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Children’s Letters To ScoMo

A few weeks ago, Scott Morrison sent a tweet about a letter from a prep student asking if holidays could be abolished. Some people were unkind enough to suggest that the language and the handwriting were too sophisticated for your average prep student. Of course, they were overlooking the fact that school holidays are a state-based responsibility, so the kid wasn’t that clever because he was writing to the wrong person. Anyway, I have it on good authority that children’s letters to ScoMo was going to become a regular thing until someone suggested that given his Hillsong association, it might remind the public of things his friend would like to pretend never happened. Unfortunately these tweets never saw the light of day, but I’ve been assured that they are just as genuine as Morrison’s assurance that he was only ambitious for Malcolm Turnbull.
Scott Morrison @ScottMorrisonMP(MissingPerson)
I love getting letters from kids. They say the greatest things and this letter from Greg, is a cracker. He wants me to meet with the fire chiefs because he loves Australia so much that he doesn’t want to see it burn…
Well, sorry, Greg but my approval rating has gone up so much since I was filmed huggng that Owen guy that I feel it would make it seem like I was backing down if I were to meet with them after ignoring them for so long.
Scott Morrison @ScottMorrisonMP(MissingPerson)
I just adore letters from kids. They say such funny things. Here’s one from Sally who says that she’s worried there won’t be any jobs for her when she grows up because everything will be automated. Gee, Sally, who’s been filling your head with nonsense. Clearly you’re a girl and you can just get married and look after your husband like my wife does. There’s no need for you to worry about getting work. That’ll be your husband’s problem.
Scott Morrison @ScottMorrisonMP(MissingPerson)
It’s really awesome when kids write to me. Here’s one from Timmy wondering why he has to wait so long for a wheelchair when the NDIS didn’t spend all its money last year. Well, Timmy, that’s because Labor spent all your money and we need to get back into surplus. Besides we needed to take some of the money to give to the farmers who are experiencing what’s called a drought. However, don’t despair because tonight I’ll be praying that you no longer need a wheelchair. You should pray too, because God gives a go to those have a go.
Scott Morrison @ScottMorrisonMP(MissingPerson)
Here’s a beauty from Georgie asking if the floods in Venice are a result of climate change. This one gave me a real laugh. No, Georgie, just as Australia has always had bushfires, Venice has always had water in its streets. The only difference is that, thanks to the greenies, nobody’s been able to do anything and that’s why we have fires and floods.
Scott Morrison @ScottMorrisonMP(MissingPerson)
Vicky wants to know if we have a plan for the children locked up in detention on Nauru. Well, Vicky, I don’t know who you’ve been talking to but no children are in detention. There were a few but they’ve all been there long enough to reach the age of criminal liabilty so they’re now they can be considered adults and illegal immigrants.
Scott Morrison @ScottMorrisonMP(MissingPerson)
Eddie says that he goes to a private school and they recently went to the local government school which has just received money to start building a new gym after waiting for twenty-four years. He said that he doesn’t think that this is fair. Why should they get a new gym when his school doesn’t even have enough money to heat the river where they go rowing every morning. What you need to realise, Eddie, is that even though parents who send their children to public schools obviously don’t care about their exposure to degenerate teachers who’ll teach them strange values, they still vote and get upset if they don’t get some shiny new building at least once in generation.
* * *
Ok, they may not be 100% genuine, but at least they’re more believable than any of Angus Taylor’s explanations.

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  1. pierre wilkinson

    all sound completely plausible to me and I didn’t even vote for the smirking fool

  2. Kerri

    Your usual sparkling satire Rossleigh!
    But gee wouldn’t it be good if kids really did write letters to ScoMo?

  3. New England Cocky

    Uhm ….. I think school should be voluntary for all students so that the parents can take full responsibility for the behaviours of their off-spring. Only kids wanting to learn should be allowed to attend face-to-face, laboratory or workshop classes, leaving the others to create chaos among the retailers in shopping malls, thus increasing job opportunities for security personnel.

    The matter of state vs private schools should be resolved by requiring private schools to fund themselves as the obvious responsibility for providing alternative teaching for the state curriculum. This was done before 1961 and the DOGS case in the High Court, and all governments should return to this position thus allowing the re-allocation of multiple millions currently spent on third rate child minding facilities masquerading as private education.

    Now all good happy clappers know that a woman’s place is in the kitchen, bare foot and pregnant, preparing meals for her husband when he returns from a love day destroying the national economy and denying climate change. So automation and AI will be unlikely to change this happy situation for women, except to replace hubby in the office thus leaving him free to trip herself up in the kitchen.

    As for strange values in public schools … these are obviously weird ideas like egalitarianism where everybody gets an even break, democracy where each person has a single vote that counts, meritocracy, the long forgotten idea that the best person gets the job on merit rather than the nod of a friendly insider. These are very strange values that will undermine the push to build Australia as the worst third world export economy in the OECD.

    PS I am very offended to have to view not one but seven (7) pics of Scummo in this piece.

  4. Ivo

    Dear Mr Scummo – could you please explain to a poor impoverished aboriginal schoolgirl how come we are spending 50 billion dollars or so on 12 new submarines when that amount of money would give us hundreds of amazing skycrane fire fighting helicopters? Oh yes , now that Mr Pine has departed for greener pastures, pleas explain again just what the submarines are going to be doing day to day ? Apparently these amazing machines ( skycranes, not submarines!) can not only fight fires but can also be useful in defending our country from nasty people? At $50 billion we could alternatively buy nearly 2000 Erickson Skycranes ( at $25 million each!) to help combat our real terrorists which are bushfires lurking behind every bit of scrub during dry weather.

    If this is a bit outrageous then how about just get 10, rather than 12, submarines? Hello, who is going to notice 2 missing when they will be most likely be sitting in dock most of the time?

    Please appreciate that just a fraction of the cost of a submarine diverted towards health issues for my community would make an enormous difference to our well being?

  5. Vikingduk

    Dear Scummo, what do you say to those whining volunteer firies, you know, the ones that say they can’t afford the fuel to come in and do their job. Really, the hide of these peasants, get praying I tell them. Have a go I tell them. Walk.

    And then, the traitorous peasants. Talking about forgetting our mighty submarine fleet. Wanting to buy more 737’s, the ones that can drop 15,000 litres. Well, I never, you need to take a piss don’t ya? Piss on the fire.

    Plus, this talk of global warming, environmental disasters. All this after you promised a sack of coal in every house. A Xmas present. And still they whinge.

    I have petitioned the Vatican to have you declared a saint, Saint Smirking Jerk The Magnificent Coal Muncher Extrordinaire. Also the brits for a knighthood, Sir Liar From The Shire.

    Keep up your delusional ways. And may your bowels exit through your mouth. Regards, V & V Duk.

  6. Wobbley

    To the the prime Moran of Australia, do everyone a favour, take you bag of scum bucket fascist mates and just FCK OFF. From a concerned kiddy.

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