to wonder!), but Tim Smith capped it all off by tweeting a meme which showed storms over Melbourne with the words: “Great weather for outdoor retail and dining Daniel Andrews?”

There is a bit of discussion about proposed changes to pandemic laws giving the Premier too much power, but if Andrews can control the weather, I think he already possesses more than a leader should have…

Mm, maybe Scotty should just give Dan a call and then we wouldn’t have to worry about the fact that the technology we have in our net zero is yet to be invented… If Tim “Donuts” Smith is right, Mr Andrews could limit warming with a click of his fingers.

 

Image from Twitter

 

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17 comments

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  1. Kate Ahearne

    Wonderful, Rossleigh. You’ve nailed it again, and again…

    Love this bit: ‘Keep doing what you’ve always done and hope that something turns up that helps you to avert disaster. In this case, technology.’ This brings me to one of my favourite quotes of all time – ‘Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.’ Albert Einstein.

  2. Max Gross

    Oh captain, my captain! Sideshow Scott – the Disaster Pastor – has committed the federal government to doing absolutley fuck all about the climate crisis. Chin-chin, bottoms up, and the band played on. Iceberg? What iceberg???

  3. Michael Taylor

    I took this photo in Glasgow of all places – yes, Glasgow – in 2018.

    Scotty better behave himself or he’ll be ordered down to the police station.

  4. Kate Ahearne

    Arnd, thanks. The Matthias Corman about-face couldn’t possibly be shared around too often. Make ya sick.

    Love it, Michael. Maybe Scotty could hop in there and change his clothes – undies on the outside.

    Or am I thinking of the Tardus? Back to Julia Gillard’s Carbon Tax era, once more from the top with enthusiasm this time!

  5. Michael Taylor

    Hi, Kate.

    It’s such a pity we won’t be able to vote Corman out at the next election.

    PS: I doubt Morrison would even fit in it. They might have to deport him instead.

  6. Kate Ahearne

    Michael, Such a pity, such a pity. But now that Corman has come out of his closet as the true hypocrite that he is, maybe we should vote him back in! That’d serve him right!

  7. totaram

    Re: Cormann. I’m sure the “voters” don’t remember who he is what he was or what he said then. Problem solved. These coalition people know how well they have the voters stitched up, with the able assistance of the media of course. It works so well they don’t need to try very hard to get re-elected. Just cook up a new scare campaign or two about some things, if necessary.

  8. Kate Ahearne

    Whoops, Mathias,

    I left an ‘s’ off your name! Should be Cormann. (Thanks, totaram) Oh, how soon is the spelling of our ‘betters’ forgotten when they go on to bigger and ‘better’ salaries OS.

    Humblest, most abject apologies? I will if you will. Unlikely all round.

  9. pierre wilkinson

    PLAN:
    Promise
    Lie
    Announce
    (do) Nothing

  10. Harry Lime

    The correct result from the Liar’s latest boondoggle is to to be laughed out of Glasgow, along with his shitkicker sidekick “Honest Angus”.If this doesn’t happen, then it’s just another grip and grin photo op by people who imagine they’re important.If you tried to pawn either of them,you’d be told to fuck off,or in Glasgow,chased down the street.

  11. Harry Lime

    Elsewhere,gold standard Gladys continues to cement her place in the pantheon of crooked politicians pretending to be innocent.The Liar’s”very dear friend” is doing a sterling job of soiling her smalls, and in so doing,adding a bit more dreck to the burgeoning litany of Morrison’s failed attempts at appearing human.

  12. Phil Pryor

    Lazy, overconfident liars, rotten souls, putrid minds, gutless attitudes, hypocritical harlotry, egofixated careerist wannabe wankery, sluts for slush funds, bumboys and joygirls for business, Anythuckinfing for my career, showpony shit, freudian frauds, a government, state and federal, of clapped out conservative crooked cruddery, led by a vacant skull full of pure stenchifying poo, Moron-Scone the mental midget and superstitious shitshow of national shame. Plus a rooting, rorting, raving rubbish tip rapaceous ruin as deputy. (PUKE)

  13. wam

    Scummo has it in headlines and the extremists are simpering, what else does a market man want?
    Any of these still around, Bob Brown Sarah Hanson-Young Scott Ludlam Christine Milne Rachel Siewert??

  14. leefe

    “1. Make the announcement that there is a plan.
    2. Hold up a booklet with lots of pictures, numbers and words.
    3. Keep doing what you’ve always done and hope that something turns up that helps you to avert disaster. In this case, technology.
    4. Tell everyone how good it is to be Australian.
    5. Make a curry.
    6. Get photographed with Jen and the girls.
    7. Introduce something that’s controversial enough to get people talking but not so controversial that everyone thinks it’s a totally bad idea.”

    Except they don’t care about the second part of step three. Disaster is someone else’s problem – they think they’re insulated from it even if it does happen.

    And I can’t believe I’m going here but it has to be said – if Maguire had no more access to Berejiklian than anyone else in the NSW misgovernment, how did she ever get out of the bedroom?

  15. ajogrady

    The old “new” plan of bullshit baffles brains for net zero by 2050 by the L/NP recognises Morrison as a recalcitrant leader and Australia as a pariah state.
    It is disgraceful what the Morrison government has done to Australians. The Australian people are ranked the second most depressed people in the world.

    Countries with the highest prevalence of depression

  16. ernest

    dang dang brilliant

    dan da lockdown man da ‘no such thang as Human Rights’ could learn hisself much from da ‘clean coal’ Merdock nouncement vassal.

    how bout them Macron ‘eyes’

    fireree wouldn’t touch them ‘don’t hold a hose’ feengerz buttt what sort of ‘touchee’ was in the hand of Macron….?

    Ley approves multiple fracking/gas endeavours . . . nixes solar project . . . Adani rules!!!!

    Let’s be frank not frack. we, fortunately, have a La Niña for the short term. . . .

    But watch out for catastrophic grass fires late January into February and even into March in SE Australia. Massive buildup of kindling throughout SE Au.

    Move on It’s all OK. Just ask Woodsidee Angus.

    Have a nice day.

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