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Breaking: Scott Morrison Had A Shave This Morning!

There’s something very strange about the nature of what news organisations actually do. I mean you may have once thought it odd that the news takes up exactly the same amount of time each night but as you grew older, you probably worked out that it’s because there are people who are selective about what actually gets broadcast…

And, of course, when Scott Morrison invited the media to follow him and take photos while he got a haircut, then that’s big news. Imagine if you decided to go and have a cup of coffee instead and all the other news outlets had the scoop of Scott Morrison’s trip to the barber and you were left with something less significant.

Personally, I’ve spent the day anxiously waiting for the updates on the hair situation. How did Jen react? What’s Labor’s position? Will they release it or will we have to wait to closer to the election? Will we hear about his shave this morning?

I couldn’t help but wonder if Morrison will invite the media if makes a trip to a proctologist… Although, I suspect that he won’t need to… The proctologist is highly likely to discover a number of them during the examination.

Whatever, a few valiant souls are trying to point out Morrison’s backflip on electric vehicles, while the PM tries to confuse them about exactly what he said in the hope that we’ll have forgotten and that all footage of him saying it will be banned under the official secrets act.

“No, no,” says Scotty, “I was never against them. I was merely against Bill Shorten’s policy which mandated that everyone would have to have one, and anyway, the technology’s come a long way since then… why, they have a much longer range owing to the fact that they now use batteries and the car doesn’t stop once you reach the limit of the extension cord…”

Ok, he didn’t actually say that but it’s a lot closer to what he said than anything he’s pretending that Labor said. Labor’s aim, if you remember was for 50% of all NEW cars sold by 2030 would be electric. Given the way vehicle manufacturers are getting out of combustion engines, this seems like buying anything but electric might be difficult by 2030. We’ll have to rely on the Australian car industry to make the ones with grunt that Scotty assured us that Australians all loved… Oh, that’s right. Joe Hockey told the remnants of our car makers that the country wasn’t big enough for the both of them and that they had until sundown to get out of town.

And his latest thought bubble about subsidising chargers at people’s homes is another fine sounding proposal, if you don’t actually think about it. Why don’t I get an electric car? Price. Does the lack of a charger at my house put me off? No, because if I could afford the car, then installing the charger would be the least of my worries. Charging it away from my home is a consideration but this doesn’t really do much to fix that.

But Morrison is against the idea of mandating things, which is pretty funny even if you don’t have the wit to ask him what the Indue card’s all about. The idea that the government shouldn’t mandate things is a nonsense. The only question for any non-anarchist is what should a government be mandating and what should be a matter of choice? After all, the government has no problem mandating work for the dole, asylum seekers being held off-shore, unions obeying certain laws and whole range of things.

Similarly, I can’t quite understand why none of the media have pointed out that there’s an absurdity to the “technology not taxes” mantra. When the government tells you that it’s going to subsidise the private sector to come up with the solution… But won’t the government be giving them taxpayer money? And won’t they have to tax people to do that? (Ok, not necessarily… I get Modern Monetary Theory!)

I think it’s very much a case of what Scotty said about how problems would be solved by “can-do capitalism; not don’t-do governments”. Yes, well, just as he doesn’t hold a hose, he can now add that his party “don’t-do government”.

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22 comments

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  1. GL

    7.00 am. Get up and dress in preparedness for photo op of me bounding out of bed at 7.30 ready and raring to go to my next photo op of me at 7.45 while I eat breakfast.

    8.00. Text driver to be waiting at 8.30 outside house for photo op of me leaving and getting into car with Jen and kids waving to me as I leave.

    8.30. Text my photographer to be waiting at parliament for my getting out of car looking serious photo op. Followed by photo ops of me greeting everybody as I enter and head to my office.

    9.45. Photo op of me opening my office door and assertively entering office and closing door.

    Etc. Etc. Etc.

  2. Michael Taylor

    Brilliant, Rossleigh. Ripper.

  3. Phil Pryor

    It’s getting clockwork orange-like, being forced to stare at a big brown bulging bogdropping called the P M, our Pissweak Misfit, just to make us sick and to practice our fixating on the control object. This steaming, scheming, beaming, prancing, self romancing, chancing chamberpot of chuck is the ugliest object around, dead crook inside the head as well as outside. We do not deserve this punishing putridity, this suffocating stinking stench embodied in an upstart backstabbing bastard of no merit, posing proudly en ponce…

  4. Michael Taylor

    Oh the luxury of getting a haircut in work time.

    When a young lad in country SA my oldest brother was late to school one morning. The teacher wanted to know why he was late.

    “I had a haircut, sir.”

    “In school time,” roars the teacher.

    “Well it grew in school time, sir,” came my brother’s excuse.

    Here’s where the teacher tried to be smart: “But not all of it grew in school time!”

    My brother, however, was smarter: “Well, sir, I didn’t have all of it cut off.”

    Dad told me he had a good laugh with the teacher about it one night at the local pub.

    Carry on, Rossleigh. Sorry to be somewhat off topic.

  5. Kate Ahearne

    Thanks, as always, Rossleigh.

    A haircut? That’s the sweepings off the floor, surely! Some of us will be chortling for a long time over this particular photo op! But what would the likes of us know about photo (or any) ops? At least he wasn’t wearing his budgie smugglers – a little something to be thankful for.

    Michael,

    What a lovely story!

  6. Michael Taylor

    Thank you, Kate.

    Word is that Scotty went to the barber and asked how much for a haircut.

    “$25,” said the barber.

    “Hmm,” murmured Scotty before asking how much a shave cost.

    $5,” came the reply.

    “OK then,” responded Scotty. “Shave my head.”

  7. GL

    When I saw the photo for the article I first thought that Scummo was letting Barilaro get in some training for his next job as a barber. I’m also getting sick and bloody tired of seeing that bloody face mask he keeps wearing. If he feels so damned “patriotic” then why doesn’t he just staple a 15 centimetre flag pole to the top of his rapidly turning into a landing strip for flies and run up a little ‘strayan flag.

  8. Kate Ahearne

    Michael,

    Lovely! You’re on fire tonight!

    GL,

    Maybe not a mask. Maybe he really is a smirking thingamajig.

  9. Josephus

    Excellent satire of a trivial mediocrity thinking he is a film star or crooner. Reminds me of those social media besotted narcissists who post a pic of last night’s pub dinner. Next will they post the digested result?
    Re the electric car business: To me it smacks of vote buying. Money for chargers but not for the cars.
    Also it costs a lot more to freight cars over here. So why bother selling electric cars to a small market when it is cheaper to ship big loads to Germany.
    I don’t drive but I understand that car manufacturers overseas offload here their toxic old bangers no one else wants.
    Yes in the populous European Union there were scandals due to falsified emissions numbers, leading to huge fines. So as a result some reduction in emissions is indeed introduced, eg lower sulphur levels. But no need here in Oz because the fuel is, I understand, less refined or has more toxic additives ; the sugar cane ethanol introduced to please some sugar mate didn’t take on much. Plus electric cars will cost a lot more here due to said dumping of old poison belching models no one else wants. So only a few will buy said e-cars despite the number of chargers .
    Coalition says oh dear we pandered to the urban latte sippers but look , real ozzies don’t buy. Green fantasies! Quod erat demonstrandum.

    Excuse me I am just taking a selfie of me eating my lentil stew.

  10. Henry Rodrigues

    What’s with the constant pictures of Scummo doing this or that, what next, scratching his balls or his arse or picking his fucking nose ? He makes me puke, the miserable SOB.

  11. Kathryn

    Everything Morrison does, or fails to do, drags our nation’s (once) good name into the dirt! He is a deplorable, two thumbs-up BOGAN who is now an internationally condemned pariah! Who gives a flying fig if and when Morrison gets a taxpayer-funded haircut? The only thing bigger than Morrison’s ENORMOUS (and totally undeserved) ego is his knack in getting a cheap ‘n nasty publicity shot in a pathetic attempt to lift his non-existent charisma and legendary unpopularity which is in stratospheric free fall!

    What most of us DO know about this spectacularly unlikable character is that Morrison ticks EVERY box as a totally corrupt, power-obsessed, lying, conniving, inhumane psychopath with narcissistic delusions of grandeur! The fact that he is a signed-up member of the notorious paedophile-protecting CULT of Hillsong and attempts to hide his appalling depravity behind a condescending smirk and a phoney veneer of nauseating bible-thumping hypocrisy makes this obnoxious sociopath even MORE offensive!

    Morrison is the original HOLLOW MAN; a vacuous, disingenuous career political parasite who is as shallow as a car park puddle with ZERO integrity, not one ounce of credibility, no vision, no imagination and NOTHING to offer but a mediocre and very limited set of meaningless slogans delivered with an insincere level of condescending contempt that is BEYOND intolerable!

  12. wam

    He has found his niche and will bask in covid when he has no right to do so.
    He will rolic in climate where he has even less right.
    He will reap the harvest of the economy when all he has done is use debt to pay the unworthy.
    He will drink the honey of bible xstians because he has the password to the power of the press.
    QED
    Without a doubter tearing him down, his success is ensured.
    ps Has been a while since you have had a shave or a haircut, michael. I had the shame of a basin cut many times.

  13. Max Gross

    Breaking: Scott Morrison brushes his teeth this morning!

  14. New England Cocky

    @ Max Gross: Oops!! Now he is sitting on the toilet …. will he be flushed?

  15. Terence Mills

    Something is happening out there – people who normally let it all roll over them are speaking out and saying ‘enough of this bullshit’.

    Can-do Capitalism on top of technology not taxes – enough of these empty slogans.

    Australia (and Glasgow) have got your measure Scotty : we can sniff out a bullshit artist and we’re onto you.

    This is Albo’s election to lose and remember, a vote for Morrison is a vote for Barnaby !

  16. Kate Ahearne

    Scotty from Marketing is in election mode. Thinking about photo ops. Apparently, this is his ‘marketing’ idea of electioneering. Getting it wrong – hopefully. And maybe, just maybe, the electorate is not quite as silly as he thinks.

  17. New England Cocky

    @ Terence Mills: ”a vote for Morrison is a vote for Barnaby !”‘ Sadly this is true.
    .
    Why? Because the New England electorate votes the same way as their grandfathers, rejecting the demand for politicians to provide essential infra-structure and government services because ”that is not being independent” but putting their hand out for every government subsidy and grant known to keep them in the privileged life style they believe that they are entitled to enjoy.
    .
    Then there is the male misogynists envy observed when Beetrooter’s extra-marital exploits were exposed and women kept speechless because ”women do not speak while their men are speaking”.
    .
    Can you fool ALL of the people ALL of the time? History shows that you can.

    Think Germany 1933 to1945 when about 30% of the population were members of the National Socialist party terrorising the rest of the population, or Shrubya Bush’s America where WMDs (Words of Mass Deception) initiated a 20 year long conflict that the USA (United States of Apartheid) lost at enormous cost to Australian taxpayers, or the lies told by the British High Command about the ”on-going successes” at Gallipoli (that Sir Keith Murdoch exposed thankfully).

  18. GL

    Breaking news…dit…dit…dit…Main sleaze media mistakes Scotty of the Marketing’s huge smelly curry fart at lunch as a plan and praises him for making speech about something or other…dit…dit…dit…

  19. Arnd

    The only question for any non-anarchist is what should a government be mandating and what should be a matter of choice?

    Thanks, Rossleigh, for alluding – even if only indirectly and in passing – to the fact that there are people out there who would like to see a harsh interrogation light shone on the whole notion of “government”.

    And who might not think of our contemporary deterioration of “government” into mere three-ring slapstick performances as purely coincidental, but as a historically and conceptually necessary and unavoidable development. A development which we should try to manage and direct to our own ends, instead of trying to resist and avert with increasingly panicked desperation

  20. Cool Pete

    Neither he nor Potty Boy need a proctologist to tell them that they are arseholes.

  21. TuffGuy

    “Labor’s aim, if you remember was for 50% of all NEW cars sold by 2030 would be electric. Given the way vehicle manufacturers are getting out of combustion engines, this seems like buying anything but electric might be difficult by 2030. ”
    Perhaps someone should correct Morriscum to the fact that it is the car makers themselves mandating what we will drive, just as they always have. Customers can only buy what is presented to them, and that goes for every single thing we spend money on.

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