There’s something strange about the conservative side of politics. Ok, there’s something strange about all sides of politics, but I’ve noticed a certain pattern from Tony, Scott, Boris and the rest.
I haven’t included Malcolm because we all know that – in spite of living in Point Piper – he’s a communist.
Anyway, when I heard Boris say that the difference between his government and the other side was that his government “had a plan”, I was reminded of the number of times our very own Liberals announced that they had a plan without giving much in the way of details.
“We have a plan for jobs and growth,” Tony told us without elaborating on exactly what it was, beyond telling us that economic growth will lead to jobs and growth which will lead to economic growth and it was terrible of the Labor Party to be in power when the GFC hit because they didn’t have the sort of growth we wanted even though it was better than anyone predicted.
“We have a plan for getting re-elected,” Scotty told us. I think I may be mistaken because I’m not sure he was ever that articulate and that his whole time in office relied on boring people with what he said and showing us the sort of photos that make Uncle Fred’s holiday slides from his trip to Corryong look interesting. This was meant to bore people to the point that they stopped paying attention and just presumed he must know what he was talking about because, well, we voted for him, didn’t we, and how can we be so stupid as to vote for someone who’s as bad as he appears.
Anyway, I find it strange that nobody ever seems to ask what exactly the plan is, when politicians assert that they have one.
I mean, most people have one. The question is: Is it a GOOD plan? Is it a REALISTIC plan?
Actually, that’s two questions, which is why one should always think about one’s plan before releasing it publicly.
The point being that if you plan to ignore your financial problems until Tattslotto is drawn, I suspect that you should be working on Plan B. Or if your plan is to marry Taylor Swift, it’s probably not going to work, but certainly just hoping she’ll call because she saw your Tinder profile is even less likely to be effective than writing to her and expressing your undying love.
Let’s be real – none of those plans are going to work.
Ok, never say never, but…
I mean, I’ve had a number of job interviews over the years and I’ve never thought that this would be a good strategy:
“So, Mr Brisbane, what do you see as the challenges of the position and how would you deal with them?”
“Well, there are significant challenges and I’d like to say that I have a plan to deal with them.”
“Go on.”
“It’s a plan and I think it would be a good idea to give the job to someone like me who has a plan.”
“Yes, but could you elaborate on your plan?
“I certainly could.”
“Well?”
“The plan, which is something I regard as my main priority, is to implement my plan in order to deal with the challenges.”
“And how would you deal with these challenges?”
“By implementing the plan, of course.”
“And how would it work?”
“Beautifully. It would be exactly what was needed!”
“We need something more specific.”
“Ok, my plan would be to take each challenge and make it disappear.”
“Let’s talk about a specific problem. How would you deal with lack of motivation?”
“Oh, I’m very motivated.”
“How would you deal with other people’s lack of motivation?”
“Glad you asked that because my plan is to get them to be motivated.”
“And how would you do that?”
“By implementing the plan!”
“Thank you, we’ll be in touch.”
Obviously, I wouldn’t get the job…
Although, depending who’s reading this, I may be offered the next leadership of a Liberal Party somewhere.
Oh, I just heard that the British PM job is up for grabs! Do I need to be British or just unable to comb my hair?
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