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Breaking: Number Of Australians Vaccinated Just Exceeded Number Of Government Announcements On The Subject!

Ok, here’s a brief timeline of events in the vaccine rollout.

August 2020: Scott Morrison announces that Australia has secured 25 million doses of the Oxford Astra-Zeneca vaccines and that it would mean “early access” for all Australians. The vaccines would be “as mandatory as you could possibly make it.”

October 2020: Morrison announces that we’ve secured two more deals, one with Novavax for 40 million doses and another with Pfizer for 10 million, telling us “By securing multiple COVID-19 vaccines we are giving Australians the best shot at early access to a vaccine, should trials prove successful.” He followed by talking about how we weren’t putting all our eggs in one basket…” (Presumably that was about the vaccines and not how labour-intensive it was for Jen who needed to take multiple trips now that he’d built the chook shed.)

November 2020: Announcements that the government is working with states to work out how vaccines will be delivered once they are approved by the Therapeutic Goods Administration. The vaccines will be free but not mandatory.

December 2020: Morrison tells us that even though, Pfizer has been approved overseas, it won’t be available here until health experts are 100% sure that it’s safe. (Given no vaccine is 100% safe, we have to admit that he warned us that it wouldn’t be available here!)

January 1st 2021: Despite outbreaks in Sydney and other places, vaccines will not be rushed. Morrison announces: “On the vaccine, you don’t rush the [rollout]. That’s very dangerous for Australians. Those who suggest that, I think it’s a naïve suggestion.” We will start rollout in March as planned so that we can look at how it’s going overseas and learn from that.

January 7th, 2021: Rollout brought forward to mid to late February and it’s “hoped” that we could start with about 80,000 a week.

February 2021: Morrison receives one of the first jabs of Pfizer to “show it’s safe”. This rollout will eliminate the need for more extreme measures.

Early March 2021: 250,000 Astra Zeneca doses held up by Italy and EU. Minister Hunt tells us that this won’t affect rollout.

Late March 2021: Morrison announces that the vaccine rollout is back on target. Hunt announces that they’re ahead of target and they’re under-promising and over-delivering. Suggestions that states are “hoarding” vaccines.

End of March 2021: #ScottyFromAnnouncements tells us that it’s not a race, after we fall 3.4 million short of the target to have 4 million vaccinated by the end of March.

April 2021: Astra Zeneca halted for under 50s. Morrison and Brendan Murphy assure us that there are enough Pfizer doses to inoculate all adults by… some time in the future. Probably we’ll all have one by the end of the year… if we want one. Remember, it’s not a race.

April 9th: Morrison announces that we’ve secured another 20 million Pfizer doses to go with the billions of vaccines that we secured last year making it a certainty that we can all have at least one dose by Christmas when he’ll be bringing home all the Australians from overseas… He never said which Christmas you know.

April 11th: Morrison abandons target to have all Australians vaccinated by the end of the year.

May 2021: There is no target but we’ll probably all have at least one dose and we’re moving past Phase 1A which isn’t complete and Phase 1B which is also not complete and all those over 50 and Jane Norman can get vaccinated in early May

May 2021: Government suggesting that vaccine hesitancy is delaying the rollout. People should go and get vaccinated as it’s completely safe for most people over fifty but it’s too risky for those under 50, but there’s no risk for those who are eligible.

May 2021: Greg Hunt suggests that if you’re concerned about the available vaccine you can wait and get an unavailable vaccine. This is later clarified by the announcement that you may not be able to get the unavailable vaccine later because it will go to under 50s first, but we’re still on track even though we no longer have a track to be on.

May 2021: Morrison blames media for creating vaccine hesitancy and confusion by reporting what he and his ministers are saying.

June 2021: Scotty announces a multimillion-dollar campaign to urge people to take up the Astra Zeneca offer. Contract is given to Clive Palmer who, we’re told, has a history of being able to convince people via effective advertising. Craig Kelly will be the face of the campaign. Morrison holds a press conference to announce that the program is a success and that the borders will be opening so that he can go to Hawaii. “I haven’t had a holiday for almost three months,” he tells reporters, “and I promised Jen and the girls that we’d be going so I’ll see you when the weather fines up.”

July 2021: Morrison returns from Hawaii to announce election date.

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  1. Roswell

    Rossleigh, that would have to be the headline of the year! Pure genius.

    One question though – in the 2nd line do you mean 25 or 25 million?

  2. Yes Minister

    I notice that SCUMMO tells us the vaccines won’t be made unavailable until they are ‘safe’. Clearly the fact of numerous issues with the AstraZenica version including who knows how many deaths, are not considered a safety issue. Interestingly, the PM has apparently not considered the AstraZenica vaccine safe enough for him (February 2021: Morrison receives one of the first jabs of Pfizer to “show it’s safe”. This rollout will eliminate the need for more extreme measures.) despite promoting it to everyone else.

    One wonders how many other snippets we haven’t been told.

    According to my GP, who is anything but an establishment drone, I’m at more risk of serious problems with ANY vaccine than I am not getting jabbed. That said, my lifestyle is somewhat different to most of the hoi polloi as I don’t live anywhere near the rat race and only rarely encounter someone who does.

  3. Rossleigh

    Fixed thanks, Roswell.

  4. Jon Chesterson

    Rossleigh, you missed the ‘Eagle has landed’ this year like we were landing our vaccine supply on the moon and China would have been so envious till they landed their rover on Mars – Least that would be Liberal delusional thinking. We might as well have landed our vaccines on the moon unless establishing a bio tech manufacturer there, that would have been a fabulous idea for AstraZeneca – think of how many more announcements he could make then before the next election!

    Would be safer and more news worthy exploitation of public tax payer’s money ‘vaccines on the moon’, alas but no social scientist, government paid medical or pandemic expert or ministerial adviser would have the skills to get us there, not even Commodore Young could get his submarines up that far.

    Remember how Greg Hunt smirked as he read his cliche encrusted script from some stupid bureaucrat and ministerial speech writer with designs on Hollywood, ‘the eagle has landed’ bounce bounce ho hum! He was so pleased with himself – The massive rollout was beginning, we’ve got it in the bag, he thought till all the squealing cats got out, but not one among them to quash the mouse epidemic, just the spread of vaccine hesitancy and pfizer envy.

  5. GL

    The Baron Munchausen fantasies roll on and on and…

  6. totaram

    YM: “According to my GP, who is anything but an establishment drone, I’m at more risk of serious problems with ANY vaccine than I am not getting jabbed.”

    If I were you, I would change my GP. Perhaps this GP needs to be hauled up for propagating bullshit. I wouldn’t go near him/her even if I had a pimple on my bum.

    But then each unto their own. There are those all over the world who think the Covid-19 is just a small flu, while there are others whose loved ones and friends have died.

  7. Peter F

    SNAFU for this ‘government’.

  8. Max Gross

    Absolute gold, Rossleigh! Gold standard, in fact!

  9. Andrew J. Smith

    The govt. thought that they could avoid some issues e.g. quarantine and simply close borders while ‘owning’ successful vaccine roll out for future electoral outcomes, too easy.

    However, as other nations are learning, it’s not just a matter of govt. media announcements and PR, but having a clear and well resourced system to manage the roll out, with expert input, management and informed communication.

    Vaccination roll outs go off piste due to anti-vaxxers elsewhere, or vaccine hesitation in Oz (thanks LNP media), compromising any achievement of herd immunity in the short term, yet most people, businesses, sport etc. want to carry on as normal….. but PM et al. are too afraid of their own voters, in asking for any compromise (but happy to attack Labor Premiers who show leadership).

  10. Jack sprat

    Yes minister / is your GP getting medical advice from his hairdresser ?

  11. John holdsworth

    Prime something— Morrison …
    “Gotta keep borders closed, it’s a vote winner for my re-election.
    So, therefore the longer vaccination takes the better for me.
    Unless bloody Victoria lets the virus out again, actually that’s good.
    Better than NSW doing it. Me and gold Gladis get on so well.”

  12. Jon Chesterson


    More announcements Ross –

    Interesting how the TGA decision today allowing Pfizer to be stored up to one month in normal refrigeration conditions opening access to GP administration now comes to light. May be so but the government still not allowing equity in access to vaccines or choice of Pfizer.

    While every healthy Australian from 16 to 50 get a choice of Pfizer or AstraZeneca, many under 50 are already getting it and from 16 to 50 in rural SA, I have no doubt they will all choose Pfizer; vulnerable Australians over 50 across Australia remain unvaccinated in large numbers and no choice or access to Pfizer still or in the near future. That is how insane, incompetent and divisive the Australian government is and has been using Covid-19 and vaccine as war and abuse on older people.

    Once again the mainstream media including the Age, Sydney Morning Herald and ABC deadly silent on the truth, injustice and tragedy about to ensue as we are told about availability but no access for many, the rollout debacle, the rules and bureaucracy, the routine exclusion of people over 50 from the official Australian government booking site. Meanwhile we are treated to the Melbourne outbreak by the same media and federal government as an intimidating reminder of the consequences of government policy, not vaccine hesitancy and ‘complacency’, now added to the blame slogans to obscure the truth.

  13. BigKat

    This vaccine roll out failure should have Australians screaming for an election to rid ourselves of this filth that has the temerity to call itself a Government.Morrison talked it up like the side show spruiker he is,basking in the adulation of acquiring twenty million zillion trillion doses of vaccine,fifty doses for every Australian and all over by October.What a farce.Now we are supposed to accept from our leadership an end dated,no plan,one day we should all be vaccinated load of codswallop from the most incompetent bunch of individuals to ever form government in this country.I will be turning sixty one soon and have been a passionate follower of politics my whole life but I am done.I can now understand how a decent German must have felt powerless as Hitler began his rein and rounded up and disposed of any opposition.How any reasonable American must have despaired every day of Trumps nightmare presidency watching corruption run riot and any sense of reality thrown to the wind.
    We have allowed one of the most dispicable human beings to ever breath air on this planet to control our country through his media propaganda and the result is a country so dumbed down and selfish that they continue to place forty nine percent of us in a totally hopeless situation where a wonderful future beckons but we have zero hope of achieving that wonderful future because of greed and corruption.The one thing these dullards running the show don’t realise is the earth doesn’t need us and when the environment is gone all the investment portfolios in the world won’t give us clean air and water.

  14. marty

    i feel the same Big Kat just so sick of the bullshit

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